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Reddit user /u/Wonderful_Ad968's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 15 -> Detransitioned: 20
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
puberty discomfort
anxiety
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's comments are highly consistent, displaying a deep, nuanced, and personal understanding of the detrans/desister experience. They offer empathetic, practical advice focused on mental health, acceptance, and moving forward, which aligns with the passionate and often frustrated perspective of someone who has been harmed by gender ideology and medical transition. The language is natural, varied, and context-specific, showing no signs of automated or scripted responses.

About me

I started feeling deep discomfort with my female body during puberty and was influenced online to believe I was a man. I thought transitioning socially would fix my depression and anxiety, but it was really about low self-esteem and struggling to accept being a gay woman. I never took hormones because I realized my body being female is a simple fact, not a problem to be solved. I now see that my real issues were mental health struggles that needed proper care, not physical changes. I've learned to accept myself as a masculine woman and focus on building a life I love.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started with a deep discomfort during puberty. I never felt like I fit in with what girls were supposed to be like. I hated the changes happening to my body, especially developing breasts; they felt like a burden and made me feel weak. I saw life as a male as being easier, less complicated by the female reproductive system. I spent a lot of time online and was influenced by what I read, and I started to think that maybe I was trans, that being a man was the answer to my problems.

I socially transitioned and started living as male. I thought it would fix my depression and anxiety and the general feeling of not belonging. Looking back, I think a lot of this was tied to low self-esteem and struggling with the idea of being a gay woman. Being a "straight man" seemed like a simpler path. I also think I used the idea of transition as a form of escapism, a way to run from my problems instead of dealing with them.

I never ended up taking hormones or having any surgeries. I got close to considering it, but something held me back. I started to question things more deeply. I asked myself what it even meant to "feel like a woman" or "feel like a man." I realized I didn't feel like a woman in some special internal way—I just am a woman because I'm female. I saw that many of my issues weren't about my sex but were mental health struggles that needed proper care, not hormones.

I began to see the medical side of things as really irresponsible. It seemed crazy to me that you could walk into a clinic, say you were trans, and get life-altering treatments without anyone really digging into the underlying reasons for your distress. I felt like the medical profession had failed its duty of care, especially for young people and those with mental health issues who can't truly consent to such permanent changes.

My detransition was more of a mental shift than a social one, since I hadn't medically transitioned. I realized I could be a masculine, sporty woman. I didn't have to change my body to be myself. My body is female, and that's a fact I can't change, but it doesn't dictate my personality, my hobbies, or who I can love. I learned to focus on the things I can control—my job, my hobbies, my friendships—and that has helped my mental health immensely. Keeping busy with things I care about stops me from obsessing over my body.

I don't regret exploring transition because it led me to where I am now, but I am deeply critical of the process and the ideology that pushes it as the only solution. I believe that for many people, including myself, the answer lies in accepting the things we cannot change and working on our mental health, not in trying to change our bodies to fit a feeling.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:

Age Event
Around 12-13 Started feeling intense discomfort with female puberty, hated breast development.
Mid-teens (approx. 15-16) Influenced by online communities, began to socially identify and live as male.
Late teens / Early 20s Started seriously questioning my transition, realizing my struggles were related to mental health and internalized homophobia, not gender identity.
Early 20s Mentally detransitioned. Accepted myself as a masculine female and focused on therapy and building a life I enjoyed.

Top Comments by /u/Wonderful_Ad968:

27 comments • Posting since May 17, 2022
Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) explains to a distressed detransitioner that they are not to blame for their medical transition as a minor, and offers hope and practical advice for moving forward with life.
53 pointsAug 30, 2022
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None of this is your fault. You are putting no blame on your mother, an adult, for supporting you/letting medical professionals do this to you. Then why are you blaming yourself? Surely your mother is 20+ years older than you, she is an adult, and is responsible for taking care of you. You are a minor, a teenager.

You were both lied to and manipulated. Your mother was obviously worried but relented, probably because of what therapists and Drs told her, because she wants you to be happy.

You thought you had a medical condition because of what everyone around you (irl and online) said. The only treatment that was presented was transition. You were too young to have developed the abilities to do your own actual research and to have been critical about what you were told by adults, by highly educated adults even. Thats not your fault.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you.

BUT life goes on, it really does. You are still maturing, your brain is still developing :).

Facial hair can be permanently removed.

Your Adams apple may become less noticable off T? Anyhow, you can hide it with turtle necks, scarves, and as you get older it may bother you less.

You can perhaps get voice training or just own it and correct people who misgender you based on your voice.

You can get breast forms and eventually a surgical reconstruction/implants if you want but i would wait a couple of years with that. I think some feminine clothing looks amazing and feminine on a flat chest. As you get older you may not feel like you must have breasts.

