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Reddit user /u/awyaccount's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 26
male
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
porn problem
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
autogynephilia (agp)
depression
influenced online
got bottom surgery
serious health complications
now infertile
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's perspective is complex, nuanced, and emotionally consistent with someone who has personally navigated gender dysphoria, medical transition, and detransition/desistance. Key indicators of authenticity include:

  • Personal, Specific Anecdotes: The comments include detailed, non-generic experiences (e.g., specific hormone regimens, interactions with cashiers, personal reflections on sexuality and race).
  • Evolving Views: The user's perspective changes over time, showing a personal journey (e.g., mentioning they used to identify as an incel and conservative, but now focus on their local community).
  • Emotional Complexity: The writing expresses a range of genuine emotions—frustration with medical practices, pain from social stigma, moments of vulnerability ("I need a hug"), and a pragmatic focus on coping and building a stable life.
  • Consistent, In-Depth Knowledge: The user demonstrates a sophisticated, self-taught understanding of endocrinology and surgical outcomes that aligns with a person who has deeply researched their own condition.

The account reflects the passion and criticism of the healthcare system that is common among genuine detransitioners and desisters.

About me

I was born male and my journey began when I started exploring a female identity online to escape my depression and low self-esteem. I medically transitioned for several years, but living as a woman never felt completely right and I experienced serious health issues from my surgeries. I realized my drive to transition was heavily influenced by internalized homophobia and escapism rather than a true identity. I stopped hormones to focus on therapy and building a real, stable life away from those online influences. I’m now at peace, understanding that improving my actual life was the answer, not chasing a fantasy.

My detransition story

My journey with gender has been long and complicated. I was born male, and for a long time, I believed I was a trans woman. A lot of my initial feelings were tied up with a deep discomfort with myself and a search for an identity. I now see that a lot of my drive to transition was influenced by things like internalized homophobia, a porn problem, and escapism into online worlds, including anime and 4chan boards. I struggled with low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.

I was deeply influenced by what I saw online. I used to get turned on by the idea of autogynephilia (AGP), where pain and humiliation somehow became pleasurable because I felt so beaten down by life. I also dealt with a lot of racial issues, feeling that men of my own race treated me worse than men of other races, which further complicated my feelings.

I started taking hormones on my own (DIY) because I felt the medical system was outdated and didn't know how to treat people properly. I learned a lot about endocrinology through my own research and became very critical of standard treatments, like the use of Spironolactone. I never had bottom surgery, but I experienced what it was like to have very low hormone levels after an orchiectomy, which was awful—low energy, always feeling cold. It made me realize how delicate our body's systems are.

I presented as a woman socially for a time and even passed in my voice and appearance, but it never felt completely right. I felt uncomfortable using the women's bathroom, and I started to question what I was doing. I felt a lot of pressure to be a "perfect man" for straight women or to fit into some ideal, and it was exhausting. I found more genuine comfort and acceptance with gay men, who were kinder and more willing to offer a hug without judgment.

Over time, I began to understand that my gender issues were deeply connected to other mental health struggles. I started seeing a therapist, not for affirmation, but to deal with my underlying issues. Getting away from the internet, "touching grass," volunteering, and focusing on building a stable life and learning marketable skills helped more than anything. I realized that escaping into a fantasy identity wasn't the answer; improving my real life was.

I started to see that a lot of medical transition, especially surgeries, come with huge risks that are often downplayed. I saw how people could experience serious health complications and become dependent on others. I began to advocate for more caution, better psychological support, and a focus on social acceptance rather than just medical intervention.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social construct, and people will see you how they see you. I don't need others to validate my identity. I’ve found a middle path that alleviates my dysphoria without needing to fully medically transition. I focus on being me, taking care of my body, wearing clothes that fit well, and being a functional person in my community.

I do have some regrets about my transition. I regret not dealing with my underlying mental health issues first and for being so influenced by online spaces. I regret the time and energy I spent chasing an identity instead of building a life. However, I don't regret the knowledge I gained, and I'm in a much more stable and peaceful place now.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
19 Began to explore gender identity online, influenced by forums and internal struggles.
22 Started DIY hormone therapy (estradiol) after becoming critical of standard medical care.
24 Underwent an orchiectomy, experienced severe low hormone symptoms (low energy, coldness).
25 Lived socially as a woman but began to feel uncomfortable and question my path.
26 Stopped hormones and began to detransition, focusing on mental health and therapy.
27 Started volunteering, learning new skills, and building a stable life away from online influences.

