This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate:
- A consistent, deeply personal narrative of detransition and the process of re-identification.
- Complex, nuanced opinions that evolve slightly over time (e.g., discussing relationships post-surgery in 2024).
- Emotional investment and passion, including frustration with other subreddit users, which aligns with the expected behavior of a genuine user in this space.
- No evidence of scripted, repetitive, or copy-pasted language outside of two moderator-style comments (which could indicate the user is also a mod).
About me
I was born male and my journey started because I felt deep unhappiness and didn't fit the typical male stereotype. I transitioned, taking hormones and having surgery, believing it was my only path to happiness, but the reality of surgery brought permanent complications. I detransitioned when I realized my distress was really about low self-esteem and internalized homophobia, not my gender. Now I live as a gender non-conforming gay man, and I'm finally free because I let go of the idea of gender altogether. While I don't regret the journey, I deeply regret the permanent changes to my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was a long and complicated one, driven by a deep unhappiness that I mistakenly thought changing my body would fix. I was born male, but I never felt like I fit in with the typical ideas of what a man should be. I now see that a lot of my distress was actually a mix of hating puberty's changes, having very low self-esteem, and some internalized homophobia. I was a gay man who was uncomfortable with that, and I thought becoming a woman would be an escape from those feelings.
I transitioned socially and medically, taking hormones and eventually getting bottom surgery. At the time, I was convinced it was the only way to be happy and express my true self. The online communities I was in heavily influenced me, making me feel like medical intervention was the necessary next step. I was in a very vulnerable place, and it felt like permission to finally be myself.
The reality of surgery was nothing like the fantasy. I was not prepared for the common complications, like a complete loss of sensation and other permanent issues. I was sold a dream, but I woke up to a very different physical reality. It’s a serious surgery with high risks that aren't talked about enough. I often ask people now, what will you do if it goes wrong? Because once it's done, it's forever.
After I detransitioned in 2022, my perspective completely changed. I realized that breaking free from the entire concept of gender was what truly freed me. Getting a short haircut and finally embracing being a gay man was liberating. I learned that there are plenty of people in the world who don't care what's between your legs. I found a loving relationship by just being honest about who I am and my history.
I don't regret my journey because it led me to where I am now, but I deeply regret the permanent changes to my body and the loss of my fertility. I believe I attributed a lot of my general sensory and psychological distress to the one thing I could focus on: gender. It was easier to do that than to deal with all the other complex issues underneath.
Now, I live my life as a gender non-conforming man. I wear what I want, which sometimes includes things like jeggings, and I don't care if people see me as a man or a woman. I'm finally comfortable in my own skin, not because I changed my body to match an idea, but because I let go of the idea altogether.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 18 | Started feeling intense discomfort with male puberty and began questioning my gender. |
| 22 | Socially transitioned and began taking estrogen. Heavily influenced by online communities. |
| 27 | Underwent male-to-female bottom surgery (vaginoplasty). |
| 31 | Detransitioned socially and stopped hormones. Realized my distress was more complex than gender. |
| 32 | Began openly identifying as a detransitioned gay man and found a loving relationship. |
Top Comments by /u/TullipR:
Expand on what severe dysphoria means, not just mentally, but physically - in everything. It's easy to attribute everything to this one thing, thats actually easier to do then to deal with the complexities that brought you to feeling this way. It's never just one thing, its many things working together to make someone feel this way.
You realise you will always be setup to hate your body, no matter how much HRT, surgery and exercise you do? there will always be a next level up because your attributing sensory distress with psychological distress.
No wonder you dont feel at home in your body, you've never been allowed to express feminity, and your at the point now where you know thats what you want and to do so you feel you need to medically transition.
Trial acting the way you want to infront of your female friends, they'll accept you.
Personally, from what I've seen I don't see detrans men generally feeling that way. Many embrace their masculinity without much challenge. The group you're describing does exist though, and i think its those who are still looking to justify transition as the only other option to their distress, and are looking for validation of that choice.
