This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, deeply personal, and internally consistent over more than a year. They identify as a desister (someone who stopped identifying as trans without medically transitioning) due to a naturally occurring hormone condition and concerns about the health risks of medical transition. Their comments show empathy, offer specific advice (e.g., medical tests, lifestyle changes), and share a complex personal history that includes sexual trauma and a butch lesbian identity. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine experiences of many in the detrans/desister community.
About me
From a very young age, I felt different and thought I had to be a boy to love girls. Trauma as a teenager made me hate my female body and I identified as trans, but I was too scared of the health risks to take hormones or have surgery. Seeing the serious medical problems in others and working in healthcare showed me the real physical toll of transition. I finally realized my struggle was about trauma and accepting myself as a butch lesbian, not about changing my body. Now, I’ve found peace by focusing on my health and learning that being a woman doesn’t require me to be feminine.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was really young, around three years old. I remember feeling different, but I didn't have the words for it. Around the same time I was six, I started realizing I liked girls. I’d have these fantasies where I was the husband and a girl I liked was my wife. Growing up in a conservative religious town, I had no idea what a lesbian was, so my child brain just figured the only way to be with a girl was to be a boy. That was my first experience with what people would call gender dysphoria.
Things got a lot harder when I was a teenager and I was sexually assaulted. That trauma made the feelings about my body so much worse. I hated my breasts and felt completely disconnected from being a woman. It felt like my body was a trap. I started identifying as trans, but I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I was really influenced by what I saw online, but I was also terrified of the medical side of things.
A big reason I never went through with medical transition was because I have a hormone disorder. My body naturally produces high levels of testosterone for a female. I have facial hair, chest hair, an Adam’s apple, and my voice is often read as male. Because of this, I already knew some of the health risks that come with high testosterone, like increased chances of blood clots, heart problems, and cancer. I saw what happened to other people. I watched friends and people online who took testosterone start having serious health issues after a few years—organ problems, bone issues, heart complications. It scared me.
I also saw so many bad outcomes from top surgery. I came across people who had permanent "zapping" sensations in their nerves, huge keloid scars that were more obvious than binding would have been, and chests that never looked right. I saw adult women in their 30s who, because of their height and bone structure, just looked like young boys with scars. It didn’t look like self-acceptance to me; it looked like a dangerous addiction to cosmetic surgery and hormones that slowly poison female cells.
As I got older, especially into my mid-twenties, my brain felt like it settled down. I became much more level-headed. I realized that a lot of my turmoil wasn't just about gender; it was about trauma, internalized homophobia, and just the normal chaos of being a young adult. My body kept changing, too. Even between 21 and 29, my face and body developed in ways I never expected. My lips got fuller, my face filled out—it was a reminder that female bodies keep changing.
Working in healthcare with trans people cemented my decision to desist. I see the real, physical toll it takes, especially on females taking testosterone. I started to understand my own feelings better. My attraction to women wasn't something I needed to change my body for; I just needed to accept myself as a butch lesbian. I had to learn that being a woman doesn't mean you have to be feminine. You can be a mosaic of different qualities.
I don’t regret not transitioning medically. I think I dodged a bullet. I regret the pain and confusion I went through, and I’m angry that so many young people, especially those who are neurodivergent or have trauma, are being led down a path that can permanently harm them. I see it as a form of apathetic eugenics—society doesn't care that much about us, so they just give us what we think we want without considering the long-term consequences.
For me, healing came from treating my recovery like getting sober from a bad drug, focusing on my physical health with a good doctor, and finding a therapist who didn't focus on gender. I focused on things that made me feel connected to my body, like my hobbies. I learned to like myself as I am.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
My Age | Event |
---|---|
3 years old | First feelings of what would be called gender dysphoria began. |
6 years old | Realized I was attracted to girls; fantasized about being a boy to be a husband. |
Teenage years | Experienced sexual assault; dysphoria and body hatred intensified. |
Teenage years | Identified as trans (socially) but did not pursue hormones or surgery. |
20 years old | Still emotionally turbulent, identifying as trans. |
26 years old | Began to feel more level-headed; started seriously questioning medical transition. |
29 years old | Fully desisted; accepted myself as a butch lesbian. |
Top Comments by /u/ascension2121:
I don't think of it as purposeful eugenics, like "let's destroy the fertility of all 'undesireables' mwahaha!", but I think of it as apathetic eugenics - basically we're the people that the majority (heterosexual, neurotypical) don't care thaaat much about, so if we're disabled due to medical transition, or if we're infertile, or if we develop mental health conditions due to complications they have a "oh well, we just gave you want you wanted" reaction.
