This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The user's narrative is complex, internally consistent over time, and reflects the nuanced, painful, and often contradictory feelings common among detransitioners/desisters. The focus on social dysphoria, the conflict between physical comfort on hormones and social discomfort being perceived as male, and the detailed exploration of personal history and relationships are not typical of a scripted persona. The language is natural, with personal anecdotes and emotional weight that align with someone genuinely struggling with their identity and transition.
About me
I was born female and started transitioning because I felt deep physical discomfort and hated the sexual attention I got from men. I took testosterone for over two years and loved the physical changes, like my new muscles and deeper voice. But I realized I still wanted to be seen as a woman by other women and craved a lesbian relationship, hating the social role of being a man. Now I'm stuck, loving my male body but hating how it makes women wary of me and men still see me as female. I'm questioning if I ever truly hated being female or just the pressure that came with it, and I don't know if I will stop hormones.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition has been confusing and deeply tied to how I'm seen by other people. I was born female and I started identifying as transgender (ftm) because I had a lot of physical and social discomfort. I hated my female voice and my face, and I really hated the unwanted sexual attention I got from men, even when I dressed in a very masculine way and bound my chest. I felt like I never fit in with other girls, even butch ones, and I felt fundamentally different.
I took testosterone for over two years. Physically, I really loved the changes. I loved my new muscles, my body shape, and my increased strength, which made me feel safer. I even started to feel okay with my body in a way I hadn't before; I liked what I saw in the mirror. The intense physical dysphoria I used to have about my voice and face faded a lot. I still don't like my genitals, but being on T increased my sex drive and I learned to cope with them for pleasure.
But the social side of things became a huge problem. I realized I still wanted to be seen as a woman by other women, especially since I'm attracted to women and I craved a lesbian relationship. I hate being seen as a straight man; it feels completely wrong. I want an equal partnership, not one where I'm expected to be the dominant pursuer. I started to feel like my original social dysphoria wasn't about hating being a woman, but about hating how women are treated in our society—especially the constant fear of male attention and being seen as an object.
Now, I'm stuck in a hard place. I love my male body physically, but I hate the social role of being a man. I feel like I have to choose between two bad options: being seen as a female and dealing with unwanted male attention, or being seen as a male and having women be wary of me as a potential predator. I can't stand the thought of straight male friends secretly seeing me as a woman or fantasizing about me. I just want to be invisible to men romantically and sexually.
I’ve been questioning if I ever truly hated being female, or if I just hated the pressure and sexualization that comes with it. I wonder if my physical dysphoria would have lessened on its own over time without medical intervention. It's hard to separate my own feelings from society's expectations. I don't really believe in being transgender anymore, but a part of me still feels like I might be one of the few exceptions, which is confusing.
I don't have any serious health complications from taking testosterone, and I'm not sure about my fertility status. My main struggle now is entirely social. I don't know if I will stop HRT. I like the physical benefits for self-defense, but the social cost feels very high. I'm trying to figure out if I can live in a female body again, even though the idea of being seen as female by men is still physically painful to me.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| ? | Before 2017 | Began socially identifying as FTM and started binding. |
| ? | ~2017 | Started taking testosterone (HRT). |
| ? | 2019 | Had been on testosterone for 2+ years. Physical dysphoria lessened, but social dysphoria increased regarding being perceived as male. |
| ? | 2019-2020 | Active questioning and considering detransition due to social pressures and a desire to be seen as a woman by other women. |
Top Comments by /u/Treemebe:
Mate I relate to this so much!!!! I’m trying to decide whether I want to stay on hormones, I want to stay on them for similar reasons (upper body strength and self defense) but I also wish I had a female face/could be seen as female.
I never had anyone shaming me for being a lesbian, butch or not. But I always received a lot of sexual comments from men fetishizing my butch appearance “wow I love girls with short hair/who look boyish”. I just never felt like I fit in with girls (but now I don’t fit in with guys either so like idk)
I sincerely feel like it’d be a million times easier to be a girl dating girls. I hate being seen as a straight man now when I want a more equal, lesbian relationship.
I’ve been struggling a lot bc I know I can either be seen as “predatory” male or “preyed on” female (sorry for the shitty terms lol). If people were equal in society and men weren’t expected to be dominant, confident etc to “get girls” I think I’d be more ok with it. Might just stop HRT so I don’t have to have the weight of male expectations on me but then I’ll have dysphoria so idek??
