I have realized im not trans and decided to detransition. In my case, i didnt take hormones for a long time, so i hope there are no long term irreversible effects. I realized taking hormones was too radical. Its only been a couple of weeks, but i know i have made the right choice.

It was already hard for me to start and actually keep to it, because i had a very deep and varied religious upbringing, being in contact with people from different religions,and having had some "spiritual education" in a way, since i was a student at a buddhist school for like 3 years.(18-21 years old). I did a lot of very deep meditation durig that time. I stoped going to this school because i started university, but i always retained a lot of what i had learned. So in a way , i already had a lot of doubt and shame about it, that i falsely atributed to "transphobia" or something similar, but i later realized that there were several disadvantages that came with actually transitioning, that were so in an objective way. Like infertility, for example. I already felt deep down in ny heart that it wasnt a good choice, and i was making a mistake. Eventually a realized that of i kept transitioning, it just meant setting myself up for failure. Not failure in a social way, but in a spiritual way. I knew that (for me personally)the main motivations for my transition were hiding behind my own lust and pride and desire for selfish beauty, and to run away from things i didnt like. I realized that i didnt want or need to change my name, my identity, or be recognized as a woman. Eventually i just realized that i didnt want any of that and there was no reson to continue hormone treatment. I can still wear my hair as long as i like, or a bit of a fem look , or date whoever i want, i dont need hormones for that. and the biggest reason is that deep down i do want a traditional family with kids of my own, preferably more than 2. And i want to come back to my religious practices and teachings, and being trans kind of makes it a bit harder, because being and initiate at the level i was, i would be expected to have a traditional marriage. Even when i was transitioning, i knew i wanted to marry a woman anyway. I still have to tell my doctor, because she hasnt heard the news yet, but i have made my decision.

It was a conflict inside me, mainly spiritual/religious reasons. I realized deep down that on one hand id never really be a woman, just a feminized male , a human that just LOOKS like a woman, phisically. Thats it. I knew deep down that it was something that only a certain part of me wanted. Only the lust/pride parts of my ego/self , where the ones that wanted to do this. During deep meditation and prayer i realized that this wasnt my hearts desire. Also, in kabalah (mystical jewish teachings , which i studied for 2 years) i was taught that my sexual energy is absolutely essential for my spiritual development and progress. And that meant living in a monogamous relationship with a wife or girlfriend. I remembered that is what i wanted in the past , in my late teens and early twenties, before i strayed off the path, before i stoped my spiritual/religious education and started goin to university, where i started drinking and doing drugs, eventually selling drugs and becomig addicted, and thats when i started having super lustful thoughts and watching porn . I remembered having some gay thoughts , and i said fuck it, me and my ex gf and some friends all went to a gay bar(she also wanted to see if she like girls or not) so being there i danced and kissed with different men, and liked it a little ,.(the lustful side of me) but i felt horrible inside , felt really uncofortable in my soul and felt like i was doing something horrible and against GOD. So i think that the trans thing started as and idea that maybe i just wasnt gay or bisexual, i foolishly thought that maybe i was trans and if i "transitioned" , i wouldnt feel like i was doing sonething so bad. I wanted to transition and live with a girlfriend and be with a guy every now and then. Being addicted to heroin for several years meant that i was lost had strayed away from my heart and soul and couldnt listen to what my soul wanted . By the time i was on hormones and my body started changing, i had been getting better and off the drugs and living clean (not counting weed lol) and i did some meditation and prayer again and realized i was doing a terrible mistake.it was like being awakened suddenly,.confusing at first, but I realized what i yearned for in my soul, deep down, was to go back to my teachings and spiritual development,and to have a loving girlfriend or wife and live a healthy life, phisically and spiritually, without drugs and so on. And for the spiritual development part, sex and love were very important. So basically i went through a phase of spiritual awakening, and knew i could be a good man and, finish my degree and have a succesful career and a loving wife and a family and develop a better relationship with others, myself and with GOD.

Sorry for the long post but this is what i went through, all in like 3 days, just about a year ago. So I just stopped taking the hormones, called my doctor and said id stop. Not had a tiny bit of regret since then, i know it is the right choice.

I didnt mention it but im studying medicine. I had to interrupt my degree because i got kicked out of the catholic school/university i went to, because my performance went from normal/average, to failing more than half the subjects i took that semester... That happened in 2016, and in 2018, i went back to university, but i had to go to a diferent school and kind of,.pick up from the level i left the degree on the first school.r. All of this happened because heroin took over my life and everything went to shit. Not just my school, my business, savings, relationship with my family, with friends, etc, my life went to shit. That was during late 2015 and 2016. In 2017 i found the only methadone clinic here in mexico city and started going there , but i didnt really use it correctly, amd i kept on using on &off. It wasnt until late 2018 that i really becames comitted to getting better, and stoped using dope. I only used methadone for some time and at the end of 2019 i was clean in 2020 i was doing fine but covid happened and during the lockdowns, i had a couple relapses, but which i got under control. So during 2020 and 2021, just getting off the dope, with lockdowns, stress from school and so on, i was very lonely and confused, emotionally vulnerable (because i was startin to FEEL my emotions after years of having them dumbed down or turned off, cause of the heroin i was addicted to ...) so i wa stressed, lonely, confused, sad, etc, and thats precisely the time i got the idea of maybe becoming trans. So thats when it started, in august 2021. By october, i took estrogen, one baggie which i had to apply every 12 hours, i would rubb it in my thighs. Plus one Lupron injection every 3 months. That7au was very expensive. I stopped after 7 months. In t‐⅞6⁸otal it was 9 months. 2 of scaling up the dosage and 7 with complete dose. Im glad i stoped.in time.before the effects became too visible. I have super small breasts, barely noticeable. They look like normal overweight man boobs, but even uf i drop the weight, theyre still there. I dont think ill do anything about that, since they don bother me and are barely visible. But i am going to become strong to cover the area with muscle. I used to have a big mustache and i lasered off a portion of it, i wish i could recover it. My beard suffered less damage, but its not the same it was my testicles did ⁸reduce slightly in size, which is good because i had a couple of enlarged veins that were causing me discomfort a bit of pain from time to time, now they feel.complete⁵ely normal. Gaining the muscle i lost is proving a bit harder than i thought, but ill make it.

I agree with you pretty much on everything. Im 32, male, fell into the trans trap and took hormones for 7 months, its been a year since i stoped. I feel ok most of the time, still tryin to get over the hormones effect. Hope youre doing well and getting better.