Those last two paragraphs look like clear evidence that the doc did take this seriously. I see a level of risk assessment followed by immediate concrete action, and then a plan for the future to prevent the problem recurring.

What do you think they should have done?

I don't think conspiratorial thinking is necessarily the best way to cope with the angst of nonlinear evolution. 

Yeah, the ethics of biomedical self-determination get complicated—we might even say, impaired—by the lingering pressures of gender essentialism and heteronormativity. Yes, those pressures cause us pain.

But freedom is still a good thing. We can step outside the boxes. Just don't switch out one box for another; it's a waste of precious time.

I hear that you are disturbed by your adolescent experiences with testosterone puberty—and the psychological complexities which came with it.

I think it is very painful to feel unheard by our medical care teams. I certainly know what that feels like. I also think that adolescence is extremely messy and complicated—even for cis people.

The fact that you didn't realize you could desist at any time is indeed a failure of the informed consent model here—and you're right, it does not fall on you. It falls on your doctors and your parents.

But I think it is crucial to look back on our own stories with clear eyes. We must resist the urge to overindulge in resentment. This is a concrete response. They did the most reasonable thing assuming you weren't willing to stop T.

Would you have been willing to stop? What did you want then? Who gets to choose? This shit is complicated.

Personally... I do think you were most likely handed an innappropriate level of responsibility in that moment. But that's not the same as blanket neglect (or evidence that testosterone treatment is somehow universally toxic). That would be a reactionary overstatement. In order to make positive change, we have to look at the bad and the good.

I absolutely am not. I don't really believe there is such an ism. There is self-determinationism, which to me looks like nothing more than applied Bodily Autonomy, which is a fundamental human right.

I think many people turn to biossentialism or weirder, more christian forms of gender essentialism to cope with the regret and confusion of detransition. I also think some people get hooked into toxic ideologies for reasons unrelated to gender, but then those idealogies push them out of their gender narrative and they basically bully themselves into detransition. So, no wonder they're so loudly nasty about it. That shit sounds traumatic as hell. But I think it is ultimately unecessary and kinda heartbreaking.

And then some detrans people have really cogent, hate-free, intelligent criticisms of the trans culture they have experienced. Cultural criticism is a good thing! It doesn't automatically make you transphobic to criticize a cultural narrative. There are truly respectful, gender freedom-centered criticisms of say, HRT discourse that get shared here. It's not all hate. 

I transitioned to express my truth. I had all the femininity that didn't fit into the box of "man"—at least not the version of that box I had at the time. I wanted to be able to loudly express femininity. I wanted a feminine body, because... I dunno. That was how I saw the best version of myself at the time. 

It was a huge benefit to me. I felt so free and so honest for the first time in my life. I learned how to feel beautiful.

But then, you know, that kind of binary femininity started to feel like it was the peformance. I got to missing masculinity—ties, button down shirts, he/him pronouns. And it took a while, but I decided, I can probably keep all the stuff about femininity that I liked—makeup, dresses sometimes, breasts—and have all the masculinity, too. Why the fuck not?

I have to admit, the decision to legally detransition was at first heavily affected by fear of political persecution (I'm in the US). Stopping hormones, likewise—I couldn't bear to have them ripped away by right-wing legislators. I wanted it to be my choice. 

But since I've made those changes... you know, I've discovered that queer, gender-nonconforming masculinity feels pretty goddam good. I still wear dresses when I want. I get she's, and he's, and sir's—no ma'am's, go figure—and they all feel right. 

I'm off hormones which has been both good and bad. I like my facial hair re-thickening. I don't like my skin changing back. I wish I could have the best of both worlds. It's still an open question... but, I'm definitely happy. And I am certain that I'm living authentically. 

I don't regret a moment of any of it. I needed to take this journey. It's the only way for me to be myself. And now?

I fucking love me.

I don't think anybody can truly answer this but you. What is your happiest and most authentic life? What is it, really, that you're missing now? 

The thing about transition is, it's canned. It is personalizable, but ultimately, a lot of people end up following a pre-determined path. It's framed as a journey of self-discovery...but often, it is more like a curriculum that you follow. Sometimes that curriculum looks like your only path toward getting permission to be feminine.

It isn't. 

You can be feminine, beautiful, desireable, adorned, self-pampered... right now. Without any drugs or social constructs. 

If you don't believe that, if you don't feel you have permission to be anything at all without following a script...

you should take a hard look at that. Deconstruct your feelings. Get specific. Give yourself permission to do something new. 

Like you, I feel I needed my transition. I do not feel that there were any shortcuts to the perspective and wisdom I have gained.

If I had already had that wisdom... I would simply have been another person, living another life. A very, very rare person. What we learn is not normal. 

"Our lives are different to anybody else's. That's the exciting thing. There's nobody in the universe who can do what we're doing." —The 2nd Doctor

So much.

How feminine people are treated, and by comparison, how masculine people are treated. I can now empathize with, and identify, subtle misogyny and subtle misandry. I learned a lot about people and how gender norns work psychologically.

I learned how to walk through the world outside of the rules, how to be okay being a challenge in every public space, how to live by my own rules even if society doesn't understand them. I had to, or I would be dead. So I hold on to that.

I learned that I am beautiful. Now I feel the I'm mostly a man, and I'm still goddam beautiful. And I would never have said no matter how much you paid me 6 years ago.

I learned a lot of things.

I'm sorry you're experiencing that. You deserve a family that validates your experiences and your needs. It is your journey, not your mother's. Autism is not a reason to talk over your own feelings about you. Nobody gets to tell you your truth, except you, ever.

If she will ever listen, tell her: "You're right, mom. I grow and change. I thought one thing, and now I think another. That's true. I might even change my mind again. But it's my life. Aren't I allowed to change my mind, as many times as I want to? Aren't you allowed to change your mind?" 

I transitioned because I wanted my body to look different. It wasn't really about dysphoria—it was about what I wanted. I was running to, not running from. 

"Nonbinary" is for the tourists. Actually all my label words are really for the tourists. I'm just me. I don't need a word to tell myself what I am—I am what asks the question. But other people feel more comfortable if they can hold on to a label. So I give it to them.

If somebody wants to truly know me and not just glance through my labels, well, that's a very different relationship and a very different conversation.