Finally: loads of people will be interested in being friends with you and date you. Of course it might be a little harder but there's millions of people out there in your age range. Some people into women don't care much for breasts. Plenty people care more about the personality than specifics of someones body. You are worthy of love. You will be attractive to others.

I felt pretty rough at your age and have at times since. I'm now twice your age. Things do get better! They really do. Once you finish high school you have much more control of your life. That will not undo your experiences but you will feel a lot better being able to decide on tertiary education or not, jobs, moving out, making your own food. Making new friends as a young adult.

You've got this!

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) comments on the ethics of transition, arguing hormones and surgeries are not indicated for mental health issues due to a lack of evidence and criticizes self-diagnosis and aggressive lobbying.
39 pointsJun 12, 2022
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I don't think it is and I don't think these hormones and surgeries are indicated for emotional/mental health issues or definitely shouldn't be, as there isn't enough evidence supporting it (showing efficacy and safety). AFAIK this is the only kind of condition where you can diagnose yourself, choose which drugs and surgeries you think you need, and actually get them. It's thanks to aggressive lobbying I imagine. Wouldn't be surprised if all these surgeons are in on it because it's a nice pay day.

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) explains the significant, permanent, and unpredictable physical changes of testosterone HRT, advising a 22-year-old to deeply question their gender identity first.
38 pointsAug 25, 2022
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Using T to help with a mental health issue in a female is experimental. It is not known what the long-term effects can be.

You do not choose how T affects you. You may not notice many changes or you may notice your voice drop within weeks, and in the long term get a lot of body hair and facial hair, have a change in fat distribution, have clitoral growth, get male-pattern hair loss on your head, etc. Then there's the risk of acne, possible increase in libido and changes in your temper. You may get all of these changes or none.

There's risks of side effects, some of which may not yet be known.

Then there's possible negative effects on your fertility (although T is not a reliable form of birth control).

You are only 22 so who knows what you want out of life in your 30s or 40s+.

Good on you for doing your homework. Best of luck with whatever you choose.

Edit to add questions:

What makes you not a woman?

What makes you a man/NB?

What is NB? How is it different from personality traits or a fashion/style sense?

What is gender? How is it not sex, and how is it not sexist stereotypes?

What can you now not do in life but you think you can do on T (or after surgeries)?

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) explains why they believe the medical profession is failing its duty of care by providing gender-affirming treatments without sufficient diagnosis.
33 pointsJun 12, 2022
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The medical profession has a duty of care and to accurately diagnose someone and provide evidence-based medicine. That is clearly not happening for many people who come to an MD or a psychologist or an 'informed-consent' clinic with the statement they think they are transgender and want to transition. Just because someone says they have a certain condition doesn't necessarily mean they do. Just because someone wants a certain drug doesn't necessarily mean that they should be given it.

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) explains the need for political coalitions across ideological lines to effectively push back against childhood transition.
25 pointsJul 19, 2022
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Same. I think it's ok to team up with anyone on this issue as long as they share your views on this one issue. It's impossible to get a big enough movement to push back against (childhood) transition and all the lies used in pushing it if you refuse to associate with people who may have very different views on other topics that are important to you. I think talking with people about this shared view and learning about your differing views along the way can be really valuable: you may both learn something.

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) explains why they believe the medical profession has a duty of care to protect emotionally distressed, mentally ill, or cognitively disabled individuals from consenting to medically unnecessary and destructive transition treatments, comparing it to not serving more alcohol to a drunk person.
23 pointsJun 12, 2022
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You seem to misunderstand the duty of care the medical profession has towards their patients. Can an alcoholic make the decision to drink more when he's already really drunk? The bar keep is not supposed to give more booze to someone already drunk. And that's just another drink. Can a 13 year old decide to get a tattoo? What about an adult with a cognitive disability, can they choose to enroll in the army to risk their life in combat, or to be a surrogate mother for someone else's baby? Can they fully grasp all the expected effects and possible unintended effects and outcomes? After all, they might want to do these things themselves. What about selling a kidney? What about working as a sex worker, a job to some people but very clearly a different kind of job than most other jobs. What about someone going through a psychotic episode? Someone with severe depression?

Someone who is emotionally in distress/mentally ill or a minor or with a certain cognitive disability can't consent to medically unnecessary invasive/destructive cosmetic surgeries or treatment with powerful hormones/blockers. It's the duty of the medical profession to accurately diagnose patients and provide evidence-based treatments indicated for the diagnosis, and to provide full details of the effects and possible side effects, of other treatment options and their effects and side effects, etc. That hasn't happened for most people who medically transitioned. None of these blockers, hormones, and surgeries should be indicated for a mental health issue/and emotional problem when you look at the actual science. Medical transition used to be extremely rare, I think something like 1 in 50k-100k and only in (older) adults, after years of trying therapy, trying to cope with just occasional crossdressing or just being gay etc. and a successful real-life test where you "live as the other sex" for at least 1 year before you even got hormones. Surgeries were many more years down the line if people even got them.

