This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's narrative is highly specific, internally consistent, and emotionally nuanced. It details a personal journey with autogynephilia (AGP) and gender dysphoria, including setbacks, coping strategies, and a non-linear recovery process. The language is complex and self-reflective, showing a deep engagement with the topic that is typical of a genuine lived experience rather than a scripted persona. The user also interacts directly with other commenters, tailoring responses to their specific points.
About me
I'm a guy who started experiencing autogynephilia at 18, which grew into intense gender dysphoria after a bad breakup and too much time online. I began to transition but stopped when I realized my feelings were rooted in a sexual orientation, not a female identity. I fought it by quitting porn and focusing on building real relationships instead of living in my head. I've accepted this is part of my sexuality, but it no longer controls me. I'm now living comfortably as a man and focused on my future.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started around the age of 18. Before that, I was a pretty normal guy. I was attracted to women and lived my life. But during my late teens, something called autogynephilia, or AGP, started to emerge for me. This is a condition where a man is sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a woman. For me, it existed alongside my regular attraction to women.
At first, it was just a low-level thing, but it started to grow. A big turning point was when I broke up with my first girlfriend. I felt really lonely and started spending too much time online, watching a lot of pornography, including stuff specifically meant for people with AGP. I now realize that feeding these fantasies made them stronger. The more I indulged in them, the worse it got. Over time, this AGP developed into intense gender dysphoria. I started to feel extremely uncomfortable being a man and I became convinced that I was actually a woman trapped in a man's body. I began to identify as trans and started the process of transitioning.
The dysphoria was painful. I hated the idea of being male. I started looking up to trans YouTubers, thinking that if they could do it, so could I. I spent a lot of money on things like laser hair removal for my face, but it barely worked, and I realized I would probably never pass as a woman. That was a hard reality to face.
What really got me out of it was learning the truth about AGP. I started reading academic literature about it, even though some of the writers weren't very kind. It was difficult to accept at first because it shattered the fantasy. Acknowledging that my feelings were rooted in a sexual orientation, and not in some innate female identity, was a huge step. It stopped me from believing in things like having a "female brain."
I made a conscious decision to fight it. I stopped looking at porn and fueling the fantasies. I focused on trying to build real, outward-facing relationships with people instead of living inside my head. I realized that my goal should be to find a partner who values me for who I am, as a man. I thought, why try to become the woman of my dreams when I could try to find her and have a real relationship? Becoming a woman wouldn't lead to greater satisfaction than having an amazing partner.
Getting out of that mindset felt depressing at first, like I was mourning a loss. It was a breakup with an idea I had invested so much in. But over time, things got better. I started to feel relatively normal again. I no longer wanted to be castrated; I actually like being male now. Having these realizations helped me develop coping strategies. Even now, if an AGP thought pops into my head, I can recognize it for what it is—an intrusive thought—and shrug it off. I don't feed it, so it doesn't grow.
I don't think I'm autistic, though I might be a bit more than the average person because I work in STEM. I've also wondered about the link between AGP and narcissism, and it caused me some self-hate. I sometimes see narcissistic traits in myself, but I try to minimize them. I'm not a very empathetic person, but I try my best not to hurt anyone.
I don't regret exploring transition because it led me to understand myself better, but I am very glad I didn't go through with medical procedures. My main regret is the time and mental energy I lost to dysphoria. I'm passionate about men's mental health now because I don't want anyone else to go through that alone. AGP doesn't make you a bad person—it's not your fault, it doesn't make you sexist or a monster, and you are not alone. You can fight it and live a happy life.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
18 | First experiences of autogynephilia (AGP) and the beginning of gender-related confusion. |
19-20 | AGP intensified due to a breakup, loneliness, and excessive pornography use. Gender dysphoria developed. |
21 | Began identifying as transgender and started the social transition process (e.g., exploring new name/pronouns). |
21 | Spent significant money on laser hair removal with poor results; realized I would not pass as a woman. |
22 | Researched and learned about autogynephilia (AGP). Began actively fighting dysphoria by quitting porn and redirecting sexual energy. |
23 | Detransitioned socially. Accepted AGP as a part of my sexuality but no longer experienced debilitating dysphoria. |
Present (24) | Living comfortably as a man, focused on building a real-life and pursuing relationships. AGP is managed and no longer distressing. |
Top Comments by /u/alt34636347:
Part 2.
