This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's comments are highly personal, emotionally intelligent, and varied in topic over a long period. They consistently identify as a lesbian and a therapist, offering nuanced advice that aligns with a real, lived experience. The passion and anger present are consistent with the genuine harm and stigma faced by this community.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort with my body, especially developing breasts, started in my teens. I now see my feelings were mixed up with depression, low self-esteem, and internalized misogyny, where I felt I couldn't be a woman because I didn't fit the stereotypes. I later took testosterone and had top surgery, which caused permanent changes like infertility. Through therapy, I realized my problem wasn't being female, but the social expectations placed on women. I am now comfortable living as a female and have found self-acceptance as a lesbian.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been complicated, and looking back, I see a lot of things more clearly now. I was born female, and for a long time, I felt a lot of discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. I really hated developing breasts; it felt like they didn't belong on me at all. I think a lot of my feelings were tangled up with low self-esteem and a deep depression that I didn't know how to handle. I also realize now that I had a lot of internalized misogyny. I bought into the stereotypes of what a woman is supposed to be—emotionally expressive, not vulgar, not calculating—and since I didn't fit that narrow idea, I thought that meant I wasn't a woman. I see now that was a mistake. Women can be all of those things; personality isn't determined by your sex.
I eventually identified as a lesbian, but that realization came later in life for me, after a lot of confusion. I think this confusion and my discomfort with my body led me to consider transitioning. I took testosterone for a period of time. I was told by one endocrinologist that it could decrease my cancer risk, which I now know is completely false—it actually increases it. That made me very suspicious of the medical advice I was getting. I also had top surgery to remove my breasts. It's a permanent change. People don't always realize that breasts aren't just fat; they're made of glands, ducts, and tissue that doesn't grow back. The nerves can be permanently damaged, reducing sensitivity.
I did detransition after some time. I stopped taking hormones. I can't say I regret my transition entirely because it was a path I needed to walk to get to where I am now, which is a place of much greater self-acceptance. But I do have regrets about the permanent changes, especially the surgery. I'm now infertile, which is a serious and lasting complication. The process helped me understand that my problem wasn't with being female; it was with the stereotypes and limitations I felt were imposed on me by society. I benefited greatly from therapy that wasn't just about affirming a transgender identity but about digging into my depression, my self-esteem issues, and my internalized homophobia and misogyny. Getting older has also helped. I’ve learned to love myself more as I've aged.
I'm comfortable now in my body as a female, and I'm secure in my identity as a lesbian. My views on gender are that it's largely a social construct—a set of expectations placed on people based on their sex. But your sex itself isn't a feeling; it's a biological reality. I believe the healthiest thing any person can do is learn to be their own unique person, regardless of what society says someone of their sex is supposed to be like.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Puberty | Began experiencing intense discomfort with breast development and female puberty. |
| Late 30s | Realized and accepted that I am a lesbian. |
| 40 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 41 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 42 | Stopped testosterone and began the process of detransition. |
| Now (mid-40s) | Living as a female, comfortable with my body and identity as a lesbian. |
Top Comments by /u/and-it-has-alwaybeen:
“Atypical” for a woman??? Not all women are emotionally expressive. I’m not. Calculating? Men and women can be calculating. Vulgar? Some of the most vulgar people I know are women. I was in the service for many years and during that time every other word out of my mouth was fuck. What I hear OP is that you have bought the “stereotype “ of what a woman is. That’s misogyny. Humans have all types of personalities regardless of what society says a person of one sex or another is supposed to behave like. I recommend you seriously consider how much your internalized misogyny is affecting your feelings about your gender. Edit: words
Breasts are not just fatty tissue. They are composed of of milk glands, milk ducts and supportive tissue (dense breast tissue), and fatty tissue (nondense breast tissue), smooth muscles and erectile tissue in the areola. None of which grow back when removed. Sometimes damaged nerves repair but that’s not guaranteed.
Hello, I’m in the eastern US too. There are a lot of misogynists out there. In all parts of the world. I have worked in a male dominated environment for most of my life. And what I’ve learned is that it is better to cut women haters out of your life. If people don’t respect you, there are not going to respect you MORE for hanging out with them while they are putting you down and ignoring you. The most important lesson we have to learn regardless of gender or sex is to be our own unique person. Know yourself. Be who you are. And leave people that don’t respect you.
As I therapist myself. I greatly appreciate when clients contact me months, even years later. It’s important feedback. I never charge for a simple conversation. I had one former client that really need to process something with me and we talked for almost two hours. So, I’d say try to find the therapist even if you can’t pay, I bet the therapist would like to hear from you and understand you experience even if you can’t pay. Not a therapy appointment but a phone conversation. And then go from there.
Gosh, I feel the pain in your writing. I’m therapist and a mom. The most important thing for a kid is that they are loved, and that their parents are as happy as possible. Kids are pretty flexible before they become teenagers. However the mechanics of going from Dad to ??? Mom? Ma? Or whatever you choose to be called now may take time for him to get use to, but seeing you and your wife happy with the change will help him.
T increases your risk of cancer not decreases it. Please see someone else. Also, if it’s possible can you bring someone supportive of you with you? So many have detransitioned after years of T that I am very suspicious of that endocrinologists motives.
I am much older than you, and have had none of this type of pain and confusion. So, I cannot offer any specific advice. But your story has touched me. I wish you good luck, virtual hugs. And from the way that you write, the emotional honesty, and intelligence you shared here.., I’m sure that you will find love and ease of mind. I bet if I know you I would be your friend. Peace.
21 years old is still very young , even though it may not feel that way. As a late in life lesbian I assure you you are not alone. I didn’t fight out my sexuality until I was 38. The best way to know is to have experiences and trust your instincts, especially after you’ve had the experience. The only caveat I have is don’t experiment with friends. Friends are for friendship not experiments. Have sex. Variety. That is how you will now how your body responds. Is you experiment and are still not sure, go to a sex therapist.
I second the above. Especially for two reasons: 1.surgery is mostly likely going to reduce the sensitivity in your clitoris. Not desirable longterm outcome. 2. Given enough time and your normal hormones you my find that your clitoris shrinks...this may take years.
Also, you didn’t mention your sexuality. I’m a lesbian. Most lesbians are not judgmental about their partner’s clitoris.
From what my het male friends say most don’t mind either.
I hope that helps. Good luck, and keep hanging in there.
Oh, I see now. Still sorry you had to go through that, but glad you’re happy with those results.
I admit I don’t know anything about the facial surgery. If it’s not a huge burden on you and it makes you feel better then why not?
You’re other question though- does it get better
I cannot speak about transitioning and detransitioning from personal experience. But as a therapist, and person in their mid 40s...things usually get better the older you get... It’s a general statement, but the vast majority of people feel more comfortable with everything about themselves as they get older.
You learn to love yourself.