This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and personal perspective that aligns with a genuine desister/detransitioner. Key indicators of authenticity include:
- Personal Experience: The user shares specific, non-clichéd details from their own life (e.g., being on the spectrum, modifying a swimsuit, a specific song that helped them).
- Emotional Variability: The tone ranges from empathetic and supportive to frustrated and critical, which is natural for a passionate individual.
- Complex Reasoning: The user presents multi-faceted arguments, acknowledges nuance (e.g., stating that some people live happily as trans), and avoids simplistic, repetitive talking points.
- Consistent Voice: The writing style and core philosophical message (focusing on self-love, healing, and being more than a label) remain consistent across all posts.
About me
I felt completely alien in my own body as a teenager and thought becoming male was the answer. I took testosterone for years, but it didn't fix my underlying depression and autism. A different kind of therapy helped me see my discomfort wasn't about being female. I now live comfortably as a woman who is just naturally masculine. I've learned to love myself by looking beyond labels and focusing on my own truth.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s only recently that I’ve found a sense of peace. For a long time, I felt incredibly uncomfortable in my own body. I now realize that a lot of this was because I am autistic. That feeling of being an alien in a human body was something I struggled with intensely, especially during my teens. I misinterpreted that deep-seated discomfort with being in a body, any body, as a sign that I was in the wrong kind of body. I thought the problem was that I was female.
I started to believe that if I could change my body to look male, that weird, out-of-place feeling would go away. I hated my breasts; they felt like foreign objects that didn't belong to me. A lot of my ideas were influenced by what I read online and by friends who were also exploring their gender. I started identifying as non-binary first, but that eventually shifted to identifying as a trans man. I was deeply depressed and had very low self-esteem, and transitioning felt like a solution, a way to escape all my problems and become a new person.
I took testosterone for several years. There was a kind of "honeymoon phase" at the beginning where I felt great, like I was finally fixing myself. But after that wore off, my underlying depression and anxiety came back, stronger than ever. The hormones didn't fix what was really wrong. I started to realize that my issues were more about my mind than my body. I was trying to use transition as a form of escapism.
A big turning point for me was starting a different kind of therapy. It wasn't gender-affirming therapy; it was therapy that encouraged me to look deeper at my trauma and my autism. This was hugely beneficial. I began to understand that feeling uncomfortable in my own skin is a normal part of my experience as an autistic person. I came to see myself as a unique individual, not a label society created. I learned that I'm so much more than my gender, my body, or my mistakes. My true self isn't tied to any of that.
I also had to confront some difficult questions about sexuality. I asked myself if internalized homophobia played a role. Was I uncomfortable being a woman who might be attracted to women? Or was I just a masculine woman? I had to learn that having feminine characteristics doesn't make you a woman, and having masculine characteristics doesn't make you a man. I know women who aren't feminine at all. Now, I'm comfortable living as a cis woman, and I often dress in men's clothes. That doesn't make me any less of a woman.
I don't regret my transition entirely because it was a path I needed to walk to get to where I am now. It taught me a lot about myself. But I do have regrets about the permanent changes to my body, and I worry about the long-term health effects of taking hormones. The research is so limited, and we don't really know the full consequences. I think it's dangerous that people can get hormones so easily, sometimes even on the black market, without proper medical oversight.
My thoughts on gender now are that we put too much emphasis on it. You don't have to limit yourself to labels. People will always have an opinion, but it's your truth that matters. The most important thing is to focus on yourself, live a fulfilling life, and find things and people you love. I had to learn the subtle art of not giving a fuck about what other people think. I forgave myself for my mistakes, and that’s when I could finally move on and learn to love myself just the way I am.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14-16 | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and my body. Began exploring gender identity online and with friends. |
| 17 | Came out as non-binary. |
| 19 | Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. |
| 19-24 | Lived as a man. Experienced an initial "honeymoon phase" followed by a return of depression and anxiety. |
| 25 | Began non-affirming therapy focused on underlying trauma and autism. This was a major turning point. |
| 26 | Realized my discomfort was linked to being autistic, not to being female. Stopped taking testosterone. |
| 27 (Present) | Living comfortably as a cis woman. Focused on self-acceptance and healing. |
Top Comments by /u/akabell:
Sorry this is happening to you. I’ll tell you somethings that have helped me in hopes this will help you too:
I 100% believe you’re beautiful, you’re way more than your gender, sex, your mistakes, the things you say or do, what was done to you. You’re a beautiful being inside that can achieve so much, you just need to heal or be on a healing path to realize that.
