The vagina is a muscle. It is an organ by itself. Neovaginas are fistulas. Think of the opening created when you get a piercing. They do not stretch. They do not self lubricate with acidic vaginal secretions. The ones that do self lubricate do so because they are made from colon tissue, which is nowhere near identical to vaginal walls. They do not possess a cervix which changes position throughout the month. There is no cervix which moves upward when a trans woman is aroused, because neovaginas are not functioning organs.

The clitoris of a trans woman also does not have the internal clitoral structure of a natal vagina. It will also lack at least half the nerve endings of a natal clitoris, as the head of the penis already does not have as many nerve endings as a clitoris and those nerves are severed during SRS. Saying neovaginas "do not differ much from natal vaginas" is factually incorrect.

Females with XY chromosomes have an intersex condition known as swyer syndrome, where the SRY gene is mutated or missing. This is nowhere near the same as a normal male individual taking estrogen and getting surgery to become a trans woman.

"Female" levels of estrogen and testosterone in trans women is only the tip of the iceberg. Natal females experience fluctuations in estrogen, testosterone, progesterone, follicule stimulating hormone, etc throughout each month that coincide with ovulation and menstruation. Trans women do not experience a hormonal cycle. Taking estrogen also does not erase male skeletal structure, shrink organs like the lungs and heart, or give a trans woman the muscle composition of a natal female. These things are important when discussing sports.

Trans women are not "closer to female than male" no matter how many hormones they take or surgeries they get. Trans people (myself included until recently) have this idea that biological sex is only estrogen, testosterone, and genitals. That is simply untrue. Every cell in a person's body is either male or female. It is much more complex than two hormones or what's between your legs. It's why certain diseases affect males and females differently. Your sex is connected to all of your bodily processes.

I'm happy you are content with your transition and I wish you the best, but do not spread misinformation.

Reading claims from cis people that they didn't "feel" like their birth sex. I realized there was no difference between myself and them, even though I had dysphoria and still do. Reading study after study that debunked the idea that men and women have different brains. Bio sex isn't a feeling. It just is. There was no way I could "feel" like a guy any more than I could "feel" tall while being short. It made no sense. I couldn't justify being trans.

It's a hard pill to swallow for sure. I think a lot of trans people don't pass as well as they think they do. People can usually tell something isn't quite right, they just can't put their finger on what it is so they don't say anything. Even with trans men who tend to pass better than trans women on average, a lot of them still fall into this uncanny valley of something being 'off'.

I hope you're better now though!

One of my therapists told me something helpful. The thing about mental illnesses like depression is that it doesn't care how good your life is. It can be caused by any number of things ranging from emotional stress to malnutrition. But it can linger for a long time after the cause has been addressed. You don't need a reason to be depressed.

To answer your question though. Before I desisted I was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression. The anxiety and depression I expected, but, the ADHD diagnosis surprised me. My doctor told me this can go undiagnosed in females for a long time because the symptoms show up differently. I didn't get my diagnosis until I was 25.

Oof. I was just thinking about this regarding a TiF friend of mine. They're early 20s, yet never refer to themselves as a man. Always boy/boi and really enjoys it when they passes as a high school/middle school boy. I thought it was kind of creepy if they plan on having any intimate relationship and their partner legitimately thinks they look like a 14yo boy. Especially after they get top surgery.

I do have autoandrophilia myself, but not the pedophilic kind, so I can't give you any personal experience unfortunately. But I have a few guesses. These types of TiFs might be into yaoi and anime in general where the men often look very young. They might also be into gay porn featuring twinks. Also since they're pre T many of them can only pass as young boys and have gotten used to that.

The sad part is a lot of TiFs have this image of themselves as young boys and get a rude awakening when they go on T and turn into men instead of remaining 'boys'. I worry for my friend for this reason. They aren't looking to go on T at the moment (because of the aforementioned desire to pass as a young boy and attachment to their softer features), but it seems like they'll go down that road eventually.

