This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments reflect a nuanced, personal, and emotionally conflicted internal narrative that is highly consistent with genuine desister/detransitioner experiences. The user describes a complex relationship with their body, social roles, and medical history that lacks the simplified, agenda-driven rhetoric often found in inauthentic accounts.
About me
I was born female and started identifying as a transgender man in my early twenties, thinking it was the answer to my deep discomfort with myself. I took testosterone for four years, which initially felt like taking control, but I eventually realized I was running away from my problems instead of solving them. I stopped taking it a few weeks ago and finally feel more connected to my female body. Now, I feel socially stuck because I'm seen as a man but don't identify as one, and the label of "woman" doesn't feel right either. I'm learning to accept myself as I am, and while it's isolating, stopping hormones feels like the right step for me.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition has been complicated and full of confusion. I was born female and I started identifying as a transgender man in my early twenties. I took testosterone for about four years. I think a lot of my initial desire to transition came from a deep discomfort I felt. I never felt like I fit in with other girls and could only ever be friends with the "weird ones" because I was one myself. I didn't know how to be an adult and I thought changing my gender was the answer to my problems. I now see that my problems weren't really about gender at all.
I also really hated my breasts and had a lot of general discomfort with my body, especially through puberty. Taking testosterone felt like a way to finally take control of my body and change it into something I thought would be better. For a while, it did make me feel better. I passed as a man and that felt like a relief at first. But after a few years, it started to feel wrong. I began to feel like I was running away from myself instead of towards myself.
I decided to stop taking testosterone a few weeks ago. Physically, I feel better being off it. I feel more connected to my body now, like I’m not trying to run away from it or control it with injections anymore. It’s a relief to just let my body be what it is. I’m almost okay with having a female body now, which is something I never thought I’d say.
But socially, everything is a nightmare. I pass as a man because of my time on T, so people see me as male. But I don't see myself as a man. I also can't see myself as a woman, either. I feel stuck in between. I know I have a female body, but the social box of "woman" feels like a construct that doesn't fit me. I believe we just have different types of bodies, and the rest is made up by society. I just want to be seen as a human, but that feels impossible. In my country, the language forces you to use male or female forms of words, so I can't even talk about myself without being forced into a category. I can't fit into women's groups because they see me as a man, and I know I can't be a man.
I don’t regret transitioning because I think I needed to go through it to learn who I really am. But I do have regrets about the social consequences. I feel like I have nowhere to go back to. I never was a "woman" in the social sense; I was just a lost child. Now I’m an adult who doesn’t fit anywhere. It’s very isolating. My partner is supportive, which I am grateful for, but it’s still hard for both of us.
I don't think I will have any surgeries. I can't afford them and the laws in my country make it difficult. But now, I also don't think I need them. I am trying to learn to accept myself as I am and be gentle with myself. I’m trying not to perform or be someone I’m not. I’m just starting to find out who I am exactly, and I want to believe that I didn’t ruin my life. Stopping T feels like a good step for me and my body.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 20 | Started identifying as a transgender man (FTM). |
| 20 | Began taking testosterone. |
| 24 | Stopped taking testosterone after 4 years. |
| 24 | Began identifying as detransitioned and working on self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/Unable-Term-5889:
Hi! I'm very sorry that you have to go through a situation like this. I feel the same pretty often. I did transition ftm but recently i realised that I still doesn't see myself as one of men and now I can't hang out with girls because they think I am a man. Although I pass just fine. But this doesn't help at all because I don't feel comfortable with what I have done. Before transitioning I thought I am nothing like other girls and could hang out only with "weird ones" because I was one myself. Also now I understand that I shouldn't transition because my problems were not about gender basically. I just was a child in my 20th and didn't know how to be an adult. And well now I am almost okay with my body. But i think all this "woman" and "man" stuff is a social construct. We just have two types of body. And intersex people. I know that I can't fit in woman's group. I never could. Especially now after transitioning. I can't be a man and I can't be a woman. Social life is a nightmare for me with all these social attributes. I just can't do that. I'm glad I have my partner who is supporting me even though it is not so easy for him either. But that's all. I am in between. Maybe I have to get used to it. That I won't fit in society no matter what I do. At least I am more okay with my body and with my past than it was earlier when I thought I was trans. I am not trans. But I transitioned and have nowhere to go back. Because I never was a woman. I was a child. Noone took me seriously. So now I am something strange. I want to be comfortable with people but it is not an option for me I suppose. It's very sad that your boyfriend reacts this way. I am very sorry to hear that he can't support you in this complicated situation. You can PM me if you want to talk more.
Hi! I have similar thoughts about this. I think I am on my way to accepting my body as it is. A female one. But I wish I could name it something different. Because "female" is a construct. And I see a lot of people here who are okay with social stuff that come with gender or sex. And they seem even start to like it after detransition. And I don't. I know that even though I have a "female" body, I am not a woman. And not a man. I am just human. But it is impossible just to be human in this world. In this society. I know that there are cultures where gender and sex are treated differently than in west one. Some tribes just think that there are people who can carry the baby and who can give the seed. And that is all. Beyond that they are all just humans. Equal humans. I wish I could live in a society like this. I feel good now when i am not on hormones anymore. Although i've been off not for a long time yet. But I feel more connected with my body now. Like I didn't run away from it anymore. And I don't try to control it anymore. It is like it is. And I feel better than when I was on hormones. But I have problems with people around me because gender and sex are so important and crucial for them.
I'm really happy for you. It's so great that you feel more alive. I hope you will feel better and better in your body and with yourself.
Thank you so much for your answer and for the advice. I'll try just to take it easy and do not push myself into anything too fast. Maybe i just need to adjust to this all. Physically and mentally. I learn to accept myself and be gentle. I trying not to be someone i am not. Trying to accept myself as i am. Even if i am just starting to find out who i am exactly. I want to believe that I didn't ruin all. Myself and my life. Maybe i still can do something good for me and my body. Even if it is just stop taking T now.
Hi! I think I have similar experience at some point. But I have stopped taking testosterone few weeks ago. And I can't imagine how I could live as a woman in society. Especially in my country. I consider my body female now, but still look like a man when I have my clothes on. So I would be okay with people considering me a female I suppose. But I don't want to deal with all this gender shit. And I can't talk about myself with female forms of verbs that is inevitable in my country. And for now I don't know how to deal with all this. If you want, you can PM me and we can talk)
I don't have much of advice, but if you like yourself better on T maybe you should continue. If you are not running away from anything and if you feel okay with what your body looks like on T. And yes you can be a woman and still take testosterone. I saw at least one story like this here. She just likes what testosterone gives to her body. So maybe it is your case. If you don't want to detransition, it won't make you happy. More likely it will make things worse. I stopped taking T after 4 years on it. I pass just fine but it just began to feel wrong to me. I have problems with being a woman socially. With what others think I should be and what i should do because of who they see me as. And i still don't know how to be with that. It's like I think I am almost okay with the fact I have female body. I don't want to try to control it with injections anymore. Also I don't think I would be able to have surgeries because of money and laws of the country I live in. And now I think maybe i don't need them. So I am almost okay with my body now but not okay with the social aspects. And I agree with you that gender is real. For most people it is crucial. Gender and gender roles. And life in society is very hard if you don't fit in gender roles. You need to have inner strength and courage to just be there as you are. Without trying to perform something. I hope I will come to this one day. That i will have that much belief in myself and strength. But now I am not even close to that. So I am not sure I could cope with people's reaction to me. So for now I am just stopping T and giving myself and my body some time and see what will happen. Besides I can't change my documents back.