I used to feel the same way you did until I started listening and reading what men thought about themselves.

Majority of men from all age groups seek approval from women (especially straight men). Even misogynistic men get extremely tore up inside and angry when they feel a woman or women are not interested in them. I've seen men get depressed and suicidal over rejection. I rarely see women get that emotional or seek approval from men to this degree.

I even know a young male coworker that got really frustrated when hearing that a lesbian couple had a biological child without the involvement of a men besides the sperm DNA. And even that is about to become obsolete.

Which brings me to my next point. A male redditor on another subreddit was lamenting the fact that women essentially held power over who's genes get passed on to the next generation. He also brought up the fact that the environment of the modern era meant women no longer needed to rely on a men for financial support, raising a child or even making a child. Therefore, they can be much more selective than ever before and essentially have power over genes and the creation of life.

Yes, it is correct that men have a physical advantage just based on biology but with the existence of firearms and technological advances, that advantage is becoming more and more obsolete. However, the ability of creating life will continue to be valued as time goes on.

Also personally, I have no plans of having a child. However, just knowing that I belong to the group that determines what genetics get eliminated and passed on is quite a powerful thing.

OP, biology is unfair but it is unfair to men as well. Even society is unfair. A "loser" male is berated much more harshly by society than "loser" women are. A perpetually single young man is seen as a failure while single young women is considered empowering.

Note: Honestly physical advantage is so overrated, why do I need to overpower someone physically if I can just shoot them if they pose a threat.

TLDR; Yes, men have a biological physical advantage that's slowly becoming obsolete with the progression of technology but biological women literally decide the genetic makeup of the human race.

Just some food for thought.

I don’t think my desire to transition will ever go away.

Honestly I felt the same as you the first year I detransitioned as well. My dysphoria didn't get better but it didn't get worse either. It was only in my second year, that dysphoria started to dissipate. Now it's at the point that it only comes up occasionally and I no longer feel any true desire to transition again.

It makes me sad sometimes knowing I will never come close to the person I envisioned myself to be since I was a young child. I know it’s not reality, but I will still always want to be that person. I still wish I had the lives of other transwomen whenever I see them online.

I'm curious what you hope to gain if you could be the envisioned version of yourself. Do you believe you would be more successful, more loved, more happy?

If that is the case, I also felt that way in past. However through the entire transition and detransition process, I realized my outer appearance had very little effect on how people treated me because my true personality did not change.

I was actually able to build better relationships with people after detransitioning because I felt like I could be truly genuine. I didn't have to hide my trans status or past because possible judgement from others.

Also OP, the snapshots of people you see online are an illusion.

Nothing made me more aware of that than when one of musicians that I grew up listening to committed suicide in his 20s at the peak of his fame, leaving a heartbreaking letter of his loneliness and suffering.

He was what I aspired to be like. His appearance, success, and loving fans and friends.

His death was shocking. He had all that I wanted to achieve and he gave the illusion of contentment yet he was hiding such sorrow.

Perhaps you won't become your envisioned person but so what? You are enough as you currently are. You want to become someone else but there are literally people in this subreddit and other dysphoria related subreddits that want to be you.

It's worth noting that sexual selection does in fact work both ways in humans, and you seem to be implying it doesn't. It is the reason women have much larger breasts than females of any other primate, for example. The influence of female-specific selection is also dampened by the fact that humans are generally monogamous, and like to pair off into long term relationships, reproducing with only one partner. Not to mention that both historically and currently there are also a wide rage of factors (such as enforced financial dependence on men) that leads to women collectivley having had very little choice in who they reproduce with.

I am implying that in the modern era, women have greater control in gene selection than ever before. The average woman definitely can be more selective than the average man.

Due to financial independence, development of technology, and birth control, a woman in many countries can even choose have a child using a specific sperm donor of her choice, refusing the involvement of a man and still be able to financially support the child on her own. It's already become a well known concept called Single Mother By Choice.

Also, science is getting ever closer to creating sex cells from regular cells meaning at one point, sperm and egg will be obsolete as well. However, men will still need a female surrogate if he wishes to do the same. That's where reproduction inequality lies.

Another point I like to mention is that people tend to like pairing off into long term relationships IF there at least some benefits for both sides.

Let me give you example of a current interesting situation in China.

Due to the One Child Policy of the Past, the gender ratio was imbalanced(to say it lightly). However, the parents that kept their only daughter poured all their resources into her ending up with a society with many extremely wealthy and well educated women in just one generation. Now many of these successful women, instead of choosing male partners according to financial and social status, are choosing male partners purely based on youth and looks because they no longer need the financial support. Kind of ironic.

Many Chinese women in general are also refusing to get married and/or choosing to have kids as a single mother through in vitro fertilization.

When the financial gap is narrowed between genders is when you see the true inequality in sexual selection.

I am no way implying this is the ideal situation but it is what it is.

OP, I want you to understand that you are in a community with many others that went through the same self hate process as you. I can't offer a guaranteed solution but I can tell you what has helped me immensely in accepting my body.

First, have you ever been complimented on any innocuous part of your body by anyone such as fingers, eyes, brows, nose, smile? And is there any part of your body that you do like?

If yes, focus on that complimented or likeable feature of yours. You have to realize that even if you don't personally like features of your body, there are many others that do.

Does it make you happy when people compliment a feature of yours? If it does, focus on that positive emotion when you look at that feature. Eventually you will grow to be tolerate it and hopefully one day, like it as well.

Your discomfort will only get worse if you keep up the negative thought process about your body. You don't have to necessary like your body, just try thinking about your body as a vessel for you to interact with the world.

Think of what your body can do rather than what it is.

That women are generally more selective than men is true due to the burden of pregnancy - though that absolutley does not translate to 'women alone basically control gene selection,' (which is what you were saying).

Perhaps not completely but they definitely have more astounding more control than ever before especially in first world countries with the invention of birth control, abortions, and invitro fertilizations as well as financial independence.

The standards of what makes a male a potential partner has changed drastically over the past couple decades. The process of gene selection has already started.

I personally can only see the disparity in sexual selection increasing in the coming years as more of the world catch up in bridging the income gap.

Also, I brought up surrogacy as the main difference between male or female single parenthood. Meaning a woman is needed in the process of reproduction even if their genes are not needed in the future.

And yes, "Ideally" parenting would be a two-person job or even a community job, but reality shows that in many cases, one parent puts in as much as 80-99% of the effort in childrearing. Meaning perhaps one stable adult can do the same or better job in raising a child as two adults even without outside support.

And sure reproduction advantage is not what makes an "individual women" great but the same can be said about how physical advantage is not what makes an "individual man" great. But my points have been about biological sex as a whole.

I don't really care for making a case for differences in individual people because that is not the focal point of OP's post.

Human genetics perhaps doesn't rest entirely in women's hands. It also rest in the hands of those rare men that women deem to make the cut. Female DNA throughout history has been passed down more than Male DNA. That is not changing and imo is only going to snowball even more.

This is not a hate post about men or women. It's just my observation based on realities present in modern society.