What got you out?
Firstly, knowing the truth.
Secondly, I wouldn't pass. After a thousand dollars spent I barely removed any facial hair.
Thirdly, autogynephilia exists alongside my normal gynephilia (attraction to women). Indulging in autogynephilia could make a normal relationship more difficult. Furthermore, it seems to be more productive and ultimately fulfilling to find the woman of my dreams, have fun along the way, rather than trying through will and brute force to becoming her. Hopefully she values me, appreciates me, and makes me feel attractive for my male characteristics. There's no way that becoming a woman would lead to greater satisfaction than an amazing partner. Hopefully I am a good partner. I've tried to be, but haven't always succeeded.
Fifth, I needed to consciously make the decision to focus my sexual energy outward, because whatever part of the brain that usually handles that is damaged.
Sixth, quit looking at porn or otherwise fueling these fantasies.
What did getting out feel like?
Depressing. Numb. Like I was mourning a loss or a breakup.
Are you autistic?
I don't think so. I probably am more autistic than the average person though. STEM.
Are you doing okay now?
Relatively normal today. I no longer want to be castrated for example, having balls is groovy. I like them. If you have testes maybe you should like them too - don't hurt them.
Are you a narcissist?
I am aware of a supposed link between autogynephiles and narcissism. At one point this caused a lot of self-hate. Sometimes I notice some narcissistic traits, but overall I try to minimize them. I don't always succeed. I am definitely not am empathetic person though, I just try to make sure I don't hurt anyone.
Are all transwomen like this?
No, this is me. I think a substantial proportion of transwomen are autogynephiles though but their experiences are not necessarily the same as mine. However, going through trans subs and finding less extreme versions of my dysphoria and things in common is incredibly easy.
Advice
If you are a gender dysphoric male who is attracted to females, do not waste your time on internet forums debating radfems. They are not your friend and they are not trying to help you.
I can only state what helped me. And these resources make for heavy and at times hurtful and difficult reading. You have been warned. You can with an open-mind read the academic literature by proponents of the theory (e.g. Blanchard, Anne Lawrance, J. Michael Bailey). Please note that these people are interesting characters to say the least, they are from another time and generation, and are not always kind and respectful to people like you. They should be. You may also read the academic debate behind the theory, from Julia Serano, and others. Another blog I found useful was sillyolme wordpress.
Once you know more about AGP, think about how you can fight it. For example, stop fueling it with fantasies or pornography. Fueling it, develops it, and it gets worse. Instead, try to build up romantic relationships with real people, who will reciprocate and love you back.
IMO, if someone is trying to get someone else to reconsider their autogynephilia driven transition, then you're best off talking to them like they are a friend and you don't like their partner, rather than calling them a delusional man or making them out to be a monster, abuser, or sexist. They're not usually any of those and doing so could push them away. It may be worth explaining to them autogynephelia in a non-judgemental, understanding, and realistic way. They're also probably stubborn, as they're attached, and getting out really hurts, if it's possible at all. Note that they will always remain an autogynephile. Do not shame them.
There needs to be specialist mental health professionals for this sort of thing. I don't think they are easy to find, if they exist at all.
Another Point
From my understanding, in some individuals autogynephilia is extremely strong. I think in these individuals, they might be compulsive cross-dressers starting as early-teens.
