This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, there are no serious red flags suggesting this account is inauthentic.
The user's posts are highly detailed, emotionally nuanced, and show a consistent, evolving personal narrative over time. They offer specific, practical advice drawn from their own experiences (e.g., medical details, timelines, emotional struggles) that would be difficult to fabricate consistently. The account displays a complex internal dialogue, including self-doubt and reflection, which is typical of a genuine person navigating a difficult experience. The passion and criticism expressed are consistent with the stated context of someone who feels harmed by their transition experience.
About me
I was a very mentally unwell teenager when I started testosterone at 13. My other heavy medications made it hard to think clearly, and I now see my obsession with gender was a compulsion. I stopped hormones at 16, and detransitioning was the most freeing decision that actually lessened my dysphoria. I’ve accepted that I am a woman, even though I sometimes wish I’d been born a man. I don't regret my past because it helped me learn who I truly am.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young. I was a teenager, just 13 years old, when I started taking testosterone. I was on it for about two and a half years and stopped just before I turned 16. Now I'm 18 and living as a woman again.
Looking back, I was a really mentally unwell kid. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADHD, and I was put on a lot of heavy medications—Adderall, an antidepressant, and even an antipsychotic. I think those medications made it hard for me to think clearly about the consequences of medical transition. They numbed me out and dumbed me down. I’m really disappointed with the mental health and gender care systems that allowed me, a severely mentally ill minor, to be cleared for hormones.
I’ve also been professionally diagnosed with OCD, and I’ve come to realize that a lot of my obsessive thinking about gender was a compulsion. I would spend hours spiraling on forums, reading the same posts over and over, just seeking reassurance. I only recently realized that this was a compulsion because I noticed I always felt worse after doing it. I think for me, transition became an odd coping mechanism, especially when something traumatic happened. The feelings of wanting to be a man would come back in waves.
I never had top surgery, but I thought about it a lot. I used to bind my chest from a young age because I hated my breasts. Even now, as a woman, the idea of top surgery still sometimes appeals to me, but I don't regret putting it off. I've come to believe that if you have doubts about a permanent body modification, it's better to wait. Regretting putting it off is a lot less life-changing than regretting doing it.
My experience on testosterone was mixed. I passed as a guy really easily, even before starting hormones, and I fit in socially with other guys. But being perceived as a man also showed me how hard it can be to be a guy. There's a lack of support for men's emotions, and it's a different kind of struggle. I also experienced what I think was mania while on testosterone, but it's hard to know what caused it because of all the other medications I was on.
When I decided to detransition at 16, it was the most freeing thing for me. Surprisingly, it lessened my gender dysphoria more than transitioning did. Now, the dysphoria comes in waves instead of being a constant, all-encompassing feeling. I see myself as a cis woman who experiences gender dysphoria. I don't consider myself trans because, for me, being trans means actively transitioning. I just wish I had been born a guy, but I've accepted that I'm a woman.
I don't regret my transition that much because it was an important part of my development. I wouldn't have made the realizations I have without going through it. I have a deep voice from testosterone, and I'm okay with that. I enjoy expressing both masculine and feminine sides of myself. Being a woman isn't about presentation; I'm me, and that's a woman.
Physically, detransition has been a slow process. It took over six months after stopping testosterone to even start seeing changes, like my period returning. My breasts, which were always small, actually went up a cup size or two after I stopped. I've retained a lot of the muscle I gained on T, which is a permanent change. I took a birth control pill called norethindrone for a few years that completely stopped my periods, which helped a lot.
I've struggled with the idea that I needed to be a man to be successful, especially since I'm going into engineering. It's hard to imagine myself in that field as a woman, even though I know I can do it. I'm hoping to find a female mentor to show me it's okay.
My thoughts on gender now are heavily influenced by seeing how society views masculinity and femininity. There's a idea that manliness is good and desired, while femininity is seen as weak. This hurts everyone—it's why men aren't allowed to be feminine. I think tackling both misogyny and the pressures on men is really important.
I've been fortunate in my relationships. The last guy I dated didn't care about my history at all; he initially had a crush on me thinking I was a gay man. It showed me that there are people out there who will love you for who you are, regardless of your past.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 13-16 | Was on testosterone therapy. |
| 15 | Was also on Adderall, an antidepressant, and an antipsychotic. |
| 16 | Stopped testosterone. Began detransition. |
| 16-17 | Period returned about 6 months after stopping T. |
| 18 | Present day, living as a woman. |
Top Comments by /u/UsualRaisin3939:
I am not even close to your scenario and I don't have a lot of advice, but I hear you and I feel for you x100. I know there are some detrans women in this group who have also been through many surgeries like you, and I hope they can comment some helpful insight on how they dealt with it.
I started out feeling very similar to you when I realized I might be detrans. I realized at 16 after 2+ years of testosterone, and I felt COMPLETELY hopeless. To make matters worse, I would swing wildly between being very happy as a transguy to feeling such deep regret and despair about my scenario that I would be suicidal. Unfortunately, I believe once you start feeling this kind of regret, you can't stay happy as a transguy forever. It's the beginning of a snowball. I still sometimes feel massive amounts of regret and despair, and even sometimes dysphoria and an urge to retransition. However, learning to cope with these feelings and recognizing the patterns from experiencing this kind of swing of emotions for so long has made coping with this a lot easier.
