This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's writing is highly personal, nuanced, and emotionally consistent with the experiences of a gender non-conforming woman who desisted from a non-binary identity. The comments reflect deep, complex introspection about gender, trauma, and society, which is not typical of bot behavior. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine harm and stigma faced by this community.
About me
I never fit in with other girls and thought my tomboy nature meant I had a male spirit inside. I identified as non-binary for a year in my late twenties, but it only made my body discomfort worse and felt tied to past trauma. I realized gender is just a set of stereotypes and that altering my body would have been a harmful rejection of myself. I found my peace through weight training, which let me feel like a strong, masculine woman naturally. Now, I see my body as my own and I'm committed to caring for it instead of changing it.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started because I never felt like I fit in with other girls. I was always a tomboy, and from a young age, I related more to men. I felt like I had a male spirit or a male version of myself inside, but it was just me. I didn't have an ideal male body I was trying to achieve; it was more about this internal feeling. Because I couldn't find any strong female figures who were like me, I think I just internalized male figures as the only thing I could relate to.
When identifying as non-binary became more mainstream, it felt like an answer. For a little over a year, when I was in my late twenties, I identified as non-binary in real life. At first, it was a relief. It felt good to openly recognize the weirdness I felt about myself. But that feeling didn't last. Instead of helping my dysphoria, it made it worse. I started to feel more and more uncomfortable in my body and in my interactions with people. I hated having to correct people's pronouns; it felt pointless because people still treated me like a woman anyway.
Looking deeper, I realized a lot of this was tied to trauma and a difficult home life. I think I felt I had to "other" myself in order to be understood. I also started to see how the movement itself was unhealthy. It bothered me a lot seeing other females who were non-binary getting their breasts cut off. My body never did anything wrong to me, and the idea of surgically altering it, especially something like top surgery, really disturbed me. I never wanted to hurt my own body.
I never went on hormones or had any surgeries. I read about the side effects of testosterone on females and it sounded awful. The idea of having facial hair didn't fit me at all. I also have a bit of a complicated relationship with my body. I have breast dysphoria, but not bottom dysphoria; the idea of having a penis and balls swinging around day-to-day is unappealing to me. I will admit I sometimes have a fleeting fantasy, almost like a fetish, about having a dick during sex, but I see that as something separate and I don't want to feed it.
What really helped me was a major shift in my thinking. I realized that gender isn't real. It's all made-up social stereotypes. The idea of being "gender non-conforming" is part of the problem because it reinforces the idea that gender is real in the first place. You can't be non-conforming to something that doesn't exist. I stopped believing in the concept of a soul, and in the same way, I stopped believing in gender. Seeing it this way made me feel free. I'm not a freak or an "other." I'm just a complete person.
I also realized that just because I'm a masculine woman doesn't make me less of a woman. In a way, transitioning would have been reinforcing the patriarchy by saying that to be a certain way, I couldn't be a woman. The world won't change stereotypes by me twisting myself out of them; it will change by people embracing themselves as they are.
A huge part of my healing came from weight training. I was a nationally ranked athlete, but even at my most healthy, I still felt alien in my body. I saw my dysphoria as a "dark passenger"—something I carry with me but isn't me. Feeding it by focusing on transition would only make it stronger, and its appetite would never be satisfied. Getting strong through weight training helped my brain, my metabolism, and made me feel like a more masculine woman naturally, which alleviated a lot of the dysphoria. It was about being a stronger version of me, not about changing into someone else.
I don't have regrets about transitioning because I never medically transitioned. I do have regrets about identifying as non-binary because it intensified my discomfort for a while. I'm glad I desisted. For me, true masculinity, and true femininity, is about being a good person and taking care of yourself. It's about accepting your body and not destroying your health for an unattainable ideal. My body is the only thing I truly own, and I'm not going to consciously harm it.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Was a tomboy, related more to men and male figures. |
| Late 20s (approx. 28) | Started identifying as non-binary in real life. |
| Late 20s (approx. 29) | Stopped identifying as non-binary (desisted). Realized it worsened my dysphoria and was based on trauma and social pressure. |
| Early 30s | Found clarity through weight training and rejecting the concept of gender itself. |
Top Comments by /u/TruthMedicine:
Nearly every single person on the planet hates something about their body. Do you think people who get plastic surgery are really loving themselves?
I think you should ask yourself these questions.
I think sacrificing your health for a lifetime, to feed what may ultimately be an unattainable ideal, a short-lived fantasy and a never-ending chase, is not self-love.
