This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal Investment: A clear, passionate, and consistent perspective on detransition over two years.
- Nuanced Understanding: Offers detailed advice, shares resources, and engages with complex community dynamics.
- Human Emotion: Expresses genuine anger and frustration about the stigma detransitioners face, which aligns with the expected passion of the community.
- Varied Content: The comments are not repetitive and cover a range of sub-topics (relationships, aging, community management, activism).
About me
I started as a teenager who felt deep discomfort with my developing female body and was convinced online that I was a trans man. I medically transitioned with testosterone and surgery, believing it was the only solution for my unhappiness. I now see my issues were rooted in body dysmorphia, autism, and other mental health struggles, not in being the wrong sex. I have profound regrets over my permanent changes and the loss of my fertility. I am now trying to accept my altered female body after learning that my problem was never my sex itself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I felt a deep discomfort with my body during puberty, and I really hated developing breasts. It felt like they didn't belong on me and were a constant source of anxiety. I spent a lot of time online and was heavily influenced by the communities I found there, which pointed me toward the idea that these feelings meant I was transgender. I started to believe I was non-binary, and then later, that I was a trans man. I think a lot of this was a form of escapism from other problems I was dealing with, including depression and very low self-esteem.
I socially transitioned in my late teens, changing my name and pronouns. I was convinced that medical transition was the only way to fix the deep unhappiness I felt. I started testosterone when I was 20 years old. The changes were rapid and, at first, I felt a sense of relief. But that feeling was temporary. I later got top surgery when I was 22. I was told this surgery would solve my body issues, but it didn’t. I now understand that my problem was more likely a form of body dysmorphia, not gender dysphoria.
Looking back, I can see that other factors played a huge role. I am autistic, and I think my very black-and-white, obsessive thinking—which I now recognize was related to OCD—made me latch onto the concept of transition as a single, definitive solution to all my problems. I also struggled with internalized homophobia, as I am homosexual. I think I found the idea of being a straight man easier to accept than being a gay woman.
I began to detransition about a year after my surgery, when I was 23. I realized I had made a permanent change to my body to solve a temporary feeling. I have serious regrets about my transition, especially the surgeries. I am now infertile, which is a profound loss I have to live with. I am trying to accept my female body again, but it’s hard because it has been permanently altered.
My thoughts on gender have completely changed. I no longer believe in an internal gender identity. I think we are our bodies, and that the discomfort I felt was a mix of trauma, autism, and the normal difficulties of going through female puberty. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy that helped me work through my underlying issues instead of just affirming my mistaken beliefs.
I also want to say that the online trans community can be very hostile to people like me. I’ve seen detransitioners be harassed, called liars, and told we never were really trans. Our experiences are dismissed as insignificant, which is not only cruel but also prevents others from learning from our mistakes. I believe it is vital to listen to detransitioners to understand the weaknesses in the current model of care.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Began puberty; started to feel intense discomfort and hated my developing breasts. |
| 16 | Spent increasing time online; was influenced by trans communities and began to identify as non-binary. |
| 18 | Socially transitioned, began using a new name and male pronouns. |
| 20 | Started testosterone hormone therapy. |
| 22 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 23 | Began to detransition, stopped testosterone, and started to live again as female. |
Top Comments by /u/ascom:
I'm constantly being informed that detransitioners and desisters do not exist. Then, if I mention an example or persist, it's acknowledged that they do but in such small numbers as to be insignificant.
Well, I reply if we ignore a group simply because there are less of them than the majority, that that gives us pretty good grounds to ignore transgender people too surely?
Listening to detransitioners and desistors and valuing their experiences and knowledge is not only humane but also highlights the weaknesses in current practice working with gender questioning people (what might have gone wrong in diagnosis etc) and can teach us more about gender dysphoria and how to work with it and treat it
Just to comment as an older woman. The sort of attention that you are enjoying now tends to disappear as you age, you will be leaving it behind whatever. It's worth learning to value yourself beyond that and I know it can be difficult.
I think, generally, that is always something worth considering. How will I be in my transitioned sex when I'm 50 rather than 25?
I can only suggest general advice but perhaps it's time to think about what drew you both together in the first place - things you enjoyed doing together, places you enjoy going. Your relationship isn't all about being trans. Show her you still value her company and her opinions - take yourselves away from the trans community and just have fun.
Well, at the moment Charlie is coming under attack on Twitter. She's being told she never was trans, a man has got hold of a photo of her in a bikini at 12 or 13 as proof. She's being called a liar, a terf - and again that detransitioners either don't exist or are just silly young people who put on a wig and say they're trans because reasons.
It's making me so angry. Just leave detransitioners alone to sort themselves out.
(not sure where their refusal to identity police come into this)
You might find it useful checking out /r/gender_detox/ which gives you more resources to explore before deciding what you want. It has stories from people who are non binary and others who have detransitioned and some who are simply not sure yet
Mermaids is an organisation for trans kids but it was founded by a group of parents, perhaps including Susie Green who is currently the CEO. Mermaids has much influence in the UK among policy makers and organisations and does fill gaps in service provision/support but is controversial in GC quarters because of it's strict adherence to the theory of gender identity and promotion of the affirmation model as the only way to work with gender questioning young people. Susie Green herself took her trans daughter to Thailand when they were 16 for surgery since it was illegal at that age in the UK. Since then, the age limit has also been raised in Thailand.
You can do this as in the post above, make it private and have it as an invite only sub, detrans only. That will mean it will remain smaller than this one and grow slower but it will be completely your own. There may also be a measure of exclusivity but that's sort of part of the deal. I'm not sure how else you can do it.
You may well find that most people will continue to use this open subreddit for the mix of opinions and experiences and the flow of new posters (that's what I found in the private one I'm a member of) but you will have that private space.
I see this has been downvoted. Posts like this usually are; many resent the implication that being female is somehow easier, cuter and nicer made by men who, as you accurately say, just see the surface and focus on what they see as the benefits. Many here have suffered from being born female.
You may wish to see yourself as a 'cute girl'. You won't be. And you will grow old. How do you feel about being a middle aged trans woman?
You are 100% correct. It is the grass is greener