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Reddit user /u/autochoris's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 30
female
internalised homophobia
took hormones
regrets transitioning
now infertile
homosexual
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the account "autochoris" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.

The comments show a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative spanning over a year. The user discusses complex, evolving feelings about their detransition, including physical changes, social challenges, internalized misogyny, and the psychological process of acceptance. The language is introspective and emotionally varied, reflecting genuine long-term reflection rather than a scripted agenda. The account expresses a viewpoint common among detransitioners: that transition did not alleviate their underlying dysphoria, leading them to detransition not because they became comfortable with their sex, but because they accepted it as an unchangeable reality. This complexity and lack of a simplistic "regret" narrative align with authentic lived experience.

About me

I started transitioning about ten years ago because I had a lot of internalized homophobia and couldn't see a happy future as a masculine woman. After a decade on testosterone, I realized I hated being a trans man because it was exhausting and never made me feel like the cis man I truly wanted to be. I stopped hormones a year ago, and the physical changes were really difficult, but finding communities of butch lesbians showed me I could be a masculine woman. I've accepted that while I would still choose to be a cis man if I could, my female body is a reality I have to manage. Now, I'm just trying to live freely as myself, a detransitioned woman, without constantly performing a gender.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated. I started transitioning about ten years ago, when I was around 20 years old. I'm a lesbian, and back then, I had a lot of internalized homophobia and misogyny. I felt like being a woman, especially a masculine one, was a bad thing. I couldn't see a place for myself. I spent a lot of time online in places like 4chan, which just made those negative feelings about being female worse. I hated the idea of being a "wife" or "girlfriend" because it felt loaded with expectations I didn't want. I think a big part of why I transitioned was that I desperately wanted to be a cis man. I thought that was the only way I could be myself and be happy.

I was on testosterone for about a decade. At first, I liked some of the changes. I felt more energetic, my sex drive was better, and I liked the bottom growth. But it never gave me what I truly wanted, which was to be cis. I was always short and looked like a young teen, and I had to constantly worry about passing. It was exhausting. I started to realize that I hated being a trans man. The things that hurt the most—like my height or bone structure—were things I could never change. Transition wasn't fixing my underlying discomfort.

I decided to stop testosterone about a year ago, when I was around 30. It wasn't a sudden moment of realizing I was a woman; it was more about accepting that transition wasn't working for me. I was tired of the performance and the fear of being outed. I wanted to stop thinking about gender all the time. The first few months off T were really hard. My mental health took a dive, my periods came back heavy and painful, and my sex drive disappeared completely. For a while, I couldn't even orgasm, and arousal was painful. It felt like a second puberty, and it was a really low point.

A big turning point for me was finding communities for butch lesbians online. Seeing other masculine women who were comfortable in their bodies showed me that I didn't have to be a man to be myself. I had this idea that detransitioning meant I had to become feminine, but I realized I could still wear men's clothes, keep a masculine style, and just be a gender non-conforming woman. Detransition for me isn't about going backwards; it's about moving forward and finding a way to be comfortable. I’m just trying to be myself without any labels.

I still have a lot of the same feelings I always had. If I could magically choose to be a cis man, I would. I don't like having a female body. My breasts have never felt like a part of me, and now that I'm off T, they just hurt. I get angry and resentful sometimes that this is the body I have. But I've learned to see it like my asthma or other health issues—it's just a part of my reality that I have to manage. I don't have to like it, but I can learn to live with it. I cope by focusing on other things in my life that I enjoy and avoiding stuff that triggers those negative feelings. Therapy taught me a lot of coping skills that help.

I don't really regret transitioning. At the time, it felt like the only option I had. I had supportive parents who just wanted me to be happy, and I don't blame them or anyone else. It was a part of my journey that helped me figure things out. The main things I regret are the permanent changes, like my receded hairline and lower voice, because they make it harder to blend in as a woman now. But they're a part of me now, too.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's not about some deep internal identity for me. I'm female because I was born female, whether I like it or not. I don't feel a strong sense of being a "woman," I just am one. I'm trying to live boldly as a detrans woman, even though it's intimidating and sometimes I feel like I stick out. I worry that people will think I'm a trans woman because of my voice, which makes me anxious in public. But I'm working on not caring so much about what others think. The freedom I have now to just exist, without trying to pass as anything, is what keeps me going.

Age Event
~20 Started taking testosterone and began social transition.
~30 Stopped testosterone and began detransitioning.
30-31 Navigated the physical and emotional changes of stopping hormones, including the return of periods and a significant drop in sex drive.
31 (Present) Living as a detransitioned, gender non-conforming woman, focusing on self-acceptance and building a life without constant focus on gender.

Top Comments by /u/autochoris:

113 comments • Posting since December 29, 2020
Reddit user autochoris (detrans) explains being instantly banned from a lesbian space for asking for a less trans-focused alternative while coping with detransition.
149 pointsMar 4, 2021
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When I first started detransitioning I wanted to reconnect to being a lesbian and went to a lesbian space online for the first time. It was all trans related posts, which was really not the kind of things I was looking for because I was just learning to cope with detransition. I asked if there was a less trans-focused alternative and was instantly banned. That was my one post there. Shame to hear twox is the same now. I never went there much because every time I subbed the posts that would appear on my front page were about sexual assault/harassment in some way.

