genderaffirming.ai 

Reddit user /u/Zaibatsu_Loyalty's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
influenced online
influenced by friends
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
bisexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's comments are nuanced, empathetic, and show a consistent, developed personal philosophy around gender nonconformity, detransition, and self-acceptance. The language is natural, with personal anecdotes, cultural references, and a conversational tone that evolves over the four-year span of the comments. The passion and perspective align with a genuine desister or detransitioned individual.

About me

I started out feeling a deep discomfort with my changes during puberty and the pressure to be a certain type of woman, which led me to identify as male for a time. My journey was heavily influenced by online spaces and involved untangling my feelings from internalized misogyny and my sexuality. I realized that being a woman doesn't require performing femininity and that I could just be myself. I now live peacefully as a gender non-conforming woman, embracing the complexity of my identity without regret for the path I took. I've found freedom in focusing on who I am, not on the box I'm supposed to fit into.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been complicated, but I’ve ended up in a place of peace as a woman. I don't believe being trans is something you inherently "know." For me, it felt more like a choice, a way of life I tried on for a while, rather than a concrete reality I was born with. I think the idea of "real" or "fake" trans is toxic because it dismisses the real experiences of people like me who transitioned and then detransitioned. It implies we just weren't "trans enough," instead of looking at the bigger picture: that transition is often pushed as the only solution for anyone feeling dysphoric, and that's not always right.

I started out feeling incredibly uncomfortable, especially during puberty. I hated my breasts and felt a deep disconnect from the hyper-feminine image I saw everywhere. I think a lot of my struggle was tied to low self-esteem and anxiety. I spent way too much time online, and I was definitely influenced by what I saw there and by friends who were exploring similar identities. For a while, I thought the answer was to transition. I started identifying as non-binary, and then later, as male. It felt like an escape from the pressure to be a certain type of woman.

I remember thinking that to be a "real" woman, I had to think and act in a very specific, feminine way. I now see that was a kind of internalised misogyny. I’ve come to realise that there is no "female" way to think. You can feel casual, or even a bit macho, and still be a woman. I used to try and police my own thoughts, getting really upset if I didn't feel feminine enough. I’ve learned that's a harsh, black-and-white way of thinking that just makes everything worse. The key for me was to stop hyper-focusing on gendering every single thought and action. I started to allow those "non-feminine" thoughts to exist without judging them, even finding some humour in them. When I stopped fighting it, the discomfort slowly faded.

A big turning point was realising that femininity is largely a performance. I went through a phase where I tried to be super feminine after I started accepting myself as a woman again, and I quickly realised how uncomfortable and impractical it was for everyday life. Now, I live in pants and hoodies most of the time, and I save the more feminine clothes for when I actually feel like putting in the effort and enjoying that performance. I found freedom in accepting that I can be a woman who is gender non-conforming. I looked for templates of other women who lived outside the norm—lesbian musicians, female athletes, artists—and it helped me see that I could carve out my own space.

I’m a bisexual woman, and I think part of my confusion was wrestling with my sexuality. I’m attracted to women, including trans women, and untangling that from my feelings about my own gender was a process. Ultimately, I’ve learned to embrace myself as I am. My advice to others is always to focus on your hobbies and what you love, rather than obsessing over your body or identity. Be gentle with yourself. The goal isn't to fit into a perfect box, but to find a way of living that is actually comfortable for you.

I don't regret my transition phase because it was a necessary part of my journey to get to where I am now. It helped me question everything and ultimately understand myself better. I don't feel like I was "fake trans"; I was a person using the tools I had at the time to cope with deep discomfort. Now, I feel powerful in my identity as a woman, with all the complexity and non-conformity that includes.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:

Age Event
Early Teens (Puberty) Started feeling intense discomfort with my body, especially my developing breasts. Felt pressure to be hyper-feminine.
Late Teens / Early 20s Heavily influenced by online communities and friends. Began identifying as non-binary as a way to escape the discomfort. Later identified as male.
Mid-20s Began to question my transition. Realised a lot of my feelings were tied to internalised misogyny and a rigid view of what a woman should be. Started detransitioning socially.
Present (Late 20s) Living comfortably as a bisexual, gender non-conforming woman. Accepted that femininity is a performance I can choose when I want to, and that my value isn't tied to how well I perform it.

Top Comments by /u/Zaibatsu_Loyalty:

7 comments • Posting since September 11, 2020
Reddit user Zaibatsu_Loyalty (detrans female) explains that there is no "male" or "female" way of thinking, encourages embracing all aspects of personality, and suggests the issue may be internalized misogyny.
45 pointsSep 11, 2022
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homie. women don't....think in certain ways. what is thinking in ""gender neutral""" or ""male"" or ""female"" way???

no matter "how you think" you can still be a woman. I think all you're thinking is: about this way too much.

you don't have to be overly feminine. you don't have to feel a certain way to be anything . feel girlbossy one hour and be female james dean the next!!! it's possible! who cares! be everything!! be female!! all potential personalities exist within you!

it's uncomfortable not having a fixed "identity" in this regard and it's hard living as a nonconventional or unfeminine woman, but the comfort and freedom you can find if you stick with it is powerful.

it sounds like you have some internalised misogyny to work through.

