This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments are highly personal, nuanced, and self-reflective, detailing a specific and complex journey from a non-binary/transmasc identity to a desisted female identity. The writing style is consistent, with a noted non-native English fluency, and engages thoughtfully with others' experiences. The passion and criticism align with genuine perspectives found in the detrans community.
About me
My journey started when I left an abusive home and tried to create a whole new identity, which led me to identify first as non-binary and then as a trans man. I realized my transition was partly about escaping my past and dealing with a lot of internalized hatred about being a woman. Stepping away from online communities that constantly focused on gender dysphoria was a huge help for me. Now, I’ve let go of those labels and am learning to accept myself as female, understanding it doesn’t define my personality or interests. I’m finally rebuilding a true sense of myself, free from all those old pressures.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I’m still figuring things out. It started with me identifying as non-binary. That phase was actually useful at the beginning because it let me distance myself from the gender binary. After that, I identified as transmasc for a while, and then went back to non-binary. But after years of thinking about it, I started to feel that labels like non-binary were just as restrictive as the binary genders. Now, I don’t use those terms for myself anymore. I see them as irrelevant to describing who I am. I am female. That’s just the biological and medical reality of my body. It doesn’t have to mean anything about my personality, my interests, or what I want to do with my life. That’s where I’m at now.
A huge part of this was dealing with internalized misogyny. It’s a work in progress, and I think it will be for a long time. Misogyny is everywhere, and it’s impossible not to internalize some of it. I had a lot of negative feelings about myself as a woman. I started by challenging the misogynistic thoughts I had about other women—my expectations for how they should behave, dress, or talk. When I learned to be kinder in my thoughts about other women, it became easier to start being kinder to myself.
My decision to transition was also tied to escaping a bad home situation. I had abusive and controlling parents. After I left home, I changed everything about myself. I tried to create a completely new person to put as much distance as possible between me and my old life. It felt like I had killed off who I really was. I didn't know myself anymore; I was just this new person I created to escape. When I detransitioned, it felt like going back to the person I was before, but also different. It took me years to sort through it. I had to find the parts of myself that I liked but couldn't express when I was living with my abusive family, and slowly make them mine again. Now, I finally feel like myself.
I spent a lot of time online, and that definitely influenced me. I became obsessed with gender and the idea of having a transgender identity. I’d have intrusive thoughts about it triggered by the smallest things, like how I was sitting. I made it worse by constantly looking for confirmation in online trans spaces. My dysphoria got much worse because of it. What helped me was taking a break from those spaces. I unfollowed all the groups and accounts that talked about dysphoria and negative emotions. I focused on redirecting my thoughts to other, more positive things I was interested in. I had to put a boundary between my own thoughts and the ones I’d picked up from being so immersed in gender stuff.
I don’t really have regrets about my transition, but I do have strong feelings about how these topics are discussed. It makes me sad that this community is often demonized in trans spaces. I think it’s irresponsible to ignore detransitioning or sweep it under the carpet just because it doesn’t fit a certain narrative. There aren’t enough studies on it, and people should be allowed to talk about their experiences openly. I also believe that the level of censorship and misinformation about people who are critical of gender ideology is alarming. It’s more harmful than the ideas themselves.
Here is a timeline of the main events from my journey:
My Age | Event |
---|---|
Late Teens | Left my abusive family home and began to create a new identity as a way to escape. |
19 | Initially identified as non-binary. |
20 | Identified as transmasc. |
21 | Returned to identifying as non-binary. |
22 | Began the process of detransition, stopping the use of gender labels and accepting myself as female. |
23 | Started actively working on overcoming internalized misogyny and rebuilding my sense of self. |
Top Comments by /u/angrryymanju:
- transitioning is also rare
- detransitioning might be rare but it happens
- there are not enough studies on the actual numbers of detrans people
It's just so irresponsible to sweep an issue under the carpet if it doesn't fit in the narrative..
