This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The narrative is highly detailed, deeply personal, and internally consistent over time. The user discusses complex, nuanced experiences with trauma, mental health, and the physical effects of HRT and binding in a way that aligns with known detransitioner experiences. The passion and criticism expressed are consistent with someone who has experienced significant harm.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started in a strict religious home where I was taught that being a woman meant being weak and submissive. I later transitioned to male to escape this trauma and an abusive relationship, but I was deeply dissociated for years. After finally leaving my abuser, I woke up and realized my problem wasn't being a woman, but the hatred I'd been taught to feel for it. I've since detransitioned and now, after a lot of healing, I'm learning to be a woman on my own terms. I'm finally just me, free from labels and the control of others.
My detransition story
My entire journey with transition and detransition is deeply tangled with trauma, mental health, and a desperate search for myself. I was born female and from a very young age, I hated anything girly. I dressed in my older brother's clothes and would get angry if anyone called me a girl. I hated my breasts and cried about wanting a flat chest; wearing a bra felt like a prison. I now understand this wasn't a simple case of being born in the wrong body, but a reaction to the environment I was raised in.
I grew up in a strict, fundamentalist Christian cult that had very specific, oppressive ideas about women. We were taught that a woman's only purpose was to be a submissive wife and mother, to serve her husband, and to stay quiet. I was called names like "devil spawn" for not conforming. This created a powerful self-hatred; I didn't want to be seen as weak, feeble, or incapable—which is what I was told women were. The only way out my young mind could see was to not be a woman at all.
This feeling was solidified by trauma I experienced later, including sexual assault, which made me fear living as a woman even more. I also have autism and struggled with severe depression, anxiety, and very low self-esteem. Right before I started transitioning, I was in a really bad place mentally and was even hospitalized for dissociation and what might have been psychosis. I felt completely disconnected from myself and the world.
Around this time, I got into a relationship with an older person who was predatory and abusive. They identified as non-binary and heavily influenced me, pushing me toward transitioning. They fed me articles and information, encouraging me to see myself as a trans man. So, at 18, I started socially transitioning, and around 19, I started testosterone. I chose a male name, but it was heavily influenced by this partner. I passed very quickly as a man, went "stealth," and bound my chest every day.
I was on and off testosterone seven different times over the years because I was constantly struggling with it. I’d feel wrong as a man but also wrong as a woman. I now realize I was dissociating through almost all of it; I have very few clear memories from that entire eight-year period. My life was a blur of surviving abuse, financial instability, and homelessness with that partner. I tried to get top surgery but couldn't, and now I am so incredibly grateful for that.
The turning point was finally leaving that abusive relationship. Once that massive source of trauma was removed from my life, it was like I woke up. The dissociation lifted, and for the first time in years, I was present in my own head and body. One of the first things I realized was that I needed to detransition. I understood that my problem was never that I was a woman; it was that I hated the horrible, limited definition of womanhood I had been forced into. With a lot of self-work, I've come to love being a woman on my own terms.
I don't necessarily regret transitioning because, at the time, it felt like the only way I could survive. It was a coping mechanism. But it did cause me problems. "Safe" binding, even with a properly sized binder, permanently misshaped my ribcage and spine. While many of the effects of testosterone have reversed—my voice is higher, my skin is softer, my body hair has reduced—some are permanent, like a bit of facial hair. I take combination birth control to stop my periods, which works great.
I'm not going back to my birth name or my transition name. My birth name was always tied to self-hatred, and my transition name was chosen by my abuser. I've chosen a new, slightly feminine androgynous name for myself that feels right. My hair texture and even my cowlicks changed after stopping testosterone, which was unexpected.
My thoughts on gender now are simple: I just want to be me. I don't feel the need to identify strongly with any label. I'm not a trans man, and I'm not trying to be a stereotypical woman. I'm just a person. I’ve realized that a lot of my feelings were related to internalized misogyny and trauma, not an innate gender identity. I benefited from finally being able to get therapy and work on my trauma without an abuser controlling me. My physical and mental health have improved drastically since I stopped testosterone and started living as myself again.
Age | Event |
---|---|
3-4 | Early childhood discomfort with gender roles begins, raised in a fundamentalist Christian cult. |
Teen Years | Experienced assault and a predatory relationship; solidified desire to not be a woman. |
18 | Began socially transitioning to male. |
19 | Started testosterone for the first time. |
19-25 | Was on and off testosterone seven separate times. Lived as a stealth man, used binders. |
22 | Started to seriously question my transition but was encouraged to continue. |
25 | Left abusive partner. Dissociation lifted. Began detransitioning shortly after. Stopped testosterone permanently. |
25 | Started taking combination birth control to stop periods. Began living as a woman again. |
Top Comments by /u/Willow_Tree25:
"binding is safe long term so long as you give yourself breaks."
