This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister. The comments demonstrate a consistent, empathetic, and nuanced perspective over time, offering personal insight and practical advice that aligns with the experiences of real individuals in the community.
About me
I started as a girl who felt completely betrayed by my body when I developed during puberty. I thought I was a trans man because online spaces and friends made it seem like the answer to my discomfort and internalized homophobia. Taking testosterone gave me some permanent changes, but it never fixed the underlying depression and self-hatred I felt. Stepping away from those online communities and learning about feminism helped me see I could be a whole, butch lesbian without changing my body. I'm now at peace being a woman and regret the permanent changes, but I'm finally living as my authentic self.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started because I just never felt right in my own skin, especially when I hit puberty. I hated the changes that were happening to my body; developing breasts was a huge source of discomfort for me. I felt like my body was betraying me. I spent a lot of time online back then and found communities where people talked about these feelings being because they were trans. It made sense to me at the time. I thought, maybe that's my problem too. I was also influenced by friends who were exploring their gender identities; it felt like the thing to do to fit in and finally understand myself.
I started identifying as non-binary first, but that eventually shifted to me thinking I was a trans man. I think a lot of my feelings were tangled up with being a lesbian. I had a lot of internalised homophobia and low self-esteem. I couldn't see a future for myself as a gay woman; it felt easier to be a straight man. I also think I used the idea of transition as a form of escapism from my depression and anxiety. I thought changing my body would finally make me happy and fix all my problems.
I took testosterone for a while. My voice dropped, and I grew some facial hair. For a short time, it felt like I was solving something. But the underlying issues were still there. I still felt just as lost and unhappy. I started to realise that my discomfort might not have been about gender at all, but more of a general body dysmorphia and a deep unhappiness with who I was. I was also struggling with my sexuality and had a porn problem that warped my view of my own body and what I should want.
What really helped me start to untangle everything was taking a big step back from all the trans-related spaces online. I disconnected from it all and just focused on other parts of my life, like my hobbies and my friendships. That distance gave me the clarity to see that my problems weren't going to be fixed by changing my gender. I started learning about feminism, and that was incredibly liberating. It helped me see my body and my place in the world in a completely new way. I realised that my feelings, like sometimes wanting a penis for sex or a deeper voice, were actually pretty common among butch lesbians. It didn't mean I was born in the wrong body.
I never got any surgeries. I'm so grateful now that I didn't. I know I would have regretted it deeply. My regrets about transitioning are mostly about the permanent changes from testosterone, like my voice. It’s a constant reminder of a time when I was very lost. But I'm trying to make peace with it.
My thoughts on gender now are that actions and feelings aren't inherently gendered. Anyone can feel or act any type of way, regardless of their sex. You are just you. I don't believe you need to change your body to be your authentic self. For me, my authentic self is a woman, a lesbian. I'm finally comfortable saying that.
My main message to anyone struggling is to really analyze where your feelings are coming from. Try to disconnect from the online echo chambers and give yourself space to think. Healing is possible without permanently altering your body.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
13-14 | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and breast development. |
16 | Spent a lot of time online, found trans communities, and was influenced by friends. Began to identify as non-binary. |
18 | Shifted to identifying as a trans man and started taking testosterone. |
19 | Began to seriously question my transition after disconnecting from online communities. |
20 | Stopped taking testosterone and began socially detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/absoluteunitpussy:
god, you're 16. those years are hard for pretty much everyone. i was very similar at that age, i still want a penis sometimes (for sex only tho) and i still want my voice to be deeper. these feelings are common with lesbians and bi women, sometimes even with straight women. it's obvious that you are in a lot of distress but please don't do anything harmful to yourself.
are you heavily involved with the trans community in some way? sometimes it helps to just take a few month to disconnect from all that and clear your head and focus on other things art, craft, anything. i also have to point out that i think it's important to understand that straight women will never want you. (a huge majority of them don't even want to date a bisexual man.) please don't let that influence you to transition.
some problems can't be resolved by not thinking about them. sometimes you have to think, really hard. this is one of those. it's important to analyze where your dysphoria is coming from and then actively work on fixing it. sadly, with the current state of things, you probably won't be able to find a professional to help you through this as they don't dare go against the trans activists. but you are so young, you will probably need some guidance and i hope this subreddit will help you find it.
my story is a little too different from yours to be relevant to you, but i commented to give you some support and to 'bump' your post so someone who has a more similar experience to yours will see it and respond. but if i can give you some advice, i think learning about actual feminism is so helpful and liberating to us. it helps contextualise our bodies and our perception of our bodies in a way that many of us find very healing.
many butch lesbians have large breasts, don't bind and still look masculine or androgynous. i don't think there's really anything else that can be done about having flat chest in t shirts, but layering clothes can make your breasts look less prominent.
I doubt you're ugly beyond help, so if that's something that's causing you a lot of grief - try to change it. Clothes, hairstyle, makeup, grooming habits etc can all improve your appearance.
This sub is a very supportive place for people with similar problems and I hope it helps you. Are you thinking of detransitioning?
i understand you're panicking but it's all going to work out for you, believe me! your partner loves you, and he'll very likely support you through this. try to approach this from a standpoint of healing and betterment and fixing your life, instead of ruining it. there are thousands of stories here on this subreddit very similar to yours, and those people made it too - and so will you.
actions and feelings aren't inherently gendered. anyone can feel and act in any type of way and be any kind of person, regardless of their sex or gender. you are just you.
whatever you decide to do transition wise will not make you unlovable. or universally unattractive.
it might help you to detach yourself from trans related things for a certain amount of time, to clear your head for a bit. focus on something else, a hobby, friendships, learning... then reflect on how making that distance made you feel.
when have you ever heard of doctors allowing a surgery for BIID? is that something new? if someone wants their leg cut off because of BIID it is still unlawful to cut it off in most countries..? very few people still manage to get the surgery but they have to go to a different country or trick doctors into performing the surgery or most often self amputate and it's a very shady practice overall.
For your own sanity you are going to have to find a way to be at peace with the state of your body/genitals. Please work on that.
So many people live happy lives with a body similar to yours. Find them or read their stories, anything that helps you see that suicide is definitely not your only option.
Idk if you remember me from other threads but you got me and a bunch of other people worried for your safety. Please get on some mood stabilizers. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.