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) explains that many AFAB friends may identify as non-binary due to societal pressure linking "being a girl" with femininity, and because discomfort with one's sex and not feeling feminine enough are nearly universal female experiences.
90 pointsJan 20, 2022
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Probably because young people are now being told everywhere that being a girl means you like being a girl, and you're feminine. Not feeling like you are feminine enough, or like you are comfortable with your sex and the way your sex is treated, are nearly universal female experiences.

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) explains the trans community's double standard of openly criticizing phalloplasty results while suppressing discussion of vaginoplasty's inadequacies.
72 pointsFeb 18, 2021
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It's very strange to me because the trans community continuously shits on phalloplasties, even in front of people who have had them, when vaginoplasty is not even that much better. Just less visibly different from cis because less of it is visible. But you will be literally banned for suggesting that it is different or that anyone may find it inadequate.

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) explains their detransition, stating they would choose to be a cis man but accepted they never could be and didn't like being a trans man, advising a 15-year-old that being masculine doesn't mean they need to transition.
68 pointsJul 21, 2021
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I have (and had) a lot of similar feelings. For reference I transitioned when I was around 20 and detransitioned around 30. I would say even now, if I could choose to be a cis man I would. And honestly that even contributed to me detransitioning - accepting I can never be a cis man, and that I didn't like being a trans man. For now I just want to be comfortable and be kind to myself, and try to make the best of the only way things can be.

You can absolutely wear or do anything and still be cis. Being cis is just how you think of yourself. Being masculine or liking masculine things doesn't mean something is wrong with you, or that you need to change. I wear men's clothes still, I bind when I feel like it (but now I don't feel like I will die if my chest doesn't pass), and I am still a woman.

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) comments on the internalized misogyny and societal pressures that lead butches to transition and masculine women to feel invalidated.
65 pointsSep 5, 2021
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I feel oddly jealous somehow as well. I feel like it must be my internalized misogyny because when butches transition it feels like they're saying they're better/more valid than masculine women. Even if they're really just being pressured by the same shit that makes me feel like that.

But I know I fell in the same hole a long time ago, and my existence as a detrans woman probably makes them feel invalid, too. Nobody wins

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) discusses being called a "trans man in denial," explaining why she now finds it funny and condescending.
60 pointsDec 22, 2021
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I used to get mad about it, but now I just think it's funny when people call me an egg or whatever. They have no idea - it's just programmed into them that women who act certain ways or say certain things are men. It does piss me off that they tend to say it in a way that is almost condescending, like they figured it out and you didn't, but it also means I get to upset them by insisting I am not a man and wanting to be one doesn't make me one. They hate that.

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) explains that being grouped with women felt alienating until they recognized it as misogyny, and now directs their anger at the source of the stereotypes.
50 pointsMar 27, 2022
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This stuff used to bother me and alienate me until I realized it was just plain misogyny and misogynist stereotypes. I realized it wasn't ok and it was honestly normal that it would make mad. Now I direct those negative feelings towards their source and not myself, and do my best to minimize the footprint of misogyny and misogynists in my life (which might be easier for me because I am a lesbian).

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) comments on the differing experiences in men's and lesbian spaces, explaining that as an ex-FTM person, they found their eating disorder reasons didn't align with cis men's and that modern lesbian spaces felt like a completely different world from their own experiences.
46 pointsMar 5, 2021
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That's so interesting because I was just thinking I can't imagine this happening with men's spaces, but that is a very good example. Honestly, as an ex-ftm who is "weird with food," I can totally see it not being very useful to share a space because the reasons cis men have EDs really are different. I don't think I would've been comfortable in that kind of place as a trans guy (I ignored my ED when I was trans anyway)

And you are correct in your assumption about lesbian spaces. I really wanted to reconnect with the feelings (good and bad) I had as a young lesbian and I was so disappointed to not see anyone who could have shared them there. It was like a completely different world.

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) comments on a proposed detrans lesbian flag, criticizing it as a "weird headcanon" from someone without detrans experience but expressing hope for future acceptance in lesbian spaces.
44 pointsDec 5, 2021
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I don't really get this flag stuff, it's like some strange crossover of vexillology with tumblr. And I definitely hate this is weird headcanon shit from someone who undoubtedly has no detrans experience and is just inventing "lesbian flavors." But a little bit it makes me hopeful that one day detrans lesbians would be more accepted in lesbian spaces/subculture... obviously this isn't the way I would prefer it to happen, but still.

Reddit user autochoris (detrans) explains coping with dysphoria and the grief of accepting that transition, and now detransitioning, could not give them the body they wanted.
37 pointsJan 14, 2021
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Yeah I still have these feelings, and they suck. For me anyway I am just working on treating dysphoria the same as other negative feelings I can't do anything about, with coping skills and just focusing on things I can do something about. It does suck though, and isn't easy. I feel like I am almost in a grieving phase sometimes where I am coming to accept that transition was never going to get me what I wanted and nothing else will either. It is strange, sometimes I will just suddenly realize "oh I can never have that, I will never be like that" and it feels terrible now that I am detransitioning, when it was still true even when I was transitioning.