This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal Investment: The user engages in nuanced, multi-paragraph advice and analysis, which is atypical for simple bots.
- Internal Consistency: Their views on community dynamics, fear tactics, and personal identity are consistent across different posts.
- Plausible Perspective: The tone of being "pissed off" about community stigma and offering practical advice to questioning individuals aligns with a genuine desister/detransitioner perspective.
The account shows the passion and critical stance toward certain LGBT community aspects that is common among genuine members of the /r/detrans community.
About me
I started transitioning at 19 because I hated my female body and thought becoming a man was the only escape. I took testosterone and had top surgery, believing it would finally make me feel at home. Instead, I felt just as disconnected and realized my drive to transition was really about running from myself and internalized homophobia. I began to detransition at 24 and learned to just be me without filtering everything through a gender lens. Now I'm learning to be comfortable as a woman, but I live with the profound grief of my permanent surgeries and infertility.
My detransition story
My journey with transition started when I was 19. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially during and after puberty. I hated my breasts and felt a strong sense of wrongness about developing a more feminine shape. I now believe this was a mix of body dysmorphia and the general awkwardness everyone feels during that time, but it felt incredibly intense and specific to me then.
I spent a lot of time online, and I was heavily influenced by the communities I found there. I started identifying as non-binary first, as it felt like a less intimidating step. But the more time I spent in those online spaces, the more the idea of being a trans man seemed like the only real solution to my deep-seated discomfort. It felt like an escape from being a woman, from all the expectations and the body I hated. My low self-esteem and depression made me latch onto this new identity as a source of hope.
I socially transitioned for a few years, using a new name and pronouns. The initial feeling was one of relief; it felt like I had finally solved the puzzle. But that feeling was temporary. I started testosterone when I was 22. I was on it for about a year and a half. I got top surgery shortly after starting hormones. I thought these medical steps would finally make me feel at home in my body.
They didn't. Instead, I started to feel just as disconnected as before, but in a new way. The changes from testosterone felt just as foreign as my original body. I began to realize that a lot of my drive to transition wasn't about a true, internal sense of being male. It was about escapism. It was about trying to run away from myself, from my past, and from the parts of being a woman I found difficult. I had internalized some negative views about what it meant to be a lesbian, which I now recognize as internalized homophobia, and I think that played a part in my desire to become a man.
I started to detransition around age 24. It was a slow process of questioning everything. I had to step back from the online communities that had such a strong influence on me. I started to see how some aspects of the community I was in felt almost religious, with its own strict rules and dogma. You weren't allowed to question things without being shunned or called names like "TERF," which seems to just be a fear tactic to keep people in line. Letting go of the fear of those labels was a big step for me.
I benefited greatly from therapy that wasn't just about affirming my gender identity but allowed me to explore the roots of my discomfort. I had to learn to just be without constantly filtering everything through a gender lens. I gave myself permission to do what felt natural for a month—speak in my natural voice, wear what I wanted, without worrying if it was "masculine" or "feminine." At the end of that, I felt more like me than I ever had while trying to be a man.
I don't regret my transition in the sense that I needed to walk that path to get to where I am now. It was a necessary, though painful, lesson. But I do regret the permanent changes. I regret my top surgery. I am now infertile, and that is a profound loss that I have to live with. My body is permanently altered, and that is a source of grief.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social concept that can be helpful for some, but for me, it became a box that I trapped myself in. I'm just a person now. I'm a woman, but that doesn't mean I have to fit into a specific stereotype. I'm learning to be comfortable with that.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Began identifying as non-binary and was heavily influenced by online communities. Started social transition. |
| 22 | Started testosterone. |
| 22 | Underwent top surgery. |
| 24 | Began to detransition after realizing it was a form of escapism and not the right path for me. Stopped testosterone. |
Top Comments by /u/Valalias:
Not ROOTED in religion, but "organized" like a religion. Not neccessarily a monotheistic or theistic religion at all. I'd even go as far as to say the generalized "lgbt...etc. community" as a whole, falls into this. It can also be related to "the party" in '1984'... there is no religion but the worship of the party.... or in this case, worship of the community. The followers must adhere to its ever changing rules, believe the ever evolving ideology and shun the wrong-thinkers and proclaim the heretics (those who do not believe the same as them). Those who ask dangerous questions are silenced and cut off, or "reeducated"... and then you get to sects.... bi-bashing, different groups saying one group or the other doesnt belong in the community, one group or the other proclaiming old beliefs to be wrong... like the ever expanding sects of Christianity.... christians, catholics, mormons, jehova witness etc.
Humans are tribal, and it seaps into every fascette of their lives.
What will happen if someone calls you a terf? Like.... really.... will the people who truly know you and enjoy you suddenly hate you and never talk to you again without asking what's up? Or will you have some arbitrary label only applicable on some specific peopls social media. Gotta just let things like thay go. Like the others have said in this thread, it's a fear tactic to keep you in line and say what they want you to say. I have seen so many non radical feminists labeled terfs its hilarious. The term has no real meaning.
Example: last week someone made a post here asking "what we would say to someone who is transitioning blah blah" and even with all the positive things that were said, they took the few times they were downvoted, and a few people presenting hypothesis, and deemed the entire sub toxic, and posted a in three other subs about how toxic this sub is.
I just... could not care less about someone being butthurt, ignorant and lashing out with petty name calling like "trans ex rad fem"... im not even radical enough about anything for this to apply to me to begin with.... and omg if they are trans exclusionary, they probably wont give af if someone who's trans is complaining about it.
Sorry, you say you distance yourself from many things lgbt, but your entire account is filled top to bottom with trans related subs, topics and conversations? Do you not think that constantly being in trans spaces and conversations can be considered close to the lgbt topic?
At what points do you give up? What do you receive while identifying as feminine that you dont when you present masculine? Are you feeling boxed up emotionally? Socially? Expressionally? Do you feel you dont have a place when you are a man? As if, since you've been transitioned for so long, you no longer fit? Men and women both have their struggles, they both have their circles as well though, its up to us to find or build circles that fit us best, even when its so hard to do these days. I would say, dont try to "convince yourself" but rather just do exactly what you want to do for a month, and see who or where you are at the end, so, for example... if you're tired of modifying your voice, and just want to speak in a tone thats natural to your body, do so. Tired of dressing a certain way, or want to dress a certain way, do so. Tired of a certain hairstyle? Change it. Want to do an activity, do it. Just, do things that feel right and natural for you, without thinking of the gender thats socially assigned to that given thing, and then think at the end of what you did, how you felt and if you need to stay transitioned to do what actually makes you happy.
Iirc, the entire label was created as a joke at first, but had a moment of "wait a minute, why are you upset that i am designating my specific sexuality and demonizing it" and really picked up popularity/ traction when there was so much lgbt-extended backlash.
Many people like to measure odds, some may have started transitioning but didnt go far enough to not turn back and be comfortable calling themselves medically detransitioned. Some socially transitioned and realized it wasnt the path for them and detransitioned before they altered their bodies.