This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user consistently identifies as an ally and desister, not a medical detransitioner. Their story is complex, deeply personal, and spans years, with consistent details about their life (e.g., age, career in psych/medical records, personal struggles). The passion and criticism align with a genuine, empathetic perspective from someone who closely witnessed the issue professionally and explored it personally.
About me
I almost transitioned because I felt like a total failure as a man, deeply unhappy with my body and my life. I realized my desire to be a woman was really an escape from my own self-hatred and confusion about my masculine and feminine sides. Seeing others use transition as an escape from deeper problems was a major wake-up call for me. I decided to fix my actual life instead of changing my body, and I worked hard to build a future I love. Now I'm happily married and at peace, finally accepting myself as the man I am.
My detransition story
My journey isn't a typical transition and detransition story, because I never actually transitioned medically. But I came very close, and I spent a long time wrestling with the idea that I might be trans. Looking back, I can see how my own struggles with identity and self-esteem made me a prime target for that kind of thinking.
For most of my life, I was deeply unhappy. I was a loser until I was 27. I weighed over 300 pounds, worked as a busboy, couldn't drive, and had no aspirations or hope. I felt like a failure in every way that society measures a man. I lived solely for my fiancée because I knew my suicide would devastate her. My own father and stepdad died by suicide, and I’ve seen firsthand the endless wreckage it leaves behind for the living.
A huge part of my low self-esteem was tied to my body. I’ve always had what people cruelly call "bitch tits" – gynecomastia – and I hated it. I felt like my body was wrong and not masculine enough. I think a lot of my initial curiosity about transitioning came from a place of body dysmorphia and hating the specific parts of me that didn't fit the male ideal, rather than a genuine feeling of being a woman. I was trying to escape my own skin.
I also see now how my personality played a role. I’m a straight guy, athletic and into lifting and boxing, but I’ve also always had a nurturing, emotional side. Since I was an 8-year-old kid, I played with dolls and played house with the girls just as much as I did the rough-and-tumble stuff with the boys. As an adult, I like to sew and knit. I think I internalized the idea that because I had these more "feminine" interests, maybe I wasn't a "real" man. That’s internalized homophobia, I think, a fear of being seen as gay or less than masculine.
Working in a psych hospital and later in medical records showed me the other side of this. I saw so many kids, especially teenagers, coming through the system who had recently come out as trans. Their friends were mostly trans or non-binary, and then they came out too. From the notes I read, it didn’t seem like transitioning was solving their deeper problems with depression and anxiety; many of them kept cycling back through the hospital. It seemed like a lot of them were deeply unhappy kids grasping for control and a sense of identity, and for some, being gay or bisexual in a confusing world felt easier to solve by becoming someone else entirely. It felt like escapism. Witnessing that was a huge wake-up call for me. It made me question if my own feelings were genuine or just another way to try and fix a deep unhappiness that had nothing to do with gender.
I realized I had to figure my own shit out first. I had to stop looking for a external, drastic solution and start looking inward. I started taking small steps to build a life I could actually live in. It was the hardest work I’ve ever done. And slowly, things started to change. Today, I’m a homeowner. I have a car, a beautiful wife, hobbies, and friends. My life is amazing purely because I put the work in to build it, not because I changed my body to match a idea in my head.
I don't regret exploring the idea of transition because the questioning led me to a much deeper and more honest place. But I am so grateful I didn't go through with it. The consequences are so drastic and chronic, and I know I would have regretted it. It would have been another attempt to escape myself, and it would have failed. For me, the answer wasn't in changing my body, but in finally making peace with the man I actually am—sensitive interests, "bitch tits" and all.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my reflections:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 8 | Remember playing with both dolls and doing rough-and-tumble boys' stuff, feeling like my interests didn't fit a strict "boy" mold. |
| 27 | Was over 300 lbs, working as a busboy, with no hope or aspirations. Felt like a complete failure as a man. |
| 34 (Present) | Have a home, a car, a wife, and a stable life. Have fully accepted myself as a man with a mix of masculine and feminine traits. |
Top Comments by /u/TakeaChillPillWill:
I didn’t transition but I was a loser shithead until 27. I worked as a busboy, was over 300 pounds, couldn’t drive, no aspirations, no hope, and I lived solely for my fiancee’s sake because I knew she’d be devastated if I killed myself. She put up with me through it all somehow but I changed for me. You have to do that, give it your absolute all and then some, because life is so much longer than you think, and death like that wreaks more havoc on the living than anything you could imagine. My dad and step dad both died like that and the anger, frustration, despair, remorse, the nagging questions go on and fucking on, man.
Btw I’m a home owner today. I’ve got a car and a beautiful wife and hobbies and friends and tons of awesome stuff like that purely because I put the work in. My life is amazing today because I didn’t give up when I wanted to most. You just gotta start by taking small steps
How old are you? Under 25? I’d not continue this path until you’ve thought deeply about it and cut yourself off from trans subs for a long time. Seek solitude and think very carefully about your reasons, question why you want to, why you doubt you want to transition, etc. until you’ve come to a final rock solid answer. The consequences of the wrong choice are drastic and chronic. Don’t fuck around with this.
I work in a psych hospital with a lot of transitioning kids. It can get pretty hopeless to witness them come and go, and many rotate through the area hospitals over the years. It’s nice to see you recovered and are happy now, OP., that gives me hope 🙏
Imagine putting years of money, time and work into something and then not liking the outcome at all after the dust settles. That is one of the hardest pills for anyone to swallow, and its usually something to do with a business venture gone wrong or a book you really thought people would love but gets soundly criticized and despised. Now make it even more personal. Make it a fact you wear on your face every day and present to people without having to bring it up. Make it immediately apparent. And now add alienation in because a large segment of the population will not accept you no matter what, and a sizable group from your trans base will reject you if you cast a shadow of doubt.
