The fear of women sounds similar to what I experienced. I’d say almost certainly that trauma is activating an internalised misogyny in you that wants to get as far away from womanhood as possible. In my experience, addressing the source of the trauma is a 1000x better approach than transition for trauma-based gender dysphoria. Perhaps the best thing to do is a gender detox entirely, don’t label yourself while you work through these traumas and afterwards build up what you want to be, whether that be as your sex or not. I’m personally against surgical/hormonal intervention for psychological problems and others will have different views but addressing these source issues is something I assume most people will agree is the wisest first step before any decisions (unless you’ve already begun medical intervention, in which case a detrans reply will have more specific advice in that area than I can give you as a desister)

I desisted of my own accord. I found that deep in my gender dysphoria, therapists came in two kinds: ones that didn’t really get it and could easily be labelled as „conservative“ and their advice worth little, and gender clinic therapists that fast tracked the diagnosis after only a single session (through a gender clinic I was basically at the consent form stage but made to wait by parents). My dysphoria was caused by general body dysmorphia that came from a rough puberty, once I reached seventeen and had grown my hair out to get dreads put in, I essentially just looked myself in the mirror one day and realised that I’d changed naturally in the years that I’d spent waiting for cross-sex hormonal intervention and that seed of doubt that came from a fracture in what formed the foundation of my gender dysphoria eventually resulted in my confrontation of what was essentially a bubble around me that I’d formed over time as to what „proved“ I was not a woman etc. This all happened probably two years after I’d last seen a therapist, hopefully that extra info quenches some of your curiosity, I’m certainly interested myself in the psychology surrounding it too.

I am a TON happier! Honestly I don’t think my acne ever really bothered me a heap, it got worse once I’d started identifying as male so perhaps it played a part or perhaps not, my memory is foggy. I definitely had depression though, one aspect stemming from earlier in school when a few teachers i severely admired told me that my personality ruined everything, but my pubertal development also caused its own troubles. I have ASD which was undiagnosed until I was about 15 I think which led me to believe that I had to be a very strict rendition of a „woman“ which didn’t really materialise with my above average height, wide back, and small breasts. The combination of those two parts that kept me upset with my life at that point just made me want to be somebody else completely, to escape that expectation of womanhood that I’d developed, and naturally, that led in the transgender direction. I still struggle with depressive episodes nowadays but it’s far from the constant mind numbing misery that I was in back then, embracing myself has been the biggest catalyst for my happiness this far! :)

Your narrative is extremely similar to mine. As a kid I was always a tomboy, coming into puberty I didn’t really develop much, always loathing every other girl, virtually seething with hatred. Eventually, after other things that would have added towards it, I decided the easiest path out was turning into a man, and subsequently developed dysphoria. Now, years later, after desisting, I’ve learned that there isn’t one way to be a woman, that i don’t have to look one way and act one way in order to be recognised as one, that my womanhood isn’t a performance for others to judge. Be yourself, it’s okay to be a masculine woman, but it’s also okay to be a mix of masculine and feminine :)

I definitely feel like I lost those three years of my youth. When I look back, the memories of that time are different to all the rest, stuck in this loop of dragging myself further down into insecurity and isolating myself to the point where in retrospect it doesn’t even feel like I was alive. I have memories post-major surgery that feel more genuine than when I was trans. I’d definitely call it for my case going a bit loopy, but I had a tough leading up to it so some kind of period of disconnect like that was bound to happen one way or another.

I came to detransition on my own but there’s definitely a few things that I remember that my parents did/didn’t do that probably played into it. When children get wrapped up in the idea that they MUST be transgender, it’s often really hard to get through to them without being immediately labelled in their head as „transphobic“ or „conservative“ and their friends in real life or online patting them on the shoulder and assuring them that your advice makes you a bad person. The biggest enemy is going to be the support groups that encourage the idea that your child needs to change themselves to feel happier, often believing that they’ll be fixing a problem that’s causing them distress such as natural unhappiness with pubertal development (as you mentioned) or, often with girls, escaping sexism and misogyny that they could be experiencing from their peers that they’re not built to cope with yet. I suppose the best thing my parents did was not hold my gender to me, that if I wanted to stop being trans, I had one group that wasn’t going to give me big questions and expel me as a „bad image“. Your child may in part be thinking they‘re going to be trans forever because they don’t feel like they can back out, that they‘ll be „proving people right“ which stubborn teenagers naturally don’t want to do, especially with a politically charged topic like this. Bit of a long spiel but I hope that helps :)

I think your trauma is a lot more connected to this than you may think. A large part of my will to transition was a truly inner desire to be anything but myself due to what I experienced growing up, and I believe that this is why you didn’t experience gender dysphoria originally and still have that inner voice in your head that wants you to be female. My personal recommendation (one that worked for ironing out a lot of my dysphoria and helped a lot with coming to terms with it all) is addressing the things that make you want to escape yourself (outside of simply gender dysphoria or a deep will to be male) before you undergo hormone therapy. A non-affirming therapist can help a lot in this situation.

I can’t help as much as others because I’m AFAB, but what really brought me to terms with my sex in a very similar pit of despair was separating the concept of myself with gender labels and doing my best to exist independently of my corporeal form. Acceptance of the inside of oneself was my first step to acceptance of the outside. Move your focus away from gender and towards other things that may be causing you to feel this way about yourself. I wish you the best and sincerely hope that things turn around for you.

I feel like the best option here is to go for a non-affirming therapeutic treatment, since obviously there are some real deep hurts that are affecting you strongly which, as far as I’ve seen, can usually be worked through in a therapy setting. If anything, it could help you get to a point where gender concerns at least weigh a lot less on you.

Things will turn out okay ❤️ I was in almost exactly the same position to you when I detransitioned/desisted and all of the people who made a fuss about it are people who I’ve realised aren’t really that important to me (mostly teachers at school and peers, I haven’t seen anything from any of them since I left school so it’s no issue). It may take a bit of rewinding to untangle from all these bits and pieces you’ve gotten sorted out this far but it’s absolutely 100% not the end of the world. Most boys clothes can be unisex, shapewear can be sold on. If you need someone who knows exactly how it feels, my inbox is always open, friend :)