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Reddit user /u/Upstairs-Habit6124's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 21
male
internalised homophobia
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.

The user's narrative is complex, internally consistent, and emotionally nuanced, focusing on personal conflict, social pressures, and the pain of dysphoria. The phrasing is natural, and the reasoning reflects the passionate and difficult realities described by many genuine desisters (someone who stops identifying as trans without having medically transitioned). The user explicitly identifies as a desister who chooses to live as a man despite a persistent desire to be a woman, which is a recognized experience.

About me

I've always felt I was supposed to be a woman, even though I was born male. I tried presenting as a woman, but it made my dysphoria worse because I felt like an imitation, and I was terrified of the social rejection here in Mexico. I realized that for me, transitioning would mean a life of instability and loneliness. So I made a difficult choice to live as a man to have a stable life, even though the desire to be female is still there. It's a painful compromise, but it's the one that allows me to function.

My detransition story

My entire journey with gender has been a long and confusing one, rooted in a deep and painful feeling that I was supposed to be a woman. I was born male, but for as long as I can remember, I have had this powerful desire to be female. This feeling is what I understand as dysphoria, and it's something I still live with today.

I first started exploring these feelings online. I wasn't influenced by friends or any LGBTQ community because I never had any friends like that. My male friends were actually pretty cruel, making horrible jokes about me. This isolation made everything harder. I thought that transitioning was the only way to solve this deep unhappiness. I wanted to take hormones to get a more feminine body, wear dresses and skirts, and wear a full face of makeup. I wanted to look pretty and feminine, not alternative or edgy, just purely feminine.

But I hit a huge wall: the social consequences. I live in Mexico, and the reality here is harsh. I was terrified that if I presented as a trans woman, I wouldn't be able to get a job, that my college professors would treat me worse than my classmates, and that it would destroy my relationship with my parents. Finding a romantic partner was also extremely important to me, and I felt that living as a trans woman would make me feel profoundly lonely. I tried presenting as a woman for a while, but it only made my dysphoria worse because it highlighted everything I felt I was lacking; I felt like I could never truly achieve being a woman, only a bad imitation, and that was devastating.

I also had to be honest with myself about dating. The idea of dating someone while hiding my past felt wrong. I would always be terrified of them finding out, and it wouldn't be fair to them. I've met girls who liked me even when they knew me as a trans woman first, but I wasn't in a good place for a relationship then.

After a lot of struggle, I made a difficult compromise with myself. I realized that I can't have everything in life. I decided that I would be happier overall living as a man, even though I still have the desire to be a woman. I am exchanging a life where I might have less dysphoria for a life that is more stable socially, financially, and romantically. It means I have to live with this dysphoria, but it saves me from a lot of other pain. I don't like the idea of being a feminine man; that feels just as frustrating because it's not the same as being a woman. So I live as a fairly typical man, but inside, the wish remains.

I don't regret exploring transition because I needed to understand myself. But I don't regret stopping either. It was the right choice for my life and my situation. My thoughts on gender are that it's a very personal and often painful struggle, and the right path isn't the same for everyone. For me, the social reality made living as a trans woman impossible, so I chose a different way to find a life I could manage.

Age Event
(Teen Years) First started feeling a strong desire to be a woman and began exploring these feelings online.
20 Experimented with presenting as a woman but stopped because it increased feelings of dysphoria and social anxiety.
21 Made the decision to live as a man while internally managing the ongoing desire to be a woman.

Top Comments by /u/Upstairs-Habit6124:

5 comments • Posting since December 28, 2023
Reddit user Upstairs-Habit6124 (detrans male) explains his decision to detransition, stating he is happier living as a man who wants to be a woman than trying to be one, as he felt he could never truly achieve it and it caused him dysphoria.
42 pointsDec 28, 2023
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I don't like the idea of being a feminine man, I just want to be a woman. Presenting as a woman made me dysphoric because I felt like I could never achieve to actually be a woman. I still have the desire to be a woman, yet I think that I'm just happier living as a man who wants to be a woman than to actually try being one. I can't have everything in life, I'm exchanging a socially, financially and romantically happier life with the perk of having to live with my dysphoria.

Sorry for the phrasing, I'm Mexican, my English is not perfect.

Reddit user Upstairs-Habit6124 (detrans male) explains why he believes hiding a past trans identity from a date is terrible advice, arguing it would cause constant anxiety and is unnecessary.
23 pointsJul 28, 2024
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Sorry but that sounds like terrible advice. I've met girls that liked me even after they knew me as a trans woman first lol, I just wasn't ready to have a relationship. I don't think that just outright denying it would work that well, especially since I'd always be worried about her finding out somehow.

Reddit user Upstairs-Habit6124 (detrans male) explains the social and personal pressures behind their desire to transition, citing job prospects, academic bias, family relationships, and a deep-seated aversion to feeling like a feminine man.
17 pointsDec 29, 2023
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Yes, it matters because I won't get a job and my college professors will treat me worse than my classmates. Also I like to have a relationship with my parents. Finally, I don't like to feel like a feminine man, I want to be a woman. Adhering myself to what I would classify as femininity will only frustrate me.

Reddit user Upstairs-Habit6124 (detrans male) explains his experience with dysphoria and lack of support, stating he still wants to be a woman and made his post to avoid hurting potential dates.
4 pointsJul 28, 2024
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I never had LGBTQ friends. I genuinely suffered (and still suffer) from dysphoria. I want to be a woman. My male friends aren't even that supportive, they usually make jokes about me being a transvs**t. So... I guess it's what you would call "normal"?

I just made this post because I don't want to hurt girls I date.

Reddit user Upstairs-Habit6124 (detrans male) explains his desire for extreme femininity, including HRT and dresses, but his decision not to transition due to social difficulty and romantic loneliness.
3 pointsJan 9, 2024
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I mean.. but HOW feminine can a man be? I would like to dress extremely fem, probably dresses, skirts, tops, full face of makeup (not in an alt way, but like in a feminine, pretty way), nails, long hair, probably even take hrt so my body looks more feminine. I just won't make it because it's very difficult socially. I felt really lonely romantically and, even though I know it's wrong, it was very important for me to find a partner.

It's not women's fault, everyone can choose who to date or not, but I somehow understand why men choose to distance masculinity from any GNC aspect.