How do you cope with that? How do you tell yourself let alone anyone else that you’re not happy with the change? That’s why I have the utmost respect for desisters. It takes a level of humility and guts that most people will never have to find to “come back” from the trauma that is visited upon them by the wholesome, predatory trans cult and the insane amount of money and personal effort they put into fitting into a hole they weren’t made for.
I work in the medical records department so I’m technically seeing it second or third hand in the form of psych notes, observations and meds interactions from doctors, nurses, social workers, therapists and MHTs. Based on the ones that repeatedly come back, no, they don’t seem to be helped by transitioning, but it could be the other issues they’re dealing with that keeps cycling them through the system. A lot of the kids appear to be average teenagers who are caught up in the volatile mix of peer pressure, hormones, pop culture, etc. The trans kids say their friends are mostly trans or non binary and now they came out trans. They don’t see a link between this shift and their suicide ideation, and o don’t really blame them. At fifteen, sixteen life is too short and moving too fast to really take stock of big things like that.
I’m not at all saying that trans teens aren’t for real. I’m sure a few, an astronomical minority, are really trying to come to grips with genuine gender dysphoria, but the overarching majority are unhappy with everything else, as teens are, they want to fit in, as teens do, and they grasp for any semblance of control they can take over these things. I suspect some of them are just gay or bisexual, which is fine, but they’re trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and it’s fucking with their heads something fierce. Personally I think we’re doing them a disservice by accepting their pronouns and rapid gender shift carte blanch. Again, for a few of them it will take a world of pressure off their shoulders to be accepted, and that’s fuckin awesome, I 150% support them and their journey, but for the rest it will only confuse them more to be “accepted” for something they don’t actually believe deep in their hearts where they’re not ready to look. And I say that as someone who twenty years ago came out as bisexual because it was new and cool and unheard of and I desperately wanted to fit in somewhere. I got into some shit and tried my damndest to fit my straight peg into a gay hole (that’s what he said) and it just didn’t work. I’m better now that I’ve accepted what I am. If someone is gay or bi or whatever, awesome, be that. But you have to really, really examine that shit before you come out and tell everyone.
Sorry for the rambling, I hope I’ve answered your question and haven’t offended anyone. I mean no ill will : )
I’m a man with what they call “bitch tits.” It’s not that bad, believe me, I’m sure you’re not bigger than me lol. But what I am deeply concerned for is your mental wellbeing and the terrifying thought that you might be doing this to fill the void you’re feeling.
I’m 34 now, and I did so fuckin much shit to feel whole and valid and like I exist. I regret all of it. I’d change it in a heartbeat because I bear the scars, internal and external for my trial and error and willful body negligence. I don’t want that for you, for anyone. Man, I’d reach in and take the pain from you if I could, I swear to God, because I’m empty too. And a lot of days are an uphill, it’s true. But I started realizing the past few years that it’s a worthwhile fight to know myself wholly and honestly, to really look deep at the stuff I don’t want to look at whenever I can for however long I can—sometimes it’s only a few seconds at a time, I’ll admit. I’ve found some peace in that.
I don’t know if it’s worth anything but you can message me any time if you want to talk. I’ll even give you my number if you want to text. If not that’s totally cool, I understand, the option is always there, though. I’ve gotten some help talking to internet people about stuff I couldn’t bring up irl : )
Tanoren is correct. The whole system is so inundated with lawsuits and risk management pitfalls and corrosive, nasty politics that being the blade of grass bending against the wind will just get you fired and replaced. If you’re lucky enough to get hired there will be dozens of other psych, social work, and allied therapy grads just begging for your spot to open up. Turnover is massive, the job is overwhelming on every front in mental health, and every part of the system seems to work against you and try to force you into its uncomfortable boxes. It’s practically a business now. I don’t want to discourage anyone because there are tons of people who do amazing work and really care for the people they help, but the nature of the job either pushes a lot of them out eventually or turns them into something they hate.
I’d not trade my experience for anything, but I also never want to work in this field again.
I’m a straight guy, pretty athletic and into lifting, boxing, martial arts, but I also have a nurturing, emotional bent that has been present since I was a kid. As an 8 year old I played with dolls and played house with the girls as well as the rough and tumble stuff boys got up to. As an adult I also like to sew and knit a little (when my busted up hands can do it). I’d wait a good long while to start transitioning because the chances are much better that he’ll grow out of this or turn out gay or bisexual. Or be a sensitive man lol. Too many variables to say
43% commit suicide. Take this very fucking seriously, dude, and don’t jump on anything no matter how you feel right now. I’m 34 and the stuff I went through and wanted to do and be at your age is like a foggy dream now. Don’t do anything rash or believe anyone who says “oh you must be traaaaaaannnnssssss start hormones immediately or you’ll regret it!”
I didn’t think there would be a sub as refreshingly and bravely honest as this, but I just want to say I support you 100% and I’m in awe of all you guys’ continued drive to moving forward. I feel so good knowing there are allies for this and I can officially call myself one. Im so sorry for the insane shit you all continue to deal with, and I hope you know there are people like me out here who think you’re great, truly, and not in some BS lip service “stunning and brave way.” It takes true bravery to take action like this to find and embrace who you are, not let other people tell you you’re this or that.
Thank you for posting this. Us allies are here for you always!