If the majority of people transitioning were white heterosexual neurotypical middle class kids, the concern about fertility would be huge, and it probably never would've got this far politically, socially or medically.
Right - did you have top surgery? You seem to have been on puberty blockers and testosterone shots is that correct?
I was not on any of this, so whilst I can’t relate totally, I can relate in other ways - I have a hormone disorder that means I naturally grow facial hair, chest hair, have an Adam’s apple, and my voice is mostly read as male. I am a decade and a bit older than you, and when I was a teenager I was put on two experimental drugs that ended up being pulled because they caused suicidal behaviour and actual suicides. They have me psychosis (literally tripped for a month) and likely caused the hormone disorder I have now, as well as other permenant changes.
If you’ve had top surgery, I’ve come across two people who began regrowing small breasts once all testosterone was stopped. These never became particularly big or cumbersome (think A Cup), but helped them feel better. There’s a good chance that could happen to you.
There’s a well known phenomena of womens bodies developing and changing well into their 20s. My friends and my bodies have changed a lot even between 21-29. It can and DOES happen.
The other thing is, you’re not a write off. You’ve had terrible experiences with drugs you shouldn’t have been prescribed but you know what? You are correctly perceiving reality, you are still here, you’ve got your Mom, you’ve got your health. There are many transitioners and detransitioners who have developed unbelievable conditions or have literally died due to the effects of cumulative testosterone.
I work in healthcare with trans people, I can see what it does to particularly the health of FTMs, and this is why I desisted. You’re not even an adult and you’ve chosen the sensible thing and decided to acknowledge that you’re female and this wasn’t your fault. There is so much commendable for that.
The effects you’re experiencing - judging by others timelines - will decrease over time. I have also witnessed some girls voices get higher, though we are told it is irreversible.
What you’ve got to do now is look around you, and decide what you’re going to be. You have it in you to weather an unbelievable storm - you’ve already done most of it and you’re not even an adult yet. When I was 19 and my life was crumbling due to my hormonal disorder, my psychotic episodes and my botched medical disaster, I had the exact same thoughts. I also attempted suicide twice . Now I couldn’t be more happy that I stayed, and weirdly , I am pleased and proud I went through so much shit. Compared to some of my peer group, I have a pretty strong mentality and I’ve dealt with domestic violence, poverty and death since and it is constantly commented on that I “handle things so well”. It’s called perspective and experience and you my friend, have it.
You’re going to do it, you’ll march on
How old are you now? I work with trans teenagers and young adults. I’m going to be honest, I’m so used to being around FTMs now that absolutely none of them pass to me - not even the ones with full beards. There are so many differences between male and female skeletons, even skulls , that I have never been surprised to find out a student is female.
I highly doubt you don’t look female, but I know what you mean by looking in the mirror too long and starting to feel panicked and confused.
Don’t forget too that if you are still a teenager your face and body have SO much developing still to do, and will continue to change throughout your life. When I was a teenager, I had a nose that looked too big for my face, and my lips were quite thin. When I hit 19, my lips suddenly got much bigger like my Mums and my face grew around my nose to the point where people say what a small nose I have.
Faces change hugely, don’t worry. You may also be comparing yourself to what hyper feminised Instagram style girls look like, or girls with loads of makeup and filters. Familiarise yourself with what women with no makeup look like - especially girls your age. I remember when I was 17 being at a party and the next day the girls had taken off their makeup and were cleaning up. The boys that were there accused almost every single one of them of looking “mannish” because they didn’t realise what girls looked like without makeup. These were all ultra feminine girls.
Don’t let sexism about what women “should “ look like get you down!
I think the big thing here is your health . If you’re okay as a woman, okay as being perceived as male (same boat I was in), STOP TAKING TESTOSTERONE. I cannot express how bad taking testosterone is for a natal female. The blood clot, cancer, heart attack, brain injury risk is too high to contemplate.
In my experience, what made me a desister was watching trans people I know medically (but most not socially) detransition because of severe physical health problems testosterone caused them after 3/4 years on T.
