This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal perspective that aligns with the experiences of a desister (someone who considered or pursued transition but stopped). The user discusses their own childhood envy, internal conflict, and the social pressures that led to their questioning, which is characteristic of genuine, reflective detransitioners. The passion and anger present are consistent with the harm and stigma mentioned in the prompt.
About me
I was a feminine boy who saw the unfairness of sexism and thought becoming a woman was the only way to be accepted. My entire journey was about chasing an image and trying to fit female stereotypes to be seen as pretty. I hit a breaking point when I saw other trans-identified males who were nothing like me, and it shattered the illusion completely. I now see my desire to transition was rooted in internalized homophobia and a deep discomfort with being an effeminate gay man. I've detransitioned and am finally learning to accept myself as the man I am.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a really young kid. I was a boy who was very effeminate, and I noticed very early on that girls and women were treated differently. I saw the unfairness of sexism, both towards them and towards me for not being a "real boy." I kind of just accepted that sexism was a part of life, a game you had to play to win. What I really envied about girls wasn't things they necessarily liked, but the attention they got for being pretty. I knew I wanted to be pretty, while they were often just expected to be it.
By the time I was seven years old, I had already planned out the surgeries I would get to become a woman. I knew even then that it would make me an imitation, not an actual female, and I was okay with that. To me, it was about chasing an image. This feeling continued through my life. I’ve always believed that transitioning is an imitation game that relies completely on sexist stereotypes. You can't be seen as a woman without long hair, specific clothing, and changing your body to fit female stereotypes. It’s all about appearance and signaling.
As I got older and got involved in online communities, I saw other trans women saying you can change your gender but not your sex. That made sense to me, because it matched what I understood as a child. But then I saw things shift, with people starting to insist they had actually changed their sex, which confused me.
A major turning point was seeing certain male criminals who identified as trans women. They were often large, masculine, and didn’t embody any femininity. It made me question everything. If I couldn't honestly see myself as a woman, even though I felt I was much closer to that ideal than they were, then how could I possibly see them as women? I couldn't. It shattered the illusion for me.
My own experience as a gay man has been difficult. My feminine body has made dating hard. Things never felt right being a guy with another guy. There's a joke in the gay community that at 25, you either transition into a woman or into a "real man." I felt that pressure. I saw other effeminate gay men on shows like RuPaul's Drag Race who had partners, and I realized the problem wasn't other gay men, it was me and my own internal conflict. We are sick. We are no different than other guys, but we struggle to move past our femininity.
I don't believe in a "non-binary" category. To me, that concept has always seemed homophobic. It suggests that certain behaviors or feelings make you neither a man nor a woman, which just reinforces the very sexist stereotypes that caused me so much trouble. Historically, societies that had a "third gender" were just assigning effeminate gay men to perform female social roles. Everyone knew they were male. It’s the same thing we do today, just with different labels. It’s all orbiting around sexism.
I don't regret my social transition because it was a process I had to go through to get to this understanding. But I see now that my desire to transition was rooted in internalized homophobia, a discomfort with being an effeminate gay man, and a deep-seated low self-esteem that made me want to escape into a different, more socially acceptable identity. I benefited from finally seeing the reality of the situation, which was a kind of non-affirming therapy in itself.
Here is a timeline of the main events as I remember them:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 7 years old | First planned out surgeries to become a woman, understanding it would make me an imitation of a female. |
| Late Teens / Early 20s | Socially transitioned, living as a woman. |
| 25 years old | Major tipping point: Questioned the validity of my identity after observing the MTF rapist phenomenon and the reliance on stereotypes. |
| Present (Mid-late 20s) | Detransitioned. Realized my transition was driven by internalized homophobia and a desire to escape being an effeminate gay man. |
Top Comments by /u/Twinkyfromhell:
The MTF rapist phenomenon and the fact so few embody any sort of femininity whatsoever was a tipping point for me. If I couldn’t consider myself to actually be a woman, someone who is much closer arguably than these giant rapists, then how could I possibly see them as women? I can’t.
Around 2018-2019 I saw trans women saying we can change our gender, not our sex. The “change your sex” narrative is old school, older than what makes people nowadays insist they have actually changed their sex and not just their gender.
I think at some point, the “sex change” terminology became offensive (likely to trans who didn’t want SRS…), they embraced gender transition over sex change, but I guess we’re swinging back to believing it actually changes our sex again…? I don’t know. Alls I know is I was a 7 year old boy and I knew the surgeries I planned to get would make me an imitation, not a female. I was fine with that.
Actually being trans out in the world relies on gender roles and stereotypes, especially physical “conventional” proportions if you want to pass.
I can’t “be a woman,” or be seen as one, without having long hair. I need multiple cultural signals (clothing, hair, body language, gait) as well and secondary sexual characteristics, to RESIGNAL the opposite sex to others Without clothing and altering the image of one’s body to adhere to averages or stereotypes… it’s impossible.
Societies that had a “third gender” class of citizens (almost always effeminate gay males) usually performed the social roles of a woman. But everybody of course knew they were male, being unable to change sex characteristics. Despite being male they adopted female gender roles, they did what we try to do today, conforming GNC outliers into strict, sexist, gendered categories. There is no “third category” or anything beyond sexism that continues to involve gender, it’s all just orbiting around the elephant in the room.
The concept of nonbinary has always registered as homophobic to me. Recognizing you have feelings that you’re one sex that wants to be the other, often an attempt to conform in a drastic way, is a whole different ball game from thinking x y & z behaviors make you neither a man or a woman. That’s antisocial behavior.
Transitioning cannot exist without sexist stereotypes. It’s an imitation game, I don’t think there’s a way for it to not be sexist. It relies completely on appearance. Without the long hair, short hair dynamic, chasing female and male typical proportions, there is no visible transition. Beyond that, chasing a stereotypical image, it’s all social. I realized very young, what I envied about girls were not things they even liked having themselves. Specifically the endless male attention. I knew I wanted to be pretty, while they were expected to be pretty.
I realized women and girls were subject to unfairness in all shades, aka sexism very young, and myself too being an effeminate boy, so I kind of just accepted sexism as a part of life. It’s the game you play to win, even for normal people. Now that I’m older I see as adults, especially lgbt people, have an upper hand and are given the choice to not engage with that societal game at all.
Extremely similar story here. Due to my feminine body especially, it makes it hard to date. Things just never felt right as a guy with a guy.
We are sick. We are no different than the other guys. Idk how they move past their femininity, but they do.
There’s a running joke in the gay community that at 25, at twink death, you either transition into a woman, or into a real man. I don’t think I can butch it up like that. But seeing all the girls on rupauls drag race with boyfriends or husbands, I’m realizing other gays aren’t the problem, I am.