This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed experience with transition, detransition, and the physical/emotional effects.
- Nuanced and empathetic opinions that reflect the complex, varied realities of the detransition experience.
- Consistent perspective across multiple comments, offering support and advice that aligns with a lived experience.
The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with a genuine member of this community.
About me
I started testosterone at 23 because I felt a deep disconnect from being a woman and hated my body, hoping it would fix my depression and low self-esteem. I had top surgery and was on T for three years, which was a necessary step that helped me at the time. I eventually realized that changing my body wasn't the solution to my underlying mental health issues, so I stopped. My body has changed back a lot since detransitioning, and I've found peace through body neutrality instead of trying to love how I look. I don't regret my journey, as it was a crucial part of learning to finally accept myself as a woman.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started in my early twenties. I felt deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially during and after puberty. I hated my breasts and felt a strong disconnect from being a woman. I now believe a lot of this was tied to other issues I was dealing with, like depression, anxiety, and very low self-esteem. I also think internalized homophobia played a role, as I was uncomfortable with the idea of being a lesbian.
I spent a long time, years actually, trying to manage these feelings without transitioning. I really wanted to avoid it. But I wasn't making any progress. My dysphoria wasn't getting better. I finally decided to start testosterone when I was 23. It wasn't a quick decision; I had thought about it for a very long time.
Being on T was an important step for me. It helped me get into a better headspace. I felt more hopeful. I was on it for three years and had top surgery during that time. I don't regret doing it. I see that period of my life as a necessary part of my process to eventually become more comfortable and accepting of my body, my sex, and my womanhood.
After those three years, I realized that medical transition wasn't a complete solution for me. The initial euphoria wore off, and I understood that changing my body wasn't going to fix my underlying mental health issues, my self-worth, or the other problems in my life. I stopped testosterone when I was 26.
Since detransitioning, my body has changed back a lot. My voice was very deep on T, but two years after stopping, it’s settled back into a female range. At worst, I sound a bit feminine-androgynous, like an older woman. I never did any voice training. My periods came back within a month of stopping T. I know fertility can be a big concern, but anecdotally, I even got my ex-partner pregnant after she had been on HRT for ten years, so it's definitely possible for the body to bounce back.
I’ve benefited greatly from shifting my mindset from trying to love my body (body positivity) to just accepting it for what it is (body neutrality). My body doesn’t have to be beautiful or make me happy; it can just be. This has been the healthiest path for me. I don’t think being unhappy with a part of my body means I need risky surgery to change it, because that often leads to finding a new thing to fixate on.
I don't regret my transition. It was something I needed to go through to get to where I am now. My thoughts on gender are that it's incredibly complex. Dysphoria isn't one thing with one cause. For some people, transition is the right answer. For others, like me, it was a step on a longer path to self-acceptance. I think it's vital that people have access to therapy that explores all the underlying issues, not just access to immediate medical transition, because the root cause is often trauma, mental health, or self-worth issues, not the body itself.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
23 | Started testosterone (T) |
24 | Had top surgery |
26 | Stopped testosterone |
28 | Present day; voice is back in female range, living as a woman |
Top Comments by /u/VeganDog:
Generally, I see the trans people I know happiest when they aren't denying the uncomfortable, unavoidable realities and learn to accept and make peace with it or even learn to laugh about it. You don't have to love it, but just learn to have it be a thing that's not a big deal. You already seem part way there in realizing them. Like, just accepting that you'll always be male, you'll always be different from cis woman in multiple ways, that people who know will see you as a trans woman rather than a woman, etc... And that those things are okay!
I don't think you need to detransition. You could embrace being a trans woman, and just be a trans woman. I know many trans women who are much happier just being trans women than trying to convince themselves they're just a type of woman like a tall or blonde woman is a type of woman. They don't feel like they had to constantly meet some goal or standard they can never meet.
You've been posting about this a lot. I know it's scary and upsetting now, but you were not on T long at all. You need to give it time. It will get better!
I had a pretty deep voice on T after 3 years. Now, 2 years off T? Having done literally zero voice training? At the absolute worst my voice is feminine androgynous now, and I was on T for over 10x as long as you. It's deeper than most women, but on the phone and in person, I consistently get told I sound like a woman now. I had a friend who hadn't seen me for 4 months and remarked how different my voice was from the last time he had seen me. I can't get my voice anywhere near as deep as it once was no matter how hard I try. It will get better! I'd be 100% willing to show you before and afters and progress if it'd provide you any hope or reassurance at all!
However, guess what? Even with a deep voice on T, I didn't really "sound" like a man. I just had a deep voice. A woman's voice is so much more than how deep it is, and because I never voice trained or altered my speech patterns, it got me clocked. I sounded like a man making fun of a woman. I still had a fairly deep voice and it actually wasn't too long before people began to register my voice as female because of this. There are many happy, successful women living normal lives with deeper voices, myself included, but I honestly believe yours will sound fine and feminine with time and voice training.
Take a deep breath and take care of yourself! The better health you're in, physically and mentally, the better your body is working and the faster you'll recover. Take this time to focus on finding healthy, productive things to do to improve yourself, your health, have healthy outlets for your feelings, and to keep yourself busy. Hiking is a good one, and if you have a dog they'll thank you!
Please don't jump to something drastic like voice surgery right away. You'll risk losing your voice entirely or having a voice that you hate just as much. There's a reason many trans women don't opt for it, even if they have the means to do so, or even want it. Voice training, therapy, self care, and patience is what you need. Surgery should be a last resort.
