This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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The comments display a highly personal, detailed, and emotionally consistent narrative about the user's own experiences with gender non-conformity, puberty, and eventual acceptance. The writing is nuanced, contains specific autobiographical details, and reflects the passionate and critical perspective common in the detrans community. The advice given is complex and empathetic, which is not typical of bot behavior.
About me
I hated being a girl as a teenager, especially puberty, and I desperately wanted to be a boy because they seemed to have it easier. A lot of my discomfort was just normal teenage angst mixed with body image issues and social pressure. I’m in my late twenties now and my perspective has completely changed since my brain fully developed. I’ve made peace with my female body and appreciate it for its biological functions, even if I don't always love it. I’m just a woman who likes masculine things, and I’m glad I never made any permanent changes.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender wasn't really a transition and detransition in the medical sense, but more of a long, slow process of coming to terms with myself. Looking back, I see now that what I went through was a very normal discomfort with puberty and being a teenager, not a sign that I was born in the wrong body.
When I was a kid, from about 9 to 15, I absolutely hated being a girl. I hated everything about it. I hated getting my period and the aches that came with my breasts growing. I felt completely separate from the other girls because I didn't like any of the same things. I had short hair, never wore dresses or skirts, and hated makeup. I preferred playing rugby with the boys. My favourite band was Linkin Park. I honestly wanted to be a boy because it seemed like they had it so much easier. They didn't have to deal with any of this stuff.
A big part of my low self-esteem came from my mum, who always called me fat even though I wasn't, and I think that probably gave me a bit of an eating disorder that followed me into adulthood. Things started to shift a little when I was 16 and got a boyfriend. I won't lie, him making me feel pretty helped me not hate being a woman so much. But I never got to a point of loving my body. I just moved from hating it to being indifferent about it, and that's been okay for me.
The discomfort of female puberty was a huge thing for me that nobody really talked about. It wasn't just the physical stuff like hating to shave or finding bras incredibly uncomfortable. It was also the mood swings and feeling angsty for no reason. I went on hormonal birth control at 16 just to stop my periods, which was great, but it didn't stop the PMS and it eventually made me depressed and gain weight, so I switched to a copper coil later on.
Now that I'm in my late twenties, my brain feels fully developed and my perspective has completely changed. I've grown my hair long and then cut it all off again. I actually prefer wearing dresses now, but I still detest skirts and mostly wear jeans. I still love dinosaurs and rock music. I'm still me. The key difference is that I've made peace with my body. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. I've learned to appreciate it for its biological functions. I find it amazing and kind of terrifying that my body can create another person or produce milk. It's this incredible biological machine, and it's mine.
I'm really glad I didn't grow up in today's world, because with all my teenage angst and discomfort, I fear I would have been pressured into transitioning or taking testosterone. I believe it's completely normal for women to hate their bodies around puberty. When you mix those natural hormonal changes with the social stress of high school, exam pressure, and family issues, it creates a pressure cooker of negative feelings. That's why I feel so strongly that people should wait until they're older, at least 25 when the brain is fully developed, before making any permanent changes. You need time to figure out if you're uncomfortable with your body or just uncomfortable with being a teenager.
I don't have any regrets about a medical transition because I never medically transitioned. My journey was entirely social and internal. My only regret is the years I spent hating myself for something that was just a normal part of growing up. My thoughts on gender now are simple: you don't have to love your body, and you don't have to fit into a perfect stereotype of what a man or woman should be. I'm a woman who wears masculine clothes and loves "guy" stuff, and that's fine. The goal should be to reach a point of comfort and appreciation for the body you have, not to change it to match every uncomfortable feeling.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 9-15 | Hated being a girl. Hated puberty, periods, and breast development. Preferred male-coded activities and styles. Wanted to be a boy. |
| 16 | Got a boyfriend, which lessened the hatred of being female. Started hormonal birth control to stop periods. |
| 16+ (Teens) | Struggled with body image and low self-esteem, influenced by comments about weight. |
| 25+ (Adult) | Brain felt fully developed; perspective on body and gender changed significantly. Moved from hating body to indifference and appreciation of its biological functions. |
| 27 | Stopped hormonal birth control due to side effects; switched to copper IUD. Comfortable identifying as a woman with masculine-coded interests and style. |
Top Comments by /u/Thesladenator:
Exactly. I say this as a woman who hated being a girl growing up. I never wore dresses, hated skirts, never got into make up, my hair was short cos I hated it long, used to play in the mud, dig up tree roots looking for dinosaur fossils with sticks in the play ground. I played with plastic animals and cut the hair off my barbie doll and left the baby doll in the sand pit to go mouldy. I loved dinosaurs, emo stuff, rock music.