Top Comments by /u/awyaccount:

19 comments • Posting since April 13, 2020
Reddit user awyaccount discusses the emotional toll of gender expectations, finding comfort with gay men who offer hugs without pressure to "man up," and criticizes rigid masculinity/femininity norms as a source of heterosexual misery.
33 pointsApr 17, 2020
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Sigh I need a hug. lol. I am so hard on myself, I try so hard. I struggled so much, just to keep myself together. I can't get hugs from straight men, but I can from gay men. I not that gay, maybe am bisexual but I would literally be gay and marry a gay man because some of nice ones I've met. Even with straight women I feel so much pressure to man up be the perfect man for them every time I get frustrated sometimes. With gays, they see am sad and they hug me. This "masculine" and "feminine" stuff seems so fake, empty, no wonder heterosexuals are miserable.

Reddit user awyaccount (desisted) explains why being trans is seen as an employment liability, citing high healthcare costs ($50k-$500k) and the need for accommodations without disabled status.
21 pointsJun 7, 2022
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It’s trying to get a job is seemingly impossible for me right now.

This is never said but, being trans is viewed as a liability for employers. Most people get their health insurance from their employers. The treatment is very expensive. It can cost 50k-100k. The highest I've seen is over 200k-500k( the over 500k I think is Jessica Alves who used to be a "human ken doll").

Trans people need special accommodations, like people with disabilities, but at the same time trans people are not considered disabled.

So yes, passing and being stealth matters a lot.

Then there is a layer of sexism. Men and women are slightly more or less likely to be hired in certain positions.

Reddit user awyaccount (desisted) advises a parent to seek psychological support for minority stress and comprehensive sex education for their gender-questioning child, emphasizing acceptance and a sound state of mind before any medical procedures.
18 pointsJan 12, 2022
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Your child may want to seek a psychologist, not for who they are, but to deal with minority stress.

Sex education will also be important.

Whatever your son or daughter comes out as, please support them. It's okay to be straight, bi, gay man, it's okay to be a feminine man or a woman with a penis. Before any procedures are done, the person has to embrace themselves and be in a sound state of mind.

It's still kind of experimental. Research so far is hopeful that maybe if the hormones are shifted in the most severe cases and there is body and social acceptance of trans, non-binary/gender variance, and intersex people, that could be enough.

Reddit user awyaccount explains how sexism, racism, and homophobia, combined with autogynephilia (AGP) and a humiliation kink, influenced their detransition, including feeling treated better by men of other races than their own.
14 pointsApr 17, 2020
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It's an unholy trinity of sexism, racism, and homophobia. Coupled with the AGP sometimes I get turned on by the humiliation. You get beaten down so much pain turns into pleasure. I used to lurk 4chan boards, see all the black male interracial threads on /r9k/ and wonder, where are all the white male threads?

Someone used to post erotic interracial trans photos of this big strong white guy with this black transwoman and it turned me on, no lie. To be honest, white men treated me better than black men, every other race treated me better than my own people.

I hardly used the women's bathroom when I passed because I felt uncomfortable entering. I thought to myself "Is this how it is now?" "This is my life?"

Reddit user awyaccount (desisted) advises on improving self-image through proper clothing fit and good posture.
11 pointsAug 3, 2022
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This may come off a bit sharp, but it's advice that could apply to anyone.

Try visiting a tailor one day. When wearing a suit it needs to fit properly on the body or else it could look and fit awkward. Also depending on the weather you may want a suit or formal wear that can breathe. When you wear clothes that are comfortable and fit, you'll feel better about yourself.

Watch your posture. Stand up as straight as possible. Keep your head up and watch your surroundings.

