This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts demonstrate:
- Complex, nuanced, and deeply personal introspection about their gender identity, medical transition (HRT), and social pressures.
- Internal consistency in their ongoing narrative of uncertainty and self-questioning.
- Emotional authenticity, expressing fear, frustration, hope, and self-doubt in a way that aligns with a genuine personal struggle.
- Self-awareness of their own position as a questioning person in a detrans-focused space, acknowledging that their perspective may not fully align with the subreddit's common narratives.
The account behaves like a real person grappling with their gender identity and carefully considering both transition and detransition perspectives.
About me
I was born male but never fit the stereotypes for boys or girls, which made me feel lost for a long time. I started a low dose of HRT as a personal experiment to see how it made me feel, hoping for clarity. While the physical changes are subtle, it's the first time I've ever cared about my body, even though my doubts remain. Most of my fear comes from social pressure living in the South, not from the changes themselves. I've found a sort of peace in accepting there might not be one right answer, and I'm just focusing on what makes me happy.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing and full of doubt. I was born male and never really felt like I fit in with what was expected of boys. I hated boys' clothes and getting dirty, and I always got along better with girls. But I also never liked stereotypically feminine things like dolls or makeup. This contradiction made it really hard for me to figure out where I belonged.
I started identifying as non-binary because it felt like a safe label that let me just be myself without having to fit into a box. For about a decade, I experimented with my expression, trying to figure out what made me feel comfortable and happy. I learned that the things that made me feel the best, like wearing certain clothes, also made me feel incredibly self-conscious because of how other people might react. I live in the southern US, and my workplace has even threatened to fire me for having long hair. That social pressure is a constant weight.
I have a lot of anxiety and I tend to get stuck in loops of obsessive, circular thinking, constantly analyzing my past behaviors to try and find an answer. I realized I was latching onto labels and stereotypes to try and make sense of myself, but it wasn't really helping. I decided that the only way to know was to try things for myself, to focus on shaping my own path based on what I wanted, not on what some arbitrary list of traits said I should be.
After a lot of thought, I started a low dose of feminizing HRT. I was upfront with my doctors that I was unsure and that this was a trial run for me. I told them I didn't want their input on whether I should or shouldn't do it; I just wanted to proceed safely and see how it made me feel. I’ve been on it for about four months now, and the changes have been very subtle. I was hoping it would give me more certainty, but I’m still just as unsure. I don't have intense self-loathing, but I often feel incomplete. HRT and wearing clothes that fit well are the only things that have made me care about my body, but they also sometimes make my dysphoria more noticeable.
Most of my fears about continuing HRT are about social pressure and the long-term commitment, not about my own desire for change. I’ve come to a sort of nihilistic peace with it: I realize that there might not be one right answer, and that I can probably make either path work. I think my decision should be based on what brings me positivity and happiness, not on fear and anxiety. Right now, that means continuing with HRT, but I think about pausing all the time.
I’ve benefited greatly from therapy with a neutral professional. I didn’t want someone to affirm or deny my feelings; I just needed help managing my obsessive thoughts so I could figure things out for myself. That neutral space was crucial for me.
I don’t have any major regrets about starting HRT because I approached it as an experiment. I do regret how much time I've spent in anxiety and how difficult it is to be gender non-conforming in this world. My thoughts on gender are that it's deeply personal and complicated, and we should all be allowed to carve our own path without so much pressure from society.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early 20s | Began a decade-long period of experimenting with gender expression and identity. |
| Early 30s | Started identifying as non-binary. |
| 33 | Started a low-dose trial of feminizing HRT (4 months ago). |
Top Comments by /u/ailemajett:
I'm sorry you had to deal with people that don't take you seriously! Everyone's journey is their own and no one should doubt your experiences or choices. It is your path and no one knows it as well as you.
I too often wonder about less invasive methods for transitioning. I have been on feminizing HRT for 4 months now but I often think about pausing because all of the changes have been quite subtle (I was hoping for more certainty with a trial run of HRT but so far I am still just as unsure as when I started). My dysphoria always made me feel incomplete, but I was never self loathing or suffering (except for sporadic moments). As a nonbinary person, affirmative care plans tend to be quite binary which scares me about the long term impact of HRT. I must admit though, most of my fears stem from social pressure... not self determination.
Just in case my experience helps anyone, I'd like to share some advice about therapy. My preference has always been someone who is as neutral as possible. I was upfront about not wanting medical intervention which helped me to determine what I wanted rather than what a doctor suggests (whether affirming or not). I didn't want a doctor to convert me and I didn't want a doctor to encourage me... I found that neutrality was the closest I could get to figuring myself out while still having a psychiatric professional help me through some of the more self-destructive/circular thoughts. Believe it or not, I arrived at the HRT conclusion on my own but out of a place of "what if" rather than "this is what I have to do." So I am trying it for a while until I either feel significantly better or I feel the dysphoria getting worse from the big changes. The point is, I was upfront with all my doctors about this being my plan and my journey. I told them I didn't want their input, I just wanted them to make sure I proceed safely. And so far that has been the way things are. I am still frustrated with any lack of progress in either direction but at least I remain in control of what I am doing and I am comfortable knowing that I am having minimal input from others on the matter.
