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Reddit user /u/ToastNeighborBee's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 30
male
porn problem
regrets transitioning
autogynephilia (agp)
influenced online
influenced by friends
became religious
doesn't regret transitioning
had religious background
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user presents a highly specific, personal, and internally consistent narrative of being a desister (someone who considered or pursued transition but stopped) motivated by autogynephilia (AGP). The story evolves over time, detailing a personal journey from a specific lifestyle (psychedelics, Buddhism) to another (Orthodox Christianity), with clear motivations and reflections. The language is nuanced, and the user engages with complex personal and political topics in a way that aligns with a genuine, passionate individual. While the views are strong and controversial, the passion and personal stake in the topic are consistent with a real detransitioner or desister.

About me

I became obsessed with the fantasy of being a woman, which started as a sexual addiction fueled by porn and cross-dressing while I lived in San Francisco. I realized this path was selfish, isolating, and was sabotaging my real goal of becoming a husband and father. I treated it like an addiction, cut out everything, and found a new purpose by converting to Orthodox Christianity, which gave me the discipline to control my desires. Letting go of that fantasy allowed me to become a better, less self-centered partner. I'm now engaged and looking forward to building a real family life, deeply relieved I never medically transitioned.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started with a deep fascination that felt like an addiction. For a long time, I was obsessed with the idea of being a woman, but it was a sexual fantasy, not a true identity. I now understand this as autogynephilia (AGP). I would spend entire nights alone, high on weed and whip-its, dressing up and masturbating to the fantasy of myself as a woman. It was a complete dead end, an isolating cycle that wasn't going to bring me any real joy in life.

This was all wrapped up in a serious porn problem. My life revolved around this fantasy world I built for myself online. I was part of a very "affirming" crowd in San Francisco and online, where exploring your "true self" was synonymous with trying out every kink and porn category you liked. I judged that this path of sexual authenticity would not lead to a happy or fulfilling life. It was selfish and it sabotaged my relationship with my long-term girlfriend. When I tried to date again, I found that the women who were interested in my fantasy weren't the kind who wanted to have children and a family.

I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I realized in time that pursuing this fantasy would interfere with more meaningful things in life, like getting married, having kids, and my career. I wanted to be a father and a husband. I made the choice to treat my decades-long obsession as an addiction. I threw out all my female clothes and cut out the TG pornography.

A major part of my detransition was changing my social circles. I started spending less time with my very progressive, trans-affirming friends and more time with my conservative friends. We encouraged each other to be more reliable and capable men, to achieve our goals, and to pursue starting families.

Becoming an Orthodox Christian was the biggest step in my healing. It gave me a social group that was less accepting of that lifestyle and more "normal." It has a powerful, repetitive liturgical life that helped rewire my brain into a more functional form. The discipline of practices like fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays taught me to be in control of my desires instead of letting them control me. When you become Orthodox, you are given an exorcism, and I think that helped get rid of my crossdreaming urges. Confession helped me overcome my masturbation habit. Letting go of chasing idealized sexual pleasure was refreshing. I am a better partner now—less self-centered, more patient, and more self-sacrificial. I like the person I am in a relationship.

I don't believe "trans" is an identity someone is born with. It's a social role people choose to adopt in response to inward motivations and social pressures. For me, and I think for many others, it was a sexual motivation. I'm glad I didn't go further because I've seen how tragic it can be; sometimes people get surgery to fulfill a sexual impulse, and then when their sex drive disappears, they find themselves traumatized by a lifelong change they no longer want.

I don't regret exploring these feelings, but I am deeply relieved that I didn't transition medically. I regret the time I lost and the damage I did to past relationships by being so self-centered. My thoughts on gender now are that biological sex is real and important, and we can't change it by choice. I'm now engaged to be married and I'm on a better, more connected path, looking forward to building a real life.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
18 Moved out of my parent's house. First time cross-dressing as Princess Peach for Halloween.
20s Developed a severe addiction to AGP pornography and cross-dressing. Lived in San Francisco in an "affirming" crowd.
Late 20s Realized this lifestyle was isolating and sabotaging my relationships and future goals.
30 Began to detox: threw out female clothes, cut out porn, shifted social circles to more conservative friends.
31 Converted to Orthodox Christianity. Received an exorcism. Began practicing fasting and confession.
32 Overcame masturbation habit and AGP urges.
33 Got engaged.
Present Preparing for marriage and building a family life.

Top Comments by /u/ToastNeighborBee:

19 comments • Posting since February 21, 2024
Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) explains autogynephilia as a potential reason for wanting to be a girl only when horny, advising against transitioning for a kink.
57 pointsApr 10, 2025
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It's called AUTOGYNEPHILIA

We don't really know why it happens. Some guys get turned on by crossdressing, imagining themselves in a female role, or imagining that they become a female.

Trans is a choice. You can be trans if you wanna be. But personally, I think a lifetime of surgery and medicine is a bad choice to make in response to a kink.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) explains how converting to Orthodox Christianity, including receiving an exorcism, was a major step in his detransition and helped him overcome pornography addiction.
33 pointsFeb 21, 2024
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Becoming an Orthodox Christian helped me overcome my addiction to pornography. And it gave me a social group that was less accepting and more "normal". So it was a major step in my gender deprogramming. Plus, when you become Orthodox you are given an exorcism, and I think that might have helped.

