This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "babewithp0wer" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The comments display a high degree of internal consistency, emotional complexity, and personal, nuanced reflection that is difficult to fabricate. The user describes a multi-year journey with specific, believable details about medical procedures (HRT, mastectomy), psychological states (dissociation, trauma processing), and evolving social dynamics (leaving an activist "bubble"). The language is passionate and sometimes angry, which aligns with the genuine emotional charge of the detransition experience. The narrative is not monolithic; it expresses both regret and valuable lessons learned, which is characteristic of a real person grappling with a complex life event.
About me
My trauma made me disconnect from my female body, and I thought becoming a man would let me escape my past. I was quickly prescribed testosterone and had surgery, but it only made me feel more numb and disconnected. I finally had a breakthrough where I realized my body was never the problem and my dysphoria was linked to my trauma. I stopped hormones and am now reclaiming my life as a woman, though I deeply regret the permanent changes. I'm finally healing and learning to accept myself without any labels.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is complicated, and it all really started with trauma. I was sexually abused, and for years I was completely disconnected from my body because of it. I was severely dissociated, just lost in my own head. I had a lot of mental health issues and had been in and out of psychiatric wards since I was 12.
When I was 20, I got really involved in online queer anarchist circles, mostly on Tumblr. Almost all my friends were trans, and I quickly got pulled into this echo chamber. There was a lot of pressure to identify as nonbinary. I started to believe that transitioning was the answer. I thought if I could become someone else—a man—I could escape my past, my trauma, and the shame I felt about being a woman. It felt like a chance to start over. I adopted the identity very quickly, over about five months.
I was diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder and got a prescription for testosterone and a referral for a mastectomy with no problems. Looking back, if the doctors had actually read my files and seen my history of dissociation and trauma, I don't think they would have thought transitioning was the right solution. But at the time, I was convinced. I was told that if I thought I was trans, then I was trans, and that any doubts were just "internalized transphobia."
I was on testosterone for over three years and had top surgery. At first, there was a kind of "gender euphoria." It was exciting to have a fresh start. I liked some of the effects of T, like my voice getting deeper, my clit getting bigger, and building muscle more easily. But it also changed me in ways I didn't expect. My emotions flattened out; I felt numb and disconnected from myself. I became addicted to horrible porn because it was the only thing that made me feel anything. I had terrible nightmares every night, waking up in pure horror, but I would disconnect from those feelings during the day and keep going.
Socially, things got harder, not easier. I was always anxious, constantly worried about whether I "passed" as a man. I was always thinking about how to act, how to talk, how to stand. I felt like I had to perform masculinity all the time. When I finally started passing as a young man, I felt invisible and fake. I couldn't relate to men, but people didn't see me as a woman anymore either. I felt like I had no history.
The turning point came about a year after my mastectomy. I started smoking weed again regularly, and it somehow brought me back into my body. I had an intense experience of being fully present, feeling for the first time that I was my body, and my body was undeniably female. I had flashbacks of the sexual abuse I had endured and realized my body dysphoria was deeply connected to that trauma. All the identity constructions I had built just crumbled. I understood that I had been using transition as a form of escapism, a way to try and kill my old self without actually dying.
I quit testosterone cold turkey. It took about 6 to 12 months for my emotions to really come back. I started to feel like myself again—I could cry, I could feel joy from music, I felt alive. Letting go of the trans ideology was like coming out of a heavy fog. I realized that being a woman has nothing to do with stereotypes; I can be as androgynous as I want and still be a woman. I reclaimed my feminine birth name, and hearing it again felt like waking up from a dream. It was grounding.
My feelings about my transition are mixed. I regret taking testosterone and having a mastectomy. There was nothing wrong with my body to begin with. I miss my breasts deeply; on a cellular level, my body knows something is missing. It’s a constant reminder of the trauma. But I don’t hate my flat chest, and I don't regret the journey entirely. Going through it all gave me a wider perspective and forced me to finally confront my past and learn to accept myself. I am now proud to be a gender nonconforming woman, a lesbian. I feel connected to a history of women who didn't fit in.
I feel betrayed by the system that allowed me to transition without addressing my underlying trauma and dissociation. But I also feel like I was in a cult. The trans community uses manipulative tactics; it isolates you, makes you see outsiders as enemies, and silences anyone who leaves. Detransitioning has been incredibly isolating, but it’s also been about healing and self-acceptance. I am finally learning to be me, without any labels or boxes.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12 | Started having serious mental health issues, in and out of psychiatric wards. |
| 20 | Got deeply involved in online trans communities and quickly adopted a trans identity. |
| 20 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Had top surgery (mastectomy). |
| 24 | Had a profound awakening, realized I was dissociated and that my dysphoria was rooted in trauma. Stopped testosterone. |
| 27 (Now) | Living as a detransitioned woman, working on healing and self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/babewithp0wer:
It felt like coming home. Hearing my own name again felt like I was being pulled out of a dream. It felt like waking up. It's grounding to hear the name I grew up with.
I believe the psychological effects of changing one's name are more serious and complicated than what is ever talked about. The concept of "dead name" is extremely unhealthy.