I believe from what I remember from reading other scenarios, you will have to learn acceptance of where you are. There is hope for you. It's just going to be a very difficult journey for you. Detransition and prioritizing your health is always worth it. You can't undo what you did, but you can prevent complications and be healthier.
because in general society, manliness is good and desired while femininity is weak and regressive. therefore, a woman can be feminine because that’s expected, and being masculine is like “leveling up”, however a man being feminine is seen as regressive and weak.
it’s not true, but that’s why. a major person i look up to as an 18 year old detrans woman is a feminine straight devout christian 30 year old man. everyone thinks he is gay at first. but he is one of the most introspective, respectful, and thoughtful people i know.
being feminine isn’t bad. it’s just a byproduct how general society looks down on women.
depends on what you think being trans means. does it mean transsexual aka medically transitioning means you’re trans? does it mean having gender dysphoria? does it mean thinking you’re a boy inside despite what you were born as? the word trans has a broad spectrum of meanings for a lot of people. for me, trans means someone who is actively transitioning to another gender. be it socially or medically.
i have gender dysphoria. i wish pretty often to have been born a guy. i’m someone who had no/minimal health issues on T, passed before T, was always interpreted as a cis guy even before T, i fit right in as a guy. but i didnt like being medicalized, and on top of that the idea of the whole “trans ideology” that people often repeat doesn’t fit my own internal moral structure. detransitioning is genuinely the most freeing thing for me and it has actually lessened my dysphoria more than transitioning did, funnily enough. now it just comes in waves and then subsides, rather than just being a 24/7 all-encompassing feeling. i dont consider myself trans despite all this. i am a cis woman with gender dysphoria.
curious to hear more about your thoughts. why do you think you are trans? not here to sway you either way, that’s for you to decide. just want to hear more.
I truly thing it's a way to seek reassurance in an OCD-type way. It's not healthy. I know I am stuck in a cycle. I've spent many hours spiraling on this forum and pro-trans subreddits reading the same posts over and over, I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of it except just agreement with whatever my mental state is at the time.
I'm trying to get out of it.
I'm professionally diagnosed OCD and in the OCD subreddits you can see similar patterns of behavior.
all the “surface-level” diagnoses that have been pretty de-stigmatized lately (not completely) such as depression and anxiety have become way over diagnosed as well. everyone gets diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and it’s a mixture of our broken society and the criteria being watered down. a lot of people get this diagnosis and then think it’s unchangable without medication and expensive therapy when in reality they’re not experiencing true MDD or an anxiety disorder in the first place.
also to add:
even though this is a byproduct of society looking down on women, it ultimately effects men a ton as well. hence how men aren’t allowed to be feminine. misogyny leads to misandry, which is why tackling both at the same time is so important in my opinion.
small lesson on muscles i learned a while ago, so i might be wrong, but once you gain muscle it’s like your body has the blueprint for it and it becomes easier to gain said muscle again after you lose it.
but yes i’m definitely a lot stronger than i was pre-T, even though i only worked out during the first year on T and i no longer lift a year off of it. ive retained all muscle ive gained somehow. you are technically at an advantage compared to women who have never used T, but that does not discredit your work, especially now that you’re no longer on it. making gains past what you achieved on T will be as difficult as it is for women who have never used T, so it just might be harder to see improvements once you hit that again.
Yep. This is the answer I would've come up with for this question, too.
Being a woman sucks for various reasons, hence women transitioning to escape these realities, but there is a lot of support and content that caters to accepting womanhood.
For men? Not so much. I was fortunate (and unfortunate) enough to pass as a cis man for the entirety of my teenager years, and like you said, being a male sucks in ways that I have yet to get any of my non-transitioned female friends to grasp. And there is no support.
I feel lucky to have had women waiting for me with open arms to help me learn to navigate life as a woman. If a cis man was told the same thing, it would be toxic masculinity.
this was very very heartwarming to read :) im happy for you!
the last guy i dated also did not care for my history of transitioning/detransitioning, even though testosterone affected me enough that i still get mistaken for a cis man. in fact, at first he had a crush on me thinking i was a gay man. for other reasons it did not work out, but believe me, there are many many guys out there that will love you despite your history of gender.
hey! proud of you for thinking for yourself and not immediately listening to your therapist. my experience was similar, therapists telling me i should continue hormones when i didnt want it, and they would even tell me i was nonbinary instead of a transman. its scary because i thought i was the one supposed to be coming up with my identity? why am i being told what i am?
i also experienced mania on testosterone. however, i was on a plethora of psychiatric medication when i was on testosterone. who the hell knows what was causing it? i still experience psychosis that i attribute to my history of substance abuse, testosterone usage/transition journey in general, and the medications i was fed when i was so young.
im just going to let your know, if you ever thought you were ftm then chances are that those feelings will likely come back. multiple times, maybe. keep up this account or write down somewhere the thoughts you are feeling right now. it will help anytime you might be experiencing these feelings again. for me, its whenever something even mildly traumatic happens to me; ive realized transition is an odd coping mechanism.
im glad you seem to be in a better place :)