Hey, it doesnt matter how long you have or havent been on HRT, the surgery is highly risky and comes with common complications to more severe.
You have to keep in mind that once it's gone, it's gone. You can always come back to this in 1, 2 years or 10 years, but you wont have that option once you go through with it.
Even so, I don't think anyone with healthy functioning organs should be doing this to themselves, including myself. It's crazy looking back at the fact I not only did this but was allowed too do it, i was in such a state and there were times i felt calm, but really I wasn't.
What would you do if it went wrong?
What would you do if you were without sensation forever?
What would you do if you found out that actually this was a big part of your sexuality?
I wish you well friend.
I felt the same to be honest. I desisted in 2022 and thought i was going to just live alone for ever.
Around September last year, I made a hook up account, and just made it clear and upfront on my profile what i was with no fluffed up language and i'll be honest, most guys really don't care.
Sex isnt like it was before surgery, but there is some feeling and now im happy to say ive been in a really loving relationship for a few months now, but it was scary as fuck at first i'll not lie
Certainly is!
I found breaking free from the BS that is gender was the most freeing.
Getting my hait cut short in and embracing the gay side that was always bursting to come out has been liberating. Even if you're not gay you have to understand that there plenty people in the world who really aren't that bothered about whats inbetween your legs, I've certainly found that.
There is most certainly life after, but the important thing for you is to take each day in sections. Just because you have a bad morning, doesn't mean you'll have a bad afternoon or evening.
There is no rush or requirement to start HRT or have more surgeries. I don't know about you but my body has had enough and I'm quite happy to just chill for a few decades.
If you'd like to join the detrans males discord - please inbox me :)
Detransition simply means disengaging from the beliefs that lead us to believe that we are capable of changing our sex.
It's ironic that the narratives around what it is to be a man or a woman have been labeled and categorized.
So what if a dude wants to wear a dress or even look pretty.
Detransition doesn't mean you have to change your appearance or anything, you can live as you please just make sure your health isn't getting destroyed, as well as your mental health too because this entire belief structure lead me to believe that the world wanted me and others dead, but the reality is the biggest risk to trans people is ourselves, and that risk stems from toxic beliefs that in order express ourselves, we must adhere to "being a trans woman" or being a "trans man".
It's all fantasy-driven too, based on an idea rather than a material reality. And that disconnect is what causes people to feel completely disheartened.
As for me, I still wear jeggings if I want too, hell I may even wear a dress from time to time. I have a boyish haircut, dyed hair and piercings - and honestly, i feel great, i don't care if people think I'm a woman or a man, whereas when i was trans I was on guard for any hint or clue that I wasn't passing
My advice to you is to let go of the concept that being a man means you cant express femininity or wear dresses. You can be gender non conforming without putting a label on it
Fourenclosedwalls hit it right, get laser if you like - plenty men and women do it who aren't de/trans, its just a physical comfort thing.
I hate facial hair too, ive met only a few detrans men who like their beards, most just end up lasering/shaving.
It's not uncommon to not be able to experience orgasm post op.
It's common to experience numbness on the crotch area, inside and out.
It's common to experience urethra constriction.
If you go for penile inversion you won't self lubricate, but if you go for colon graft you will at the cost of colon fluid coming out of your front hole (colon fluid smells like shit if you didnt know).
Also high infection rate and you have the pleasure of dealing with medical professionals who have no idea how to treat people who have had this surgery.
You are banking on everything going 100% based on others, but tell me honestly, what will you do if it goes wrong for you? Imagine in your head - say you experienced a Rectovaginal fistula or full prolapse, or perhaps the most common; 0 sensation and permanent nerve damage. What will you do if it goes wrong?
We didn't get here for the love of ourself and high self esteem, if you felt ugly before and during transition you will feel ugly after, but thats not a reflection of truth, just a reflection of your self esteem.
Best of luck
Ping me if you want in the Detrans Males Discord