This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user shares detailed, personal, and emotionally consistent experiences with dysphoria, transition, detransition, and mental health (specifically BPD). The language is natural, passionate, and includes personal updates and reflections over several months, which is not typical of bot behavior. The account exhibits the expected passion and anger towards the medical system and the challenges of detransition.
About me
I'm a male who suddenly became obsessed with becoming a woman in my early twenties, which felt like a destructive form of OCD. I medically transitioned for two years, but the drugs made me a sick, lethargic shut-in and caused serious nerve damage. I realized my desire to transition was deeply tied to my Borderline Personality Disorder and was a self-destructive habit. I stopped everything to regain my mind-body connection, and my energy and old interests returned as my body recovered. I've chosen to live with my dysphoria and am now building a happy life focused on things like fishing and being present again.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started in my early twenties. I never had any feelings about being the opposite sex when I was a kid. It hit me suddenly, and it hit me hard. I became completely obsessed with the idea of being a woman. For two years, my life was consumed by constant, obsessive thoughts about gender. I couldn't think about anything else. It was like a form of OCD, where I was just beating myself up trying to find the right answer, first about whether I was "truly trans," and then later, about whether trying to treat my dysphoria was worth all the risks.
I ended up starting a medical transition. I was on estrogen and anti-androgens for two years. I did like some of the aesthetic changes from the estrogen, but the side effects from the anti-androgens were brutal. They made me incredibly lethargic and anhedonic; I couldn't stay awake and I lost all my joy and interest in my hobbies. I became a shut-in, completely disconnected from my body and the real world. My physical health deteriorated badly. I developed serious nerve issues that required surgery on my arm, and I was terrified of other potential health complications like blood clots, heart problems, and spine issues. I even experienced things like ejaculating blood.
A big part of my decision to detransition was this deep desire to get back that mind-body connection. I wanted to return to my body, to be present in the moment, and to just live my life. I realized that I didn't want to spend my life focused on changing my body. I saw that transitioning wasn't necessary for happiness and might even be detrimental to it. I wanted freedom from the whole process.
I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I see now that a lot of my desire to transition was tied to that. My BPD was a major trigger for my obsessive thoughts and my self-destructive habits. Stopping my medication was a huge step. Almost immediately, I felt more like myself again. I could stay awake, my energy started to return, and my old interests came back as my natural testosterone levels began to recover. It felt like I was becoming a person again.
I don't believe that having gender dysphoria means you automatically have to change your body. I feel my fate should be in my own hands. The dysphoria hurts, and it changes you, but it doesn't have to dictate your whole life, your whole identity, or your whole body. You get to choose if you want to live with it or try to treat it. For me, I found that I was going to live with it either way, and trying to treat it medically caused more harm than good.
I do have regrets about transitioning. I regret the permanent physical damage it did to my body and the years I lost to obsession and poor health. I'm now facing potential infertility, which is a hard thing to accept. My views have changed a lot through this process. I benefited greatly from non-gender-related therapy, where I focused on mindfulness, meditation, and getting back in touch with my body. That was far more helpful than anything else.
I just want to be a person and have a life. I'm focusing on things that make me happy now, like exercising, fishing with my dad, and just going outside again. I'm learning to deal with the parts of myself I used to hate, like my body hair or my receding hairline. I'm choosing to live with my dysphoria and build a life in spite of it.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 23 | First experienced rapid-onset gender dysphoria and obsessive thoughts. |
| 23 | Started medical transition (Estrogen and anti-androgens). |
| 25 | Stopped anti-androgens due to severe side effects (lethargy, anhedonia, nerve damage). |
| 25 | Detransitioned, stopping all hormones to allow my body to recover. |
| 25 | Underwent surgery for nerve issues exacerbated by estrogen. |
Top Comments by /u/ValidVanity:
Yeah, I've been reading r/detrans for 2 years, and I have some comment history.
This is a link to my Twitter post about it:
https://twitter.com/CryptoCluniac/status/1454557662176235522
Sorry I caused some worry, but as the post says, I was just very upset. My BPD was triggered, and I wanted to make my viewers hate me so they'd unsubscribe. It's a self-destructive BPD habit.
Edit: I'm also not a part of that community that you said I was. I'm in no communities atm.
Excellent analysis, especially that first part about the disconnect from the body. That is likely a precursor to the following three factors that you described. It is why Type B personality disordered individuals (like borderline / histrionic personality disorder) do well with mindfulness and DBT: It makes them return to the body and the present moment. For me, my detransition was (partially) brought about from my desire to return to my body, meditate, and interact with the real world.
You nailed everything here, and it shows you've thought a lot about this. This is the type of informative post that should be shared.
Thanks :D ! I'm really looking forward to it. Obviously, the dysphoria does somewhat pull me back to wanting to transition / wanting to look good, but I know there is so much more to life than my hairline or body hair. The balding is gonna hurt at first, but I think I'll learn to deal with it. I might even learn to like it, especially if I can start going outside again, exercising, fishing with my dad, etc. :P
A little update: Talked to my therapist who I see for non-gender reasons. She was very surprised, mainly at how optimistic I was, and was very supportive and seemed to agree and like everything I was saying about getting back that mind-body connection, focusing less on looks, and just being happy. She is very nice, and she seemed to be happy for me, which was nice too. Overall, everything is looking better and better :D
I hope you all are doing good too. This might be my last message; take care! <3
Your first paragraph is extremely relatable, as is your thought process for the remainder of your post. It's quite similar to, if not exactly how, I felt when starting. Feel free to view my post history to see how much of a massive mistake that was for me.