what was done to you was wrong and evil. The people responsible are to blame, not you. Thinking you only exist to be used for men is a valid thought, but that is not the truth. You’re much more than this and I can tell because just by having this valid thought it shows to me you can reflect on the violence. How many people can do that? I’ll tell you, many cannot do this leap of thinking. It’s an amazing thing and if you can do this, imagine what else you can accomplish.
every human being has the ability to heal. It’s not straight forward, finding your way is hard because there are many ways to achieve healing and not all of them will work for you. But I guarantee it’s worth looking for your way and you can heal yourself. It’s possible and doable. Please do not rest until you find your way. It’s out there and the more you try, the higher the chances of finding it.
to me everything started to change when I discovered that the slur and verbal abuse thrown at me are just words. They are not real unless I make them real. I just imagine the words little balls of cotton thrown at me by a angry toddler. They just fall into the ground and don’t hurt me.
A 2022 article commissioned by the WHO did a review of self-care healthcare administration of HRT.
Link https://doi.org/10.1080%2F26410397.2022.2045066
Like all research I’ve seen so far regarding trans matters the conclusion is no safe guidelines because “There is limited literature on self-administration of gender-affirming hormone therapy as an additional option to health worker-administration. “
The people in these studies used hormones bought in the black market mostly it seems or bought it through family members and friends who acquired the hormones for their use through a health care provider.
It’s really concerning that people can hurt themselves by doing this and many people seeking these treatments wanted physical characteristics of the opposite sex (some don’t even mention wanting to transition per se).
I can’t help not thinking how similar it is to women obtaining birth control through a friend without visiting a health care provider (because of lack of access) and then having a heart attack. 😢 really sad!
Hopefully most people will use their brains and not take risks like this.
I personality think this guy (Jonathon) is bananas. If humans were this organized (he’s talking about a more than 70 years in the making conspiracy), we would be capable to solve recycling issues with ease. Turns out we only recycle 5% of plastics abs ship the rest to the developing world. 🤣
For sure we have INDIVIDUALS pushing their own agendas using the trans movement(like any other area of human society), but what he’s saying in the article is an organized movement that spans 7 decades. (!?) The UN is this old and you see what a shit show it is… nobody can agree on simple stuff there. 🤣
He’s also a spokes person for an anti abortion organization…
Sorry you’re going through this. I don’t think avoidance is the cure. The more you avoid, the more it comes back stronger.
This is how it worked for me: As a person on the spectrum I came to realize that feeling uncomfortable in my own body is normal. It doesn’t matter if I’m male/female, I’m always going to feel somewhat weird in this body. I struggled with it in my teens, but now came to realize that I’m like an alien in a human body. So it doesn’t matter how I dress or my behaviour, I’m me, a unique ND individual, and not a label society created. I’m happy and love myself just the way I am. Because I learned to love me, it made possible for me to find others who also love me.
Sending you love too. I’m sure you’re beautiful just the way you are, too.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Parents are human too, and sometimes they fail to fully support their children. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, but just that maybe she’s having a hard time with change?
It would be good to ask why she won’t support you. Try to understand the reasoning, so you can reason back. Ultimately I think you need to explain to her that this is your life and your decision.
Good luck!
You don’t own anybody anything. You only own yourself to be happy and do things you want to do (within reason of course, don’t go out killing people 😂).
