This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user demonstrates:
- A consistent, detailed, and personal narrative of being FtMtF.
- Specific physical and social experiences (vocal changes, laser hair removal, pregnancy, social re-integration).
- A nuanced and empathetic perspective that evolves over time, including the complex role of sexuality in their detransition.
- No scripted or repetitive language; the tone is conversational and emotionally varied.
This aligns with a genuine, passionate individual sharing their lived experience.
About me
I was born female and transitioned to male in my twenties, influenced heavily by my friend group at the time. I took testosterone for years, but I never felt at home in my body and deeply regret the permanent change to my voice. I realized I truly wanted to be seen and desired as a woman, which led me to detransition. I moved cities and started over, and I'm now happily married to a man and grateful to be a mother. While I don't regret the journey, the physical changes are a lasting reminder of a difficult chapter I've moved on from.
My detransition story
My name isn't important, but my story is. I was born female and as an adult, I decided to transition to male. I lived as a trans man for a number of years, taking testosterone, before I eventually detransitioned back to living as a woman. It was a long and complicated journey that I'm still making sense of.
When I was younger, my entire friend group was questioning their identities. It felt like by our mid to late twenties, everyone had come out as something – gay, queer, lesbian, or bisexual. I think that environment, and a general lack of life and dating experience, really influenced me. I was trying to figure out who I was and where I fit. Looking back, I realize I spent too much time worrying about the "what" – what label I was – instead of just living my life.
I started taking testosterone as an adult. The physical changes happened, but the feeling of being at home in my own skin never really did. A huge part of my discomfort, and my biggest regret, was the vocal changes. My voice dropped permanently, and I deeply miss my old singing voice. My register is now stuck very low, and to hit any high notes I have to use a falsetto, like men do. It's a constant reminder of a choice I can't take back. For speaking, I've done a lot of vocal training using techniques meant for trans women to raise my pitch. It took years of constant daily effort, but now I can speak in a higher register without thinking and I can even scream again, which I couldn't do for a long time. But if I get sick, I sound like a man no matter what I do.
A major turning point for me was realizing who I wanted to be desired by. I came to understand that I had a strong desire to be seen as pretty by straight men. That feeling was a big sign to me that I wanted to be perceived as female. When I looked in the mirror and started to see a woman again, it made me happy.
Detransitioning itself was a strange process. It was very passive; I just started presenting more femininely over time and didn't really address it unless someone directly asked. I felt like I was living a double life for a while, where some people saw me as female and others still saw me as male. To get a clean break, I ended up deleting all my social media and moving to a different city for a new job. I changed to a more androgynous name and only kept in touch with my mom and my best childhood friends. Sometimes I think about old acquaintances who will only ever remember me as a trans guy, and that's a little sad, but having a fresh start was what I needed mentally.
Losing my community was hard. The trans people in my life were nice, but after I detransitioned, it felt awkward, like I made them uncomfortable, and all those connections just faded away. It reminded me a lot of when I lost my faith and lost all my church friends; it had that same isolating vibe.
My family dynamics were complicated. I wasn't close with my dad. He was against my transition and very upset about it. Then, he just pretended it wasn't happening. When I detransitioned, he acted like the whole thing never happened. In a way, it was nice to just let it go unsaid and move on.
Now, I'm in a much better place. I was able to get pregnant and have a natural birth with no complications, which I'm so grateful for. I'm married to a man and we have a son. Being a mother and more time passing has helped heal a lot of those old wounds. I rarely think about that chapter of my life actively anymore, and when I do, it's just a neutral memory.
In terms of regret, I don't regret the transition as a whole because I learned so much about myself. But I do have physical regrets, primarily my voice. I don't hate my new voice—in a vacuum, I sometimes even like it. But the loss of my singing ability and the fact that it affects how I'm perceived by straight men is a lasting source of discomfort. I don't dwell on it much now, but it's always there.