It sounds like you are pretty good at self analysis and knowing your own mind and opinions. I don't have any advice to offer really, as I decided to not take the medical route, but I wish you the best of luck for your future and I hope you can find the answers you're looking for. Life is fucking tough, and it's especially tough when you don't 'fit the mould', whatever way that manifests in.
For me, I’ve had “trans” feelings since I was 6. The exact same year, in my religious conservative town, that I realised I liked girls.
I had no idea what a lesbian was until I was almost a mid teenager. I had no idea they even existed! And so, when I was a child, I’d just fantasise about growing up to be male, because I’d have these confusing dreams where I was a husband and a girl I liked was my wife.
Then as a teenager, I experienced sexual abuse, and bingo! Huge waves of dysphoria and body dysmorphia.
Your drawing is exactly right for every FTM I have come across.
Is it where your breasts used to be or is it the inbetween bit? I have keloid scarring from a ripped out ear piercing from 8 years ago (long story), and I accidentally got it scratched somehow, a very tiny scratch. Woke up with a lump next to it the next day, almost like a huge cyst under the skin. Had to get IV antibiotics because it raged out of control.
Failing that, could it be a fibroadenoma? I have had them on / off my whole life, but especially when I’ve had hormone fluctuations. Best of luck, update us if you need to 💙
Remember being a girl doesn’t mean having to be feminine, we are all a mosaic of different qualities. I don’t know any “girl code” stuff, and as a butch lesbian I never fit in with girls anyway, even when my presentation was more fem as a child. The most important thing is liking yourself exactly as you are , whether you identify as trans or not. Really liking yourself. Whatever hobbies or interests you have don’t have to change whether you do or do not detransition. I would familiarise yourself with all sorts of stories of women - butch women, androgynous women, gay women. Just be easy on yourself - make lists of what you like about yourself , your favourite things to do, your opinions and the clothes you are drawn to, whether or not they are masculine or feminine. Don’t be constrained by boxes !
Thank you for such a thoughtful reply!
Some things I would look into first are taking care of your body physically and mentally. It may or may not help to think of yourself as in pharmaceutical drug recovery - I decided when I was withdrawing from the medications I mentioned, that I would treat myself like I was going through sobriety and recovering.
You may have mentioned this somewhere, but have you had your blood work done? Including liver function tests? Testosterone can be hard on liver and kidneys especially, so get that work done and know what you’re dealing with. Check out how much oestrogen you’re making naturally, what your balance of testosterone is like and how it changes over time (say once a month or once every three months). I would recommend going to a female doctor for this, and basically look into treating it a bit like you have PCOS. If you have PCOS, there are lifestyle changes you can emulate to help you rebalance your hormones. I see no harm in trying to do the same thing, you have a female body and even if the hormone imbalance came externally to you, it doesn’t mean your body won’t react similarly.
Check out your blood glucose levels also, see if you may be insulin resistant or slightly insulin resistant, that can work in tandem with excess testosterone and make the situation worse for women with PCOS, it may be similar with you.
Myo and D-Chiro inositol can help restore periods in women who’ve lost their periods across the board with various health issues, it may be something to look into.
I would look into getting a really good GP (or equivalent in your country), someone you really fee you can trust and open up to. There’s no shame in switching doctors. Then see if you can ask for some talk therapy with a non gender centric therapist - it may be a good idea to get someone older.
You mention in another comment you love skateboarding, that’s awesome and keep it up. Do as many activities as possible that involve using your body for things you enjoy - I found it very helpful to write lists when I was recovering of things that made me feel “inside” myself and stopped me spiralling, it may help you also.
Remember you are in uncharted waters, but it doesnt mean all hope is lost. The anger is absolutely understandable - depending where your heads at, you can try and turn that into a positive - “despite what the medical system/trans ideology did to me, I’m going to prove that you can thrive and become a healthy adult”.
Best of luck, I’ll edit this post if I think of more things!!!
I’ve come across quite a few people who have a “zapping” sensation in their nerves too!
Additionally I’ve seen some really bad top surgery results , even from those with small breasts. Everyone seems to think they’ll be the ones with decent results. I’ve seen people whose scars are so 3D they stand out beneath shirts more than binding would have. Also nobody considers the risks of anaesthetic and major surgery. You could die for this. It’s very unlikely sure, but you are willing to risk that for less fat deposit in your chest and permanent scarring , deformed nipples?