Reddit user Zaibatsu_Loyalty (detrans female) explains that hypersexualized music is alienating to most women and advises seeking out relatable, down-to-earth female artists and nonconventional role models to find a personal, authentic way to be female.
30 pointsSep 11, 2022
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also sis most women do not relate to that hypersexual music!!!! that is the hugest representative of like hyperfemininity and soooo far removed from regular womanhood. alienating for most women! there is no like female mandate to understand or enjoy it lol. I would say most regular women don't. you can enjoy it without having to personify it.

go listen to some Courtney Barnett, Sharon van etten, Lucinda Williams, or any other down to earth women.

there are so many ways to be female and now you're trying to find your way, you need to find musicians and ppl who you actually resonate with, who help you envision a way to be within yourself, as you are. check out female ufc fighters, lesbian musicians and artists and writers, female sportswomen etc....idk who u r so I don't know what you're into but look into the lives of nonconventional women and see if you can find templates for yourself, or simply carve your own third space of radical gender nonconformity!!! 💕💕💕

Reddit user Zaibatsu_Loyalty (detrans female) comments that being trans is a choice, not something one can "know," and critiques the toxic idea of "real" vs "fake" trans people that dismisses detransitioners' concerns about transition being pushed as the only solution.
23 pointsSep 11, 2020
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I don't think being trans is something someone can 'know,' since it's ultimately a choice and a lifestyle, not a concrete reality. Anyone who has pursued transition /was/ legitimately trans. This idea of real trans/fake trans is kind of toxic in that it implies detransitioners weren't 'truly' trans and that's why they desisted, as if there's some measurable /actual transness/ that they simply didn't /actually/ embody. which doesn't address the concerns that detransitioners have around how much transition is pushed as the /only/ possible choice for dysphoric people to deal with their dysphoria because they're told they simply 'weren't actually trans'.

Not to nitpick but just maybe something to think about.

Reddit user Zaibatsu_Loyalty (detrans female) advises against harsh self-judgment and suggests embracing gender ambivalence to reduce obsessive thoughts.
16 pointsSep 11, 2022
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you can feel casually like a male and still be female and embrace yourself as a woman I think.... embracing that neutrality / gender ambivalence, since it's a space you're obviously comfortable in!

I think you need to extract yourself a little from obsessively gendering everything you do and lean into your body a little bit, your actual comfort, and working on trying to be gentle on yourself.

language like 'need to make that stop' is very harsh black and white thinking which will only increase the cognitive discomfort when you do think those things.

this is why I suggest recognising and allowing yourself to think those things, but perhaps trying to take it lightly, even finding some humour in it. if you stop hyperfocusing on trying to stop it, counter-intuitively, it will fade. x

Reddit user Zaibatsu_Loyalty (detrans female) comments on a post about attractiveness, suggesting styling tips and accessories like hoops to help the OP feel more feminine.
16 pointsNov 4, 2024
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you're so gorgeous girl! if you're digging the feminine maybe it's just a case of styling so you feel nicer- crazy what a little pizazz can do. try some accessories, different styles, I think you just need to figure out what makes you feel more fem. some hoops do wonders in my experience!

Reddit user Zaibatsu_Loyalty (detrans female) comments on navigating femininity as a performance, advising to find comfort in personal style and humor while acknowledging its effort and impracticality.
13 pointsSep 11, 2022
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nothing wrong with addressing yourself in those ways honestly, particularly if you perhaps try to take it lightly, even with a bit of humour?like I will act super macho sometimes and say terribly crass things but it's often with a feeling of parodying that gender norm, as I will be when wearing very fem clothes; aware it's all a performance, but a performance you can potentially find your space/some comfortability in, if you want to put in that effort on occasion.

and womens deodorants r fucking gross so feel ya. but I can see how that could grate with what seems like your desire TO be a hyperfemine woman, clashing with what's actually comfortable/manageable. when I started dipping my toe in femininity again I went quite fem because I was like oh!! I can do this too??? and then I realised how absolutely uncomfortable and impractical it is to wear cute clothes all the time! so now I mostly live in pants and a hoodie but will wear something else when I actually feel like I want to put that effort in and feel cute in that way. I realised how much of a performance feminity is, as it seems you are realising also.

perhaps just appreciate femininity and the effort it takes to be like that from afar and embrace yourself for how you are actually comfortable being? most women especially younger have a phase/s of feeling like they don't live up to how they'd like to be, but as you get older you hopefully forge out a way to participate/not participate in femininity which is actually comfortable for you.

Reddit user Zaibatsu_Loyalty (detrans female) comments that being a self-aware detransitioner is an asset for dating, advising to focus on self-acceptance and hobbies rather than fixating on one's body or love life.
10 pointsSep 22, 2020
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I'm a bisexual woman who is attracted to trans women. despite being t*rfy lol. it happens. there's lots of trans women in loving relationships. If you're a decent, chill person and can accept yourself it helps on the dating scene; by interacting with this sub it shows that you're already not balls deep (pardon the phrase) in delusion and neuroses so you will be able to navigate real life and regular people. being in the middle of things means you have a unique vantage point and if that's the life you've chosen to live it's cool and unique and special in its own way. focus on your hobbies and what you love and not your dating/sex life/body and, foremost, please be gentle on yourself. x