Self-love is accepting your body as you are. Because your health is literally the only thing that anyone really "owns" in this life. Until you don't. So why would you consciously destroy that for a distorted view of yourself?
Lastly:
What are your sexual preferences? Do you want to have a partner? The reason I ask is because if you transition yourself, you may give yourself permanent sexual issues for life (for example, infertility, permanent vaginal issues etc). Not only that, but the resultant potential mental and physical side effects will make it hard for you to find someone. This may be tough love for you to hear but: Most people don't want to date trans people. Are you willing to limit your pool to a very small percentage of people, or just only other trans people? How do you feel about trans peoples bodies? Are you attracted to transmen with top and/or bottom surgery? Are you attracted to transwomen with or without surgery? Its not out of bigotry btw- its just pure fact, that people have a hard time with the altered bodies of trans people, you're limiting your dating pool for life with this decision...and thats also the mental problems that are often co-morbid.... Its hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves.
eta: read up on the side effects of T on biological women btw. Its not pretty
I think things were a bit easier for me because I never was socialized into any group, gay or straight. When you have time alone to reflect, you are able to more easily just accept who you are. However, I had major dysphoria for a while, and even identified as a NB. When I did though, over time I realized it got me no satisfaction.
I realized I wasnt' trans because the trans identity itself is a fabricated identity. There is no trans, just like there is no gender. Like believing in a soul can make you worry about damnation, I don't believe in a soul anymore. You know what I mean?
So a way to think about this too is there really is no such thing as gender non-conforming. Because gender isn't real, there is no such thing as a non-nonreal thing. Do you understand? So even the idea that you are gnc, is a part of the fabrication and it only is used to further box you in. Its all a bunch of made up social stereotypes, that even change if you go to other countries. You are not an "other" of anything or any group. Youre not a freak or outside of anything real. You are complete person, normal and the center of your own existence. Those groups are made up. Like assigning a color to a personality. (Which is literally what gender does too - pink = girl boy = blue.)
Does that help?
I did not want to hurt my own body. My body never did anything wrong to me.
I also realized that just because I'm a gender non conforming woman that doesn't make me not a woman. That's actually reinforcing patriarchy.
The world is not going to change these steretypes if I twist myself out of them like they want. The world is only going to change by people embracing themselves as they are.
Only thing I can think of here is for you to GET STRONK. WEIGHT TRAIN WEIGHT TRAIN WEIGHT TRAIN.
You and I have 6 out of 9 things in common. The only differences being I don't look like a man, I'm not overweight, and I don't mind being misgendered (stuff is amusing to me. I have a thick callus I guess, people used to call me a all the bad names in school, I got over it. ETA: I am a desised NB, IRL I was openly NB, and that felt good for a bit, but I realized I wouldn't even care if I was a he or she. I just never felt very euphoric about pronouns, however I did feel very euphoric a bit for recognizing the weirdness in myself openly but then it didn't last.... )
Oops another difference; the other thing is that; when I see myself in my eye, it not so much an ideal male body, but deep down I almost feel possessed by a male spirit?
I just exist inside very easily as a man and its just a "male version" of myself but nothing changes.
Although I often see an old man inside me which is odd. So I dont have this "ideal male" ken doll that I'm trying to be. Maybe that's something you should explore as to something related to unhealthy expectations of yourself and feeling shame on your body? You might be able to separate the feeling of maleness with an "ideal" maleness. You know what I mean? Those are two different urges.
I often relate to male veterans fyi. Beefy Special Forces dudes, even gramps veterans from vietnam all my adult life have come up to me and asked me where I served just because I give off that kind of aura even in a female body, this is part of why I got called a all the bad names for gay - I have a very female looking body but a very masc aura - even lesbians got mad at me for not picking a side of femme/butch (like why do I have to cut my hair to be butch?). So for a while I thought - should I change by body to fit this?
But I decided not to. That's not where health lies (ETA for me).
I guess for myself I realized "true masculinity" I guess is embracing yourself as you are - and actually "true masculinity" is horseshoe all the way over into true femininity... which is actually nothing at all but being a good person and taking care of yourself....
But anyway, you'll feel loads loads loads loads better if you weight train. You'll be a stronger,you, which will help in all the ways to alleviate the dysphoria. You will also probably lose fat (you might go up in weight actually, but you'll lose fat and gain muscle).