Also, I just listened to your voice. It sounds like a woman's voice to me, just maybe slightly fem-androgynous at points? You just sound older than you are mostly. Even if, hypothetically, time does nothing to your voice? A vocal coach will be more than adequate for your voice, but I think time + voice training/a vocal coach and you should get your voice mostly back.
Also, I saw your post about how women feel about women with deep voices. I have a deeper voice than you by a lot, and both men and women have had zero issue with it, and no one has said it was an out right turn off. I haven't had issues with finding work, no one has asked why my voice sounds like it does, no one has made fun of me, it doesn't scare business clients off, etc.
You will be fine, OP!! Take it a day at a time and stay hopeful. It. Will. Get. Better!!
I have not. There's things I'm not thrilled about, but I want to get out of the mindset that being unhappy with something about my body means I need major and risky intervention to change it.
What has helped the most is transitioning my mindset from "Body positivity" to "Body neutrality" where my body doesn't have to be appealing to others, or look good, or make me happy. It can just be and that's okay.
I think a lot of our insecurities with our bodies ultimately stem from how other people might feel about them and how society tells us to feel about them, and I think that's reason to work through that, not get risky surgical modifications that may not even make us happy in the end. I find people often just find something new to focus on or they're unhappy with the results. So I feel like promoting accepting that our body just is what it is ends up a healthier path.
I actually found the opposite, that most detrans related content or media was focused on the narrative that it always or typically involves strong feelings of regret and making a mistake. I felt very out of place and confused having not regretted my time transitioning or decision to do so, and frustrated that people looked down or talked down on me as if I just didn't do enough research or jumped into things too quickly. Both because you can do both those and still regret transition, and because just not everyone regrets it. I appreciated seeing some acknowledgement in the last year or so that not everyone who chooses detransition necessarily regrets transitioning.
I do agree with you though I think, going strongly in the other direction isn't ideal and I don't like why they're focusing on detrans people who don't regret their transition. I think it needs to be noted that people's reasons for detransitioning can vary widely, and that some people regret it, some people don't, some are ambivalent, and they're all equally real experiences people have with detransition.
Your voice may not fully go back to normal, but for only three months on T it'll probably go largely back to normal.
I was on T for 3 years and after 2 years off, it's definitely back in female range. Don't jump to surgery. Even 2 years later my voice is still changing. Give it time and see a vocal coach first.
I actually had it happen the other day where a user told someone they shouldn't have an opinion on something because they were desisted, not detrans. I came in and said I 100% agreed with the desisted person. We had the exact same opinion, so it just seems wrong to me that somehow it's a valid opinion when I expressed it and not the other person.
I think, what I'd rather see is people not using words like mutilated unless it's referencing themselves and their own feelings, and respecting boundaries people set, such as, "I don't wish to hear from desisted people, only detrans."
So I guess I'm on the side of more enforcement of rule 1.
Why not just not go? Stop making appointments. Stop going. If they call to remind you that you haven't been seen in awhile, it's not because they really want you back or something, but because it's standard practice to remind you that you haven't been seen in awhile and that you need to be seen periodically to keep being prescribed and for blood work to make sure you're not having issues with the medication.
Actually, why not just tell them? If all you're seeing them for is HRT then tell them you're going off it and don't need their services anymore. If they're also your PCP? My doctor was happy to remain my PCP even after I went off T. If they won't, then ask them to refer you to someone who can be your PCP. Adjusting your dose and going off it entirely are different. It's more dangerous to adjust it without clearance, which is probably why they were concerned. They probably won't have the same reaction to you being off it, and if they do, it's because they need to know this information so they can provide you with proper treatment and monitor or adjust any medications you take. Not because they want to keep you on T.
I also thought about doing the "take T once to fool the blood test" but I thought, "Wait, why? Why do they need to think I'm on it?" They don't! They're not going to be upset or feel let down to see you leave.
I don’t see why anyone would transition now because it’s only taken me two years to get over my debilitating gender dysphoria.
Like, I'm glad you've experienced growth, don't get me wrong, but this feels pretty tone deaf. You don't need to have empathy for someone to understand that dysphoric people vary greatly and there can be a lot of complexity with treatment.
Because unfortunately, transition is much easier to access in some areas like the US than any other treatments. It can be very difficult to find a counselor comfortable with treating dysphoria without transition, who has knowledge and experience doing so, that you mesh well with and whose style works for you, AND is in network and covered by insurance or is affordable, and doesn't have a super long wait list. Informed consent is literally one or two doctor's appointments, some bloodwork, and a med or two by goodrx. Not to mention, they also have to want to become comfortable with their body and sex, which is difficult for someone who has strongly negative feelings about it and is being told they can change it and be happy.
Not to mention, dysphoria isn't one thing with one cause. Some people have more underlying issues than others that are more difficult and take longer to treat.
Like, I spent way longer than you trying to manage my dysphoria without transition, and I actively wanted to avoid it. I didn't really make progress until I did transition and got in a better headspace. I don't regret my transition and consider it an important part for me personally in the process of becoming more comfortable and accepting of my body and my sex and my womanhood.
Anecdotally: I actually got pregnant from my ex while she was on HRT. Oh, and she'd been on HRT for 10 years when it happened. It was unintentional... We both assumed there was no way she was fertile by that point.
It's definitely possible to regain your fertility to a level that conception is possible.