This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The narrative is highly detailed, deeply personal, emotionally complex, and internally consistent over time. The user describes a long, difficult, and medically involved history with transition and detransition, including specific physical and psychological challenges that align with known detransitioner experiences. The passion and criticism are consistent with a genuine individual who has experienced significant harm.
About me
I'm a female who felt deeply uncomfortable in my body from a very young age and transitioned to male, believing it was the answer. After each surgery, the initial relief faded and my dysphoria just moved to a new part of my body that wasn't male enough. I realized I could never actually become male, and the hormones caused serious health problems that landed me in the hospital. I stopped hormones and slowly detransitioned, finally finding peace through therapy that focused on coping skills instead of just affirmation. I'm in a better place now, but I'll be dealing with the permanent health consequences for the rest of my life.
My detransition story
My entire life, I felt deeply uncomfortable in my own body. I can remember being as young as six or seven and telling people I wanted to be a boy. When I hit puberty, it was a complete nightmare. I hated the development of my breasts so much that I started cutting them. It was a really dark time.
I was eventually referred to a psychiatrist, diagnosed with gender dysphoria, and I started my transition soon after. For a while, it felt like the answer. I started on a low dose of hormones and the feeling of change was amazing. I finally got top surgery and the relief was incredible; it felt like I was finally free from a part of my body I had always despised.
But that relief never lasted. After each step—starting hormones, having top surgery, even having facial surgery—I would feel this intense "gender euphoria" for a few months, maybe even a year. But then, my dysphoria would always come back, and it would just focus on a different part of my body that wasn't male enough. After top surgery, I became obsessed with my face. After my face was changed, the dysphoria moved to my bottom parts. It was like a game of whack-a-mole that I could never win.
I realized the core problem: no matter what I did, I would never actually be male. I could get closer, but I would never get there. That realization hit me hard when I was looking into bottom surgery, the final step. I thought, what happens when the dysphoria comes back after this? There's nothing left to change.
At the same time, my physical health was falling apart. The hormones were destroying my liver and causing other serious medical issues that landed me in the ICU twice. I should have been on estrogen supplements much sooner, but my doctor never told me about that. My first therapist was also really pushing me to get bottom surgery and wasn't listening when I said I needed to find other ways to cope. I had to find a new therapist who wasn't a "gender therapist" to finally get help that wasn't just about taking the next medical step.
My best friend was dealing with an eating disorder at the time, and she said something that really stuck with me. She compared it to a doctor telling her she could stop being anorexic if she just lost enough weight. That’s exactly what my transition felt like: I was trying to fix a deep internal problem by endlessly changing my outside, and it was never enough.
Detransitioning was a slow process. I stopped hormones first because of the health problems. I still identified as male for a while, then as non-binary. I didn't have the energy to correct people when they started calling me "she" again as I began to look less male. A friend introduced me to feminist theory, and that was the final push I needed to fully accept my detransition.
I don't regret my transition in the sense that I needed to go through it to learn that it wasn't the solution for me. The surgeries did help my dysphoria for a time, and I don't regret my top surgery because I still hate having breasts. But I deeply regret the permanent damage to my health and my fertility. I will be dealing with the medical aftermath for the rest of my life.
Today, I don't really identify with any gender. If someone asks if I'm trans based on the definition of not identifying with the gender I was born as, I guess I'd have to say yes, because I don't feel like a woman or a man. I just feel like me. I benefited immensely from therapy that wasn't just focused on affirmation. It took a lot of work to develop better coping skills, but I'm in a better place now mentally than I was during my transition. I just wish there had been more options and more honest conversations about the potential downsides when I started.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 6-7 | First expressed a desire to be a boy. |
| Puberty | Experienced severe discomfort; began self-harming due to breast development. |
| Early 20s | Diagnosed with dysphoria; started a low dose of hormones. |
| Mid 20s | Underwent top surgery. |
| Late 20s | Underwent facial surgery. |
| Late 20s / Early 30s | Underwent hysterectomy and partial bottom surgery. |
| Early 30s | Stopped hormones due to serious health complications (liver damage). |
| Early 30s | Began socially detransitioning, gradually stopping correction of pronouns. |
| Early 30s | Fully accepted detransition after exploring feminist theory. |
Top Comments by /u/Virgee:
The short version :
- Transition helped tremendously... until I reached the end of it. After each step, my dysphoria would be almost gone, but would always come back after a few months to a few years. So then I took the next step. But when you've had the highest dose of hormones you body can endure and all the surgeries, what is there left? Even if I got closer, I was never male, and trying to get closer when I couldn't was having devastating effects on my mental health.
- Hormones and surgery were completely destroying my physical health, (I'll still deal with the aftermath all my life) with known and dangerous side effects that are feel aren't talked about enough.
Because of these two reasons, I tried to find other ways to deal with dysphoria. It was a half-hearted effort at first, but after two trips to the ICU, it became obvious that I needed to up my game.
