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Reddit user /u/Top-Avocado-592's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 17
male
low self-esteem
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
became religious
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
benefited from non-affirming therapy
had religious background
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.

The user ("Noah") demonstrates:

  • A consistent, detailed personal narrative of desisting.
  • Deeply personal and emotionally raw reflections on pain, community, and recovery.
  • A coherent, developed philosophical and religious worldview that informs their perspective.
  • A supportive and empathetic tone towards others, offering practical advice from their own experience.

The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with the experiences of genuine detransitioners and desisters.

About me

I was a deeply unhappy teenager who found an online community that told me my self-hatred meant I was a girl. I became completely obsessed with my gender identity and felt immense pressure to medically transition. My dad's love and finding a supportive church gave me the strength to question that path. I realized my dysphoria was from obsession, and it faded when I stopped focusing on it. I now embrace being a man and find joy in living for others, and I'm so glad I never took hormones.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was a teenager, around 15 or 16. I was deeply unhappy and hated myself. I found a community online that told me this feeling was because I was really a girl trapped in a boy's body. It was a beautiful fantasy; who wouldn't want to be a beautiful woman? It felt special and chosen. I started identifying as trans and then as non-binary, and it became my entire world. I was constantly obsessing over my identity, if I was "trans enough," and what the next step should be. My online friends celebrated when people started hormones, and there was a lot of pressure to present in a certain "queer" way. I was even ostracized for not using "it/its" pronouns. This community became my whole life, and I pushed away my family and my faith.

I desperately wanted to start estrogen. I thought it would finally make me happy. But a part of me always knew that what I wanted—to actually be a girl—was impossible. The belief system started to feel incoherent to me, like a religion that couldn't be questioned. If you detransitioned, they'd just say you were never really trans to begin with. It was a closed loop.

What saved me was finding a real, in-person community. My dad never gave up on me. He'd stay up late talking with me about my interests, hug me, and just be there. My mom reacted with anger, which only drove me deeper into the trans community, but my dad's love was a lifeline. I also found a local church. The people there were kind and wise, and they told me the truth instead of just affirming my self-destructive path. An Eastern Orthodox priest gave me advice that changed my life: "You are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings. You are what you give your life to." He explained that most thoughts and feelings come from outside, and you don't have to obey them. You can just see a thought and decide, "No, I don't want that."

Letting go of the transition fantasy was like a grieving process. It hurt really bad, and sometimes the thoughts to transition or even end my life still come back. But I learned that the pain meant I was processing it, not just boxing it up. I realized that being trans was a horrible, self-obsessive way to live. My dysphoria, which I thought was this huge, permanent thing, almost completely cleared up once I stopped obsessing over my gender 24/7.

I started to see masculinity differently. I looked at male role models like Jesus, Aragorn, and Luke Skywalker. I saw that real masculinity isn't about being a sex-craving misogynist; it's about being turned outward, sacrificing for others. It's about being both hard and soft. My dad loves fixing engines but also cooks all our meals. A friend of mine is a heart surgeon who saves lives and also loves knitting. I learned that being a man for the women in my life is awesome. My mom needs a strong son to open jars, my brother needs a role model, and my girlfriend needs a man to stand up for her. The real joy in life is learning to live for others.

I never took hormones or had surgery. I'm glad I didn't, because I now see my body as me, not just a thing I own and can modify however I want. I belong to my family and my community. I used to hate everything about my male body, but now I love my muscles, my square face, and even what I have downstairs. Sure, I'm not thrilled about all the body hair, but a razor fixes that. It's a small price to pay compared to being stuck permanently in the uncanny valley between sexes, which would have made it impossible to be part of my religious community and would have been a burden on a future spouse.

I do have regrets. I regret the years I spent lost in that obsessive fantasy and the relationships I damaged. But I don't regret finding my way out. My life now is full. I have a beautiful girlfriend, I babysit kids, I volunteer, I go to the gym, and I have a real community. I went from being a recluse who hated everyone to someone who has found purpose in loving others.