It’s totally valid you’re worried about what others think or if they are gonna freak out. As humans, we are hard wired to pay attention to these things, because it was how we used to survive as a tribe in the olden days. Just because we live in a modern society where we don’t need to care for what others think, it doesn’t mean the feelings will just go away. My advice is to start the work to not give two fucks what people think about you. It’s a hard work and finding your voice is not gonna be easy, but I guarantee that’s possible and it can bring you happiness. Recommend reading the book The subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.
If you want to be more feminine, great! You can do that and it doesn’t have to instantly, take your time, do what feels right for you. I’m now a cis woman and I dress mostly with male clothes. That’s ok too! I’m not less of a woman because of that.
In my opinion, shopping for swimsuits is a nightmare, doesn’t matter what you identify as. I gave up myself and went to a friend who sews and got myself a swimsuit that was right for me. We modified a male shorts and a plus size top together. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t find what you’re looking for right away!
You got this! Sending you love. ❤️
This is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I think you should do what you want you to do even if it’s going back on T. Even though there are more and more detransitioners, it’s true many people live happily trans lives. It’s true there are many health issues, but you gotta do what makes you happy.
This being said, going back is not the only option and you should seek therapy. Ask the therapist if they are gender affirming or if they are going to help you no matter what. There are many options out there, you don’t need to do gender affirming therapy.
This is tough and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.
The following is my opinion:
You’re so much more than your gender, identity, work. Your true self deep inside is not tied to anything in this earth. We all make mistakes and grow from them, but we’re NOT our mistakes, or our thoughts, our work.
The song “I’m light” by India Arie really helped me feel love and empathy towards myself, because, to me, it’s completely true.
After I forgave myself for all my mistakes, that’s when I could move on.
Best of luck! Wishing you all happiness.
Sorry you’re going through this suffering. I’m gonna ask some tough questions. You don’t need to answer me, but you own yourself to answer them for your peace of mind:
Why are you against checking men out? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Even hetero men can admire other men and not be gay.
Have you considered the alternative that you’re gay?
If you do transition, you would then have relationships with men, but you’re against it?
Why having feminine characteristics equals to being a woman? That’s just a small part of being a woman and many women are not even feminine.
Some of the reasons I’ve seen for people to mtfmf:
internalized homophobia (they realize they were gay after transition and were in denial before)
they have other mental health issues that transition didn’t help with. After the honeymoon phase they go into deeper depression.
the hormones didn’t work for them causing debilitating symptoms (even years after transition, nobody is getting any younger)
they realized that there’s no much more stigma and hate then they were anticipating, causing even more mental health issues (people who will not date trans, people who will take issue with them going to the washroom or changing in front of children, people discriminating after background check shows you were another sex before, etc)
the stigma and hate against trans can sometimes even be worse than presenting as a feminine man or a masculine woman.
they already have health issues that will be made worse with hormones
they realize being a woman is many times being objectified as a sex thing, or being seen as less than (specially if you are attractive). Depending on the area you work, that can be soul crushing. Many women have mental health issues about this, many will gain weight to appear less appealing to men, etc. So many more mental health issues from all of these.
they realize even though medicine is very advanced, you still cannot make XX into XY and vice versa. There may be way more health consequences from taking hormones that we don’t know. The research is scant. The other day in the leaked WPATH comms there was a physician wondering if a patient had cancer due to hormone therapy. And that’s what many will wonder for a long time, because it seems trans research is not a priority. Nobody is running to research because trans people are a very small % of the population. The money is not there. Most people say they accept and care for trans, but that’s just a facade, they don’t give a shit honestly. Doctors will just give these treatments and hope for the best. But hope will not prevent cancer, osteoporosis, etc.
You don’t have to limit yourself to labels and what others think. People will always have an opinion and, while we all should respect each other, it’s ok for your opinion to be different. It’s your truth, nobody else’s. So, I respect their rights, but fuck I’m out of here! Not gonna engage with people who don’t want to discuss or respect my opinions! 🤣
Focus on what’s important: yourself, living a fulfilling life, finding things and people you love, finding your passions, etc. all the best!