What makes me sad is the demonizing of this sub as well in trans spaces. I'm still subbed to some of the main trans subs (though I don't post there anymore), and every time someone is questioning whether they want to detrans or want to hear from detransitioners and someone suggests this sub, they are immediately downvoted and reprimanded for linking to what is often referred as a terf sub and instead the questioning person is pointed to the other detrans sub which afaik didn't have even any detrans mods until a while ago and has the usual much more "trans affirming approach".
I agree with the OP saying that more transparency would have been better, u/DetransIS was an active member of this community and from what I can tell (I have been lurking for some time before I finally had the courage to post) she always gave thoughtful and respectful answers here on the sub, removing her without explanation and not allowing her to use this space anymore (if I understand correctly the situation from what she posted on twitter) feels wrong.
Iʻve just been told by the forum moderators I donʻt have a place in this group since Iʻm not currently detransitioned or questioning detransition.
That's the core of the issue. The mods established this rule was necessary (after external pressure as well) and now this space is for self questioning, detrans and desister people only.
If you are active online and follow people (or groups or subs) where there is a lot of talking about dysphoria or things like self deprecating humor and memes, and generally negative emotions, I would suggest to unfollow them or take a break from them for a while at least. I know that helped me so much both for dysphoria and for general mental health. Try to redirect your thoughts (and online feed) to other positive things that you are interested in instead and focus on those things.
Yes definitely, I became obsessed by gender and the idea of gender identity. I remember having intrusive thoughts about having a transgender identity being triggered by the smallest things like the way I was sitting (like legs open vs crossed for example).
And I actively was feeding these thoughts by looking in online trans spaces for confirmation of my feelings, and it only made the dysphoria worse.
My advice is to definitely take a break from "affirming" and "egg" online trans spaces and give yourself time to get back into yourself if that makes sense. Like for me I had to really focus and put some boundaries between what I knew where my thoughts and those that I felt were mine after I had immersed myself so much in gender related stuff for so much time.
This allows them to come to terms with the fact that they don't fit neatly into traditional masculinity and femininity without necessitating a drastic physical change.
I have mixed feelings about this. I initially had an NB phase, then went transmasc, then NB again and for me identifying as NB was useful at the start because it allowed me to as you say distance myself from the gender binary, or try to at least. But after years of self introspection and learning I just find the NB identity as restrictive as the other genders you can choose and now I don't want to describe myself in those terms anymore, for me they are irrelevant description at least. I am female, that doesn't say anything about me other than what is the biological and medical reality of being a female person. It doesn't have to mean anything about my sexuality, interests or life goals. This is where I'm at now, but I'm also still trying to learn and keep my mind open.
(English is not my first language so longer posts of mine can get kind of confusing sometimes, I hope I was clear enough).
One thing I know, but I always have to remind to myself is that we are our worst critics. Yes, your looks can change on T, and you are different from the way you were before, but know that when your friends say you look just fine they mean it, when strangers see you they don't see what you think are flaws they just see a person.
Exactly, it's just tempting period. It is not the perfect indicator to confirm that you are indeed trans, it's an amusing thinking experiment at best. But it's something that I found repeated so many times in reply to questioning people (and heard it myself) and lots of people agree that this "test" makes sense...
I wasn't part like you of a religious cult, but I relate to this a lot after having distanced myself from abusive and controlling parents.
After I left home I changed everything about myself and tried to put as much distance between my old self and the new version that I was presenting to others. And it felt like I had killed what I really was, I didn't know myself anymore, just the new person I had created to escape. With detransition it felt like going back to the person I was before, but at the same time so different.
Now I find it impossible to think of myself as the same person I was two years ago, and it freaks me out.
For me it was a process of trying to see the parts of me that I like and I couldn't express and explore when I was living in my abusive family, and slowly pick them up and make them mine again. It takes time (years for me) but I feel like myself again at least.