However, for others it seems that autogynephilia tends to exist alongside regular gynephilia. Most do not become gender dysphoric. And this is more common than you might think:
Nearly 3% of men in Western countries may experience autogynephilia; its most severe manifestation, MtF transsexualism, is rare but increasing in prevalence.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22005209/
I absolutely do think that in these men, if they:
- Persistently do not feel sexually or romantically valued,
- Do not have a healthy relationship with women,
- Spend too much time lonely instead of making friends or dating,
- View too much pornography, especially pornography intended specifically for autogynephiles (it's... intense),
- Spend too much time online,
Then the chance of their usually harmless autogynephilia developing into an intense romantic attachment and late-onset gender dysphoria is considerably increased. Honestly I think it's incredibly obvious. Needless to say, I am really passionate about mens mental health these days. I don't want anyone to go through that ever again.
Amab 19 year old. Wants to be a girl since the start of puberty and didn't relate much to masculinity, no signs at childhood
I had some similarities with that. When I was around 18 my dysphoria appeared.
My story is here and may be of some use.
Here I will tell you my story including:
How AGP felt,
How AGP developed into gender dysphoria and how that felt,
How I massively reduced my gender dysphoria and yet keep living with AGP,
How I became happy being a man.
https://old.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/pbfiwq/im_an_autogynephile_and_almost_transitioned_heres/
Note: You may not be AGP but just see if you identify with some parts of my post.
You are not alone and whichever way you go, you will get through this.
Hey. My posts here cover a lot, but there's so much more of my journey that I could write about. I read your posts and the similarities in your story and your conclusions to mine are extreme to the point where I am honestly stunned. Whilst I have met transwomen before, obviously I did not want to talk about AGP to them because it might hurt them, and in the end they chose a different path than me. I honestly did not expect or know that there were other people who tried to fight it. I fought it more or less completely alone. Hearing your story and knowing that there are others made me cry, a lot, which doesn't happen very often.
Congratulations on your success with your wife and child! Also, messaging Blanchard directly was pretty bad ass. I'll definitely post my story there, but there's a few more improvements I wanted to make, to explain the build-up and progression. I wonder if there's other ways we can help AGP men.
I think AGP people need to understand that:
- Having an ETLE is not your fault,
- It does not make you racist, sexist, or a narcissist,
- You are not alone.
- You can fight it.
Hey Michael. If you're interested, there's a longer and more updated story that can be accessed by my profile. Just remember that if you have AAP, then that's completely fine, but I think being aware of AAP/AGP driven dysphoria is very important, and by knowing you can make better decisions about your body and life. Also, your sexuality doesn't define your entire existence.
You are not alone and you will get through this.
I don't know why you would look up to "contrapoints" anyway.
The majority of the post was describing aspects of my dysphoria when at its peak, which was a couple of years ago. I found her attractive and given her similar starting age to myself, there was definitely was some element of looking up to her. In some sense, I wanted to mimic her. This is an element of AGP.
I don't watch Contrapoints anymore and don't find Contrapoints attractive.
This is what I hate about youtubers who rant about issues (no shes not a "philosopher".
Agreed.
Many boys thrive when their masculine instincts are engaged. If anything modern society is hurting boys by trying to raise them like girls, especially in school.
Do you have more information?
BTW imo Porn is an unsaid motivator for transition of MtFs. Its never talked about as a motivator but porn absolutely fuels abnormal behavior and abnormal sexualities like AGP.
Agreed. It definitely affected me and fueled it.
People don't "naturally" stick dildos up their butt, wear a chastity cage and become "sissy hypnotized". That is not a natural sexuality.
Agreed, although some people can be pretty strange naturally.
Personally I think you are too attached to the idea that your inclinations are set in stone.
I don't see the presence of it changing, just the intensity. It's barely an inclination anymore.
I assume you are a virgin.
No lol. It got really bad after I broke up with my first gf, yes watched too much porn, and the items listed in the original post.
You may be surprised what your body enjoys when you break free of porn addiction and the internet and live a more vibrant life with more types of experiences.
Agreed.
Hey viiiball. I did not transition, but I did have intense intense gender dysphoria, a trans identity emerged, and I started the process. I then learned about autogynephilia (AGP) and tried some common sense strategies to help minimize my dysphoria and become happier with being male. They worked, but I acknowledge that I am AGP and probably always will be AGP (TBD).