I would be very interested in the research links you mentioned!
I am sorry to write so much but your story has some similarities to my own and I hope that my advice about therapy can help you to find a less invasive option to help with your dysphoria!! Best of luck!
Thanks for understanding. I also hope I don't come off as rude or anything. Sometimes I am frustrated because of my own identity crisis and the general lack of support but I do genuinely gain some knowledge from hearing about detrans perspectives and although I should lurk rather than post, I am glad to have access to this community.
Whenever my therapist doesn't understand what I am talking about, I remind myself that I barely understand my experience, so I never blame her for not understanding it. This stuff is complicated and sometimes we just grasp at labels... or we grasp at not being labeled. Either way, I hope your therapist learns and is more sensitive to you in the future :) It sounds like you are on the right path despite the misunderstandings!
:) I really do appreciate this info! I have a feeling I might get banned since I accidentally broke the rules in my original comment but hopefully I can still lurk on this sub. I wish there was a better place for folks that are questioning detransition (there is no respect for people like me here, everything is all or nothing) but for now this is all I really have :/ People like you make it worth sticking around!
I often wonder if I'm like this and that I'm just trapped by social norms. As AMAB, I can't just be myself because wearing a dress of in public is dangerous and letting my hair grow out long is socially unacceptable :( I'm glad you are happier now though :)
I get that impression too. It's interesting. I'm mid transition (amab/trans feminine) but I do wish I heard more from people that decided not to transition. I really think I'm trans but I definitely worry that maybe I'm only medically transitioning because "that's what everyone else does" ( although I have enjoyed HRT so far). I just wish there was more balance in the conversation. Sometimes it feels like everyone just commits to HRT without any doubts... Which I know isn't the reality. I want to hear from folks that aren't sure about it all.
Anyways, good topic to bring up. I hope some AMAB people speak up.
Unfortunately I live in the southern US and my work has threatened to fire me for long hair. I think it's an empty threat but I'm an at will employee which means they don't need an excuse to let me go. And even if they don't mean it, I still have to put up with that culture. I'm a well respected employee after several years but I still hear frequent comments about dress code (I refuse to wear a suit) and my boss feels the need to remind me that I need a hair cut on a regular basis :/
I'm glad your experience was positive! Were you in HRT at all? Did you have any difficulty with permanent physical changes? Sorry if that's too personal, I'm just wondering because I often wonder what would happen if I were to stop after many years of HRT.
I'm in the same boat it seems. I wish I had more answers but the way I usually resolve (temporarily) my circular/obsessive thinking is by telling myself that whether I go through HRT or not, it will be okay. This is of course not true for everyone but in my current position in life, I will probably be okay no matter what I do. HRT requires more effort and creates more social stress but I seem to be happier. Not going through HRT will make me more obsessive and stressed about my dysphoria but also my life will be easier without meds (plus being a white "cis man" is basically life in easy mode) .
I keep looking for the right answer but I don't think there is one. Perhaps this is a bit nihilist, but realizing that it doesn't really matter... that I can make either choice work... Well it's reassuring. It doesn't make the decision easier but it does make it seem a bit more manageable. It helps me focus on what I want rather than what I'm worried about.
So in general, I'm in favor of going through HRT despite my frequent uncertainty. All of my reasons for quitting are based in fear and anxiety (and fatigue of dealing with it all). All of my reasons for going through HRT are for self comfort and happiness. Both arguments are legitimate and worth considering but I think anyone wiser than myself can see that my decision should probably be based in positivity rather than negativity.
I'm not really sure if the absence of negativity (stress of medication and social pressure) is better or worse than the presence of positivity (personal happiness), but this logic does ease my thoughts :) hopefully it can ease yours a bit too!!
Edit: formatting and added one word
Thanks! I'm glad you have a decent therapist! As a follow up question, do you find that this philosophy of rejecting gender helps you with your physical dysphoria?
I've tried rejecting gender and I even went through an agender/neutrois phase but it didn't help me care about my body anymore, it just helped me ignore everything. So far HRT and well shaped clothing are the only things that really help me care about my body, the only problem is that they also draw attention to my dysphoria which sometimes feels worse than simply not caring. I don't always dislike my body but feeling good about it sometimes is better than always feeling neutral/slightly bad about it.
Anyways, I'm still just thinking out loud. Thanks again for sharing your story :) I wish this sub shed more light on the nuances of detransitioning and transition uncertainty rather than the average all or nothing mentality that I get a lot from the posts here.