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Reddit user /u/animutant100's Detransition Story

male
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
porn problem
regrets transitioning
influenced online
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments by /u/animutant100 that are listed below, summarised with AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user's comments display a highly consistent, nuanced, and introspective perspective on gender dysphoria, transition, and detransition. The long, detailed personal narrative from 2022-08-11 demonstrates a complex and believable lived experience as a desister who explored transition but chose not to pursue it medically. The language is natural, with varied sentence structure and personal reflection that is difficult to automate. The user also shows the capacity for passion and anger (e.g., the comments about religion), which aligns with the expected emotional state of someone who has experienced this kind of harm. There is no evidence of scripted or copy-pasted content.

About me

I started as a boy with fantasies about being a girl, which began around age twelve with secretly trying on women's clothes. My journey was never about severe dysphoria, but more about a deep fascination and envy of femininity. I later identified as trans and planned a medical transition, but realized the online community was making my feelings worse, not better. Now I embrace my feminine side as a genderqueer person without medical intervention. My core issue was learning self-acceptance and finding purpose in life beyond my gender.

My detransition story

My journey with gender has been a long and complicated one, but I’ve come out the other side with a much clearer understanding of myself. I don't believe people are just "born trans." From what I've lived and seen, these feelings usually come from a mix of things like low self-esteem, self-hatred, trauma, internalized homophobia, or even a problem with porn. For me, it was never a life-or-death kind of dysphoria, but more of a deep fascination and envy.

It started when I was around 12 years old. I began secretly borrowing clothes from the women in my family. I’d had fantasies about turning into a girl for a couple of years before that. I loved the experience of crossdressing, and I'm still proud I did it instead of just conforming, but I also remember feeling a lot of shame and terror about getting caught. Because my family is pretty conservative and transphobic, I never even considered I might be transgender back then. I liked girls, and I didn't want to rock the boat, so I just let it be.

My teenage years were awkward but okay. I was fairly happy. I eventually outgrew the clothes and stopped crossdressing, which made me a little sad, but I accepted it. I was fine with being a guy, though my sexuality was confusing because I found women beautiful but was way more turned on by the fantasy of being one myself.

Things got messy in my early adulthood. I tried really hard to be a "normal guy" to fit in with a new group of friends after high school. They were kind of douchey and conservative, and I felt this pressure to date a girl and lose my virginity for social credit. It was a total trainwreck. I was awkward and gave off what I’d call "bottom energy," and it never happened. I eventually grew apart from them.

The big turning point was during Covid. I let go of trying to be normal, which was great, but I also started to seriously revisit the idea of being trans. I looked at my future—a single guy who wanted to be feminine and attractive but felt he couldn't be—and I had a bit of a crisis. I started spending time in trans communities online and decided I was trans. I ran with it for several months. I grew my hair out, changed how I worked out to get a more feminine shape, and started dressing and acting more flamboyantly. I even made a detailed plan for all the surgeries I wanted.

But something felt off. The strange thing was, ever since I started hanging out in those online spaces, my feelings of dysphoria went from being manageable to unbearable. I was suddenly considering surgeries I’d never wanted before, and I felt a constant dread of missing out. I realized the trans community was like a drug, and it was making me feel worse, not better. I knew that wasn't healthy, so I distanced myself. Gradually, those intense feelings faded, and I returned to a more stable place.

Now, I’ve embraced my feminine side without banking my entire happiness on a medical transition. I have great friends who accept me, a career I’m building, and life goals that give me purpose. I see myself as a genderqueer person. I love feminine fashion and aesthetics, and I incorporate that into how I express myself. I still envy women sometimes—I admire their bodies, their style, the way they interact—and I think that’s probably never going to completely go away. But I can handle it in a more mature way now.

I don’t have regrets about exploring transition because it helped me learn about myself. But I also see clearly that for me, medically transitioning would have been a solution to problems it couldn't fix. My core issue was needing to find purpose and self-acceptance beyond my appearance. I think the biggest problem for a lot of people who transition or detransition is that they never learn to accept themselves. You have to find things that matter to you—friends, family, hobbies, a cause—that have nothing to do with gender. That’s what gives life meaning.

Here is a timeline of the main events for me:

Age Event
12 Started secretly crossdressing and having fantasies about being a girl.
Late Teens Stopped crossdressing, was fairly happy and accepted being male, though confused by sexuality.
Early 20s Tried to conform to a masculine stereotype to fit in with friends; it failed and I felt alienated.
Early 20s (during Covid) Reevaluated my life, discovered online trans communities, identified as trans for several months and planned a medical transition.
Early 20s Realized the online community was amplifying my dysphoria; distanced myself and decided against medical transition.
Now (early 20s) Living as a genderqueer person, embracing feminine expression without medical intervention, focused on building a meaningful life.

Top Reddit Comments by /u/animutant100:

51 comments • Posting since September 30, 2021
Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) explains two common patterns behind gender dysphoria: females traumatized by sexualization and restrictive expectations at puberty, and males who experience a "second puberty" crisis in their 20s due to hair loss, weight gain, and thicker body hair.
43 pointsSep 27, 2022
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Yeah, they both seem like common patterns and I can understand why.

