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Reddit user /u/antiqute's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 24
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
trauma
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
got top surgery
now infertile
body dysmorphia
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account "antiqute" does not appear to be an inauthentic bot or troll. The comments show a consistent, nuanced, and passionate worldview over many months. The user engages in complex arguments, uses personal and societal observations, and responds directly to other users' points.

There are no serious red flags suggesting this is not a real person or someone with genuine, strong opinions on the topic. The tone is consistent with a desister or detransitioner who is angry about the harm they perceive from transgender healthcare and ideology.

About me

I was born female and my deep discomfort with my body started when I was a teenager. I was influenced online to believe I was trans and that medical transition was the answer, so I took testosterone and had surgery. I eventually realized it was a terrible mistake that didn't fix my underlying depression and self-hatred. Now I have to live with permanent changes to my body and deep regret. I’ve learned that real healing comes from addressing your internal pain, not from changing who you are.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was very young, though I didn't have the words for it then. I was born female and always felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I hit puberty. I hated developing breasts; it felt like my body was betraying me. This wasn't just teenage awkwardness; it was a profound sense of wrongness. I now believe this was a mix of body dysmorphia and a deep discomfort with the changes I was going through, not a true feeling of being male.

I spent a lot of time online as a teenager and was heavily influenced by what I found there. I was also struggling with depression, anxiety, and very low self-esteem. I found communities that gave me a simple answer: my discomfort meant I was trans. It felt like a solution, a way to escape all the things I hated about myself and my life. I started identifying as non-binary first, which felt like a safer step, but eventually, I was convinced that I was a trans man and that medical transition was the only way to be happy.

I took testosterone for several years. At first, it felt like a chemical high, like I was finally fixing myself. My voice dropped, I grew facial hair, and I got top surgery to remove my breasts. For a short while, I felt a sense of relief. But that feeling didn't last. The underlying problems—the depression, the anxiety, the low self-worth—were all still there. I had just covered them up with a new identity. I thought changing my body would solve my internal pain, but it didn't.

I started to realize I had made a terrible mistake. I began to understand that my desire to transition was a form of escapism. I was trying to run away from myself instead of dealing with my real issues. I was influenced by online trends and the friends I had at the time who were all going down similar paths. We were all just a group of lost, hurting kids reinforcing each other's pain.

I deeply regret my transition. I regret taking testosterone and I deeply regret having top surgery. I am now infertile, and the thought that I can never have children of my own is a constant source of grief. I closed a door on a future I didn't understand I would want. I was so focused on the immediate relief that I couldn't see the long-term consequences. My body is permanently altered, and I have to live with that every day.

My thoughts on gender now are that it is often a distraction from deeper psychological issues. For me, "gender dysphoria" was just a fancy term for my self-hatred and discomfort. I think we need to be extremely careful about medicalizing these feelings, especially in young people who are still figuring themselves out. I benefited immensely from therapy that was not affirming—therapy that finally helped me address my trauma and self-esteem issues instead of just telling me to change my body.

I don't identify with any gender now. I am simply a person. I’ve learned that building an identity around internal feelings is fragile. Real meaning comes from what you do—your skills, your hobbies, your relationships, and your contributions to your community. I wish I had spent my energy on those things instead.

Age Event
13 Started puberty; began to experience intense discomfort and hatred of my developing female body.
16 Spent significant time online; was influenced by trans communities and began to identify as non-binary.
18 Became convinced I was a trans man and started taking testosterone.
21 Underwent top surgery to remove my breasts.
24 Realized I had made a mistake; stopped taking testosterone and began the process of detransition.
26 Underwent therapy for underlying trauma, depression, and anxiety. Came to terms with the permanent changes to my body and my infertility.

Top Comments by /u/antiqute:

18 comments • Posting since November 3, 2019
Reddit user antiqute explains that to build an identity after detransitioning, one should focus on gaining external skills and experiences like learning an instrument, starting a garden, or volunteering, rather than on internal categorization.
82 pointsApr 20, 2020
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Learn a skill, start a garden, learn an instrument, draw, get into a sport, work out, research historical topics, get a degree, volunteer, work on a political campaign, dance, go to bars, do a startup, build models, flip things on eBay, learn a language, try standup, go to local events, start a family. Build your identity by gaining external abilities rather than categorizing yourself internally.

Reddit user antiqute explains why doctors don't question transition requests, citing fear of lawsuits and contrasting the support for transition with the marginalization of detransitioners.
72 pointsJan 22, 2020
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Because a team of ADL lawyers will sue their tits off for transphobic gender discrimination if the doctors do anything besides total enabling. It’s funny/sad to read /r/detrans posts crying “why did nobody tell me?!?!” and a year prior in their post history they’re talking about disowning their stupid racist bigot relatives for not being supportive enough when they came out.

These detrans people, who correctly feel broken and lied to and want their voices heard, are in for a hard lesson on what it’s like to advocate for an identity that doesn’t carry the agenda of those in power. If they thought their voices were marginalized before as trans people, the trans regret people are going to find out what that’s really like.