Again, to reiterate, try to separate the feeling of "male energy" or a "male persona" with an unhealthy expecatation of an ideal male body. That will at least reduce the parts of the body dysmorphia which is just related to shame/unhealthy expectations.
Then you can sort out exactly what this male energy is to you AS YOU REALLY ARE.
And GIT STRONK. It will help your brain, help your metabolism, and make you feel like a more "masc" woman naturally, and so alleviate that dysphoria as well.
One thing I will say is I have breast dysphoria but not bottom dysphoria. I don't like the idea of a dick and balls swinging day to day....but I will say that I miiiiiiight have a bit of autoandrophilia (i.e. to fuck with a dick is a bit of a fetish I have - its not a conscious one, it appears in my head from time to time and goes away, I DO NOT want to feed it, its just too weird, I'm okay kinkshaming myself over this.)
Strength training really helps, that is all I really came here to say : )
I wouldn't know if I would be considered fully butch (my hair is not short, but I'm very masc in my behavior/personality, definitely more on the masc side of things) but I just want to tell you I did for a short time identify as non-binary and I stopped. I desisted. So take heart.
So we're out there.
In never went on hormones, but I had really bad dysmorphia. I still have it. I was a nationally ranked athlete and I still found my body alien and weird to me. Imagine being unbelievably healthy but still hating your body.
However, I understand it now much better like a "dark passenger"...something I carry with me, but isn't me. Feeding it only makes it stronger, and its appetite is nevereneding. Its a black hole of misery that will never be satisfied. Trust me on this. I'm in my 30s, you're going to regret fucking up your body.
Do you understand?
Other than that, I'm really sad that you think "I'm never going to date." Your chances may be slim, but they're less slim if you focus on positive rather than feed this "dark passenger."
I honestly might have fallen into it completely had I been born during this time period. The whole gender ideology thing preys on vulnerable people. I had a horrible home life and lots of trauma...but I have no exact proof what caused my issues because I believe its a whole society thing not just my personal family problems.
I was always a tomboy, and society does not have any strong examples of girls like me at all. So its no wonder I internalized a male figure when male figures are all I could relate to.
Seconding this, was an athlete and I would say I'm more on the butch. Only for a short time (like a little more than a year) did I identify irl as non-binary, and I stopped. I was super bothered by how anti-healthy-body the movement is in general. . . all the NB AFAB females were getting their breasts cut off and it really bothered me.
Yeah I think I needed to clarify that's why the edit. I really felt similar to you in that I never related to other women and often felt like a failed woman. But the truth is, I ultimately did not want to transition at all. The idea of cutting my breasts off super bothered me in the end. As well has having facial hair; just like you it didn't fit.
So I identified as a NB and I genuinely thought "this is it, this is what it is" however, instead of helping my dysphoria it MADE IT WORSE after a brief period of relief/joy for "coming out." Instead I felt more and more uncomfortable in my body and in my interactions (hated correcting people actually, and noticed that did not stop people treating me like a woman) and the more I explored it the more I realized there was trauma underneath as well - making me feel I had to "otherise" myself in order to be understood.
I think perhaps I just had a stronger inner feeling of being a dude than you, again, don't know where this comes from - only can guess, but I just can say that the inner dude decided this body is good enough and its a much better path just to be content with yourself and what you have.
Anyway your bullet points actually helped me clarify some of my stuff so that is also why I replied. Thanks! : )
ETA: and one last thing, recognize as well, your every insecurity equals a dollar sign to a doctor - do you really want to feed it and have it be a long lasting issue? What would a "manly man" do to figure their shit out? I can tell you 100% its more affirming to be true to your soul in your actions than to chase a physical ideal that can never be met.
I wonder often if my feeling of being disassociated from femaleness was caused by just how rigid that expectation is. And thus, lacking a female figure I could relate to I had no choice but to relate to men as a child. Thus the persona of a man was created in my minds eye. Because that was all I had to look up to that was "like me."
But the truth is, that does not make me trans. And vice versa, me not wanting to transition doesn't make me cis.
I hate this whole black/white, insane narrative. All of it is extremely cultish to me and I think people like us are the people who ultimately reveal it to be the minefield and confusing place it really is.
Yes, "cis" people can have dysphoria. If you focus on this imaginary gender role, worried about what you are or are not, you can literally self-induce it, I believe. I self-induced myself to be non-binary. When the label came out mainstream I began to question myself until I decided that must be it! I never got diagnosed with it by an expert you know what I mean? (And what would that even look like [shudder] but I digress...)