This story is from the comments by /u/anthonypreacher that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts show a highly specific, nuanced, and internally consistent narrative of a gender-nonconforming woman who used testosterone as a body modification, experienced significant health complications, and is now grappling with the physical and psychological fallout. The depth of personal detail, emotional conflict, and long-term consistency in discussing complex themes like OCD, health issues, and radical feminist views points to a real person. The passion and anger present are consistent with the genuine distress of someone in this position.
About me
I was a masculine girl who started testosterone in my early twenties to cope with my deep discomfort with being female, which was heavily influenced by my OCD. I saw it as a form of body modification that gave me a sense of control and relief from my dysphoria. I had to stop when it caused severe bladder and pelvic floor problems, which was devastating both physically and mentally. I now see that I was always a woman using hormones as a medical treatment, not a solution to a gendered identity. I am now detransitioned, managing my health issues and continuing my daily battle with the obsessive thoughts that fuel my discomfort.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was very young, but it became a real issue for me during my teenage years. I was always a masculine girl, and I never felt like I fit in with other girls. I hated my breasts and felt uncomfortable with the changes puberty brought. I think a lot of my feelings were tied to a deep-seated discomfort with being female, which I now understand is heavily influenced by my OCD. I was diagnosed with OCD, and my brain latches onto things, and for a long time, it latched onto gender.
I started taking testosterone not because I believed I was a man, but because I wanted to look more androgynous. I identified as a gender non-conforming straight woman the entire time. Being on T made me feel more in control of my body. It gave me a sense of euphoria and made my pre-existing gender dysphoria feel manageable. I liked the virilization—the deeper voice, the bottom growth, the more masculine appearance. It felt like a crutch that helped me cope with the intense self-hatred I felt toward my female body.
However, my relationship with my body and sexuality has always been complicated. I've struggled with a severe porn addiction since I was a child, which I believe warped my perception of myself and relationships. I also have a history of an eating disorder, which I see now was another manifestation of my need to control my body, similar to how I used testosterone.
I had to stop testosterone recently because it started causing serious health problems. Going off it was devastating, both physically and mentally. My body went into a kind of shock. I developed terrible bladder issues and pelvic floor problems that I never had before. It felt like my body was falling apart. Emotionally, it sent me into a deep despair, like I was back to square one, but worse because I knew what it felt like to have that control and I lost it.
My thoughts on gender are complicated. I don't believe in a "gendered soul" or that anyone is born in the wrong body. I think gender is a social category tightly linked to sex, and the idea that you can change it is a quasi-religious belief. For me, taking testosterone was a form of extreme body modification, not a change of gender. I was always a woman, even when I was on hormones.
I have regrets, but they're specific. I don't regret trying testosterone overall, but I deeply regret not being more careful and damaging my health. I was on a Kyleena IUD at the same time, and I think the combination really hurt me. I miss how I felt on T—more confident, more in control, less plagued by my OCD-driven dysphoria. I would consider going back on a low dose if my health allows it, but I would treat it much more cautiously, as a powerful drug with serious risks, not a magic solution.
I also entertain the thought of top surgery sometimes because I've always hated my breasts, but I'm terrified of the permanent damage and potential for chronic pain. I see it as another major cosmetic procedure, not something that would change who I am.
A huge part of my struggle is my OCD. It makes me obsess over the inherent vulnerability of the female body. I see it as a body built for suffering—pregnancy, birth, periods, the constant threat of violence. To me, a man's body, even an unattractive one, seems functional and his own, while a woman's body feels like a trap. This is a distorted, obsessive thought pattern I fight every day. I know it's not rational, but it feels incredibly real when I'm in the grip of it.
I've benefited from non-affirming therapy. Regular talk therapy made my OCD worse, but I found a type called "belief coding" therapy more helpful. I'm wary of SSRIs because of past side effects, but I know medication might be necessary.