I also wanted to be a dog at times too and played pretend as animals. I played with my cousins Lego pirate ships and his Lego dragons. I joined him racing his toy cars. I caught frogs in the pond at their house and brought back dead things from playing out with friends.
Now as an adult past the age of 25 with a fully developed brain I'm a woman through and through. I've grown my hair and cut it again. Still don't wear make up. Still love animals and dinosaurs. I wear dresses now though. And I don't hate my body as much as I did as a teenager.
I might wear more masculine style clothes but I'm still a woman. I fear if I were growing up today I'd have been pressured into transitioning or taking testosterone.
I don't LOVE my body. But I don't HATE it either. I think biologically it's freaking awesome. But I'm indifferent to my own appearance and that's okay. You don't HAVE to love yourself just be comfortable with your body and it's functions.
You look like a woman.
And honestly, you are really pretty. Got real classic beauty that you rock honestly (coming from a straight woman here).
You can pull off a variety of hair styles too. Embrace your body. Appreciate it. You don't have to LOVE it.
But appreciate it and it's functions. Most people don't love their bodies. Most people are indifferent to their bodies and that's okay. Most women think they look manly at times. It's perfectly normal.
There were times when I wanted to be a man growing up. I didn't like dresses or having long hair. Now as an adult it's all I wear and I grew out my hair. (And cut it again.)
Our bodies go through such change in our lives on their own and it's beautiful. Just sit back and watch it happen.
Have you met most farm women? Like what idea do you have in your head about farming women?
Most of the women in rural areas I know have shorter hair. It's easier to manage. If you spend time getting to know the people in tight knit local communities (and it will take time no matter what . Particularly if you come from a city. Not because of how you look but because they'll think you're a soft city dweller) your appearance won't matter.
I can guarantee most of the time the issues stem from new people not getting involved in the community and resentment building from there having lived in rural communities all my life.
It's never the hair. It's not even political beliefs. It's the attitude.
Your brain doesn't finish developing until you are 25. Its paradigm shifting when it does tho.
But yeah, you were 14/15, would you have even said you were ready at that age to have sex? I had sex at 16. But was with the guy 6 months before we did anything other than kiss and grope each other. We didn't even have PIV until a year. Because we were teenagers. We were both literally children in the eyes of the law fooling around. We were together two years and I was only ready cos I loved and trusted him.
That's what I find so abhorrent about encouraging transitioning under the age of 25. 18 I'm iffy about. But you can argue you're an adult. But making life shifting changes that you have to live with...
While also deciding what you want to do for a job/career and if you want to go to uni/studying for exams.
It's NORMAL for women to hate their body around puberty and to not feel comfortable. It's the mix of hormones and change and social environment that plays a huge part in brain development. And high school is a very unique circumstance full of stress and horrible teens all going through similar stuff. Exam stress, social stress.
I wouldn't care if you legally couldn't transition until 25. But this is why I care.
There you go then. You said it yourself most people don't mind. So why fixate on a minority? They tend to be in a minority those who base things on appearance. I just find it bizarre that you can 'look' trans or gay. Like there are butch women who ARENT gay. There's women with PCOS or who go through menopause and end up with facial hair.
