I'm glad to have found this sub too - as a teenager in 2012 or so, just as the gender craze was really starting, I was a Tumblr addict, and my discomfort with puberty, frustration with my mother's "it's a hard world to live in as a woman" talks (I'm Australian and we're doing pretty well in terms of gender equality but from the way she goes on about it you'd think we had it as bad as a third world country) + dislike of typical "girly things" led me to identify as non binary. I was confident I wanted surgery to remove all my female parts and achieve a more neutral look, but thankfully my doctor said I was too young and needed time to decide if it was what I really wanted.

Several years later I've dropped the label and have realised I'm fine the way I am, nothing's wrong with my body and it's okay to have my own interests and tastes beyond stereotypes/social pressure. I'm glad I didn't see a doctor who straight away referred me to a gender clinic and knew what she was dealing with (I have mild autism, which seems to be a common thing amongst these young people who are confused about gender, and was also diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and started on meds for that) but can sympathise with those who got hormones, surgery etc. before they realised it was the wrong path for them.

I'm wondering the same. My own experience was that I felt uncomfortable with my body as a teenager but didn't want to go all the way and become male, so the idea of being neither/something in between was appealing. I hated my chest, hated having periods, cut my hair short, went on the depo shot to stop having periods and wore oversized shirts to hide my figure. I only told my parents, school counsellors/therapists and a few close, trusted friends how I felt as I wasn't sure how everyone else would react if I told them, as the concept of "non binary" was only just starting to gain mainstream attention then and I was worried I'd get called "it" or something worse. I didn't even know they/them pronouns were a thing, so when I played with labels online I said "call me she, but I'm not a woman".

I wanted to change my name to something more gender neutral (the name I liked was a Japanese one, as I was also obsessed with Japanese culture at the time, and gender neutral but leaned more feminine) and I wished there was a magic pill that I could take to get rid of all my unwanted sex characteristics without looking too much like a man, so testosterone wasn't an option I was interested in exploring. The look I desired was androgynous, like a cutesy anime boy or a character in a JRPG. I also identified as asexual at the time as I was embarrassed at the sexual thoughts I was having (I'm heterosexual for the most part, so this wasn't an internalised homophobia thing, and my parents aren't religious at all and told me everything I wanted to know about sex and more), and had zero interest in sleeping with any of the people I knew. My social interaction was really just limited to school so looking back it wasn't a lack of any attraction or sexual desire at all, I just had limited options.

Turns out it was just a phase, and there was more to it than wanting to be genderless. The thought of adulthood scared me as I didn't feel ready for those responsibilities yet. The societal expectations around being a grown woman were off-putting - I didn't like the idea of caring so much about my appearance all for the sake of attracting men, sex was scary as I've always had a bit of an aversion to physical contact (since then I've been in a relationship and realised I'm fine with it so long as it's on my terms) and so was the idea of pregnancy and motherhood, as raising a kid is a very grown up thing and I was still a child myself. Also I've never been one to follow trends, I just do my own thing, so my thought process was something like, "if I don't like the stereotypes of the gender I was assigned at birth, does that mean I can opt out of being that gender entirely?" Going on antidepressants was what really helped me get out of that phase - I started to think more clearly and rationally, realised it's okay to be nonconforming, and that growing up is a scary time for everyone and you don't have to figure out exactly what you want immediately (despite the huge push from everyone around me to pick a career path).

So I can relate somewhat to this sub, only I didn't get medical treatment as my doctor knew exactly what was going on and treated the underlying cause, my depression. I'm on the autism spectrum too, and comorbid mental health issues do slip under the radar a lot as any negative emotions are just chalked up to the ASD, very few clinicians will even entertain the possibility that these emotions might be caused by something else, but this doctor is amazing and I couldn't be more grateful to her for realising exactly what was going on and nipping it in the bud. Wish there were more doctors like her around.

I can seriously relate minus the sexual orientation (I say I'm straight just because it's convenient, but in reality it's a bit more complicated than that). I've never cared too much for girly things like makeup and fashion, find female socialisation hard to understand and hate my big boobs and wide hips. Jumped on the non binary bandwagon on Tumblr as a teenager as I thought it fit me, though I had no idea they/them pronouns were a thing (I thought you could either be he, she or it and I didn't want to be called a nonhuman object).

Long story short I ended up realising it's okay to be a tomboy, and everyone has something they don't like about themselves whether they want to admit it or not.

Just want to say your experience is similar to mine! At about 17 or so I had fallen deep into the Tumblr mindset, was convinced I was "not female" but didn't want to become a man either and identified as non binary because I wasn't ultra girly, didn't have crushes on any of the boys at school (also had trouble fitting in socially due to ASD and my more nerdy interests), plus despite being an early bloomer and having started puberty at 10 the dread of having an adult female body had just set in. (my mindset was, periods and breasts = sexually mature = sexually desirable, and I did not fancy the idea of dating/sex as it was something I couldn't quite understand as I still felt like a kid mentally. I also identified as asexual at this time for that reason despite having had sexual feelings towards several fictional characters. These days I'm fine with my sexuality - I'm hetero so there was none of the concerns about not being accepted as a bi/lesbian girl, just my own personal hangups). I wanted a mastectomy and hysterectomy without having to go on testosterone (because I didn't want a beard and even more body hair than I already have... pale skin + thick dark hair on arms and legs runs in my family and it still embarrasses me to this day) but thankfully my doctor said I was too young and might change my mind later, so the most I did was go on the contraceptive shot to stop periods, cut my hair short and wear loose fitting tops to hide my figure.

The turning point for me was when I realised the contraceptive shot wasn't helping at all. I didn't feel any happier at my lack of periods, it was causing my hair to fall out faster than ever, and I started to think maybe gender wasn't the problem. The real problem was with my self esteem and mental health, and the Tumblr gender cult loves to prey on insecure teenagers who might not fit in with their peers. I saw my doctor again, got diagnosed with depression, put on antidepressants and stopped getting the shots, and began to think more rationally - basic biological functions are irrelevant to who I am as a person, and it's perfectly fine for me to be a tomboy who hates makeup, loves video games and doesn't act like a walking stereotype.

The issue I have with this post is it defines womanhood/femaleness around all those bits and processes, as if they're a badge of pride, and to me they really aren't. Body hair, breasts, big hips, periods and all the signs of a postpubescent female aren't things I view as an integral part of my being like the OP does, and if I were to wake up one day as flat chested and hairless I'd be happy. I still feel a disconnect between mind and body, but have come to realise it isn't based around gender for me, I'd describe it like I'd be happier as a consciousness inside a digital avatar, able to change appearance as I see fit.