This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. The user demonstrates a complex, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative of their transition and detransition journey over a significant period (2022-2024). The posts are highly detailed, emotionally charged, and contain specific, consistent medical and psychological details (e.g., BPD, PTSD, specific surgeries, hormone regimens, and their effects) that would be difficult for a bot to fabricate consistently.
There are no serious red flags suggesting this is a bot or an inauthentic account. The user's passion, anger, and internal conflict align with the expected experiences of a detransitioner or desister grappling with regret and identity.
About me
I'm a female who started transitioning to male at 19 because I was bullied for not being feminine and thought my discomfort meant I was a man. I lived as a man for five years and had surgeries to remove my breasts and ovaries, which I now deeply regret. I realized I had built a masculine facade that wasn't me, and now I feel dysphoric about both not being born male and the permanent changes from my transition. I'm back on estrogen and trying to just live day by day, presenting in a way that feels comfortable in the moment. My journey was tied to my mental health and trauma, and I wish I had been encouraged to slow down and question things more.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been messy and complicated, and looking back, I think a lot of my struggles with my identity were tied up with my mental health. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, and major depression, and these have always made it hard for me to have a stable sense of who I am. My identity feels like it can change depending on who I'm around, and I often latch onto fictional characters or ideas to feel some stability.
I didn't really think about my gender until I was in middle school, when kids started bullying me for not acting or looking like a girl was supposed to. I was always more comfortable with boys and had masculine interests, and being excluded for being female made me feel deeply uncomfortable. It felt like I was wearing a mask. When a friend of mine talked about wishing she was born a boy, it started to make sense to me. I began to believe that my discomfort was because I was actually supposed to be a guy.
My main issue has always been how other people see me. I had a lot of dysphoria about not being born male—I hated that I didn't have male chromosomes, a male skeleton, or male genitals. I also hated my breasts; they felt wrong and binding them was exhausting. I started identifying as non-binary online, then went through labels like agender and bigender before settling on being a trans man. I started testosterone when I was 19.
For five years, I lived as a man. I passed well, and I liked being seen as male by strangers and friends. I went to extreme lengths to act masculine so no one would guess I was trans. I changed the way I walked, sat, and talked. I avoided anything remotely feminine, even throwing out a pencil case I liked because it had flowers on it. I became a shell of myself, constantly exhausted from pretending.
At 20, I had top surgery. I convinced myself it would fix my discomfort and even help with past sexual trauma. I also had a hysterectomy and my ovaries removed because I wanted all the female parts gone. I'm glad I canceled my bottom surgery plans; that would have been a mistake I couldn't come back from.
About a year ago, I started to seriously question everything. I realized I had built a facade that wasn't really me. I began to open up to feminine things I had always secretly liked, like skirts and cute clothes. But this created a new kind of confusion. Now I feel dysphoria in both directions. I'm dysphoric about not being born male, but I'm also deeply dysphoric about the permanent changes from my transition, especially my flat chest. I regret my top surgery so much. I had a perfectly healthy body part removed, and I feel like I've lost a piece of my sexual identity forever. I look at women and am reminded of what I chose to destroy.
My mental health has been terrible since stopping testosterone and going back on estrogen. The mood swings and breakdowns, especially about my chest, were overwhelming at first. I’ve been back on E for about a year now, and while I like some of the physical changes—softer skin, less body odor, reduced body hair—I still don't know who I am. I don't feel like a woman, but being a man doesn't feel right either. All my legal documents say male, and I usually just tell people I'm a man because it's easier than explaining, but it feels like a lie. I'm trying to just live day by day, presenting in a way that feels comfortable in the moment, which for me is a very feminine guy, or what some might call a femboy.
I don't regret going on testosterone entirely, because it gave me some relief for a time, but I deeply regret my surgeries. I wish someone had asked me to slow down and think about whether I might regret it later. All I found online was unconditional support, with no space for doubt. Now I have to live with the consequences. I'm dependent on synthetic hormones for life because I had my ovaries removed, and I have to manage the physical complications from that.
My thoughts on gender now are that biology is a fact. I transitioned because I am female and wanted to be male, not because I could identify into it. I think many people, especially young women who don't fit stereotypes, are led to believe their discomfort means they're trans when it might be something else. For me, it was a mix of trauma, mental illness, and a desperate need to belong somewhere.