Before that, in my gender weird days, I was a Buddhist into psychedelics. It was a very "affirming" crowd.

I never thought I would have been a Christian as an adult, after a traumatic childhood experience with a different kind of Christianity. It wasn't something I was looking for. But it has a powerful mystical tradition which scratches a certain itch for me, and I feel better being connected to a life script that has served people for 2,000 years.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) explains how focusing on career and fatherhood goals helped him overcome an AGP pornography addiction and detransition.
31 pointsJun 12, 2025
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Honestly, you need something else in your life that matters more to you than your favorite kind of masturbation.

I knew I wanted to be a father and a husband, so I detoxed from my addiction/obsession with AGP pornography. It was hard but worth it.

Career and relationship goals are both hurt by living out an AGP fantasy.

But if masturbation is the most important thing going on in your life, there is nothing holding you back from transitioning.

I just think it's a sad, disembodied sort of life.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) explains the fantasy component of transitioning, describing his former AGP desire to become a fictional character like Princess Peach and how he learned you cannot live a fantasy.
20 pointsOct 15, 2024
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Transitioning often has a fantasy component to it. Especially with AGP males like my former self, there is a desire to be the object of your own desire. So a lot of times fictional characters come into it, and especially cartoons. These are the characters that we fantasized and daydreamed about when we were coming of age. The first time I cross-dressed for Halloween after I moved out of my parent's house, I was Princess Peach.

Eventually I spent enough time trying to fulfill fantasies that I learned that you can't really live a fantasy. Fantasies are fantasies and real life is real life.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) explains how HRT can eliminate libido and the desire to transition by removing the underlying motivation of autogynephilia (AGP).
18 pointsApr 7, 2025
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It's pretty common to confuse AGP for dysphoria. This is not unusual. There was a post about a guy that got an orchiectomy and then his desire to transition completely went away. It's tragic, really.

AGP is real and the major motivation for a lot of people. Killing the male sex drive gets rid of AGP. Fortunately, there are more healthy ways to detox from AGP than castrating/chemically castrating yourself.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) comments on the contradiction of supporting Trump's policies while hating him culturally, suggesting a change in viewpoint.
16 pointsJan 29, 2025
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Gotta love all the people who support policies of President Trump, sometimes passionately, but at the same time refuse to budge on their hatred of him for cultural reasons. Make some friends with some moderate Republicans and maybe they won't seem so scary.

If the people you vote for are opposed to your interests, and the people you hate are working for them, maybe eventually a change in viewpoint is worth exploring.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) comments that AGP is not hardwired and advocates for personal agency over it instead of treating it as an unbeatable addiction.
14 pointsJun 14, 2025
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Often I see people acting like it is an addiction they can beat but I frankly think it is hardwired.

I don't. Honestly, you should try having some agency over your life before you give up on the idea. If you can achieve it, it's far better than the alternative.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) explains that the perception of transphobia is not from the mainstream but from a small, extreme ideological bubble that controls Reddit.
14 pointsFeb 23, 2024
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Every post is considered transphobic by the mainstream

It's really not the mainstream though. It's just a very tiny ideological bubble, that happens to control reddit. You'd be hard pressed to find any group of humans quite as extreme as reddit admins.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) comments on a compromise for ID markers, suggesting "transwoman" and "transman" to acknowledge gender identity while preserving biological sex information.
13 pointsFeb 7, 2025
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I think a happy medium that would enable some degree of culture detente would be allowing for "transwoman" and "transman" markers on government IDs. The trans population thinks it is rude to refer to them by their birth sex, but the conservative population (and medical doctors) think biological sex is important and can't be altered by choice or whim. "Trans-X" avoids the insult, while preserving vital information. Not that I hear anybody else talking about this.

Reddit user ToastNeighborBee (desisted male) explains how he overcame autogynephilia and crossdreaming by cutting out TG pornography, connecting with people in the physical world, and finding discipline through his conservative friend group and the Orthodox Church.
12 pointsApr 10, 2025
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The use of the term "Submissive woman" sounds to me like autogynephilia.

It takes a bit of work to detox from the identity and habits that you've built for yourself. The first step is to cut out any TG pornography built around the fantasy of being a woman. It's just that, a stylized fantasy! Even the life of a real woman, if you could have it, would be nothing like the fantasy you have built for yourself to masturbate to.

Your life probably revolves around video games and the internet. I think you have to get involved in meatspace more. You have to connect with people in the physical world. Meet real women and men.

I never went as far as hormones. But I left behind crossdressing and dreams of transition when I realized it would interfere with more meaningful things in life, like getting married and having kids, and my career prospects. So I treated my decades-long obsession with TG pornography as an addiction and cut it out. I threw out all my female clothes.

I had a mixed friends group, politically. Some were trans and very progressive and some were more conservative. I started hanging out with my more conservative friends and we encouraged each other to be more reliable and capable men, to achieve our goals, and to pursue starting families.

I also started going to church at about this time. I think that new social group and the discipline of confession in the Orthodox Church helped me overcome my masturbation habit and get away from sexual fantasies. You also get an exorcism when you join an Orthodox Church, and I think this helped me get rid of my crossdreaming urges.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It takes time to change course in life. But ask for help. And start spending time with people that are more like who you want to be in the future. Good luck.