As someone who had intense dysphoria at your age, I'd like to share some of my experience. I'm 36 currently, and I no longer experience dysphoria. I haven't felt dysphoria for about 15 years, despite having had it for the first two decades of my life and despite feeling convinced I wanted to transition as a teenager. Dysphoria faded on its own, without any therapy or treatment. I am still a gender non-conforming person, but I have zero discomfort about this. I feel lucky that I didn't transition because I eventually learned to feel love and gratitude towards myself, including my body as it is. I think you're doing the right thing by seeking input from multiple different communities. Good luck, whatever path you take.

Straight up, you sound like you have a lot on your plate. My recommendation would be to avoid throwing HRT into the mix. Focus on your OCD, anxiety, dysmorphia, and managing your ADHD. Get professional help for these things if you can.

Also, I want to point out that many of the qualities you associate with females are actually gender nonspecific. Nice skin, an interest in school, being articulate, and being beautiful. None of these things are inherently female. I would urge you to examine and question what it is that makes you feel that these are feminine qualities.

Consider exploring the concept of internalized misogyny if you haven't already.

Being a bit older than most members of this sub, I kind of grew up without knowing about HRT until later in life. In retrospect, I'm pretty happy that things worked out like that because even though my dysphoria was painful, intense, and lasted for a long effing time, it eventually went away on its own. I think if I'd had access to trans resources as a kid, I would have taken the medicalization path. Maybe I would have been happy on that path too, idk, but I can't deny feeling like I got lucky with my circumstances being what they were... I just grew out of dysphoria as a young adult.

I don't, at all. One of the main issues that I, personally, have with transition is how profoundly it impacts physical wellbeing. The surgeries are extremely invasive, the complication rate is very high, and you're stuck taking medication for the remainder of your life, oftentimes because the body's natural source of hormones is removed. When I was seriously considering transition, thinking deeply about the medical aspect was one of the ways I ultimately dismantled my entire transition fantasy. For me, transition will never be worth compromising something as important as health.

All 3 have androgynous qualities and Voice A sounds most natural to me. If I saw you physically and you looked female and spoke with voice A, I think I would "hear" the voice as exclusively female. It's hearing the voice without a visual cue that makes it androgynous, to me.

I have very specific memories of realizing that I wanted to transition because I felt I HAD to in order to love and accept myself. And then having this followup thought: "What if I just do the love and accept myself part, first?"

And then I realized that true, radical self-acceptance would absolutely not require me to first undergo medical transition. Because it's not about what I look like, nor is it about what chromosomes I was born with. It's 100% about what's inside.

So I just decided to get serious about being okay with myself as I was. It didn't happen overnight, but eventually I stopped having any feelings that I was "in the wrong body."

Haha this is me too. I am a masc hetero female. I think I get read as lesbian all the time. It's only been a "problem" for one guy who I went on two dates with before he started expressing concern and confusion that I own no dresses, no heels, and no "flamboyantly colored clothes" as he put it (because all women should have the same, loud fashion sense apparently).

No one can just give you the gift of self acceptance but that's what you need to work towards. Medical transition is a series of body modification procedures. It isn't some magic trick that makes you whole. You are already whole, right now. You need to be able to see yourself as such.

It's normal to have every feeling about your body. You can wish it were different and at the same time be grateful that it is what it is - a functioning vessel in which all your thoughts and feelings live.

Check in with yourself and see if some of your negative feelings about your body are because you live in a society which only celebrates one kind of female body.

When I first encountered "nonbinary" as a concept I instantly felt SEEN. I felt it described something I'd experienced my entire life. Feeling neither entirely female, nor entirely male. This ambiguous feeling I'd always had finally had a name. I identified with nonbinary briefly but when I really thought about it, I realized my feelings of being "neither male nor female" didn't negate the fact that I am, in fact, a female. One of the big epiphanies for me: being female doesn't have a specific feeling. I'd mistakenly believed for much of my life that my aversion to dresses and dolls and princesses and all the other arbitrary symbols of femininity society pushed upon me meant I wasn't truly a female. Even though I ultimately reclaimed "female" for myself, I found temporary refuge in the term nonbinary because the part of me that felt exiled from femalehood still wanted a label.