This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex personal narrative that includes specific details, introspection, and the type of trauma and regret that aligns with genuine detransitioner/desister experiences. The emotional tone is passionate and raw, which is consistent with someone who has experienced significant harm.
About me
I started my journey as a girl who felt crushed by society's expectations and hated the physical changes of puberty. I confused my deep discomfort with being female for being trans, especially after traumatic losses made me want to escape into a masculine role. My therapy never addressed my grief and instead, my depression led everyone to see hormones as a solution, so I started taking them at 15. I had top surgery at 18, but I now realize my distress was always about self-loathing and a desire to escape, not an internal male identity. I regret my surgeries and the infertility they caused, and I am now living as a woman again, focusing on accepting myself.
My detransition story
My entire journey started with a deep discomfort in my own skin, but not necessarily with being female. My problem was always with how society perceived me as a female, not with being a human being. I felt crushed by societal standards for women and girls. I hated going through puberty, getting my period, and the physical weight of my chest. I was always hyper-aware of people looking at me and I never felt like I aligned with the conventional ways of being feminine.
I always thought it would just be easier to be a male. I didn't understand the difference between wanting to transition to feel congruent with yourself and transitioning just to pass in society. For me, it was about escaping what I felt stuck in. I had severe body dysmorphia, which was made much worse by a traumatic exposure therapy that focused on my body. This was all happening during a very dark time. When I was 12, my stepfather died and a trans person I was dating abandoned me with no contact, all within a few weeks. I think I wanted to take on a masculine, fatherly role because of the constant abandonment from male figures in my life.
I brought these confused thoughts to a therapist, but we never really talked about my gender identity. The focus was only on my body hatred, my self-harm, and my school issues. We barely even touched on my grief. My family and doctors were so worried about my depression that they framed transitioning as a dangerous but necessary way out. I started to believe that too. I felt pressure to be "trans enough" for everyone, including the trans community itself. So I started taking hormones at 15.
I was off and on hormones and then stopped therapy for a few years before I got top surgery right after I turned 18. Looking back, a huge red flag was how triggered I got at the idea of just accepting my body. That should have been the clear sign I wasn't trans. I would get overtly upset when people misgendered me, which shows I just wanted to be seen a certain way by society, not by myself.
I actually loved the last year before my surgery. I had stopped binding. I was presenting in a feminine way and was still getting the validation I wanted. Just two months before my operation, I was seriously questioning if I should go through with it. A big part of my hatred for my breasts was simple overstimulation—I hated the physical weight and the bouncing. It was also tied to the rejection of not being able to be shirtless in society like men can, and the oversexualization of the female body. I remember breaking down in school during a puberty video when they said breast size is genetic; my family is very large-chested and I felt doomed. It was always about self-loathing and a fear of being preyed on. Ironically, I ended up getting preyed on even more when I was perceived as trans, and now I get weird attention from people who can't tell if I'm a girl or a boy.
I regret my transition, specifically the surgeries. I am now infertile and have to live with that. I don't pass as male, no matter how far I went, and that’s actually how I knew I wasn't truly trans. If you're a guy, you're just comfortable in that; you don't feel a desire to transition just to pass. I realize now I just wanted to be something other than what I felt stuck as.
Now, I'm just taking it one day at a time and working on self-acceptance. I'm lucky that I can easily pass as female again because I was never on testosterone long enough to get a super deep voice. I was a soprano and have a naturally very high-pitched voice, so that helped.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12 | Stepfather died and was abandoned by a partner. Wanted to take on a masculine role. |
| 15 | Started taking hormones after therapy focused on body hatred, not gender identity. |
| 18 | Had top surgery, despite questioning it two months prior. |
| Now | Living as a female again, dealing with infertility and working on self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/adiosauxiliator:
Had severe body dysmoprhia, dated a trans person who abandoned me no contact when I was 12, two or three weeks My step father died I wanted to take on a fatherly/masculine role because of constant abandonment from male figures I brought up these thoughts to a therapist then I had exposure therapy to my body making my dysmorphia worse and then being told by doctors and family that being trans is so dangerous and how worried they are about my depression I then believed this myself and saw transitioning medically was the only way out and also to be trans enough to everybody including the trans community itself, especially that part.
So I got hormones at 15 with little talk about my gender identity in therapy, just about my body hatred and self harm and school issues, not even my grief really. And then out of therapy for a few years before I was 18 and got top surgery. Make whatever assumptions based on this..
getting triggered at accepting my body shouldve been the clear sign that I wasn't trans. Getting overtly upset at people misgendering me, shows I just wanted to be seen by society and not by myself.
I loved the last year before surgery. I wasn't binding. I was feminine and still got the validation I wanted. 2 months prior to my operation I even questioned it, you can probably find this post somewhere on my page. I regret it, but I also know a big part of having breasts was simple overstimulation from the weight and bouncing nd rejection of being shirtless in society #freethenipple.. which then came to the oversexualization of the female body which led to me breaking down during the puberty video when they said breast size is genetic (huge honker family) It always was just self loathing and fear or being preyed on. Turns out I got preyed on more being trans and even more weirdos now that I look like a little girl/boy
getting triggered at accepting my body shouldve been the clear sign that I wasn't trans. Getting overtly upset at people misgendering me, shows I just wanted to be seen by society and not by myself.
I loved the last year before surgery. I wasn't binding. I was feminine and still got the validation I wanted. 2 months prior to my operation I even questioned it, you can probably find this post somewhere on my page. I regret it, but I also know a big part of having breasts was simple overstimulation from the weight and bouncing nd rejection of being shirtless in society #freethenipple.. which then came to the oversexualization of the female body which led to me breaking down during the puberty video when they said breast size is genetic (huge honker family) It always was just self loathing and fear or being preyed on. Turns out I got preyed on more being trans and even more weirdos now that I look like a little girl/boy
thank you it means a lot! it's just a one day at a time acceptance of my self. I'm lucky to easily pass as a female again because I was never on testosterone long enough to get a super deep voice, and genetically, going from being a soprano 1 and naturally very high pitched voice, contributed to the lack of a deeper voice.
my problem was always being perceived as female rather than just me. a human. the societal standards just got to be hard and I hated puberty and a period and the weight of my chest and wondering if people were looking and the unconventional ways of femininity that I didn't really feel aligned to I always figured it'd be easier as a male but no matter what I do I don't pass no matter how far I got I don't Pass that's how I knew I wasn't trans trans I still question I still don't know what to do bc im post op and post hrt it's just if ur a guy ur comfortable in that too, you don't feel a desire to transition to pass you feel a desire to just transition to feel congruent I didn't understand this and the difference between that and passing I just wanted to be something other than what I felt stuck to which I knew didn't feel comfortable for whatever reasons.