It's not only that I would never be male enough. I would never be male, period.
My best friend was dealing with eating disorders at the same time. From her words : 'it's like if the doctors were telling my I could stop being anorexic if I lost enough weight!' I'm not sure that comparison is valid medically, but it does sums up pretty good how I felt.
Now I'm not saying transition doesn't work for anyone. Most people are know who underwent it are saying it helped a lot. But when it's not enough for you, there is little help available...
HRT and surgery did help for my dysphoria. Every time I passed a milestone, I would experience what my local trans organisation called "gender euphoria". It would be so much better for a few months to a year. But then, my dysphoria would always focus on somewhere else where my body wasn't male enough, and it was so fucking hard. At some point, while trying to schedule my bottom surgery and looking at various results, I realized that I was heading straight into a wall. Whatever I did to my body, it would never be male, and bottom surgery was the last possible step. There was nothing else after... So what would I do when dysphoria hit me as strong as ever in a few months?
HRT also begin to be a medical issue for me, as I should have been taking estrogen suplements a lot sooner but my doctor never told me about it...
My therapist was really pushing for me to get bottom surgery when I insisted on trying something else (not in place of bottom surgery, but just because surgery wasn't enough to deal with my dysphoria), so I seeked out another therapist that wasn't a gender therapist.
Even when detransitioning, I still identified as male and as trans, then as non-binary. Even now, if someone asked me if I'm trans, as "not identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth", I'd have to say I am. Not because I still identify as male, but because I don't identify as any gender anymore.
Me, at first. Transition was a crutch that helped me deal with my dysphoria, trying to walk without the crutch was a lot harder.
A lot of therapy and developing better emotional management and coping skills did help a lot though, and I'm now better than I was during transition, but it took a while.
Because I expected transition to really help with my disphoria. And it did... Until something else. The problem with changing my body was not the solution for my disphoria. It got closer to a male body, but no technology could make me male. At some point, I had to check out alternative options.
Even then, it took a while for me to detransition, and the medical issues where piling up.
HRT was destroying my liver.
And transition wasn't a solution for me because it didn't solve my dysphoria. Each step I take would get a little better, but after a few weeks, I was back to square one. For example, I had very little dysphoria about my face. Until I got top surgery. A few weeks after, I was super dysphoric about my face and it lasted for years until I again got plastic surgery. And then it was perfect... until bottom dysphoria came into play. So transition didn't reduce my dysphoria, it just changed the target. And since I could not completely alter my system to be male, that was a big issue.
Long story short, I was dearly uncomfortable with my body since as young as I can remember. Even at 6-7 I expressed that I wanted to be a boy. Puberty was a nightmare, I started cutting my breast because I just couldn't stand them. Got referred to a psychiatrist, diagnosed with dysphoria and started transitioning soon after.
I detransitionned a few years after because hormones when creating medical issues with my body and because transition wasn't really a solution for me. At each step, I would feel great. I can't even explain how amazing it was after top surgery, to finally be free of my breasts that I hated so much. But after a time, my dysphoria would simply move to another part of my body.
So at first, I went on a low dose of hormones then stopped altogether. I was still using male pronouns, but as I started passing less and less, I didn't have the energy to correct people calling me 'she'. I finally had a friend introduce me to feminist theory and it was the encouragement I need to finish my detransitioning process.
To be fair, I know way more detransitionned man than women irl. But online, I seem to meet more detransitionned women. I personally think it has to do with the platforms. This sub, for example, is frequently mentionned in radfem subs, so I wouldn't be surprised if that skewed the ods...
Honestly, I have no idea if it's biological or not, which is a big reason why I would like more studies into the causes and other treatment options for gender dysphoria...
I've also noticed most women who are/have detransitioned in this sub and in various places online seem to have rapid-onset. Which tells me that you're more likely to detransition when you have rapid-onset vs. child-onset? But again, this is all online...
I'm not sure. It's true for most FtM detransitionner I've met online, but irl, me and almost all detrasitionner I know have had disphoria since early childhood. And there were some reasearch a few years ago saying that a high percentage of children with disphoria grew up not identifing as trans of transitionning in adulthood? So I'm not sure detrantionner are mostly due to ROGD.
At the end of the day, with the increased interest from doctors about transsexualism and the topic of detransitioning, I really hope a more accurate... better yet a hard scientific cause can be solidified and therefore help everyone going through gender dysphoria.
Yes! And I'd really hope studies into detrantion and other less popular subjects will stop being shut down for political reasons...
I did transition. I was on hormones for close to ten years, got a top surgery, hysterectomy and partial bottom surgery. It still didn't make me male, and while it helped my dysphoria (I did feel better for years after these operations) it would slowly creep back because there was always something that wasn't male enough. And since I was reaching the end of what medicine can do, what else could I change?