Reddit user antiqute explains how the common claim that "trans women's brains are closer to women's" is a misleading interpretation of neuroscientific data, where results are often closer to the male average than the female average.
67 pointsApr 11, 2020
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I've looked into some of the studies they purport as "the brains of trans women are closer to that of women". The data they summarize with that title is usually as follows, using arbitrary numbers to express the point- the male average for some measure will be 10 and the female average 50, and the trans average will be 15. That is to say, they're more close to the female average than the typical male is, but allover closer to male than they are to female. Yet just the statement "trans brains are closer to women" is true in one interpretation of that statement, but it contains an ambiguity that most people don't see, and the interpretation that most people assume it to mean is not the one that is true.

I wish I was smart enough to come up with a clearer way to express this. Obviously this whole concept is fraught as a woman is a woman regardless of what level of specific neurotransmitter she has in section #B19, but I think this lie is such a component of their position that I think it should be disproven.

Reddit user antiqute explains that many people, especially those in power, define "truth" as whatever benefits them personally, not as a collective or altruistic goal.
16 pointsNov 23, 2019
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You assume that other people strive for collective truth and altruism towards others in the same way that you do. That notion is admirable and pure but unfortunately not how things work, many other people’s conception of “truth” is simply that which benefits them. Those in power do what benefits them, it’s helpfulness or harm towards others being an irrelevant afterthought

Reddit user antiqute explains how priorities shift from youth to adulthood, arguing that medical transition can permanently close off the primary source of happiness found in family and children later in life.
11 pointsDec 7, 2019
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How long have you been on it? Can you imagine how someone's priorities and sources of happiness could change as they leave young adulthood?

There comes a time in your life when you become socially less desirable and the only meaning in your life comes from your family. Measures of success change from traveling and nightclubs to how well your kids are doing at school, and you'll desire these things exactly as much as you desire young person things right now. Making yourself sterile shuts you off from the primary source of happiness in the longest period of your life. You will view a decision to become infertile the same way an old person would view it if they had made a decision to sit in a room for their entire twenties. You're closing off the source of meaning associated with a phase of life, except for the future rather than the past.

Reddit user antiqute explains why discussing identity issues like gender or mental illness at work is a burden on coworkers, morale, and productivity.
8 pointsNov 3, 2019
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No, it’s the discussion of identity issues with them that’s a burden. Talk to your friends and family about those issues, not coworkers who are obligated to listen to you while they work. Religion, politics, race, gender, sexuality, mental illness- anyone who is emotionally invested in these issues and brings them up to others at work is a wrecking ball to morale, productivity, and cohesion. Yes some people can get away with doing so if their identity is backed by power. Yours isn’t.

Trans people are widely understood to be a burden on workplaces; that’s why legislation preventing employers from firing them was passed. Because without it, they’d do so.

Reddit user antiqute explains that while hormones may temporarily ease teenage depression, the long-term risk of increased loneliness in middle age, which has a higher suicide rate, makes it an unacceptable societal solution.
8 pointsDec 7, 2019
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Far more people commit suicide from loneliness during middle age than depression during teenage years. The hormones that cause teenage depression naturally resolve themselves, so even if hormones were the answer to reducing teenage depression doing so at the cost of increasing middle-age loneliness results in more deaths rather than fewer. I understand that this won't seem persuasive to your situation individually, but it should explain why we can't encourage it as an answer for society at large.

Reddit user antiqute explains that the OP is a victim of a mental abuse campaign by a group that wants them to die, leading them to question themselves even after becoming infertile.
7 pointsJan 28, 2020
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You have been subject to a campaign of mental abuse from a group of people whose principle goal is for you and yours to die. Their tactics have worked so thoroughly that even after rendering yourself unable to reproduce, you are questioning whether you are the bad person for wishing to have a functioning body. This is heartbreaking. You are loved by more people than you know.

Reddit user antiqute comments on the long-term implications of testosterone therapy, questioning if chemical highs and social trends can provide lasting happiness compared to having children and a natural support system in old age.
7 pointsDec 7, 2019
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You have been happy with T for 6 months. How many more months of life do you think you have left to live, and how confident are you that in none of them you will wish you had people who care about you (children) or that you didn't have to continue buying hormones.

Obviously 100%, that chemical highs and social trends will always be what makes you happy, rather than having people who love you around during the summer, fall, and winter of your life. Because you're a young person. Old people have similar myopathy in failing to understand the priorities of young people during the young phase of life, but their mistakes do not affect their future. The only way to avoid these cycles of pain is to create a society where you can trust on faith the things old people tell you about aging, and I'm truly sorry that we have failed to create one. I wish you the best possible life and hope these hormones make you happy for as long as they can.

Reddit user antiqute explains that when people say "but you look good already!" to someone wanting to change their appearance, it's simply a kind, supportive gesture and not a statement that requires deep thought.
7 pointsFeb 25, 2020
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Whenever someone expresses an intention to change something about their physical appearance, a lot of people trying to be supportive say something along the lines of "but you look good already!". People say this to people trying to lose weight, guys say it to girls regarding makeup, people say it to people considering plastic surgery, etc. It's just a way people are trying to be kind, by telling you that even if you wish to change something they're saying that you already look good. No need to put any thought into it.