Honestly I believe that “gender-affirming” medical treatments will go down as the one of the (if not the single) biggest medical scandal of our century.

To put people (especially children) on a path of lifelong cross-sex hormonal treatment that does have negative health side effects, to irreversibly stall pubertal brain and physical development, and to mutilate and damage healthy body parts (including genitals) is a total and complete violation of “do no harm.”

Academia has turned a difficult psychological condition (identifying with or feeling a desire to be the opposite sex in a debilitating way) into a reality-denying ideology; and I think most doctors and surgeons have simply been captured by the ideology and, of course, it’s lucrative for them.

It’s really sad what has happened and is continuing to happen to so many people, especially before they’ve even had the chance to begin their independent, adult lives.

To me the whole concept of non-binary is actually incredibly regressive. You can be gender non-conforming (i.e. you can present yourself and behave that doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes and is atypical for your sex) without denying what sex you are.

To me, it’s far more progressive and radical to live as a feminine man or a masculine woman while remaining firm in yourself as a self-conception as a man or woman, respectively. For instance, I was often told growing up “you’re not a real boy,” or “you’re not man enough” because I’m feminine and gay. Standing up to that by being feminine and gay but not denying that I’m still a man feels the most powerful and peaceful to me.

The biggest thing I would say to you is that you cannot change your biological sex. Male and female are defined by gametes (sperm or eggs) and the sexual development accompanied with those gametes. With HRT, and likely facial, breast, and possibly genital surgery, you may be able to look female, but you will not actually be female. You will have to be on hormones for life to fight against your body’s natural sexual development, and those will have negative side effects, let alone possible surgery complications. Your libido will go down and you could potentially lose your ability to orgasm. Your dating life will be more difficult.

If after all of this information, you still find yourself wanting to transition, the next important step is to ask yourself why. Why do you want to be a medical patient for life, bring on difficulties and complications, and fight against your own body? Knowing that you can’t actually be female, but a simulacra of the opposite sex, why do you think life as a sexually altered male will be better than life as a healthy, fully functioning male?

For me, I struggled with a lot of ostracization and discrimination for being an effeminate, gay boy. Males expressing femininity is generally frowned upon in our society, even within segments of the gay community. I knew that if I was perceived as a woman it would be easier for me to express my femininity than it would be if I was perceived as a man. I also had internalized homophobia, and would have rather been in a “straight” relationship than a gay one.

But after 7 months of HRT, I wasn’t happier. I was starting to pass, I had surgery scheduled, I had family support, and, by all indicators, my transition was going well. Yet, I still wasn’t happy. I was obsessing about every little bit of my body that was “male.” I wanted facial surgery, breast augmentation. I dreamed about surgeries that weren’t even possible, like shortening my height and the bones in my hands and feet. I was more dysphoric than ever, because the more and more I tried to asset myself as “female,” the more and more I was reminded of all of the ways in which I actually am just a male. It was how I happened to be born. On top of that, estrogen was making me depressed and lethargic, and I wasn’t able to motivate myself to spend any time on school, passions, hobbies, interests, and exercise I had enjoyed before.

Accepting my body for what it is the most freeing thing I’ve ever done. It’s actually a miracle that our bodies supply us with the hormones, sexual development, energy, and life support we need without any medical intervention (unless you have some sort of disability). You don’t have to be limited by your body in your self expression, romantic life, or interests. You can be a male and wear whatever you want, behave how you want, and date who you want. If anyone has a problem with it, don’t spend time around those people.

But my recommendation is to accept and get in tune with your body. Exercise, explore relationships, develop your passions, focus on your larger life goals. This will take you out of your head and your worries about your body. Don’t medicalize yourself and possibly damage your health, body, and life for something that can ultimately be fixed by working on your social and psychological health.

I hope this helps! Best of luck to you!

I am so sorry, I wish you all the best of luck on your healing journey. Trans women aren’t female in any way, shape, or form; and you should never be made to feel so (especially not by a professional who should be giving you actual psychological care). AGP and male sexuality are real things, and it’s astonishing to me that anyone is allowed to transition at all really; but especially that heterosexual men who have not been notably gender non-conforming are considered just as valid in their “gender dysphoria” as homosexual, notably effeminate men.