Here is a timeline of the major events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11 | Mental health struggles (PTSD, MDD) began. |
| 14 | Started using Tumblr; began exploring identity online, adopted "otherkin" and other delusional beliefs. |
| 15 | BPD symptoms became severe; developed an unstable sense of self. |
| Middle School | Bullied for not conforming to female stereotypes; started feeling uncomfortable being perceived as a girl. |
| 18 | Started therapy. |
| 19 | Started testosterone (T). |
| 20 | Had top surgery. Had hysterectomy and oophorectomy (removal of uterus and ovaries). |
| 20-24 | Lived as a man for 5 years, passing as male. |
| 23 | Began seriously questioning my transition and identity. |
| 24 | Stopped testosterone after 5 years. Started estrogen (E) again. |
| 24 (4 months off T) | Noticed physical changes like softer skin and the beginning of fat redistribution. |
| 24 (5 months off T) | Hot flashes stopped; voice began to change slightly; started speech therapy. |
| 25 (Present) | Still detransitioning medically; living socially as a masculine-leaning person but presenting femininely; managing ongoing dysphoria and surgical regrets. |
Top Comments by /u/Yep_this_is_it:
The same thing pretty much happened on Tumblr (and other internet 'forums') with Yaoi several years ago. A lot of people believe it was one of the "catalysts" that really kickstarted this whole online obsession with transsexuality.
I specifically remember posts going something along the lines of
"I read so much Yaoi i was worrying like 'my parents will never accept me for being gay', then iIlooked in the mirror and realized. I'm a girl. I'm female. xD" with a comment going "we've found patient zero"
and
"Yaoi is so relatable, I don't love boys as a girl I feel like I love boys as a boy myself"
But of course those posts are lost to time. I've tried looking for them several times, but I can't find them anywhere. If I ever do find them, I'll try and remember to post them here
Maybe it's because this subreddit isn't here for the validation of trans people's feelings - it's to help people deal with the cold, hard reality of choices, decisions and facts that accompany the process of transition and the consequences of it. It also lets people vent about their negative feelings related to all of those things.
Biology is fact - females will always be female and males will always be male. I feel like a healthy trans individual is aware of this fact, because the delusion of "I am x because I identify as one" is a terrible approach to the whole thing in general.
I'm detransitioning medically but still live, exist and see myself as trans. Telling me "you'll always be x" doesn't faze me because not only is it correct, it is also the whole reason for why I transitioned to begin with. A lot of modern-age 'trans' people cannot stomach this reality so they try to simply ignore or deny it in a brittle attempt to make themselves feel better.. but it's the wrong approach.
I got bullied my entire childhood for hanging out with boys and having "masculine" interests, so i guess getting bullied for my looks just went hand in hand with that. I seriously don't understand.
I look at old pictures of myself and realize i looked fine, but kids around me would constantly make me feel like I'm disgusting and ugly. Fuck public schools, honestly.
Hi. If someone else joining in on your struggle doesn't help, please ignore this comment and stay strong.
But I've also been dealing with this a lot lately. I'm not detrans, but ever since i started questioning and really thinking about who i want to be, I've been regretting top surgery more and more. The last few days and especially today have been really hard on me. I had a perfectly fine body part that did what it was supposed to, but because i was a fucking idiot at the ripe old age of 20 i thought "yeah i won't regret this, no way".
I had one body in this life and i ruined it with no way of recovery. I feel like my sexual identity has been damaged forever and I'll never be able to feel attractive in any way. With clothes on it's not as bad, but whenever i see women or female fictional characters i get reminded of what i chose to get rid of and i hate it so fucking much. My identity is a mess, i don't feel like anything anymore. Every night i wish to either wake up in the past or to wake up in a different life where i haven't made the choice i did.
hey, i completely understand how you feel about your voice, but it doesn't sound anywhere near as bad as you made it out to be. it sounds female, and while there's a voice crack and the monotonous aspect of it makes it sound kind of artificial, i'm pretty sure you can somehow improve that aspect!
i don't know anything about holes in vocal chords, or whether/how you would be able to get help for that, but if you can then i think it would be worth it if it improved your overall voice quality or furthered your ability to train it.
