This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user expresses a highly specific, nuanced, and emotionally charged internal conflict regarding their transition, detransition, and financial constraints. The narrative is deeply personal, consistent, and reflects the complex, painful, and often contradictory feelings that are common among individuals questioning their transition. The focus on specific, unchanging physical features (hip structure, chest size) and the financial reality of medical procedures adds to the authenticity.
About me
I always felt I was in the wrong body since I was a kid, and therapy couldn't change that. I started testosterone hoping it would make me feel right, and while it helped my voice and hair, it couldn't change my wide hips or large chest. I realized I would never look like a cis man, which is what I truly want. Now I feel completely stuck between living as a woman or spending money on a transition that will never give me the body I need. I'm thinking of stopping testosterone to save for top surgery, hoping that might ease my worst dysphoria.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been a long and confusing one, and I’m still trying to figure it out. I guess it started when I was a really small kid; I’ve always felt like I was in the wrong body. It wasn't just a phase, it was a deep, persistent feeling. My parents even put me in therapy when I was 12 to try and make these feelings go away, but they never did.
I started taking testosterone because I hoped it would finally make my body feel right. In some ways, it did help. My voice got deeper, I grew facial and body hair, and my face changed. For a while, that felt good. It helped with a lot of the dysphoria I had about those specific things. But it didn’t solve the main problem.
The biggest issue for me has always been my body shape. I have really wide hips and a large chest. Even when I was underweight, my thighs had this saddlebag shape and my butt was just wide. Lifting weights probably made my chest look even bigger because the muscles underneath got larger. I was a 34F when I was 18, and they haven't gotten any smaller. Testosterone didn’t change my bone structure or reduce my chest size. It made me pass in public, which was a huge relief, but it didn’t make me look like a cis man, and I knew it never would.
That’s the core of my struggle. I don’t want to be seen as a woman, but I also don’t want to be seen as a trans man. I want to be seen as a cis man, and I know that’s impossible. I’ve looked into bottom surgery, but the high complication and regret rates scare me away. It feels pointless to spend all this money on hormones and potential surgeries when the end result still won’t be the body I truly want. I have debts and bills to pay, and it’s hard to justify the cost for something that only brings minimal comfort.
I feel completely stuck. On one hand, I could stop testosterone, save a lot of money, and just live as a woman. That’s free, and I’d be “normal” in society's eyes, but it feels wrong. On the other hand, I could continue transitioning, spending money I don’t really have, to get a body that still causes me distress because it will never be cis. I’m stuck choosing between two ways to suffer. I don’t regret trying testosterone because it did help in some ways, but I’m seriously questioning if continuing is worth the financial and emotional cost. Right now, I’m thinking about stopping T and just saving up for top surgery, because my body dysphoria is the worst part, and that might help more than hormones can.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Childhood | First remember feeling like I was in the wrong body. |
| 12 | Started therapy, paid for by my parents, to address these feelings. |
| 18 | Chest measurement was a 34F. Started lifting weights, which made chest appear larger. |
| (Age not specified) | Started taking testosterone (T). It deepened my voice and caused facial/body hair growth. |
| (Age not specified) | Realized T wasn't changing my underlying bone structure or chest size. Began seriously questioning my transition. |
| (Current Age) | Considering stopping T to save money and potentially pursue top surgery in the future. |
Top Comments by /u/TrooperJordan:
Thank you for your perspective, It's really helpful to know that other people have struggled with the problem I'm going through. I don't have the most feminine hips but they are much wider than the average males, my thighs do that weird saddle bad thing no matter how much I lift, even when I was medically at a underweight BMI They still did that weird saddlebag thing, and my butt is very wide for some reason. And my chest is just so large, I havnt measured in years but the last time I got measured at 18 I was a 34 F and they haven't gotten smaller even the more I lift, lifting probably actually made it worse cuz the muscles underneath got larger. And I know I don't have the means or capability to change those things.
Yes, I'm uncomfortable being noticed as trans, but also just not having a cis mans body, and knowing I never will. It's starting to seem like a waste of money to spend it on stuff that at the end of the day isn't going to get me what I want. So yes I am questioning my transition because I don't know if it's actually worth it. No, I don't want to live as my birth sex, but I don't want to live as a trans man either, and only one of those costs money to live as. That's why I hoped to find people who experienced what I'm going through (hence posting here and r/ honesttransgender to get POV from both sides) and get their takes on if detransitioning was worth it because yes it's not the body you want, but neither is a trans persons body, it's just cheaper/financially more plausable to live in a cis body.
Youre not being mean, I came here for honest points of view because I've been trying to figure this out for myself for a month. I can't decide between minimal comfort and money costs and just being "normal" for free in societies eyes so I'd figured this is the only place I could find detrans people. I've done so much therapy pre t (my parents we're willing to pay for it then but not now) I know my dysohoria is mostly caused by just being in the wrong body, I've been this way since I was a small child and have been in therapy to try and get it to "go away" since I was 12. I'm just really stuck and have no clue which way I want to suffer
I was aware I wouldn't ever be seen as cis, I just really thought I would be ok with it if I at least got to pass in public. T helped my dysphoria a lot surrounding my face/voice/facial and body hair, but it's just not helping that my body is always going to not pass and I hate it. I don't want to give up what I have but I can't afford to waste money and still be miserable. I'd rather be miserable and have more money available to me.
That's the thing, I don't want to be seen as a woman at all, I want to be seen as a CIS man. Without the means for surgery in the near future that's just not possible for me, and I'll never be seen as cis to the women I date. And it's just super disheartening and makes it hard for me to justify spending the little extra money I do make, on a transition that's not actually helping me pass as cis, when I have debts and bills to pay. Maybe I'll just do what you did and stop T and start saving money for top surgery exclusively. At least my voice will stay deep and I'll get to keep my bottom growth and some body hair. My body dysphoria has always been the worst for me and T isn't helping it at all, top surgery might help more than T can going forward.
Thank you for your perspective, I relate to what you said in the beginning a lot. I KNOW I'm not a cis man and that's really hard. Especially since phallo has such high complication and regret rate I most likely will never get it. I know I will most likely never look at my body and see a resemblance to a cis man's body and that's just hard to justify putting all that money towards something I'm not gonna fully like at the end of the day. But I also don't want to give up passing in public, so I just feel stuck. I've tried coming to terms with being a cis woman and a trans man, and both are just not what I want, one is just free, and the other provides some comfort in my body.