There will always be assholes. But you need to focus on yourself first. Become comfortable with yourself and you will be pretty bullet proof. You don't have to love your body though. It's bullshit like that which means that people feel inadequate and start to hate themselves. Just work on appreciating your body. All it's flaws and imperfections and work to towards feeling indifferent about it. It will bring you confidence in yourself. Appreciate it for it's biology. And not how it looks.
Don't let your anxieties win either. You seem to have a lot of anxiety about what people are thinking about you. I would get some help with working through this. Otherwise you will let fear rule your life and stop you doing what you want to. And you've only got one life to live. Work on things you CAN control. And you CAN learn to control your own anxieties and how you perceive the world but it will take time and you'll probably need help doing so.
Roald Dahl once put it poignantly: people with ugly thoughts with always be ugly, yet people with happy thoughts could be the ugliest person in the world yet the happy thoughts shine through and make the pretty.
It's hard to be positive all the time for sure, but it's important to always have perspective and to try and quell unhelpful thoughts.
Okay so.
When I was 9,10,11,12,13,14,15 I HATED being a woman. I hate periods, I hated boob aches from my boobs growing, I didn't confirm to the other girls and they thought I was weird.
I had short hair, I didn't wear skirts or dresses, I played rugby with the boys. I hated make up. I hated anything girly. Linkin Park was and still is my favourite band. I didn't like the 'in' stuff. I wanted to be a boy for a lot of the time. They had it easier.
I got a boyfriend at 16 and then I didn't hate being a woman so much anymore. Partly cos he made me feel pretty. Ngl it helped. But I never LOVED myself. My mum always called me fat (even tho I wasn't and she's probably given me an eating disorder and i went from a healthy BMI to an unhealthy Bmi as an adult). Now I'm just happy being indifferent about my body. There are bits I liked about myself.
God periods are a drag. No one ever talks about it. The mood swings that start out of nowhere, feeling angsty for literally no reason, being argumentative, hating my body, hating other people. I went on hormonal contraception at 16 to stop them and it was great. It didn't stop PMS. Though I just didn't bleed every month.
I hated having to shave my armpit and legs suddenly. I HATED bras. They were soooo soooo soo uncomfortable.
Like men don't really have to go through this much discomfort when they go through puberty. Not to the same lengths. And women don't really talk about it generally not the way it should be talked about. You have sex Ed and that's kinda it.
At 27. Yeah I don't love my body. I went off hormonal contraception cos it made me depressed & gain weight and got a copper coil instead. I've grown my hair really long and then cut it off. I prefer dresses now but still detest skirts. Still like dinosaurs and don't care about mud anymore. I finally found a bra that fits and is comfy. I still mostly wear jeans and manly clothes.
I don't love my body but I don't hate it either. It's biological function amazes me. Like God, it's terrifying that I can create a whole other person from inside of me, but it's also like really really fucking cool? (And slowly becoming exciting that it can do that) And like I could just produce milk one day. Like I look at my boobs and find it gross, weird, fascinating and cool all at the same time when I think about that. I'm not particularly maternal either.
Yes boobs can be annoying sometimes and as a straight women I wish I was close enough to my friends to use theirs as a boob pillow from time to time just to experience what my partner feels. And I do sometimes wish I could be a man for a day still. Particularly when camping and there's no toilets and I'm on my period. But that's just part of the body I have.
No body talks about this really. The only people that do are really really close with their mothers or have a really really tight knit group of friends. I used to cry a lot about it to my mum and she'd at least give me reassurance it wasn't just me going through all that.
Just appreciate it for what it is. It's this awesome biological robot meat suit and it's yours. You don't have to love it. Just learn to live with it and it might surprise you. If at 20+ you still feel the same. Transition then. But just wait a bit longer if you can. Try and pinpoint WHY you feel the way you do.
All the above feelings paired with exam stress, social peer pressure in school and family stress don't help how you feel either and will be influencing how you feel right now. It's a pressure cooker and you need to make the right decision for future you.
Will future you be glad of the choices you made?