I am not ashamed to be AGP, it is part of me at a very deep level, and I probably wouldn't change it. I think AGP is unnecessarily stigmatized, whereas actually acknowledging it can be useful and helps people with AGP.
My story can be found here and I hope that it helps you. Note that I am not necessarily claiming that you are an AGP.
Old short version:
https://old.reddit.com/r/detrans/comments/pbfiwq/im_an_autogynephile_and_almost_transitioned_heres/
(You may also find the newest version of my story via my profile).
I think somewhere during my sexual development, AGP emerged, where it existed alongside my heterosexuality, at a very low level.
I think it developing into bad dysphoria may have been a coping mechanism, especially after I broke up with my first girlfriend. Years of fantasies and pornography also let it develop and progress. The more you feed it, the stronger it gets.
To prevent my AGP from developing into dysphoria, I need coping mechanisms, because I don't want to slip back into it.
I completely understand it’s a stigmatizing condition, especially when acknowleging it completely destroys the fantasy of being a female.
Acknowledging it damages the fantasy significantly and is a great first step.
However, I am not sure if it completely destroys the fantasy, especially if they are partial-AGP (autogynandromorphophilia), where the goal may not be to be completely female in the first place. I am partial-AGP, it's possible this gives me an easier or slightly different time compared to pure-AGP.
Today, I was thinking what I could add to this thread, and somehow the thought got into my mind that if I could hypothetically "transition" by pressing a button, to just look like a pseudo-female, a vague approximation, or impersonator, deep down knowing that I am and always will be male, without pain, monetary cost, social consequences, without impacting my normal sex life, with good, semi-passing results and fully admitting this is sexually based, I would do so. I probably wouldn't even want to be called she or her. That thought is incredibly enticing.
Then I realized, that's an unrealistic fantasy, and if I continued to dwell on it, I would be playing a dangerous game with dysphoria, which is extremely uncomfortable and painful. Then I remembered that I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago and have spent more than 200 days in lockdown since the pandemic started, bored out of my mind, unable to do most of my hobbies, unable to date anyone. I need to get back to living my life and not living inside my head. Then I shrugged it off and continued with my day. Not really much more than an intrusive thought. No dysphoria. I am not worried about my dysphoria seriously returning.
It's interesting that your ex had AGP. Do you know if he had fantasies or dysphoria when he was with you? I have met transwomen who get extreme dysphoria when they are with women. If they were AGP, that would mean their erotic target is always or mainly themselves. I think I'm lucky in that it isn't and my AGP is more easily out-competed, as long as I keep it suppressed.
There are also transwomen who admit AGP. Reddit user "AlsoAshley" (she is stunning).
I think acknowledging it also helps develop common sense coping strategies. For example, whilst now I don't really need any significant coping strategies, when it was bad and I was trying to end it, I needed to consciously make the decision to focus my sexual energy outward and avoid AGP thoughts and imagery. If you feed it, the worse it gets. If you don't feed it, it becomes easier to control.
Acknowledging it stops you from believing that you're a woman trapped in a mans body, or that you have a intersex brain, or other pseudo-science that AGP makes you desperately want to be true. Acknowledging it stops you from believing that you are a feminine person, or were a feminine child, when you were not.
Of course, if you know it's AGP, you can probably deliberately feed it more intensely as well if you wanted to, which might be fun.
But at the same time, I’m also allowed to express my feelings about it. As a woman, seeing some of these men openly fetishize misogyny is one of the most painful things, as it’s affected me my whole life. Can you understand that?
I certainty understand that given misogyny and mens behavior, a man trying to impersonate a woman could be uncomfortable.
If your ex had AGP and found you attractive, it's entirely conceivable that he wanted to become you.
Note that AGP tends to cluster with masochism. I wonder if they get off on being the object of misogyny, or if it's simply masochism and AGP combined. I honestly don't know. I don't think that AGP by itself is inherently sexist, I would have thought that a sexist man with AGP has sexist AGP fantasies. Please let me know what you think.