I like the last part a lot and agree with your post. How did you figure out that you didn’t hate being a woman, just hate being a woman in this society? How can you tell the difference?
Since we’ve p much been told since birth how were all so different and men are more x, y or z... it’s honestly hard to separate if I’m devastated I don’t have a dick bc I truly feel like I should’ve been born with one, or if maybe if I was living in a society where vulvas were “superior” and everyone wanted to have one, I’d be ok with mine?? Idek.
Can you please tell me more either here or PM? I feel the same way seeing any other girls calling themselves “trans” and don’t even believe trans is a real thing anymore while still somehow believing I’m one of the very small percentage who is actually trans. I want to just accept I’m a female tho.
I related with that but felt kinda the opposite- yea it sucked as a butch woman and I couldn’t relate to most other women but that included other butch women, I just felt fundamentally different.
I wish women saw me as a woman but men saw me as a man (I don’t wanna be seen as an option to men AT ALL) but yea...
I kinda do have to fit into a box since I can only really get read as either male or female. Hopefully in the future there won’t be as much of a divide/distinction. But as long as I stay on t I’ll be read as a man and can’t be a lesbian basically :( idk dude it sucks
I honestly feel you and am in a similar place. Over time I just became numb to it and stopped caring so much. I also took hormones but idk if it would’ve just “calmed down” over time anyways. I still hate my generals but feel like I could prob live in a female body again (I’m ftm)
I love my body rn and the effects of T physically but want to be seen as a woman still, since that’s all I’ve had experience with growing up. In an ideal gender free world that wouldn’t be an issue. That’s why I feel like I have to choose between being a guy or girl (or at least being seen as one)
Thank you... idk what I want to be seen as by women I’m interested in.. this whole worlds gender roles are such bullshit. I just know I hate being seen as a “lovely little female to pursue” I don’t wanna be seen as something to fuck, I just wanna be the pursuer. I saw something on Gendercritical saying the term “female” has now become a way to say you want to be a “vessel of someone’s desires” and thinking anyone would see me like that is disgusting.
But I also don’t want to be seen as this predatory male who’s desperate to fuck every girl he sees. I relate to “pursuer/chaser” more than the other way around, but also don’t like that men have absolutely zero value in that way.
I’d rather fit in with men as a man, and fit in with women as a female but I know I can’t have both. Not sure what to make of it... if I go back to living as a girl, I’d prob have to cut off the male friends I have, because being seen as female is physically painful to me.
Basically yeah, I know that but idk what I can do about it. Because women (especially lesbians/gnc women) get targeted and attacked all the time.
Also a lot of my fears aren’t outright violence or sexual assault but just being treated “unfairly”.. like I just wanna be seen as one of the guys not some pussy to worship or obsess over. I wanna be invisible to men (at least sexually/romantically)
By “pursuer” and all that crap I mostly meant like “object of desire” vs person whose objectifying them...
I have little to no body dysphoria anymore but I’m 2+ years on t now. I used to hate my female voice, face etc but what if I would’ve grown out of that no matter what?? I still don’t like my genitals but T and increased sex drive led me to cope with them/use them for pleasure... I have no idea how I’d feel if I stopped T, probably pretty bad tho. I don’t wanna stop because I like my muscles and body shape a lot now.
The befriending gay men is a great idea tho thanks. I don’t befriend many men now because I get worried they’ll think I’m interacting wrong “as a man” idek. I wouldn’t be able to befriend/keep my straight male friends bc even if they’re dating someone, they’d still “”appreciate”” my body too much for my comfort. Only maybe ok if it was a completely asexual male.
Yes I love women and have been craving a lesbian relationship... I can’t stand being seen as a “straight male” who’s expected to pursue or even push women to date me. I really feel like the only thing “redeeming” about men to women is their dicks which I’ll never have...
Being seen as an androgynous woman still is a woman tho. I think a lot of my “social dysphoria” was because men were hitting on me despite me wearing no makeup and dressing like a guy. Even when I bound my chest I got so much male attention.
I feel like the only options are going back to female and receiving that unwanted male attention, or being male and women constantly worried I’m the one who’s gonna give them unwanted attention....
I have NB friends but they’re primarily treated as the gender they look like. The amab NB I know is seen as a dude and is “creepy” and shit, and the afabs are all accepted in all-female groups and treated like a woman minus the pronouns.