This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or not a real person.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, nuanced anecdotes (e.g., the rafting story, working in a shoe department).
- Consistent, passionate opinions that align with common detransitioner/desister perspectives, including anger at the medical establishment and analysis of social influences.
- Self-identification as someone who "desisted before any kind of social or physical transition," which is a valid desister experience.
The comments read as a passionate, opinionated, but genuine individual.
About me
I'm a female who started questioning my gender as a teenager because I hated feminine stereotypes and the way women are often treated. I got really into online communities and stories about gay men and thought I had to become a boy to belong. I now see that was a form of escapism and rooted in internalized misogyny, not a true transgender identity. I stopped identifying as trans before any medical intervention and realized I could reject sexist expectations without changing my body. I'm now a happy, gender-nonconforming woman who understands myself much better.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender was confusing, and looking back, I see it was built on a lot of misunderstandings. I never actually transitioned socially or medically, but for a few years, I genuinely believed I was trans. It started when I was a teenager. I was a girl who never liked stereotypically feminine things. I hated dolls and pink dresses and felt incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of being sexualized as a woman. I saw how women were treated and I wanted no part of it. Binding my chest and dressing like a boy felt like a way to escape that.
A big part of my confusion came from being online a lot. I consumed a lot of yaoi, or boy love manga, and I became fascinated with the idea of being a gay boy. I think I fell in love with these characters and thought that to be part of that world, I had to become a boy myself. I now see that was a form of escapism. I realize I was just a heterosexual girl who liked boys, and I didn't need to change my gender to be with one or to enjoy those stories. I could have just been a gender nonconforming or butch woman.
I also think internalized misogyny played a huge role. I felt that if I couldn't fit into the narrow box of what a girl was "supposed" to be, then I must not be a girl at all. The idea that being gender nonconforming means you're trans is a really harmful and sexist notion. It reinforces the very gender stereotypes we should be trying to dismantle. Modern therapy, in my opinion, often pushes people towards a label and a medical path too quickly, instead of exploring these deeper issues like low self-esteem, anxiety, or discomfort with puberty.
I eventually desisted, which means I stopped identifying as trans before I took any steps like hormones or surgery. I came to understand that my problem wasn't with being female, but with the rigid expectations placed on females. I benefited from realizing that I could reject those expectations without rejecting my body. I don't regret exploring my identity, because it led me to a better understanding of myself, but I do regret that I ever believed I needed to change my body to be happy. I'm glad I didn't take any permanent steps.
My thoughts on gender now are that the binary is largely a social construct that causes a lot of unnecessary pain. People should be free to express themselves however they want without it meaning they have to medically transition. For me, it was never about a true identity, but about confusion, escapism, and a desire to avoid the pressures of being a woman.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
Age | Event |
---|---|
Early Teens | Started feeling intense discomfort with female puberty and societal expectations. Began consuming yaoi/media and relating to male characters. |
Around 16-17 | Started seriously questioning my gender and believing I might be a trans man. This was an internal process; I did not socially transition. |
Late Teens/Early 20s | Gradually desisted. Realized my feelings were rooted in internalized misogyny, escapism, and a rejection of gender roles, not in being transgender. |
Top Comments by /u/_-Abraxas_-:
Most (early transitioners who detransition) are heterosexual autistic girls who think "well, I don't like dolls or pink dresses, maybe i must be a boy!" Then in a few years when they learn they can be gender nonconforming/butch without changing their gender or even being gay they change their minds. Alot of it is internalized misogyny they feel, too, or they don't like how females are sexualized and want zero part of it, so they start binding and dressing like boys.
I think I they also tend to be autoandrophile, which like autogynephile is just sexual confusion.
I think yaoi/boy love manga/etc further contributes to their confusion. They consume this media about these cute twinkish gay boys characters who they fall in love with and want to "become a part of that" and think that by becoming a gay boy they can....when really they just like boys and don't need to become a boy to be with one. They can still roleplay or fall in love with femboys or butch women or whoever without needing to become the gay boy they have a crush on. They can also be nonbinary, demiboy, demigirl, gender fluid, whatever...without needing to commit to a transition...but modern psychotherapy seems to be pushing this financially motivated agenda to push people through a revolving door all for profits...and many slip through the cracks since they are so quick to slap a label on anyone who doesn't conform to outdated gender roles.