My thoughts on gender are that it's a deeply personal and often confusing journey. For me, a lot of it was tied up in who I was attracted to and a desire to feel desired. I think it's crucial to explore these feelings without rushing into permanent changes, and to find grounding in reality, away from online influences.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early 20s | Began questioning my identity, influenced by my friend group. |
| 24 | Started taking testosterone and began living as a man. |
| 24-28 | Lived as a trans man. Experienced permanent vocal changes and other effects of testosterone. |
| 28 | Began to detransition, presenting more femininely over time. |
| 29 | Deleted social media, moved to a new city, and changed my name for a fresh start. |
| 30 | Underwent laser hair removal on my face to reduce facial hair. |
| 31 | Got married to my husband. |
| 32 | Gave birth to my son. |
Top Comments by /u/Throwaway_time_again:
It’s a really big step forward to acknowledge those feelings so that you can start working through them. As for the feeling something is missing, yes I think that’s what real dysphoria feels like. I never pursued surgery, but my vocal changes after testosterone levels were crushing to me later down the road and I realized what I had done. I’m not sure I ever dealt with the loss head on, but tried to minimize it by thinking of other big mistakes I made in my life or realizing that worse things may happen in the future and that’s life. You are in the thick of it right now and as hard as it is the best thing you can do is get some sleep. It might help to write a date on the calendar when you will do self questioning and reflecting, rather than dive in straight away when you need to recover. In the meantime try to think of anything else, like some escapism hobby such as reading novels or playing rpg games
I was not very close with my dad before during or after so this might not be super relatable to your situation, but he was against transitioning and very upset about it. He then pretended it wasn’t happening and when I detransitioned he pretended it never happened. In a way it was nice to just let some things go unsaid and move on
You seem very caring and genuine and made some good points about possibility of her rebelling, so it is good to avoid outright dismissal. In terms of support and what that looks like, I’d avoid saying “I accept you as trans” and keep it more neutral “I accept you as my child” etc. I would also try to find girls her age through mom friends who are similar (etc hobbies, appearances) to make her feel less like an outsider with only trans circles online. If she had one female close friend who was similar but without the trans part it might be easier to relate feeling awkward about body changes without equating it to being trans. If she’s talking about it a lot now it might be a hyper fixation. Any chances of autism spectrum or ADHD or OCD? A tendency to be swept up in fantasy? Anything grounding in reality is key, finding relatable female protagonists in shows, going camping with no internet access and realizing you don’t care how you are perceived when no invisible eyes are watching, reminiscing on the past and her “girlhood” and how it reminds you of yourself as her mother. And lastly be careful with counseling, it can cause overthinkers to get more deep into overthinking and convince themselves of anything. It’s helpful in ways but can lead to harm for certain people, so keep an eye out. As a detransitioner and a mom myself my heart goes out to you and I hope this chapter goes okay for your family
It must have been very hard to come to this conclusion, but it’s never too late and giving yourself time to just be while your hair grows out is great. It’s a lot to mentally process. As for the beard, I had facial hair removal on my face (many sessions) and it has reduced it to almost nothing now (I still shave daily since it feels prickly if I don’t and hope to get more sessions in the next year). It is painful in sensitive areas like the face or neck so I would opt for the numbing cream beforehand if the clicic offers it as it takes away the pain of the laser. And while I didn’t take testosterone for as many years as you, I was able to get pregnant and have a natural birth with no complications and am enjoying life with my husband and son now. It is probably a good idea to go to a gynecologist and your primary care physician to let them know down the road so they can check if you have any physical deteriorating that’s any concern. I know right now you are playing the waiting game for your appearance to catch up with your mind, but one thing that helped me was making vision boards and wishlists of clothes I would buy and hairstyles I would do after I started looking more female again
Hello, I can really relate and vocal changes have been my biggest regret and source of discomfort even years later
I used YouTube videos for vocal training advice specifically targeted at trans women, and it actually helped me a lot. It took time for the effects to accumulate though, so don’t be discouraged if changes don’t come quickly.
In my case I improved my speaking voice a lot fairly quickly, but it took a long time to regain screaming. I had to practice a lot in a secluded place like the car.
As for singing, it is my current lingering problem and my register is stuck very low forcing me to do a falsetto like men do to hit anything moderately high. Very unfortunate and I miss my old singing voice.
For talking it was a constant daily feeling of effort before and I could only speak quietly. Years later and now I can do it all the time without thinking and scream without a problem.
The only very hard to control is if I get sick I sound like a man no matter what so I stay home and try not to talk to anyone for at least a week to not strain
Sorry for the rambling post but if you haven’t given it a go don’t give up! Just try not to overtrain and you might see improvement over time
I’m so sorry to hear how hard it has been, it does seem like there are more ftmtf online than mtftm I struggled with similar things and I wound up deleting all of my social media when I detransitioned and worked on finding another job in a different city so I could have a fresh start and it helped me a lot to pick a new name and start over as a woman somewhere else. I only kept in contact with my best childhood friends and mom Sometimes I think about all the old acquaintances I lost touch with and realize they will always remember me as a trans guy and not the woman I am now, but I still think not having to explain myself to anyone was good for me mentally at the time
I think this is a valid take on the whole experience. I was already an adult when I transitioned and then detransitioned but I still felt a level of negligence from those around me, even though I take responsibility since I was an adult. The trans people in my life were still nice to me, but it felt almost awkward? Like I made them uncomfortable somehow, so all those connections ended. It reminded me a lot of losing my faith and then losing all my church friends when I left religion. It had a similar vibe to it
I had similar experience to you and still got that envy and feeling for quite a while after like you did. Possibly longer than others since I didn’t hate the community after detransitioning. What made me stop feeling that way was getting married and having a child. Now that I’m a mother and more time has passed I never think about that part of my life actively, and if I do it’s just in passing like recalling it neutrally
I know it might seem like everyone has it figured out, but when I was younger my entire friend group struggled with this. By our mid to late twenties everyone had come out as either gay, queer, lesbian, or bisexual. It can take longer when you have a lack of life and dating experience. It’s possible that you haven’t found the right guy or girl yet. It’s possible you’re a late bloomer. It’s possible that your idea of relationships are a bit different than the reality making a gap jarring. All I can say is try not to worry “what” you are and just love and live. I look back and the labels never really mattered throughout the years, but it sure feels like they do at the time
In terms of regret, I would have never learned what I did about that part of myself so I don’t regret transition as a whole. I got a lot out of it. As for physical regrets, it is mostly my voice and loss of singing ability. That being said, I don’t hate my new voice and in a vacuum I sometimes like it. It is mainly my desire to be desired by straight men that makes me miss my old girlish voice. The contrast between that and a man’s voice was attractive to me and still is. If I was dating a woman these days I wouldn’t care and I might even like my lower voice because it would be contrasting with hers. Not something I dwell too much on anymore but I do keep up my voice training and speak in a higher register than I’d like 24/7 now out of habit and not spooking ladies in the women’s bathroom etc