Despite all this, I have a life I'm building. I'm graduating college, going to dental school, I have a fiancé who loves me, and I have friends. But this underlying feeling that I'd be more respected, more successful, and happier if I were a man is a constant whisper in the back of my mind, fueled by my OCD.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 3 | First signs of idiopathic hypersexuality. |
| 8 or 9 | Developed a porn addiction. |
| Teens | Developed puberty discomfort, hated breast development. Diagnosed with OCD. |
| Early 20s | Started testosterone to achieve androgyny as a GNC woman. |
| Mid 20s | Went off testosterone due to serious health complications (bladder, pelvic floor). |
| Now | Detransitioned, dealing with health repercussions and managing OCD. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/anthonypreacher:
what a dumb take. estrogen is not a miracle anti aging drug and taking it as such is peak AGP brainrot. women age too and so do transfem individuals. there are things men can do to keep youthful looks that arent hormones (finmin, sunscreen, keeping active) and being feminine and 'pretty' dont have to equal being twinkish.
you look great as a guy and as a girl but you definitely look happier as a woman!! congrats on the detransition, it's great to hear you feel better. what was your experience coming off hrt if i can ask? did you have any health issues or all smooth sailing?
if it helps the "dream life" you want is really not all youre hyping it up to be. maybe its pointless to argue with a fetish but maybe you should try on the offchance that reasonably telling yourself that being female is a huge social and physical disadvantage will change your mind
youre misunderstanding OPs point. what they are refuting is the idea that there are people (tru trans) whose brains are hardwired for dysphoria, theyre "born in the wrong body", and gender affirming treatment is somehow tapping into a locked away true self in a medical sense. this is the rhetoric thats used by TRAs to explain detransitioners - they were never 'tru trans', and it's their fault for not having better insight before they started treatment.
in truth gender affirming treatments are just highly invasive cosmetic procedures, and there isnt a division of trutrans for whom transition is right, and transtrenders who will regret it – everyone is suspectible to regret. ftms arent "men in women's bodies", they don't have "male brains" or "male souls", they're just extremely gender nonconforming women, and the same is true for mtfs -theyre men, with male brains, they're just extremely gender nonconforming. of course transgender identity 'is real' in that it is an identifiable subculture, but that's not what op is talking about.
it's harsh and unpleasant to hear, but you'll never be included in "sisterhood". thats the false promise of transition – it goes the other way for transmasculine people, we can never really be considered 'one of the boys'. even if you pass most of the time – which is already not necessarily the case even if people tell you it is. humans are very accutely attuned to sex differences. in most cases if someone 'passes' that just means the public can tell what they're going for enough to afford them the courtesy, or they're just scared of triggering a confrontation. that's why reddit is full of stories the likes of 'i'm stealth 100% no one can tell but i got misgendered at work today why happen???? :(((('. what you want doesn't exist. even well intentioned women will see you as the other. spare yourself the pain and disappointment.
one year on T is not a very long time. the masculinization effects you experienced won't fully go away but you can expect some of them to lighten up. in any case claiming yourself as unlovable is catastrophizing – you're just projecting because you're upset with a choice you regret, but straight men and/or gay women don't give a shit if your clit is bigger than average or if you have a bit of cartilage in your neck. in a year from now this won't even cross your mind, or at least certainly not every day.
lol my thought upon watching it was precisely that its a spot-on metaphor for the false premise of transition. you hate yourself and your body, society keeps telling you you're not good enough – so you resort to taking this gray-market, underresearched Substance to create a new self. even the way that the instructional manual was structured was reminescent: these bare minimum flash cards that explain none of the risks, i'm sure plenty of people relate to how uninformative and opaque the informed consent form is for HRT.
you use the substance, and you acquire this perfect self you were dying for – but it comes at a cost, because you're living a lie. the same way that "sue" lies about being gone every other week to "take care of her mother", as a trans person (esp if trying to be stealth) you have to find excuses for all these things you can or can't do.
of course, over time the substance affects your body in ways no one told you would happen... but you only double down because you think this idealized self is the only worthwhile version of you. by the time you want to stop youre too far gone. and when youve hurt your body irreversibly with surgeries and hrt, no one will care "youre still you" as elisa-sue cries during the finale.
hey. im really sorry that happened to you. sunk cost fallacy can be one hell of a drug sometimes :')
it's okay to grieve the damage and the time lost. ultimately though it's for the best you realized it was the wrong decision eventually, even late.
my detransition story isnt nearly as severe as yours, but much like most other people in this community i also suffered some medical damage. if you wanted to connect over dms id be open to it ^-^ otherwise best of luck to you in recovery.
i feel like you answered your own question. you just hate being male. you can work to dig deeper and pinpoint why you do. most common causes that people report on this sub are internalized homophobia, concern over not meeting some arbitrary standard of masculinity, or repulsion towards men due to bad experiences – sometimes a combination of those.
well, first of all, presenting masculinely and liking to emulate aspects of masculinity that you like isnt necessarily AAP. the second thing is, you dont really need to 'cure' AAP more than any other kink, its just about not letting it take hold of your life negatively. you're already detransed so id say youre probably doing fine for yourself.