Repetitive mantras that border on brainwashing - those Twitter posts that just say "trans women are women. Trans men are men" over and over again.

Beliefs in pseudoscience (the sexed brain myth, conflating AGP/AAP with the assertion that you really are the opposite sex, etc)

Preaching a narrative that makes it's members seem different, special, or "better" than everyone else - "cis people never question their gender identity"/"cis people are happy with their sexed body parts and don't feel strange at being called he or she". Those things aren't actually true, but that's what they tell people.

Making up statistics to make themselves seem more legitimate - trans women are not murdered at a higher rate than anyone else for example. Many are murdered because they are sex workers, not because they're trans.

Using manipulation to get people to adhere to the groupthink. - guilting anyone of any sexuality into "examining their transphobic genital fetish" if they don't date trans people

Trying to change the meaning of words to fit their narrative - "genital fetish" is something they say a lot, but it's an oxymoron. A fetish is a sexual fixation on something other than genitals, so a person preferring natal genitals does not have a fetish.

I wish I'd realized that gender is fake. Seriously. Being female was literally the only requirement I needed to be a woman. I didn't need to feel or think or wear or do anything to be a woman. I just.... Was.

It didn't matter if I was "masculine". It didn't matter if I was uninterested in motherhood. It didn't matter if people told me my voice sounded mannish at times. It didn't matter if I had a ton of body hair. It didn't matter if I exhibited a "male-like" thinking pattern and was good at science and math. It didn't matter that I have body dysphoria and still feel like I should have a penis instead of a vagina. It didn't matter that I've had social dysphoria since I was a small child and spent most of my life trying to hide my gender subconsciously.

I was still a woman despite all of that. I wish I hadn't over complicated everything.

I have sympathy for trans people, and still have trans friends.

I think transgenderism is a mental illness. It's a coping mechanism for other mental illnesses, reactions to trauma, internalized homophobia/misogyny/misandry, etc.

I think many trans people overcomplicate what it means to be male or female. Hating your sexed body parts does not make you the opposite sex. Wishing you were the opposite sex doesn't mean you were "meant" to be the opposite sex. Brain sex is not real in the sense that trans people define it. Claiming to have a "male like" or "female like" thinking pattern is regressive.

All that's needed to be a man or woman is to be male or female respectively. That's it. This is true of everyone, including those who are intersex. They are not a third sex. They are males and females with a chromosomal disorder. Nothing about ones interests, clothing choices, or dysmorphia about ones body makes a person the opposite sex they were born as. It's not that deep.

3 years of questioning before I started binding and wearing men's clothes. I also saw a gender therapist online to help me figure things out. I'd always been a bit skeptical about the whole trans thing in general. But I also always had dysphoria. I tried for years to reconcile the two and in the end it was impossible.

I had to really get to the bottom of my feelings. Why did I need to appear to others as male to be validated as a person? Ironically talking to a trans friend is what peaked me. "Even if I'm not fully a boy I can still be more masculine". And I thought, why can't you be a girl and be more masculine? The facade crumbled when I applied that thinking to myself.

There's no such thing as "being a woman" or "living as a woman". All you need to live as a woman is be female. That's it. Most of my discomfort with being seen as a woman came from misconceptions about what I thought it meant to be a woman or a man. It's not clothes or hair or behavior or professions or any of that. Gender norms change all the time. They don't mean anything. If I'd realized that sooner instead of going in circles stressing about my gender I'd have saved myself a lot of stress and money on therapy I actually didn't need.

My only advice would be to try and unpack the feelings that led you to transition in the first place. Whether you do this yourself or with a therapist is up to you.

Remind yourself that there are plenty of flat chested women, whether because they never grew large breasts or had them removed for whatever reason.

You can do voice training to get yourself to a more female sounding range. It most likely won't go back to how to was before testosterone, but you'll very likely sound female again.

Know that you don't have to perform femininity in order to pass. You are 18. Your body is still changing. The longer you are off testosterone the more your features will soften.

Hang in there.