By dismantling old gender binaries and false notions that "if you're this, this and this you just be THIS" we can, as a society, dismantle these notions that if you're gender nonconforming you must be trans and stop the "problem" before it starts. This whole boys are blue and girls are pink binary is only a hundred or so years old. The gender binary that forces people into wrongfully thinking they're trans if they don't conform to it is inherently sexist and misogynistic in it's nature.
Trans women are a peculiar demographic in that they are so hugely overrepresented in the tech sector and on social media, etc moreso than in real day to day life. They tend to be what one would classify as being a "terminally online" demographic.
Tansmen also are far more likely to pass and go unnoticed in public as just being "small men but cis" to the untrained eye. I've likely seen hundreds of transmen in my life who I couldn't even pick out of a lineup of similar heighted men as being the trans one. As a 5'6 man with a very small build, narrow shoulders, etc many transmen physically do not look all that different from me.
The other day I saw two trans women at the grocery store who were probably 5'11 and 6'4 built like football players. Stood out like a sore thumb. One had telltale breast implants and the other looked not dissimilar from an overweight man with gynecomastia and 5 o clock shadow. Also as someone who spent years believing I was trans though desisted before any kind of social or physical transition they tend to stand out a bit more obviously and be more readable to me as trans even if they're a 5'2 90 lb hsts who reads to most others as a girl.
The only time I think I ever clocked a transman in public was when I was working at a shoe department and this man was looking for dress shoes in a peculiarly small size(like a men's 5 or something) and then I noticed a feminine face structure in terms of eye/nose positioning/spacing, lack of an Adam's apple, and a voice not much different from a very butch woman even though he had a patchy beard.
Another time a friend brought a transman to go rafting with us and I didn't learn he was trans until hanging out with him for over 8 hours when he broke down and said something after my friend unknowingly triggered him. He didn't want to take his shirt off while rafting but I know MANY out of shape men with gynecomastia and/or a beer belly who are terrified of taking their shirt off at a pool, too. One of my best friends was like that. I reassured him and told him that I felt uncomfortable taking my shirt off in public too and that it took many years for me to overcome it. We went to all get stuff to make food at my house and he, I, and two friends( a girl and a guy) all went back to my place to cook. I remember the guy said something to him; "you're acting like a little bitch!" Because he was being overly emotional about some weird thing that didn't seem to matter. He started crying and when we came back to my place he told my friend how that really hurt him to be called out as trans because he was really trying to pass, etc and it gave him dysphoria. Meanwhile my friend didn't even know he was trans! He just thought he was a kinda effeminate acting overly emotional boy. I had no idea the guy was trans either.
I mean, just looking at Buck angel and Blaire white, who are celebrities most deem to be passable I'd have no frikkin idea that buck was afab if I didn't see a documentary about him, but Blaire is readable when she gets photographed from the wrong angle and you notice bodily proportions, though still completely passable much of the time
Another effect of it yaoi is a proliferation of self-identified femboys and "traps" who identify as male, have no desire to transition but want to look pretty in a dress and makeup. I honestly see it as more progressive and tearing down gender norms as opposed to the "you wanna be a girl! You must transition!" Narrative.
Many self identified "transbians" I meet are massive weebs and I partially blame yuri. Yuri/yaoi often seems to be fetishization and objectification of homosexuals aimed at a straight demographic. As often and as long of a history their is of lesbians being disgusted in heterosexual male sexualization of their sexuality we are seeing a new cohort of homosexual men feeling disgusted and objectified by fujos. It's a "shoe is now on the other foot" scenario being played out.
It would be interesting to see the statistical comparison of MTF and FTM who are homeless. When I was homeless I met plenty of both who were also on the streets. My theories on why men were more likely to be homeless were a combination of things; mostly that more services and less utilized services are available to women who end up on the streets; but also better familial/friend support networks who are more likely to take them in, easier to find a mate who is willing to care for them financially(a lot of this is misogynistic patriarchy stuff and unfortunately men wanting to take advantage of down and out women), more likely to be able to take on lucrative sex work jobs and a lower rate of incarceration and felony charges which can cause long-term employment issues and difficulty finding adequate housing due to background checks
Im also probably old compared to most who are agp, and many -old- agp my age or plus are zoophiles, pedophiles and worse...agp is the LEAST worse of their problems and sadly I don't think they'll change anytime soon; even if you drag me and the other 10 ex agp out as your strawman.