This story is from the comments by /u/anaquaticbonebird that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex internal struggle that is highly specific to the detrans/desister experience. The user's perspective evolves in real-time, they express deep personal conflict, and their reasoning is self-contradictory in a way that reflects genuine human ambivalence rather than a scripted narrative. The language is natural and contains personal, reflective details.
About me
I started my transition because I desperately wanted to be seen as a man, not a woman. I began taking testosterone and for a while, I was happy with the changes to my body. But the constant anxiety of being seen as trans and the fear of violence made me question everything, and I even tried to stop my hormones. I quickly realized that the idea of going back to living as a woman felt far worse than the difficulties of being trans. Now I've accepted that I am a man, and my problem was never with being male, but with how society treats people like me.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition has been complicated, but it’s rooted in one simple thing: I never wanted to be seen as a woman, and I desperately wanted to be seen as a man. I started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. I never had a problem with people knowing I was trans in theory, but in my day-to-day life, I don't bring it up. At work, I just live as me. I didn't lose any friends or family when I came out, and since I'm aromantic and asexual, dating wasn't really an issue for me either.
But the reality of being trans is a near constant source of anxiety for me. I'm always worried someone will figure it out. Whether we admit it or not, trans people get treated differently than cis people. I don't want to be seen as a trans person; I just want to be seen as a person. It's exhausting being constantly aware that I am not cis. In my culture, there's a term for queer people like me, "two-spirit," but I don't identify with it. That label still makes you "other," and I don't want to be "other." I just want to be a man. I know that because of how I identify, I'm at a much higher risk of violence, and that really sucks.
There was a point a few months ago where all this pressure got to me. I started questioning everything. I thought maybe I could find a way to be comfortable as a very masculine, butch woman. I decided to slowly taper off testosterone to see how I felt, thinking that if I could make that work, why not try? The idea of facing a lifetime of the social discomfort and danger that comes with being trans was really weighing on me.
But after talking to people and thinking it over more, I realized something important. The idea of actually detransitioning, of going back to being seen as a woman, felt exponentially more uncomfortable and unbearable than continuing to face the hardships of being trans. I am very comfortable with my body now. I'm overall happy as a person, and I wish to live and die as a man.
I don't regret my transition. I think I just let my fears about how society treats trans people get the best of me for a little while. I started to believe that the problem wasn't with being a man, but with being a trans man in a world that can be hostile to that. My journey has led me to a place of self-acceptance. I'm comfortable with who I am, and I don't feel like I'm performing a gender. I just am who I am. I just wish that being trans was more widely accepted and less dangerous.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. |
| 22 | Experienced intense anxiety about the social realities of being trans, leading me to question my path. |
| 22 | Decided to taper off testosterone to explore possibly living as a masculine, butch woman. |
| 22 | After deep reflection, realized detransitioning was not right for me. I recommitted to living as a man and continued my transition. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/anaquaticbonebird:
I appreciate you sharing your experiences, its a lot of food for thought for sure. I decided I'm going to go off of T for a while and just be who I am without labels and see where it takes me because long run, I don't want to be trans. I don't want to be a women either or be seen as anything other than a man, but the barriers and social discomfort caused by being trans are going to be something life long and not something I'm sure I want to be a part of my life
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm finding that the idea of genuinely detransitioning is exponentially more uncomfortable and unbearable to think about than continuing to face the hardships that I do as a result of being trans. I'm very comfortable with my body and am overall happy as a person and wish to live and die as a man. I feel regret in posting here, I'm starting to believe I let my woes with being trans get the best of me and gave fuel to people who are not happy with themselves and the choices they made in their lives. Although I really do appreciate hearing this communities stories
Yeah, I've noticed these feelings are a lot harder to articulate in a paragraph or two than I had initially realized. I've decided I'm going to slowly taper off of T and see how I feel and then probably stay off of it for a couple months just to feel it out because if I can find a way to feel comfortable as a butch woman or just some variety of hyper-masc female-passing person, why not try and make it work?
My own culture has something similar but we call it being "two-spirit" and anyone who is queer is captured under that label. I personally don't identify as such despite people in my life referring to me as it pretty frequently because you're still definitively seen as "other" and I don't want to be "other", I want to just be seen as a man. I don't want to be a "female to male", I just want so badly to be seen as male but I know that's not the reality and it's exhausting constantly being reminded of that. Because of the way I identify, I am at such a higher risk of experiencing violence and maltreatment and it SUCKS
I guess that's where our experiences differ because I don't have issue with people knowing I'm trans. It's not something I bring up or mention in my day-to-day life so at work and such I just live as me without anyone needing to know my damn genitals are different than what they'd expect (as if that should matter). I didn't lose any friends after coming out and none of my relationships were damaged, none of my family members any issue with it either. I also haven't had too much issue in the dating compartment because I'm essentially aroace and don't really concern myself with that stuff anyways. I do, however, notice how it's a point of near constant anxiety. I am constantly worried someone will know because, whether we want to admit it or not, trans people get treated differently than cis people. I don't want to be seen as a trans person, I just want to be a person and its exhausting constantly being aware I am not cis
Idk my first thought when I saw the first picture was "why did she even post this? She's obviously a girl" and then I scrolled and got a better understanding of why. She's masc, sure, but she definitely looks female from first, second, and third glance. I would have a hard time believing she was male if I was told and would assume FtM
Yeah that's part of my concern, I've seen a lot of people that were on HRT decide to detransition after having transitioned well over a decade ago and I worry what that could mean for me in the future as well. If you're able to, what's been drawing you back in simple terms?
Hey I'm in an extremely similar situation! I don't really know where to go from here either, I kinda feel like I'm floating and don't overly belong here but it's nice seeing other people who relate to things specific to people who have transitioned and are questioning it, medically or otherwise
I'm sure my perspective will be seen in a lesser light, seeing as this is the subreddit I decided to post in, but this has certainly not been an obsession for me. I don't feel like I'm performing any gender and am very comfortable with how I am, there's no pressure to conform in any way. However, there's still discomfort with being trans because of the simple fact of being trans. People don't like trans people and it sucks but it's something I've generally been ok with putting up with. I understand I'll never be cis and if there was zero discrimination and inherent risk of being literally assaulted by others if they find out I'm trans, I would always pick being a trans man over being a cis woman. It just sucks because that's not the reality, so I'm going to try out seeing if I think I could live less masculine presenting, but the more and more I talk about it here and the more and more comments I get, I think I've just been struggling with the reality that is being trans in this world and that is that people are going to hate me and try to harm me because of it, no matter what. I've built a really good support system around me and I'm 100% confident I'll figure myself out eventually and I do not regret anything about my transition thus far, its just a bump in the road towards self acceptance. I just wish being trans was more widely accepted and less dangerous, I suppose