It's ok for you to think that people did this to themselves but that is not in line with the reality of what people are capable of and what the role and duty of the medical profession is.

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) explains why they believe questioning individuals should be cautious about transition, arguing it's often a honeymoon phase that masks underlying issues with sexuality and self, not a solution to being an effeminate gay man.
13 pointsAug 25, 2022
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"...and several trans women say that if you are not attracted to gay men who are a bit or quite effeminate, you are a trans woman because you want to be with a straight man who presents himself in a masculine way." Yeah, that sounds like a load of BS to me.

Life is not easier as a woman.

You can never be a woman because you are male, so you could be a transwoman but that is going to be a very different life from females.

I'm sure that it's easier to be straight than gay even in very tolerant/accepting societies, so it sounds like you are struggling with your sexuality but that does not make you a woman.

Stay away from the internet, especially instagram etc. Every person who shares their life online is heavily cherry picking at best or outright lying at worst. Many people who take steps to transition are in a honeymoon phase for years. They've built it up in their heads that they can't go on withour being their "authentic self". Then they finally decide to transition, they come out, start hormones, get a new wardrobe, have surgeries, all while getting lots of positive attention online and sometimes irl too. Its all new and exciting and it feels like you are taking care of yourself, like you are working towards something, progressing. But the novelty will eventually wear off, people you thought were friends may fade away because maybe they no longer like hanging out with you, people will lose interest in talking about your transition, so what else have you got going on? You can spend years on transition, many thousands of hours reading social media, forums, shopping, grooming, planning, thousands if not tens of thousands+ in medical costs, lost earnings, clothes, hair removal, surgeries, drugs, care, etc. But you are stil you, at the end of the day.

Checkout ShapeShifter on YouTube. He is a desisted MtFtM who is still presenting fem as he tries to figure out how to move forward. He is a very effeminate gay man who had a botched vaginoplasty and now realises this was all a mistake.

I am sure that for a small number of people, transition worked out well and was the final thing they had not yet tried in order to deal with their sexuality and sense of self etc. But i think this is a very small minority of the people who transition now. All the gatekeeping that was there in the past was there for a reason.

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) explains why a detransitioner is not to blame for their transition, offering advice on self-acceptance, practical tips for moving forward, and placing responsibility on medical professionals.
9 pointsAug 25, 2022
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Not every girl or personin general is happy in their body. Many people have insecurities or feel bad about certain parts of their body. Then there's people who have injuries or ilnesses and hate their body because of that.

You absolutely can't blame yourself for having wanted to change your body as a teenager. You must have been in distress, struggling, unhappy. The MDs and therapists who helped you hurt yourself are to blame. The MDs who wrote the horrible guidelines that say affirm everyone are to blame.

You can't undo what is done BUT you still have your whole life ahead of you. You will absolutely feel better in the future. You may never be happy with your chest BUT you will have come to accept it and learn to live with it.

You maybe able to get a reconstruction in the future if that is what you wish, but i would not decide on that now. You can get breast forms to wear in a good bra so that in clothes, you will look like any other young woman.

Are you being homeschooled or in any kind of education? I think it's really important to keep busy doing something. If you've got no school, no job, no nothing, you will just have way too much time to wallow and feel worse.

Go out for hikes to clear your head. It really does help. Eat healthy. Go to bed at a 'normal' time and wakeup at a 'normal' time. Do things you like doing whether that is reading, painting, sports, crafts, walking a dog, cooking, etc.

Find a way to volunteer in your local community. You'll meet new people, gain skills and experience, get out of the house.

Once you have processed your feelings and experiences a little, and if you want to, you can write and email to every professional person who "helped" you transition to tell them your current thoughts.

You could not have consented to what was done to you. This is not your fault. You will overcome this and have a good life.

Stay strong!

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) advises a young athletic woman to embrace being a sporty/butch female, warning that medical transition has health risks and downsides, and to focus on long-term health and school.
9 pointsJun 27, 2022
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Nothing wrong with being a sporty/masculine/butch woman. I wouldn't pick my body if I had free choice, but I don't. Maybe you can go swimming when there's few people around. Don't give up on stuff you love doing.

If you are female you will never be male. You could take hormones and get surgery to look more masculine but like you say that will come with health risks and living as transgender will have its downsides too. Focus on things that matter in the long term like your health and school performance. You'll figure the rest out as you go along.

Awesome that you are so athletic. I think athletic women (and men) look amazing and I respect the hard work and dedication to be fit!

Reddit user Wonderful_Ad968 (questioning own gender transition) comments that trying on different identities is a normal part of adolescent development.
7 pointsAug 30, 2022
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Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you realise what was going on with you. Now you can get the help you need. It's also normal for adolescents to 'try on' different identities/social groups. It's just a normal part of growing up to go to different kinds of social events and interest groups to find who you are.