Anyways, I’m manifesting that you’re able to heal from your trauma and find comfort in expressing yourself as a butch lesbian/finding healthy relationships. Out of everyone in the LGB community, they get the least love, which sucks because they are the bedrock of our historical fights for liberation and honestly some of the coolest people in the world. You deserve all the happiness and all the love

I completely agree, and I think this is the root of the issue. Oftentimes, the discussion around trans issues gets marred in semantic and political debates, but at the end of the day the ideology is fundamentally wrong at its core: you can’t change sex, men can’t be women, women can’t be men.

Personally, I don’t really believe anyone should medically transition. HRT is not FDA approved for gender transition and surgeries are either just cosmetic (breast augmentation, facial feminization) or experimental mutilations (removal of breasts, castration and penectomy, or vaginal mutilation on previously healthy, functioning organs). However, I understand that it’s a long shot for this to happen, so at the very least I think only adults should be able to transition.

But I think everyone going into transition needs to be honest with themselves about the reality of their biological sex. And I don’t believe that any male people should enter a female space. Trans women could fight for third spaces or continue to use male spaces as aesthetically and medically feminized males (which is what they are). There is little data to show this would render them unsafe and, even if it did, this is an issue that should be solved by continuing to address male violence; not by giving that violence yet another easy outlet.

Also, sorry to go on, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being homosexual or being temperamentally/behaviorally/stylistically atypical for your sex. I’m so sorry you were led to believe there was something wrong with you in your religious background, but truly you are not broken. Being gay is totally normal (across the animal kingdom) and, in humans, often accompanied by some androgyny.

To me, it’s actually beautiful to have a relationship with someone of the same sex (not gender identity), because there’s this intuitive intimacy and understanding that develops.

You are a male. That will never change. You were born of the sex that produces the small gametes (sperm) and that reproductive strategy has shaped your sexual development throughout your 19 years of life.

If you were to transition you would not be female. You could castrate yourself, you could take cross-sex hormones, you could have a fake vagina constructed that would require daily dilation (the insertion of an object) for the rest of your life; and would likely suffer complications. You may look female, but would likely require facial surgery and breast augmentation to “pass” as female, if you could at all. But after all of this, you still wouldn’t have ovaries, you still wouldn’t be able to undo 19 years of testosterone-heavy development, you would still be male; just a medically altered one. You’d be a medical patient for life. You will experience sexual dysfunction and likely will have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships as well as a career and life path.

If you truly think you would only be happy by doing all of that, that is your decision. But I would recommend maintaining your physical health, developing your career and passions, and staying in the relationship you’re in now. There is nothing wrong with your body, and if you have an interest in cross-dressing or exploring femininity, you can absolutely do that without irreversibly altering your body.

I also would do some research into the concept of autogynephilia (which comes from the Greek, it means “love of oneself as a woman”). Since you’re attracted to women but also seem to enjoy crossdressing, you may have a fetish where you’re attracted to the female version of yourself in your head, or to the idea of being a female sexually. It’s fine to have this fetish and to use private crossdressing or other techniques to explore it; but please remember that you are not a woman. You are a man. That doesn’t mean you can’t behave and express yourself how you want (within reason), but don’t let a fetish or a fantasy overtake your life and ruin your relationships and your health.

I hope this helps, best of luck to you!

For me, intense lethargy and depression (especially with progesterone). I literally could not do anything but go to school and go home and sleep or mindlessly watch something. I was sleeping ~14 hours a day and was isolating from friends, hobbies, passions, interests, everything.

Also I was way more hungry than usual but gaining weight much more easily, so it really exacerbated an ED I was already dealing with, but that may not affect everyone.

I would recommend seeking a therapist who isn’t ideologically captured, who can help you deal with your issues not as gender dysphoria, but as body dysmorphia; because it sounds like your struggling more with rejection of your body and appearance.

Also, I know this sounds simple, but having a consistent and healthy exercise, diet, and sleep routine will make you feel so much more grounded in your body. It also will make you look and feel better as a side effect, which should help with confidence and lower insecurity.

I don’t think you should be afraid of hiding yourself or who you are around anyone; and if they make you feel that way, establish boundaries. I’m hoping for all the best for your future.

I agree with you when it comes to post-op trans women in bathrooms and (maybe) locker rooms because it would be almost impossible to regulate that. But trans women still retain a male pattern of criminality even post-op and surgery doesn’t undo any male pubertal effects like a male voice or height changes; so in general I still think all male people shouldn’t be in any female space, period. It’s especially serious when it comes to rape/DV crisis services and shelters as well as prisons.