This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments display:
- A consistent, deeply personal narrative over two years.
- Emotional depth, self-reflection, and nuanced views on complex topics like internalized misogyny and the social pressures of gender.
- A natural evolution of thought and specific, plausible details about their transition (e.g., types of testosterone used, duration).
- A tone that aligns with a passionate individual who has experienced significant personal trauma and stigma.
About me
I'm an autistic woman who started transitioning because I felt I could never fit in as a feminine girl. I lived as a man for over two years, taking testosterone and having top surgery, which gave me a temporary sense of hope and community. I eventually realized my discomfort wasn't with being female, but with society's rigid expectations of what a woman should be. Now I've detransitioned and am learning to accept the permanent changes from my time on testosterone. My goal is to find confidence as the masculine woman I truly am.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is deeply tied to finally understanding that I am an autistic woman. Looking back, my feeling of disconnect from being a girl wasn't about being the wrong gender; it was about being a girl who didn't fit the narrow, social expectations of what a girl should be. I was never feminine, I’ve always been a butch woman, and I couldn't relate to the other girls around me. I now see that my autism made social rules and gender roles confusing and overwhelming, and transitioning felt like an escape from that pressure.
I started identifying as non-binary first, and then as a trans man. I was on testosterone for just over two years. For most of that time, I used Testogel, and then I switched to injections for the last six months. I also got top surgery. I don't see my transition, not even the surgery, as a complete mistake because at the time, I was so deeply depressed. Transition gave me a shot of hope and made me believe that things could actually get better. It gave me a goal and a community when I felt completely alone.
But the relief was temporary. I started to realize that the only happiness I was getting from living as a man was the immediate acceptance from strangers and colleagues. I was still deeply insecure and living for the approval of others, which has been a lifelong problem for me. I learned that living as a man comes with its own set of isolating struggles. I experienced homophobic violence firsthand when a customer called me a slur because he thought I was a gay man. I felt the pressure to be a certain kind of 'alpha' male and found it isolating to be a man who didn't conform to those misogynistic values.
The root of my issues, I've come to understand, was internalized homophobia and misogyny. I hated society's rigid gender constructs. I felt like I couldn't be a masculine woman without being rejected or misunderstood, so I tried to become a man instead. My discomfort with my breasts and my body was less about gender dysphoria and more about a deep discomfort with puberty and the womanly shape that made me a target for a society I didn't understand.
Now that I have detransitioned, I have to deal with the permanent changes from testosterone. My voice and my body and facial hair are my enemy. I really hope my body can go back to how it was before testosterone, but I know some changes are forever. I’ve decided not to retransition because I know there is no lasting happiness for me in that path. My goal now is to find a good therapist who can help me face myself—to become confident as the masculine woman I've always been, to work through my internalized issues, and to understand my identity in relation to my autism. I'm learning to deconstruct all the societal nonsense about gender and just be myself.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenager | Started testosterone gel. |
| ~20-22 | Was on testosterone (T) for just over 2 years (Testogel, then injections). |
| Early 20s | Had top surgery. |
| 22 | Detransitioned and began identifying as a butch woman. |
Top Comments by /u/TinyJapchae:
i learned how isolating it is to be a man who doesn’t conform to typical alpha-male, misogynist values. men actually have their own specific struggles which come with their male privilege. for example, as a man you’re expected to have a high pain tolerance or you’ll be called a wuss, and it’s a very rare and equally isolating thing to be a man who wants to be a single dad (when its perfectly common for women to be single mothers by choice or circumstance because they’re ‘expected’ to raise the children). dressing too femininely or having nail polish etc also made me physically scared when i presented as a guy too, because homophobic violence seems to target effeminate men the most. the only time i’ve ever experienced a hate crime was when i was presenting as a guy working in retail, and some dickwad thought i was a gay man and called me the f slur while i was serving him. in short: misogyny affects and isolates many men too, and deconstruction of gender roles is the only way to solve this.
Hi there, thank you for reading, I appreciate it. I was actually on T for slightly over 2 years, and for most of that time I was taking Testogel, and then switched to Testosterone Cypiate injections in the final 6 months. I really really hope I can go back to how I was before T, and I have faith it will happen 💙 I just need the help of hormone regulation lol
Wow, that’s really interesting to know- thank you. I wasn’t on puberty blockers at any point, but I did start testosterone gel as a teenager when I may well have still been finishing puberty. I’m very interested to read about this condition, I had actually never heard of it!
i know exactly how you feel, if it helps. i’ve identified as so many different things over the years and still haven’t figured myself out. i find it helps to explain your feelings and experiences anecdotally rather than with labels though, just in case you change your mind or realise said label doesn’t fit in the future.
thank you, you’re completely right. as i replied to someone else, there’s no happiness in transition for me, except happiness from the acceptance of strangers and colleagues. yet seeking approval hasn’t made me happy so far in my life, so it’s not going to change now.
i’m hoping to find a good therapist who can help me ‘face myself’ as the ‘masculine’ woman i’ve always been, and deconstruct this complex i have about gender, thanks to society and bullshit gender norms.
oh wow, it’s like we have exactly the same story. it makes me feel much less alone anyway, it’s comforting :) ftmtx here with add and autism.
like you i don’t see my transition, even my top surgery, as a mistake, because i was so deeply depressed that transition gave me the hope i needed that things could get better.
i just really really wish i’d been diagnosed with autism and add earlier in my life, because i wouldn’t have charged into a transition to try and fix my feeling of disconnect from being a girl.
we even seem to share the same insecurities with our bodies post transition, my voice and the body/facial hair are my enemy.
wishing you happiness and all the best now that you truly understand yourself <3
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m much less eloquent than you but I still really relate to your story and your humanity so much, down to feeling like a trans woman rather than a woman after detransition, and that means if nothing else, neither of us are alone in this.
I’ve decided not to re-transition, because as you say - there is no happiness in transition for me. The only happiness I would get out of it would be the acceptance of strangers and colleagues. But I realise i can’t keep living my life chasing the acceptance of others, and i have spent too much of my youth doing it. What will really help me I think, is to face myself as you say. If i can find a really good therapist to help me work on not living for the approval of others so much, and identity in relation to my autism, I think i’ll be much closer to actually being happy. Thank you again. I wish only the best for you and your journey, and honestly your acceptance of your situation inspires me so much :)
thank you so much <3 i feel much better today and i feel less scared and stressed about this situation. the best thing i can do right now is get a therapist who can help me work through my internalised misogyny and lesphobia; which essentially is the root of my complex about my own femininity. i hate society and i hate gender constructs but i’m gonna be okay, i’m just going to try to learn to be more confident in being myself - which has always been a ‘butch’ woman