Um, no. My ribcage and spine now being misshapen don't agree with that, lol. I always wore properly sized binders and did my best to follow the "guidelines" for "safe" binding. I expected and understood that it would affect my breast shape and everything, but I did not expect scoliosis lol.
"Testosterones changes are permanent."
Mmm yes and no. My voice WITHOUT vocal training has started to get higher (enough to already be getting gendered correctly on the phone), body hair growth greatly reduced and sparse, skin is soft and cleared up... let's put it this way. Most of the changes I experienced on T weren't permanent. However, I will never return fully to what I was like before. But given the fact I transitioned before my body was fully developed and "settled", I won't ever know what I would have looked or sounded like anyway. Yes, I'll likely continue to grow a bit of facial hair, a bit of extra body hair, and have a slightly deeper voice, but women who suffer with PCOS deal with some or all of that as well. I through and through pass as a woman, the only reason people question is if they have to see my still male I.D. lol.
"Trans men are treated and respected the same as other men"
XD.... Do I really have to say anything about this? Any FtMtF could probably tell you that's not quite true...
I haven't had the time to finish the video completely, however I feel so bad for how Luka was being treated. They all seemed to not want to let her speak because her story held the most weight in my opinion... Why is it so hard for BOTH sides to shut up while the other speaks? You cannot have a fully formed opinion without all the facts, and sometimes that means listening to difficult things.
My story is a bit hard to tell as there were factors from as young as 3-4 years old that played into it, but I can give a brief overview. Frankly, I'm a bit of an outlier with my story, it's quite extreme. Trigger warning if you wanna continue, it gets rough though I do my best to not be too detailed.
I was raised in a christian-based cult, as you can imagine, they had quite a few ideas on how women should behave and look. I was raised in a group that didn't respect women's voices, kept women in the house and making babies, and believes women were "under her pastor and her husband." While boys played sports, girls were inside learning how to fold "happy towels." They were called this because if you didn't fold your towels the right way and have everything organized the right way, your husband wouldn't be happy with you. Essentially, I grew up in an atmosphere of hate and belittlement toward women and told I was only good for supporting my husband and having kids.
This fostered a very strong internal reaction to being called a woman/identifying as a women for me. I had these strong internal messages of hate, I didn't want to be seen as "weak, feeble, unable to care for myself, a stumbling block for men, ect". The only way, in my head, to not be those things was to not be female. So, I tried to deviate from what the other girls did, how they acted, how they looked. (Which got me called devil spawn or spawn of Satan by children and church leaders alike)
Eventually, I'd managed to leave the cult as a kid. At this point I already identified as bisexual (wrong, try asexual 👍🏻) and was desperately searching for an answer on why I'd rather be a man/how to be a man. It led me to the trans community. I didn't immediately latch on to the idea, I held onto it as I started to age/enter highschool.
What I went through in highschool solidified my view that i was trans. I was treated as other because the way I dressed (tomboy, my highschool was in the south and most were fairly fundamental christian.) During this period of my life, I was also assaulted on multiple different occasions (led me to fear living as a woman even more). Unfortunately, I was also involved in a predatory relationship with an older person at this time who heavily encouraged my involvement in the LGBT community.
I moved on from highschool and entered into the work force. Shortly after, I began my transition to male with that predatory partner pushing me forward all the way. They encouraged me, fed me articles and reasons why this was right, ect. Eventually, I married that person. Biggest mistake.
After we married, they immediately became abusive. Now, while in an abusive relationship, I felt I had no choice but to remain male. I'd been pushed there by this person, my male name was even picked with influence from that partner. So I lived like that for years. Enduring.
Through various struggles (homelessness, financial insecurity, losing cars, ect, I'm not even gonna list all the problems I went through with this person). I eventually saw my own worth and left that person. Within a few months of them leaving, I began detransitioning. I did a lot of internal work, and still am, to heal the way I was taught to view women and myself and to heal all the damage I've accumulated over the years. I realized I just wanted to be... Me. Not anyone else's perception of anything. Just me.
To add to this, because it's fairly scattered(sorry, trauma kinda does that lol), I suffered severe mental health issues during all of this (I'm also very likely autistic). I had multiple suicide attempts, self harmed for 13 years, and was hospitalized on different occasions. Before I began my transition, I actually ended up in the psych hospital with mild memory loss, psychosis, derealization/dissociation/depersonalization. I stayed dissociated pretty consistently for about 8 years, my memories of that time are spotty and definitely not in a proper timeline. After I woke up from my dissociation (after my divorce/removing a massive trauma source) I immediately began detrans. I could never work on myself or my struggles with that abusive partner around. That partner was involved for 14 years of my life (more than half of my time alive so far)
To be honest, my memory is still so spotty that this is all I really know about why I transitioned. There's likely more to it, more small details, more small things I experienced that led me to where I ended up. But this is what I know :) feel free to ask questions, I'll answer the ones I'm able to.