This is not as benign a path as you may currently think it is. I've experienced several life-changing ailments due to anti-androgens an estrogen. Erectile dysfunction is only the tip of the iceberg. You could be looking at ejaculating blood, having nerve issues, eye issues, spine issues, blood clots, heart issues, and more. Appreciate that you don't live with physical pain everyday, and appreciate that your heart is still functioning as it should. Furthermore, it's possible that you end up regretting the very changes that you currently desire AND end up going further down the path of transition than you originally intended.
It's your life, but I just wanted to make sure you heard how badly this path has hurt some people, including me.
Edit: I typed this with one hand because my other arm is in a cast from surgery I had for nerve issues that were exacerbated by estrogen's effect of upregulating my immune system.
it’s obviously a little scary that the drug that makes my skin happy may make my brain sad.
Yeah, that's how I felt too. More than just making me lethargic and anhedonic, it also messed me up physically. I'm personally convinced it's not safe longterm, at least for me.
Obsessive thoughts about what?
Obsessive thoughts about gender. I've heard people call it gOCD or gender OCD. I was beating myself up trying to find the right answer. At first it was about whether or not I'm "truly trans". When I realized there was no such thing, it became about the dysphoria entirely, and then I had to weigh whether or not the attempt to treat the dysphoria was worth the potential risks and current side effects. At a certain point, those side effects became too much for me to continue. While the effects were nice, it wasn't worth losing everything else.
Oh, I'm so happy you got help from meditation too. I am kind of a meditation / yoga / calisthenics enthusiast :D , so I always love hearing others getting benefit too. People with NPD can benefit greatly from DBT in specific instances, but it's often the case that they don't seek therapy. I'm unsure of antisocial PD / sociopaths. It also never worked for me, but I do have BPD. I just know it is supposed to work for me lol.
First, I just wanna say thanks to everyone for being so nice to me. I wasn't sure how my venting would be received.
Little update: I'm going to try detransitioning again... I think. I have been feeling a LOT better after stopping my Finasteride + Spironolactone, not fully better, but I can stay awake now. And, I think my testosterone came back a bit, and I felt... like myself... like I just felt like a person a bit more, my interests / pastimes returned.
Still on estrogen, but I am considering stopping. I'll always like the aesthetic effects of estrogen more, but I don't know if it's worth it. Also, I kind of HATE this transitioning thing in general. It sucks. I wanna just be a person and have a life. I want Freedom.
I'm likely not going to take my estrogen next week, and then from there, I'll see if I can get my natural hormones back to some level of normal. I've tried this a bunch, so don't expect a win. I see it differently now though, I see transitioning and unnecessary for happiness... possibly even detrimental. I don't think spending my life changing my body is very conducive to a fulfilling life.
"I feel my fate should be in my own hands and just because I have gender dysphoria doesn't mean that I then automatically must become a trans woman and that I need to change my body..."
This is such a great quote, and thank you for sharing your letter. I agree 100%. We have dysphoria, it hurts, and it does change who we are slightly, but it doesn't have to dictate our whole lives, our whole identity, our whole body. We get to choose if we want to live with it or if we want to try to treat it. I tried to treat it too, but I found that I was going to live with it either way. You're thinking really good thoughts, and I hope you figure out where exactly you want to live in terms of your body, identity, and dysphoria. Good luck!
This is exactly what I went through as a MtF, although I didn't transition for as long as you. I had 2 years of obsessive thoughts and inability to think about anything else. I also liked all of the changes, but I had to detransition for health, both mental and physical. I think some people can hold out longer because their physical health doesn't deteriorate as quickly as mine. I also became a shut-in like you, although I never went out much.
I attribute this all to Borderline Personality Disorder. However, you might be comforted in knowing that this is exactly how the ROGD (rapid-onset gender dysphoria) people present. They suddenly get dysphoria from around 14 - 35 years old, never having expressed the desire to be the opposite sex before, they transition for several years, and then they desist. There is science on early-transitioners and late-transitioners, but there is no science on the ROGD age group yet, so I'm talking from an anecdotal perspective.
Anyone in your situation would also be panicked, so that's normal. I can say: the more you honestly talk about your feelings, the sooner you'll find your path. You can't choose both paths, and neither seems very appealing at the moment. However, have some optimism that if you decide to detransition, the return of testosterone and your natural body state will improve your mood. It probably will. You might have more energy, be excited to exercise, go outside more, who knows? If not, you can always re-transition.
Obviously, you're worried about gender dysphoria increasing if you detransition. I have no answer for that, and that's truly the fault of the current medical system not allowing these studies to be done. They made conversion therapy illegal, and we cannot find someone who will help us detransition. It's cruel, but that's the reality for many. In current medicine, the only care they can provide is affirmative, and the only treatment for dysphoria is transition. Well, it doesn't work for many people. You're not alone in this at all.