Age Event
15-16 Started feeling intense self-hatred and discomfort. Discovered trans identity online and began identifying as trans/non-binary.
16-17 Fully immersed in online trans community. Felt pressure to present "queer" and pursue medical transition. Experienced ostracism for not conforming to group norms.
17 Began questioning the trans ideology, finding it incoherent. My dad's unwavering love and late-night talks were a crucial support. My mom's anger pushed me away.
17 Found a local church and a priest who offered wisdom: "You are not your thoughts, you are what you love." This was a major turning point.
17-18 Went through a grieving process, letting go of the transition fantasy. Dysphoria significantly decreased as I stopped obsessing over gender.
18 (Present) Living as a man. Have a girlfriend, am active in my community, and have found peace and purpose. No medical interventions were ever pursued.

Top Comments by /u/Top-Avocado-592:

17 comments • Posting since February 15, 2025
Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains why he left the trans identity, describing it as an incoherent, self-obsessive fantasy that destroys relationships.
32 pointsMar 6, 2025
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I realized that the belief system was incoherent, and found a real community of people who were kind and wise enough to tell me the truth instead of letting me continue to self destruct and burn all my relationships to the ground. Being trans is a horrible, self obsessive way to live. you're constantly obsessing over your own identity, if you're really trans, what kind of trans you are, how much "transphobes" hate you, what you need to do next, etc etc. ultimately I realized that the fantasy (and it is a beautiful fantasy isn't it! who wouldn't want to be a beautiful woman!) is not worth it, and that it wasn't gonna make me happy because it was absurd.

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains how finding joy in fulfilling traditional male roles for his mother, brother, and girlfriend provided a positive reason to desist.
19 pointsMar 11, 2025
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yes, me too! I realized that being a man for the women in my life is really awesome! my mom needs a strong son to open pickle jars, my brother needs a cool male role model, my girlfriend needs a big man to stand up for her. the real joy in life is learning to live for others.

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains how their in-person transgender community exhibited cult-like control, pressuring conformity, medical transition, and punishing dissent.
15 pointsMar 28, 2025
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I think the behavior part is true, bc it was mostly online. they couldn't control what I was doing, but with my in person trans "community" was super controlling, particularly in regard to what I could say out loud and there was a decently large pressure to present "queer." Also, the big social ups among my trans peers for being one of the "lucky" ones to get on E or T was definitely a behavior pressure.

The dissenters were almost completely crushed in my part of the trans world. just bc transmedicalists exist doesn't mean that it was in any way acceptable to say you liked blaire white, hell, my community ostracized me for failing to use it/it/its pronouns. I was also heavily discouraged from listening to my family, church, and GC sources were outright anathema, as was anything short of the full gender philosophy.

I think emotion fits 100%. there was definitely a sense of feeling chosen or special, guilt manipulation for daring to question anyone's self ID, emotion blocking techniques ("internalized transphobia")

maybe your experience was different from mine, but I think it definitely fits 3/4, with the first only being missing bc it was mostly online.

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains how detransitioning by letting go of impossible thoughts and feelings led to a fulfilling life.
10 pointsMar 6, 2025
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Here's a piece of advice I heard from my dad, and then from an Eastern Orthodox priest who escaped the mafia: You are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings. you are what you give your life to. most thoughts and feelings come from outside not from you, you don't have to listen to your thoughts and feelings if you don't want to. this isn't the same as repressing them, its the opposite: you just see the thought and decide "eh, I don't want to." its not necessarily easy to do, but it has drastically changed my life for the better.

personally, I went through a long phase where I realized the thing I wanted (to be a real girl) was impossible, but still desperately wanted to be one. then I learned to let go, and turned myself around. before I was a recluse who hated himself and everyone around him. Now I have an active community, a beautiful girlfriend, I babysit little kids, I volunteer, and I even go to the gym!