That's exactly what happened to me. Just before I started my transition, I actually ended up in the psych hospital for dissociation/derealization, possible psychosis. (Ya know, all the things they say should keep you from being allowed to transition, which somehow didn't matter while I was transitioning) Now 7-8 years later and after removing a trauma source from my life, I suddenly just sorta woke up.
Partner was AFAB but identified as nonbinary.... No, I wouldn't re-transition. My transition just made things more difficult and caused issues for me that were unnecessary. I don't have to identify any certain way really, I just have to be myself, and myself isnt rooted in any certain gender.
Thank you! Actually, not yet, Im hoping to get laser eventually though. Currently I shave or occasionally use depilatory creams. I went on BC 3 weeks after stopping T and that's seemed to really slow down my body hair growth. I still have to shave my face daily/every other day, but that's slowing down as well. I don't have to shave my arms anymore or my thighs, everything else is occasional.
So I was on a fairly high dose for a long time and quit cold turkey, however to combat the potential negative side effects, I started taking combination birth control shortly after stopping T and to keep my period away. I feel like my "detox" went by faster than what's average on here, but there was like a week of super intense mood issues since it was such a drastic shift in hormones. I didn't have any of the achy feelings or other issues others have talked about though, so it's kind of a trade off.
I'm not going back to my birth name and I'm not keeping my transition name either, as my birth name was always hated by me and the transition name was chosen by an abuser no longer in my life. I've decided to pick a new name with no outside influence and have found comfort in the new name. Its actually a more androgynous name with a slight fem lean which is perfect for me...
In your case, I'm not sure the name, but are there any tweaks you could make where you'd still love the name but it's more fem? But honestly, don't worry too much. There's so many names that are androgynous or even masculine sounding fem names, like Sam, Sage, River, Jordan, Alex, ect. If YOU like it and you're comfortable carrying the name, keep it. I feel like people tend to ask pronouns a lot in general nowadays, doesn't always mean theyve clocked you or anything.
Wow, your post sounds very very similar to how I was before I transitioned... I'm not trying to sway you either way, that's your own decision and journey to choose, but I will tell you a bit about me and my background so you have a view I didn't when I was in your position.
I also have autism, depression, and a few other mental health problems. My dysphoria wasn't sudden either, I spent my entire youth dressed in my older brothers clothes and would snap at anyone calling me a girl. I hated bras and wanted a flat chest, cried over it even. I started socially transitioning at 18, and started t maybe around 19. Very quickly I passed as male, wore binders, and was "stealth". I tried to get top surgery but never could, which now I'm so grateful for. I'm 25 now, I started questioning my transition at 22 but was "encouraged"(for lack of a better term) by other trans people to continue on and that feelings like that would go away. Those feelings didn't. I was off and on T seven separate times as I struggled with who I was, hating myself as a woman and begrudgingly hating myself as a man. I didn't realize that my problems weren't because I was trans, it was because I had years of unresolved gender based trauma (and mass amounts of other types of trauma) and I'd spent the last 8 years of my life dissociating as a coping mechanism. I also have very little memory of the last 8 years. I'm finally not trapped in my head anymore, and the first thing I did was detransition. I don't necessarily regret having transitioned, I think at the time that was my only way to survive, but I'm done with that part of my life now and it's in the past. I detransitioned very very recently and my entire life has changed for the better. I don't hate (properly fitting) bras anymore, I "pass" as myself in public, and my physical health has drastically improved after stopping T. I had to do a lot of self work to see that I didn't hate being a woman, I hated being the perception of a woman that I was shown and taught. I didn't want to be the meek, submissive, silent christian wife my parents taught me to be, no, forced me to be. Shamed me for not being. I had to find my own worth and had to find what I believe a woman is for myself. And I found that I love being a woman, when it's my own choice... If you have PDA type autism like me, if you felt forced to be a woman, this could /possibly/ be why you feel that way. I think it'd be best to put a pause on deciding either way for a minute to maybe sit back and do some self introspection to help you make a choice. Either way, be safe, do what makes you happy.
So extremely painful and heavy periods are actually one of the reasons I went on T to begin with, so I completely understand. 3 weeks after I stopped T, I started taking Loestrin which is a combo birth control pill and I haven't had a single period transitioning from T to birth control. I was told by my doctor if I wanted to guarantee skipping my period every month I'd want to look at combo birth control pills. You can use the Planned Parenthood app to get a prescription for/order birth control from them and it'll give you the option to chat with the provider if you have any questions