- living in an echo-chamber, the group isolates it self from outside world
- everyone that isn't agreeing with the group's worldview is seen as an enemy
- group members advice each other to cut contact with everyone who's not agreeing with their worldview, even with friends and family members
- when group member leaves (detransitions or stops believing in the ideology) they are abandoned, silenced and/or abused by the group
Hmm. I believe it's quite common with people who have transitioned after 2010, but maybe rarer with people who have transitioned before being trans "became a trend". In my own social circles there's at least seven detransitioners (all female)... 7 out of 10 trans people that I knew personally when I started to transition have now detransitioned or at least stopped hrt (three or four of them still identifies as nonbinary, but regret transitioning to some degree). I believe there's gonna be huge amount of detransitioners in the next few years.
I feel the same way. I know one self-proclaimed butch trans lesbian and many male enbies and the conversations I've had with them has made me believe that nowadays there is a pressure to identify as trans if you are male who hates "toxic masculinity", has empathy, appreciates the company of women more than the company of men and is in some ways considered as effeminate. If you are a gay man there is perhaps more space to express your feminine side (although there is lot of hate towards effeminate men within the gay community as well), but as a straight male you have lot of privilege in the society but at the same time you should fit in a very narrow box with your gender expression, interests etc.
I'm definitely a feminist, but I'm also empathetic towards men and I see how gender roles are harmful and dysphoria-inducing to men as well.
Maybe the comment is getting downvoted because calling people freaks is fucking dehumanizing and saying that "nobody liked them, not even their mother" is 1) unnecessary 2) mean, and also, 3) untrue. People in the trans community are delusional, because it's a fucking toxic cult that makes mentally unstable people disconnect from reality, the trans ideology causes cognitive dissonance and distorts logic. But it's not helping anyone to dehumanize those people. They need help, not bullying.
Definitely not.
First of all, people who want to get HRT are already manipulating doctors and other people by making suicide threats. This would make it worse.
And like, people who are suicidal are obviously suffering, but why would transitioning be the solution? People who have been on HRT for years also commit suicides. Detransitioned people commit suicides.
I have been suicidal my whole life and for me, transitioning was a suicide without killing myself. I wanted to get rid of myself and of my past. Well, all the trauma of my past found it's way back to me. Suicide is not the solution. Transitioning is not the solution either - or at least it wasn't for me.
We have so much to learn about how to treat trauma and mental illness and there are so many "new" treatments that could possibly help people with gender dysphoria as well, like using small doses of lsd or MDMA https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/08/14/746614170/mdma-aka-ecstasy-shows-promise-as-a-ptsd-treatment MDMA has definitely helped me to understand the root causes for my gender dysphoria.
Giving dysphoric people HRT is experimental. It's like playing russian roulette.
Yesterday I read a definition of "cis", written by a group of TRA members, that seemed a bit gender fascist to me. It was not in English and I'm not sure whether I'm able to translate it properly.
"Cis person = the word cis is used to describe that person's gender identity and the expression of gender are accordant with the gender that was assigned to them at birth and with the cultural expectations of their assigned gender"
wtf??? How can't they see what they're doing by stating something like this?
Exactly. I used to smile, say hello and start conversations with men I didn't know just like I did with women, but then one guy with whom I once had a little friendly chat in a cafeteria, started STALKING me and harassing me and making suicide threats because I gave him "false hopes". Did I already say that I didn't know this person and only had friendly small talk with him ONCE for like 5 minutes in a cafeteria? I didn't flirt with him or anything like that.
It surely can be isolating to be a man, but there is a reason why women can't be nice to men.
You can learn to be more intuitive and more connected to your feelings by meditating, spending more time in nature, dancing etc. You don't need hrt for that. You can also make your skin more soft by drinking more water and taking good care of your skin.
You need to learn to love yourself the way you are.
You can't get everything. As a privileged person living in a capitalistic western society, it's difficult to grasp that, because we are made to believe that we can choose to be whatever we want (so we could buy more 'validating' things that help us build and maintain our 'identity'). I wanted to be everything. I wanted to experience this world both as a man and a woman, but it's impossible to be everything you want to be. Why not embrace the uniqueness of you as you are?
Also, grass always looks greener on the other side.
Get yourself a hobby, something you are passionate about that doesn't involve obsessing over your own appearance and identity. Go offline. Concentrate on other things and stop reading about trans stuff, watching transition videos etc. See the world around you and stop looking inwards all the time.
My number one reason to transition was to escape all the trauma related to being female. I believe many former trans men come from a similar place.
I tried to think in what ways young women are treated as super stars, but I don't really get that claim... only thing that came to my mind was that super stars are often stalked and harassed - that's something I experienced as a girl.
In many ways life became lot easier when people saw me as a teen boy/young man. I wasn't harassed anymore like I used to be as a woman. I felt more safe being in a public space. People listened to me more. I was allowed to be alobe if I wanted to. I was allowed to be grumpy. I was allowed to be silent if I wasn't in a mood for small talk. In a way, I was allowed to be selfish. People respected me more. I was more free in many different ways.
Being treated like a man wasn't traumatic. It was easy and refreshing, but also weird. And it caused me anxiety, because I realized that people see something that I'm really not and the real me had become non-existent. It felt fake.