Females hit puberty and freak out because suddenly their body is being sexualized, often shamelessly in public by older men. So many restrictive social expectations too. Even disregarding all too common like actual sexual assaults, it's not hard to see why girls end up traumatized by the experience of being their own sex.

There's still lots of males who transition early, and they tend to be very fem and attracted to guys. But there's also that second group in their 20's that seems especially prevalent today. I would say it's probably because lots of more feminine guys can get away with looking more androgynous in their late teens, but when they get into their 20's and they start to experience hair loss, their metabolism slows so they aren't so slim anymore, body hair becomes thicker. I think those attributes are almost like a small puberty and triggers a crisis in people who have been fence-sitters about their "gender identity" up to that point.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) comments on the high number of FtM detransitioners, speculating it may be due to a general rise in FtM transitions rather than a higher detransition rate.
39 pointsDec 25, 2022
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OP, keep in mind that everything everyone is saying here is just speculation. The only thing we really know is that there has been a huge rise in young FtMs in the past decade and this inequality might just be caused by female to males outnumbering male to females overall. We'd have to see some actual stats to see if the detransition rate is actual higher or if it's just a temporary imbalance.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) comments on the ethics of transition, arguing that while systems need improvement, individuals bear the final responsibility for their own consent and decisions.
29 pointsJun 12, 2022
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"Why do they do all this to us?"

This framing of the issue kind of takes away your own personal responsibility in all of this. "they" only did what you asked and consented to do. Should there be better checks and balances? Yeah. But you made the final decision on all these things.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) explains why someone should not transition based on weak reasons, advising against medical transition and suggesting non-conforming expression instead.
28 pointsJun 16, 2022
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Your list of reasons for being trans is very weak, pretty much non-existent. You should absolutely not transition just for sexual reasons, and violence and emotional coldness shouldn't be and aren't exclusively feminine traits.

I would definitely not transition if I were you. Feel free to dress in feminine clothing if you want, there's no need to conform to being a traditional man. But transitioning medically does not sound like it would fix more problems than it would cause for you. And I think, the way you describe yourself, that you realize that already.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) comments on the difference between non-binary and gender non-conforming, suggesting the distinction is semantic and the best approach is to stop caring about the "social game" of gender.
27 pointsJun 18, 2022
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I mean, it's best not to take it to heart. To some extent, the only difference between non-binary and gender non-conforming is semantics. The most woke thing we can do is realize that gender is all just a dumb social game, and stop caring. If randos misinterpret your identity, and they don't seem to be doing so in a malicious way, then leave it be. Otherwise, you give people too much control over your emotional wellbeing.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) comments on the difficulty of transitioning, arguing it should only be for personal empowerment rather than conforming to an impossible standard.
26 pointsDec 18, 2022
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If there is truly a proper reason to transition, it's for personal empowerment. Like why change your mannerisms and everything and obsessively put yourself in a box? Be yourself. If you're just hiding and struggling to conform to standards that you're biologically unable to reach, then I would say that something is deeply wrong with your outlook and/or motivations.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) explains that the solution is to forget about religion and gender identity, focus on doing what you enjoy, and seek psychiatric help for underlying identity issues if you are struggling to "be yourself."
23 pointsAug 7, 2022
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Forget the god garbage, forget the gender identity garbage. Just do the things you like and be yourself. If you don't know how to be yourself, you're probably suffering from some sort of identity disorder and should seek out psychiatric help. I would recommend that anyway, because you don't seem to be doing very well.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) comments that for many long-term trans people, transitioning is an intrinsic need to live their truth, not solely about passing.
23 pointsJul 4, 2022
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I think that for a lot of trans people, especially the ones who stick with it long term, it's not about passing. Not passing might make them sad, but they continue on anyway because something intrinsically in their personality identifies with being the opposite gender and that's what they feel they need to do to live their truth. I'm not one of those people, you don't seem to be either, but I'm willing to believe that at least some proportion of the trans community genuinely feels that way.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) explains why forcing gender roles on a child is counterproductive, using the example of gay men and trans women who often come from conservative, gender-policing households.
22 pointsSep 22, 2022
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He's going to end up liking what he likes anyway. Paint the walls green lol. Don't try to actively shoehorn him into anything, it won't work. How many gay guys and transwomen seem to come from shitty conservative households where they were constantly gender-policed? Seems like lots.

Reddit user animutant100 (desisted male) comments on navigating identity between trans and detrans communities, rejecting both absolute validation and condemnation of transition.
21 pointsJul 10, 2022
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"I don't feel good in the <<you're totally valid and there is no difference with cis girls>> trans community but I also don't feel good in the <> detrans community."

You don't have to choose one or the other. The trans community has plenty of faults but it's not like they enforce a hard gender binary. Lots of people in and around it are non-binary or genderqueer. Obviously, if you go around with a megaphone telling other people that they're their birth sex, you're going run face-first into their "everything is fluid" dogma, but otherwise I don't see why that belief in yourself would alienate you from mainstream trans spaces at all. There's probably a decent number of people with a similar self-perception as you out there.