This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user self-identifies as a desister (a woman who considered transition but did not medically transition) and their comments are highly consistent, detailed, and personal. They offer nuanced advice on coping with dysphoria, discuss their own journey of overcoming internalized issues, and share specific media recommendations, all of which demonstrate a genuine, invested perspective. The tone is passionate and engaged, which is expected from someone in this community.
About me
I started as a teenager, deeply uncomfortable with my female body and feeling disconnected from other girls. I found an answer online and identified as a trans man, believing medical transition was my only solution. I realized my problem wasn't being female, but the sexist stereotypes I felt forced to follow. I worked through my internalized issues and learned that womanhood and femininity are not the same thing. Now, I am at peace as a gender non-conforming woman, and my dysphoria is gone.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially during puberty. I hated developing breasts and I felt a massive disconnect from the other girls around me. I didn't fit in with their interests or the way they dressed and talked. I started spending a lot of time online, and that's where I was introduced to the concept of being transgender. It felt like an answer. I thought, "Maybe I'm not a girl. Maybe I was born in the wrong body." For a while, I strongly identified as non-binary, and then later, as a trans man.
I was convinced that transitioning was the only way to fix the deep discomfort I felt, which I called dysphoria. I thought about taking hormones and getting top surgery. I remember asking myself, "How would I even live life as a woman?" because the idea seemed impossible and miserable to me. I believed that to be a woman, you had to fit into a very specific, feminine stereotype, and since I didn't, I thought that meant I couldn't be one.
But I never actually went through with any medical transition. I didn't take hormones or have any surgeries. The main reason I stopped was because I started to really think about what "feeling like a girl" even meant. I broke it down into senses and emotions. I realized that there's no such thing as a "female" emotion or a "male" sense. Everyone can feel the same things. So "feeling like a woman" isn't a real feeling; it's just buying into the stereotypes society says are for women. I realized that being a woman isn't about how you feel or act; it's just the biological reality of being a female human.
This was a huge turning point for me. I understood that my problem wasn't with being female; it was with the sexist stereotypes I thought I had to conform to. I had a lot of internalized stuff to work through, including some internalized homophobia and low self-esteem. I had to learn to separate womanhood from femininity. I could be a woman and still wear suits, have short hair, hate makeup, and do "masculine" things.
I started making a conscious effort to find other gender non-conforming women to look up to, both in real life and in media. I sought out books, shows, and games with butch or GNC female characters. This helped me see that women can be multidimensional and aren't just one thing. I also worked on practicing body neutrality. Instead of trying to love my body, I just tried to see it as a functional thing that lets me experience the world, like any other animal. Spending less time online and more time doing physical activities outdoors really helped with this.
I also had to confront my own views on women. I think a lot of my discomfort came from subconscious misogynistic beliefs that I didn't even know I had. We all grow up in a patriarchy, and it affects how we see ourselves and other women. Working through that was a big part of my healing.
I don't regret exploring my gender, but I am so relieved that I didn't medically transition. I know that path would have been a permanent solution to a temporary, social problem. My dysphoria is pretty much gone now. I'm just a woman who likes to dress comfortably and practically, and I don't care if society calls that masculine. The appeal for me is being able to wear what I want, not having to waste time on makeup, and just being myself. I've learned that other people's perceptions of me are not my problem; I can't control how they see me, and that's okay.
I'm grateful I found a way to be at peace with being a female person without changing my body. I just needed to change my mind.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty, began feeling intense discomfort with my developing female body and hated my breasts. |
| 15 | Spent increasing time online, was influenced by trans communities and began identifying as non-binary. |
| 16 | Socially transitioned and identified as a trans man, thought medical transition was the only answer. |
| 17 | Began seriously questioning the concept of "feeling like" a gender. Realized I could be a GNC woman. |
| 18 | Actively worked on dismantling internalized homophobia and misogyny. Focused on body neutrality and self-acceptance. |
| 19 | Dysphoria significantly faded. Found peace as a gender non-conforming woman without medical intervention. |
Top Comments by /u/ashtheuser:
I'll try to explain the logic that helped me: So there's 2 types of feelings: senses and emotions.
Senses is what you're feeling with your body: seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling. Anyone that has functional organs that do these things can experience them. So obviously, these aren't unique to just one sex.
Emotions are a little bit more trickier, because there's more of them and they can overlap a lot of the times. But they are similar to senses in that everyone with a functional brain can experiences all of them, regardless of sex. So there isn't an emotion that is exclussive to the female or male sex.
Basically both sexes can experience the same emotions and senses, there isn't a single one unique to just females or males. So there isn't such a thing as "feeling like a girl", just like there isn't such a thing as "feeling like a blonde". Being a woman/girl is simply your biological reallity, there is no feeling to it.
What you might be thinking of when you say "feeling like a girl", is actually fitting into the sexist stereotypes associated with women and girls. And to that I say, you don't have to fit into ANY sexist stereotype of a woman, to be a woman. You simply need to be an adult female human being (or minor female human being, in case of a girl, idk your age).
How would I even live life as a woman?
How different do you think your life will be if you lived as a woman? I mean yeah, you'd experience misogyny, as does every other woman, but appart from that it won't be that different considering the fact that you'd still be you, the same person.
Realizing I can just be a gnc woman. The dysphoria was still there for quite a while, I had to change some of my thought processes to get rid of it: how I see my body (not believing in mind-body dualism anymore), women in general (desexualizing the female body and changing the definition of a woman to be more sex based than identity based) and just my view of life (adressing my internalized homophobia and sexism, and working on my trauma from SA). It wasn't fast or easy but it was worth it.