Reddit user awyaccount (desisted) explains the high risks and underreported complications of gender-affirming surgeries, arguing SRS was the "last straw" for streamer Remilia and that less medical intervention often leads to better outcomes.
10 pointsMay 1, 2022
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Everything was ok till she got SRS. SRS is the last straw that breaks the camel's back for a lot of failed treatments.

Complications are more common then people think, especially with FtMs. MtFs complications are underreported and some say their surgery went ok because it's cognitive dissidence that they were botched. If you were an age 30-60 year old MtF and delayed getting help for decades, do not really know what a female anatomy really looks like or functions (cough a certain Toronto surgeon cough) and spent 50 thousand dollars and got botched anyway, you would probably have cognitive dissonance too.

When people get surgery there is always risks and things people would not expect, even for small "simple" appearing ones. I saw person describe getting anesthetic in their spine before getting an orchiectomy at the suggestion of the surgeon (usually local anesthetic is applied and the person is conscious). I've seen botched orchietomies, yes, botched ORCHIECTOMIES. Let alone botched vulvoplasties, which is the best form of SRS an MtF can get for various reasons, other then it looks realer than most procedures I've seen and costs less with less risks. Fistulas, urinary incontinence, revisions, etc.

People have to research what they are getting and consider the more they go through, the more they will be dependent on others to survive. Remilia was dependent on lots of people for her identity, one part failed and her entire life went into a tail spin. The longest living transpeople were the ones that went through least amount of procedures and validation to address their dysphoria. They kept in mind they were still how they were born and no matter how much they changed, their past stayed the same. They made a good living to be self sufficient.

It's sad and frustrating what happened. Because this person actually got help at a young age, but the archaic nature of the treatment as it was and as it is mostly now pushed her into one direction with lots of costs and pain. More people are learning about the costs and hidden costs of treatment and are making better decisions.

Reddit user awyaccount (desisted) comments on escaping into fantasy, advising to improve real life through relocation, skills, and community instead.
8 pointsMay 7, 2022
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I find myself watching anime or reading manga & being overwhelmed with envy of the female characters for being women.

Anime and manga are fantasy. It's not real life.

If feel like you are in a hostile environment, feel free to escape from that environment. Maybe live somewhere else, not be someone else. Improve yourself and your life. The only someone you should be is you. Be in healthy relationships.

But staying in your room and escaping into fantasy worlds will not help you deal with real problems. It can be creative when you write or draw, but you've got to go outside one day.

And if you are in college now, learn a skill. It could be at 2-year or 4-school school. A marketable skill that could led to employment, or even self employment. Participate in internships and community aid (like food pantries).

Reddit user awyaccount explains treating gender dysphoria without transitioning by suggesting physical activity, volunteering, and building community, warning to be careful what you wish for.
7 pointsApr 13, 2020
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Hit the gym, volunteer, find someone to be butch with. Once you feel good, are connected to other people and flirt enough, gender issues start to fade. You are good enough and everything is extra. Sometimes it's better not to, than to. Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it, then if you get it you might not know what to do with it and wish you never wished in the first place.

Reddit user awyaccount explains how their experiences with gender expression led to uncomfortable social interactions, including a cashier making a snide remark about a shirt with a small neck size.
5 pointsApr 17, 2020
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I used to live in somewhat hood areas. I was socialized around them. I lost some of the socialization when I when through this treatment, I guess because I felt more freedom to express what suppressed.

It would just sometimes be snide remarks. One time I went to the clothing store, I bought a shirt with a medium-small neck size. This cashier woman says, out loud, something to the tone of : "Who wears this neck size?" I know it could be just a cashier that is starting out or unprofessional but it wasn't uncommon that I had to deal with this. When I used to work out built some muscle on me, these things happened less, but I still had to learn to deal with situations like this.

Reddit user awyaccount explains the physical and social recovery process for MTFTM detransitioners, advising on nutrition, exercise, grooming, and clothing.
5 pointsApr 13, 2020
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It takes about a year for things to sort out if you've taken them for >= 2 years. I would suggest taking good men's multivitamins, clean protein, and exercise.

Also, learn how to shave (the right way, because I definitely had to) and find a nice smelling deodorant and fragrance. Find good fitting clothing that's comfortable, not too baggy, not too tight. Play it safe for now.