I’m not trans or detrans, but I did go through a year and a half of seriously teetering on the edge of starting HRT and hanging with an increasingly trans-heavy crowd in my later teens. I was raised in much the same situation as you, but in the Deep South of Georgia. I first started to realize that I didn’t want to be involved once I started to see some truly detrimental things happening in the trans community which seemed to me like basically the same thing I went through in high school with guys and my family trying to pressure me into dating/sex with men when I clearly wasn’t interested or happy/healthy.

I also just realized that it is totally okay and acceptable to just be gender nonconforming. Being true to myself, to the femininity I felt inside and had built up a hateful attitude for freed my mind and my soul. It was a very slow process to unlearn the internalized homophobia and misogyny that I was experiencing, but it felt right, and it kept feeling more and more right the less I worried about ‘becoming’ a man and started focusing more on just loving myself and being happy with who and what I am.

I never hated myself, in all honesty. I found that, at the end of the road, once I fully came out and stopped being so worried about external validation, that that was my driving force for even considering transitioning. I was worried about disappointing and/or alienating my family and friends. That did inevitably happen, but that’s okay. It hurt at first, but it got better with time. I am pretty androgynous and I look great no matter how I dress or present on any given day. I love my feminine qualities, just as much as I love the masculine ones, and there is nothing whatsoever wrong with that.

Be yourself, and don’t let anyone tell you who you ‘should’ be. You’re a beautiful person, and there is nothing wrong with being same-sex attracted. I don’t know how much homophobia you experience where you are, but I know that if someone had said some of these things to me when I was experiencing so much inner turmoil that it would have made a significant difference in my life and in my choices back then.

I hope this helps, and I hope that my input was welcome. You didn’t put the ‘trans/detrans only’ flair up, so I thought I might weigh in since no one else had as of yet.

Be well, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, just reach out. It gets better.

Edit to clarify a few vague statements/fix typos.

Any trans person who is so heavily focused on being THE VOICE of the sexuality of their partner — especially if the partner says their sexuality is different from what the trans individual says — is doing so for selfish reasons.

To me, that is a huge red flag that they are so egotistical and worried/transfixed on the idea of what other people see them as that they are willing to completely dismiss/devalue what their significant other says/identifies as/feels, etc in order to satisfy their own desires for external validation.

For example: if a trans woman is dating a gay/bi man, they may feel that others will see them as their born sex. Therefore, rather than accept that they have a loving partner who treats them well and that no matter what, some people will see things differently than they do, they blatantly oppose their partner’s own description of themself to make their transness seem more valid/to be more passable (in their own mind).

It’s not limited to this, but a similar dilemma happens with trans women and demanding to only date lesbians, because any female who is straight or bi might open them up to external situations which make them uncomfortable. They’d rather make their partner uncomfortable than be uncomfortable themselves due to decisions that they made about how to live their life.

It’s gross, it shows a significant lack of respect for others, and I personally feel it indicates a high level of codependency/super low self-esteem, or just pure narcissistic behavior.

The most important validation comes from within.

Every single time I’ve brought this up in a trans-friendly sub, even those with names suggesting that they cater more to gays or lesbians, radical TRAs absolutely dogpile me, and I usually get banned. The radical trans community silence any semblance of logic or law if it deviates from their idea of “trans rights.”

The way that you’ve worded this makes you seem really ignorant.

You talk about gay/straight as though you had choices, and then completely disregarded your children because they are confused and got taken advantage of. It’s not their fault, as I see every day the way the radical side of the trans community tries to indoctrinate kids as young as possible so they can brainwash them. Then when their family is wary or wants them to take things slowly, they get told their family doesn’t love or support them.

So basically, you said you “came out in the lesbian/gay community” then “went back to straight.” First of all, wtf? That’s not a thing.

You then whined that your children didn’t contact you on Mother’s Day, which is sad, but maybe you should consider the way you’ve approached the entire subject to begin with and how that has affected your relationship with your kids.

Sexuality is not a choice. I know what it feels like to try, and it doesn’t work. Don’t talk to me as though I have inferior experiences just because I understand the fact that sexuality is not something you can choose. Choose to have sex with whoever, it doesn’t change how your body reacts to that person or their genitalia. That is sexuality.

Try to downplay my experiences all you want, but you can’t take away the fact that this has scientific backing. Sexuality can not be chosen.

I never once claimed to know what your experiences were. You’re the one who keeps assuming what I “obviously haven’t been through” or “religious biases” which I don’t have. You’re proving to be a train wreck.

Enjoy your ignorance, I gave up years ago trying to validate myself to friends and family who absolutely refuse to believe that I am not choosing to love women. I’m not going to do it with some narrow-minded stranger on the internet.

A big issue I’ve seen, being up close and personal with the medical field, is that if a medical professional refuses to provide medical diagnoses which allow for the prescription of hormones and eventually SRS, that they are lambasted and accused of transphobia and risk losing their jobs. There was a post from a gynecologist a few months ago which really blew up where she went into full detail about how it has impacted her work environment and how trans individuals (mostly MtFs) have been putting so much pressure on those in medical fields to serve them, that even though it goes against certain biological laws, it is taboo to say no.

No, it seems that they are concerned that there is a reduction in the restrictions for access to hormone and SRS therapy for minors, and that they are asking for more support of mental counseling and treatment for those demographics. That was my takeaway from the wording.

Edit: I didn’t see that they had already commented, so sorry that my response was no longer relevant. I’m on my iPad, and sometimes the app acts up and doesn’t show the full screen, or shows it in a weird angle/position.

I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much. I know how much that hurts. I’m happy to hear you got therapy and are becoming comfortable with yourself. The difference is amazing. So, did you start to transition just to ease the tension of homophobia? Was it the allure of getting closer to a kind of “straight-presenting” relationship? I know it helped me a lot to make my decisions by just digging down deep and figuring out what the true root of my feelings were.

Choosing to allow someone to have sex with your body or choosing to have sex with someone else’s body does not change your sexual orientation. You don’t know anything about me, so please don’t assume to.

This isn’t a narrow view, holy shit. It’s just how it is. I first started experimenting with sex with men. That didn’t make me straight. It just meant I was having sex with men. I’m a lesbian. I didn’t realize that until the first time I kissed a woman. I still experimented with men a few more times after that to be sure of myself, and yet still, I’m a lesbian. You can’t change your sexual orientation. If you enjoy having sex with both men and women, then you’re bi, and yet still, you haven’t changed your sexual orientation.

My point still stands, and yours is still incorrect. It has been a major facet of the fight for LGB rights for centuries. How can you so easily forget that radical doctors and “Christians” have tried to force us to “choose to be straight” by enacting conversion therapy and other mental bullshit theories that never worked?

I get being honest with them beforehand. However, this is after the fact, and they are obviously already regretting the choices and how they were enabled to transition, no matter whose fault it is. It isn’t helpful at all to say this in this way now. Just seems cruel for cruelness’ sake.