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains the practical and philosophical reasons for detransitioning, arguing against surgery, the concept of the body as a "meat lego," and the social difficulties of living between sexes.
10 pointsMar 31, 2025
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"just get a mastectomy" is a little crazy ngl. Thats a major surgery we're talking about! it also kinda gets into this bigger problem that our bodies aren't meat legos that we can dispose of as we see it, they are us. my body isn't this thing I own that I can just do what I want to, its me, and I belong to a whole lot of other people.

because when you're in the uncanny valley between the sexes, its harder to make friends, especially depending on where you live and what your community is. for instance im an orthodox christian and it would be make it very hard to befriend the people in my religious community. I'm also from a rural area so it'd make it weird there. maybe it's fine for you and where you are, but for a lot of people it just wouldn't work with their social networks. so much more practical to just detransition.

also now that I think about it, E is expensive. thats money you don't have to spend if you learn to live with your body as it was made, which is beautiful.

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains how Jesus is an ideal of masculinity, citing his aggressive protection of the weak, his gentleness with the vulnerable, and his life of struggle for others.
9 pointsFeb 15, 2025
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This is part of why I find Jesus to be such an interesting ideal of masculinity. He's aggressive towards those who hurt the weak and profane the holy (the cleansing of the temple), but he's also so gentle to those who need him (the woman with the issue of blood), and ultimately he struggles and lives his life for others, which the narrative makes clear is hard for him. Real masculinity is being like Jesus. Also I love the mentioning of Aragorn and Luke, as they strive to do the exact same thing, and I was raised on Star Wars and LOTR.

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) comments on the distinction between disliking masculine stereotypes and being gender non-conforming.
9 pointsMar 6, 2025
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I realize not everyone would want to be a beautiful woman at an intellectual level but it still doesn't make sense to me.

I'm actually pretty gender conforming. there's a big difference between " I don't like motorcycles and beer and banging 200 women a year" and being gnc, lets not get them confused. Masculinity (not "being a man," I mean the role of masculinity) is a broad thing.

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains how seeing a wide range of male role models, including a mechanically-inclined father who cooks and a heart surgeon who knits, helped them realize that men can and should be both hard and soft.
9 pointsMar 11, 2025
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yea, I can see that. One thing that helped me was seeing a wide range of male role models, and realizing you can (and should be) both hard and soft as a man. my dad loves pulling apart engines to see why they arent working, he also cooks all our meals. I have a dear friend who is a boundary pushing heart surgeon who saves lives every day, and also loves knitting. Guys aren't as boring as you think we are, I promise :)

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains how Jesus embodies a "masculinity of mercy" that is about self-sacrifice for others, in contrast to toxic masculinity which is self-serving.
8 pointsFeb 15, 2025
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He really is. There's a masculinity of mercy that Jesus embodies that you see so rarely reflected anywhere else. Also I love it when people bring religion into this, as everyone, Christian or not, can benefit from using Jesus as a model for their lives.

He is not a sex craving oppressive misogynist.

As I learn more about Christian masculinity, the more I realize Real masculinity is turned outward, its about sacrificing oneself for others, while toxic, fake masculinity is turned inwards and is about getting what you want.

Reddit user Top-Avocado-592 (desisted male) explains his reasons for detransitioning, citing health concerns, the physical impact of estrogen (breast tissue, nonfunctioning penis) on his relationship with his straight spouse, social difficulties as a man with breasts, and the psychological relief of no longer obsessing over gender.
8 pointsMar 31, 2025
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because a. heath, like others have said, and b. if I'm on E im gonna have breast tissue and a nonfunctioning penis, and that affects my spouse. straight girls don't like boobs. its not just "oh im just a guy" or "oh im completely the same as a girl" you'll always be somewhere in no mans land because of your transness, no matter if youre basically a man on estrogen.

its harder to make friends if you're a man with breasts. its also harder to explain yourself. It was easier on me psychologically and spiritually to just... be a guy

also my dysphoria almost completely cleared up when I was no longer obsessing about my gender