To me the appeal is being able to dress in comfortable, practical but also cool clothing, not having to spend time and money on make up, nails and long hair etc. It just so happens that society assoicates all that with masculinity. I don't see the point in dressing only in the way people expect me to, why would I dress how other want me to instead of how I want to? It's so absurd to me but also interesting at the same time. Thank you for replying!
Here are some things that helped me personally with gwtting rid of gender dysphoria (I pretty much copy pasted this from another one of my comments on a similar post):
Avoid femininity if it makes you uncomfortable but embrace womanhood. Stop forcing yourself to wear makeup if you hate it. Wear suits to fancy events instead of dresses. If you can identify some of the very specific items that make you dysphoric, they will be easier to change.
Make friends with gnc women. Find other gnc women in your field of interests (especially if they're "masculine"). Read about gnc/butch women in history. Follow gnc women and detransitioners/desisters on social media. Watch shows/read books with gnc/strong women in them. Surround yourself with content that potrays women as multidimentional, human and fleshed out. Try to also decenter men from your life.
Practise body neutrality! You don't have to LOVE your body/looking at it, but acknowledging that you're simply just a female mammal that is doing her best to survive can help a lot. Spent time outdoors, especially doing physical things. Spending time away from the internet and reconnecting with your body helps you get out of your head and appreciate your body for what it can do instead of how it's perceived (taking anatomy classes had a similar effect on me). Basically just completely forgetring about all gender roles, and seeing your body the same way you'd look at a idk cat's body. No sexualization, no nothing, just a human being doing it's thing.
Try therapy, but when asked what problem you have, you need to ask for help with self love and self-esteem (because that kind of is your issue), NOT gender dysohoria. Most therapists will go with the standard rotue with curing gender dysphoria via transitioning, so if you mention anything related to gd to them they will automatically push you in that direction. Instead, you can ask for similar treatments that people with eating disorders get, which is body acceptance, self love etc. Whether this will actually help you or not will mostly deppend on the therapist.
Realize that people aren't going to see you exactly how you see yourself, and that's okay. All of us want to be seen a certain way, but none of us can control how people perceive us.
That's all I have rn, hope at least some of this is helpful!
And you're nowhere near thinking about motherhood. I was super grossed out by the idea until I turned 22 and then baby fever hit lol.
I just wanna add that it's okay if you never want to be a mother! Not all women end up having children, not all of us get baby fever. Not wanting to experience motherhood doesn't make you any less of a woman :)
Yeah that makes sense. I have never actually transitioned (as in used hormones and had surgeries), so it's a lot easier for me to be gnc but still be read as female. But imo being read as your agab shouldn't be that important in most situations, we should all care a little less about how other ppl view us, we can't control what they think about us anyway yk 🤷
This is all very helpfull, thank you! I loved that you recommended more media with gnc women and I hope you won't mind me adding some more animated shows/games/books with gnc female main characters: -Scavenger reign (Azi) -Infinity train book 2 (Lake) -Kino's journey (Kino) -Arcane (Vi) -Voltron legendary defender (Pidge) -Blue eye samurai (Mizu) -The locked tomb series (Gideon Nav) -Last of us 2 (Ellie, tho she doesn't have really short hair)
Some additional gnc female characters that aren't really main characters: -Darkest dungeon (Plague doctor) -Persona 4 (Naoto) -Neon genesis evangelion (Maya Ibuki) -Dragon age absolution (Miriam) -Wonder egg priority (Momoe Sawaki, tho there is an episode where she tries dressing in a feminine way, but later swiches back) -Silent voice (Yuzuru)
That is such an interesting view on clothing tbh, never met anyone that thought about it that way! So like you don't care at all what you wear, as long as others approve of it? Does that mean that you don't think any clothing is ugly, uncomfortable or impractical? And if you were suddenly teleported to another century, would you wear the clothing expected of your sex with no problem? OR if you were teleported into a fantasy world where everyone wears clothing made out of big leafs and petals like those disney fairies, would you be a-okay with wearing it since everyone else is too?? Sorry for the dumb questions, you don't actually have to answer them if you don't want to lol
Another question I always wanted to ask balding people, why don't you just shave your whole head bald? I mean that's a pretty common hair style for men, you wouldn't stick out too much, you wouldn't have to spend so much effort trying to hide it and you'd look like one of those guys you always see in pictures of slavic squats! That's pretty cool imo
Okay, then try asking yourself questions and going from there.
Why do you want to be the opposite gender?
Why do you feel like other women don't like you? I doubt EVERY single woman you've ever met disliked you, unless you live in like a very conservative place and every woman you've ever met has been super conservative and strictly gender conforming, in that case you should try making friends with gender non-conforming women, at least online if not irl.
How does self love make you want to transition? If anything, self acceptance should have the opposite effect, learning to value the body in it's natural state, simply accepting your body as it is without any alterations.
Are you sure you "don't have a problem with women"? By that I mean, we all live in a patriarchy, we've all been fed sexist beliefs since we were born, if you aren't actively trying to relearn how you view women, chances are you probably still hold some misogynystic views without even realizing it. Almost everyone does. There was this one study, I forgot it's name but I could probably find it if you'd like me to, where a bunch of people are told to play with a single child in a room full of toys, twice. It goes something like this: the first time they played with a child in a dress, and the second time with a child in a t-shirt and shorts or something. Anyway, what ended up happening is that every single one of the participants, no matter how little sexist beliefs they thought they held, still ended up offering a doll to the child in a dress (the child they thought was a girl) and a car to the other child (the child they thought was a boy). Long story short, you might think you don't view women in a sexist way, and maybe you don't compared to conservatives and stuff, but you should still try to examine your thoughts about them.