This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments display a consistent, deeply personal narrative with complex emotional nuance, specific medical details (e.g., UTM/OTM implants, fat grafting), and a perspective that evolves over time—all of which are difficult to fake convincingly. The user's anger is directed at specific systems and professionals, which aligns with the known experiences of many detransitioners.
About me
I was a mentally unstable teenager when I latched onto a trans identity, and the system failed me by enabling it instead of helping me. I was on testosterone for five years and had a mastectomy, a decision I now mourn every single day. After stopping hormones, I finally feel like myself again, stronger and more confident than ever. I've come to see that my body doesn't need to be changed to fit a stereotype, and I've chosen to accept myself as I am. While I can forgive my desperate younger self, I am still angry at the professionals who guided me down this path.
My detransition story
My entire journey started when I was a teenager. I was mentally unstable and desperate to get away from myself. I never showed any signs of dysphoria as a kid; it all came on suddenly. I now see that I was in a zombie-like state, just going through the motions, and I convinced myself I was trans. I was so desperate that I latched onto this identity. The system completely failed me. A psychologist diagnosed me with gender dysphoria, but they never tried to actually help me or guide me through what I was really feeling. I was an unstable teen who shouldn't have been able to make these choices.
I was on testosterone for five years. During that time, I had a mastectomy and got rid of my breasts. It’s a decision I made so easily back then, but now I feel a deep, aching mourning for them every single day. It’s not exactly regret; it’s a profound sense of loss for a part of myself that I can never get back.
After five years on T, I stopped. I’ve been off it for three years now. Coming off hormones and detransitioning was the best decision I could have made for myself. I'm feeling better than I've ever felt in my life. I'm flourishing and I feel like myself again. I've rediscovered the person I once was, but now I'm stronger and more self-confident.
I did think about trying to get back a semblance of my old self by getting breast implants. I even got it approved by my insurance here in Europe and scheduled the surgery. But on the day of the operation, I canceled. I was terrified of surgery again—scared of more mental and physical complications. I exercise a lot for my mental health, and I didn't want my mobility to be impacted by implants. I realized I didn't want to change my body for external, aesthetic reasons, or because society tells me I need breasts to be attractive. This time, I chose myself, not surgery. It’s still hard to live with every day, but I manage.
I also did voice training while I was transitioning. My voice is still weird and crackly to me; it sounds like I have a permanent cold. But I work in customer service and I'm always called "ma'am" on the phone. I even get confused with my female colleagues. That experience really changed my perspective. A lot of people don't fall into strict vocal limits for each sex, and that's perfectly okay.
My thoughts on gender have completely changed. If I'm really honest, I don't believe in "mental gender" anymore, just biological sex. I think there are only gender roles, made up by society, and they're completely trivial. It's just chromosomes, that's it. Looking back, I think a lot of FTMs like I was are either dealing with some kind of mental illness or a deep distaste for gender roles and sexism that makes them feel alienated from being female.
I have forgiven myself because I know how incredibly desperate I was to escape. But I can't forgive the psychologist or the system that enabled me when I needed real help. I have a right to be angry about that. I went through a horror show with medical and surgical transition, but I came out the other side. I chose myself in the end.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Teenager | Started identifying as trans and was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. |
— | Began taking testosterone. |
— | Had a double mastectomy (top surgery). |
— | Stopped testosterone after 5 years. |
— | Currently 3 years off testosterone and detransitioned. |
Top Comments by /u/animalcrassing:
Not very PC, but I think the bigger part of MTFs are autogynephiliacs (as you said) and the bigger part of FTMs either have some kind of mental illness (autism, bpd, ad(h)d) or a distaste for gender roles/sexism in general that makes them feel alienated (or both).
If I'm really honest, I don't believe in "mental gender" anymore, just bio sex. So no, I don't think someone can actually be trans in the sense that they have a(ny) mental gender. There are only gender roles, made up by society and completely trivial in this day and age and biological sex. It's just chromosomes, that's it (in my mind at least).
I did choose this when I was a mentally instable teen and shouldn't have been able to choose this. The system should have prevented me from getting access to hormones as a mentally instable teenager with "sudden onset dysphoria" she never displayed ever before... I sure have a right to be angry at the system. I forgave myself because I know how incredibly desperate I was to get away from myself at the time. I can't forgive the psychologist who diagnosed me with gender dysphoria and never once tried to actually HELP me in a way I so desperately needed help and guidance.
I did voice training. My voice is still weird and crackly in my opinion and it sounds like I have a permanent cold (tho my husband says it's a great and sexy voice and disagrees with my judgment) but I have a job in customer service and I speak to clients on the phone a lot. I always get ma'amed. I sometimes get confused with female colleagues. Never had someone call me sir. I do get a "partied too hard last night?" or "get well soon you sound like you have a cold" sometimes but I don't mind. I have spoken to people on the phone who sounded male and turned out to be female. It happens a lot. I also have a colleague who's male who has clients call him ma'am sometimes because his voice is higher pitched. He doesn't give a shit lol. He laughs about it with his friends. It really changed my perspective in terms of voice. A lot of people don't fall in the strict limits set for each sex.
5 years on T (had a mastectomy during this time), 3 years off. I'm feeling better than I've ever felt in my life, I'm flourishing and I feel like myself again, and while the circumstances I'm in aren't amazing I feel like I've rediscovered the person I once was but stronger and more self-confident
Thank you so much for your answer. Would you say you would have chosen to go with no implants instead of UTM knowing what you no now? Because fat grafting is sadly not an option for me, and neither is OTM. I'm inclined to maybe also wait until better options become available (maybe new methods). I also kinda want to say fuck it, fuck society, I'll just be myself and unlearn everything about female attractiveness society has been forcing into my brain from a young age because really when I think about it, it's because of society I would be changing my body and I hate that idea. If society weren't the way it is I wouldn't even need implants. Yet I still feel so unattractive because I have no boobs, even tho my husband tells me he doesn't care that I don't have them.
I understand so deeply what you're feeling. It is a deep aching mourning I feel every day for the breasts I so easily and quickly got disposed off when I was acting under the delusion I was trans. In the back of my mind I even knew I wasn't but I was in this zombie-like state, I felt like I could only go forward with my transition, straying further and further away from myself. As you said, it's not regret, it is mourning. It is such a deep aching pain, not easily describable. To get back even a semblance of my old self I wanted to get breast implants. I was even able to get it covered by insurance (I'm in Europe). I would get under the muscle implants. I took care of everything. Got time off work. On the day of the first surgery, I canceled. I had so many doubts. I was terrified of getting surgery again. I was scared of mental and physical complications. I exercise a lot, it is my coping mechanism. There was a chance I wouldn't be able to move around as much after getting implants. I didn't want my mobility impacted my implants. In the end, I decided my health and wellbeing were more important than something that motivated by external and aesthetic reasons. I didn't want to get implants just because I don't feel I can be physically attractive to men without them. Society might produce these ideas, but we can unlearn them. I am, in a sense, happy with my choice. I chose myself this time, not surgery. It's still hard to live with daily but I manage.
You sound like you don't understand how the world works and how people work at all. I'm sorry that happened to you. You have the right to be angry at people who abused you. That being said, you don't see me "complaining" (it's not really complaining hen you're talking about trauma but fine, let's use your terminology) about the life circumstances that lead me to that state I was in when I convinced myself I was trans. Those days were dire. I'm not gonna enter in a "who has experienced more pain" contest with you. Please don't shove your healthy toxic positivity down others' throats though. And leave this sub if you can't handle people talking about the horror that is (medical and surgical) transitioning and then detransitioning.