I've been distinguishing between normal LGBT (t for transsexuals) and the modern "LGBTQIA etc+" (t for transgender) from the start, since the people who use that acronym are usually the same clowns that believe in the "infinite genders" bs. Or "mogai", as it used to be called on tumblr.
(ftm)
it's almost the exact same for me.. my mental health has been so bad since i was 11, i had (then) undiagnosed PTSD and MDD. when i was 14 and started using tumblr, i adapted strong delusional/psychotic beliefs (dunno if anyone remembers 'otherkin', but i was obsessed with it to the point of getting suicidal ideas about "wanting to return to my real home universe", or obsessed with the idea of "having trauma from a past life" and some other stuff.. probably until i was around 18 and started therapy). When i was 15 my BPD flared up to the extreme for the first time and i became obsessed with a person that was really bad for my wellbeing, and i used to be extremely toxic and abusive a lot because of how bad our relationship was. caused me a lot of complexes that i still have to deal with.
i first adapted the nonbinary label, then agender, bigender, demigender and eventually just "trans male" as i gradually got older and realized that all those labels are fake crap and mean nothing.
i got a therapist at 18 and started hrt 3 months later at 19, had top surgery at 20. and only since maybe a year ago, i've been feeling like i'm actually me.. when i started questioning whether my transition was the right decision or not.
i currently have about 5 different mental disorders diagnosed, and something that affects my functioning a lot is dissociation/derealization. i have so much brain fog constantly, all the time. i don't experience dissociative amnesia, my memory is just extremely bad because if i don't distract myself constantly i just spiral into a breakdown or insanity. so i assume my brain just uses it as a constant "workaround" of some sort because it cannot process the amount of mental pain i'm in a lot of the time. it's gotten worse over the years though. whatever i'm doing, i can usually feel myself zoning out after a bit, and i never really feel like i'm all here.
some time ago i read about a woman who said that she also "woke up" from years of dissociative amnesia and didn't recognize the life she had built or who she was before she came to. there were some small events that she remembered, but overall things were just missing. it's not like that for me. i cannot remember everything, but i do remember things vaguely. it just feels like i'm watching myself in third person and through a foggy window at all times..
i regret having top surgery so much. having gone on T isn't as bad, since i still identify more with men than i do with women (was on it for 5 years, went back on E 2 months ago now). and it's not like i don't experience dysphoria at all, it's definitely there.. but at this point i'm confident i could've definitely made do with just hrt and a hysterectomy. i hate the way my chest looks. i hate that part of my sexual identity is just missing. i wish i would've just gotten a reduction of some kind instead, i'm so mad with myself and the people around me at the time.
all you could ever find was "trans support" or "trans resources" or "you're valid". nobody ever just said "hey, maybe you'll regret this in 3 years?". i was so obsessed with activism back then too, i really don't know why. being on T gave me bad hot flashes and i experience sensory issues in regards to sweating, so i absolutely hated having to wear a binder. but i also wanted the surgery because i believed that it would rid me of my sexual trauma like a fucking dumbass. that's really all it was. and i just have to live with this now.
Edit: added some small details here and there
Ngl I've been staying far far away from anything related to LGBT including Yaoi/Yuri content because I figured it'd be exactly what you just described, lol. It's honestly painful.
I heard about the new Gundam thingy from a friend of mine who's into mecha, and I figured that it'd attract that sort of crowd immediately, rip. Extremely unfortunate that fanbases of popular things have the tendency to ruin everything with identity politics these days :/
Yeahh, it's probably that silly double standard they have. Same as "if you're a man that watches lesbian p/rn you're a weird fetishist, but if you identify as a trans woman who identifies as a lesbian and watches lesbian p/rn you're valid no matter whether you've transitioned or not!" and other statements along those lines.
I personally don't like fujoshis, but not because I think they're fetishizing anything. They're just annoying, same as all the other 'shippers', lol. Most self-proclaimed fujos are also really weird about it and make it a personality trait, which is just..?
I wish you all the best on your journey!
Before i started T i was on birth control for a while to suppress my periods because i used to bleed a lot and it was obnoxious to deal with. Some people will argue it's unhealthy or "not natural", but i never had any issues with it /shrug
Maybe it could be an alternative for you though